Angel of Desire (18 page)

Her breasts pressed against his chest. Her body moved urgently against his. Shade could feel the need radiating from her. Or was it his own need he was feeling?

Shade wanted her with a hunger like nothing he'd ever known. And if she'd been any other woman, he would have already satisfied that need.

But there was something about Rachel, something innocent and unsullied, that had kept him from indulging in what he suspected would be an extraordinary sexual experience.

Every instinct Shade possessed told him that, despite the fact he still hadn't unearthed a single piece of biographical information on his mysterious companion, Rachel wasn't any danger to his life.

But she did represent other dangers that were far more deadly.

So why the hell didn't he back away? He wasn't chained to the woman. Or was he?

He broke the heated kiss off long enough to look down into her face. Her soft, flushed, exquisite face.

"If I ask you a question, one question, will you promise to tell me the absolute truth?"

At this moment, Rachel could have refused Shade nothing. "I promise."

"You have done this before, haven't you?"

He could have groaned as he viewed the telltale color rise in her cheeks. "Not exactly."

Shade was afraid he knew precisely where this was going. "Dammit, Rachel—"

"I'm sorry." She bit her lip and looked up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. "I promised you the absolute truth, didn't I? Well." She took a deep breath. "It's true I haven't had much sexual experience." Another long pause. "Actually," she admitted reluctantly, "I haven't had any actual experience."

Hell, he'd been afraid of that all along. Although it was damn unusual to run across a virgin in this day and age, Shade reminded himself with grim humor that he'd always prided himself on managing the impossible.

Outside the window, the tracers continued to light up the sky; mortars from the distant hillside boomed like Fourth of July fireworks. Inside there was only thick, expectant silence.

"You know I want you." He ran his hands up and down her arms.

His flat tone, the regret she viewed in his eyes made Rachel's heart clench. She'd known all along Shade possessed a deep-seated trait of integrity, but why did he finally have to realize it himself at this moment?

"As I want you." She'd never, in the over three hundred years of her existence, uttered a more truthful statement.

Shade couldn't believe it. Here he was, alone with a beautiful woman with danger as an additional aphrodisiac. And if that wasn't enough, this very same woman, this sexy, beautiful, sweet woman who felt like heaven in his arms, was almost begging him to make love to her.

And what happened? A conscience he'd spent a lifetime denying suddenly decided to kick in.

"Hell, I've never claimed to be Prince Charming," he said. "But even I'm not so jaded that I have to get my sexual kicks seducing innocents."

"Are you saying that you refuse to make love with me because I'm a virgin?"

"No. I'm saying that I refuse to make love to you because, for once in my life, I'm trying to do the right thing."

"But that doesn't make any sense. If you want me, and I want you—"

"It's not about want, dammit!" He released her but didn't move away. Instead he stood over her, his dark face tense, his expression as frustrated as she'd ever seen it. "Want is easy. Too easy."

He thought about all the hours he'd wasted in bed with women who'd never succeeded in touching his heart. Just as he hadn't touched theirs.

To her added discomfort, Rachel was discovering a very mortal pride. "Perhaps it's easy for you." She tilted her chin and refused to cry. "But not for me."

His gaze softened. "No." He sighed as he cupped her face in his hand. "Not for you."

When he found himself wanting to kiss away her unhappiness, he dropped his hand again. "Which is exactly what I'm trying to say. It would never work, Rachel. You know that. And I know it."

Her head told her he was right, that a future together was utterly impossible. Her heart refused to listen.

"You're so certain of that?"

"As certain as I've ever been of anything." He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets to keep from touching her. To keep from dragging her down onto that bed and stripping that sexy mistress sweater and leather jeans from her body and burying himself in her tight, welcoming warmth. "Women like you just aren't made for short-term romantic interludes."

Once again pride rose to steamroller over her pain. She lifted a challenging brow. "Women like me?" How dare he think he could pigeonhole her so easily!

Rachel found herself almost telling Shade everything, just to watch his face when he realized exactly how much she knew about him. And how little he truly knew about her.

"You're a soft, compassionate, innocent woman. And you deserve more."

"Such as?"

Caught up in his explanation, Shade missed the warning edge to her quiet tone. "How about a husband with a boring, regular nine-to-five job that can't get him killed at any time, for starters?

"And a sprawling ranch-style house in the suburbs, and a couple of well-behaved, cute kids who'll sell Girl Scout cookies and play Little League and make you and their dad proud."

"That doesn't sound like such a bad scenario," she admitted reluctantly. It sounded wonderful. Better than wonderful. It sounded, she reflected, like heaven on earth.

"It isn't. For some people."

"But not you."

"No." He ran a desperate hand through his hair. "Not me."

Even if he wanted to, which he didn't, Shade could not give Rachel any part of that life. His work took him all over the world, his life was constantly in peril.

Knowing nothing about parenting—having never had anything resembling a role model—he'd decided long ago not to have kids.

As for marriage, he suspected it was okay for romantic, warmhearted guys like Conlan. But not for him.

His entire life had been a hit-and-run series of adventures. Liking it that way, Shade had always narrowed his sexual relationships to women who shared his dislike of long-term commitments.

So, the smartest thing, the kindest thing, would be not to start anything with the lovely, delectable Rachel. The tension in the room was so thick Shade couldn't think straight. "I'm going out."

Alarm sprinted up her spine. "What? Why?"

"I have things to do." like run away from this emotional quicksand.

"It's too dangerous."

Shade wondered what Rachel would say if he told her that she represented far more danger than any thing he'd run into out on those deadly, mean streets. "Don't worry about me."

"I do." Another unvarnished truth.

"Don't." Unable to resist, he cupped her chin in his fingers and kissed her. A brief hot flare that ended too soon for either of them. And then he was gone.

She listened to the sound of his boots on the stairway, heard the door to the tavern squeak open. Then close.

Then, and only then, did she allow herself to weep.

She didn't know how long she'd been lying on the bed, crying her heart out into the soft down pillow. But when she heard the apartment door open, she jumped up, unable to hide her relief.

"Oh." Her welcoming smile faded as she viewed the man standing in the doorway. "Hello, Joshua."

"That's not exactly the warmest greeting I've ever received," he complained.

"I'm sorry." She sat back down on the edge of the mattress and knit her fingers together in her lap. "It's been a very trying day."

"So I saw. Congratulations on the child, by the way. You did a very exemplary job of bringing her into the world."

"Her mother did all the work."

"You were an immense help. Not to mention providing much-needed emotional comfort. And Shade wasn't half-bad, himself."

"He was pretty special, wasn't he?" Her soft voice revealed her pride. And her love.

"I had not realized the man was capable of such compassion."

"Shade is capable of a lot more than even he knows," Rachel said loyally.

"So you've always said." The older man paused, as if weighing his words, then made his decision. So what if it was against policy? he considered. It would be worth a slap on the wrist to bring that smile back to her lips.

"Would it make you feel better to know that the child you delivered tonight will grow up to be one of Yaznovia's most beloved legislators?"

"Yaznovia doesn't have a legislature," Rachel said as another burst of machine-gun fire echoed outside the window. Where was Shade? Why hadn't he returned? "It's a military dictatorship."

"For the time being. But democracy will eventually prevail. And that little girl will play a very large role in her country's future."

"Well, that's nice to hear." Her shoulders were slumped, her eyes devoid of their usual bright light. Something occurred to her. "You're not supposed to reveal the future, are you?" It was one of the first rules she'd learned that long-ago day.

"No. But I thought it might ease your distress."

"That was very nice of you. But you shouldn't have risked disciplinary action for me."

"I wanted to help." Sighing, he sat down beside her. "He'll return safely, if that's what you're worried about."

That knowledge, at least, provided some relief. "Thank you." This time she managed a frail smile that only wobbled slightly.

"I'm worried about you." He took her cold hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "And I'm not the only one. Everyone is deeply concerned about your inappropriate feelings for Shade."

"Since when is love inappropriate?"

"When it has you wishing for a life that cannot be," he said gently. Firmly. "I was sent here to bring you that warning. And your new deadline."

She closed her eyes, afraid of what she might hear. Perhaps she'd already be gone when Shade returned. She wondered if he'd miss her. If he'd think of her on lonely nights when he couldn't sleep. Or dream of her when he did.

"When?" she asked on a ragged whisper.

"You have been granted an additional seventy-two hours to save Shade Blackstone's soul."

"So soon." She felt the cold flow over her. She was numb with it. "And if that's not enough time?" Rachel knew the answer.

"If you cannot succeed by then, you will have to accept your failure, Rachel. And know that you did your best." His tone was final. He patted her hand with paternalistic fondness. "Goodbye, little one."

She watched as he faded away, like a memory disappearing into the misty past.

Deciding that she'd wallowed in self-pity long enough, Rachel took a long hot bath and willed herself to relax. Then she delved into the contents of the rattan basket, uncovering a wealth of gourmet items along with a bottle of vintage cabernet. The palace cook had also included dishes and cutlery.

She set the table and poured the wine. Then she waited for Shade to return. All the time, she was vividly aware of their valuable time ticking away.

Then, finally, she heard his footfalls on the stairs. Her heart soared.

Shade had tried to banish her from his head and failed. He'd attempted, unsuccessfully, to free his heart from her silken bonds.

And now, as he opened the apartment door and saw her standing there, between the table and the all-too-inviting feather bed, wearing only her ivory silk robe, her warm and loving heart gleaming nakedly in her eyes, Shade surrendered. To the inevitable. To Rachel.

"I give up." He held out his arms and managed a ghost of his usual rakish smile. "I'm yours, Sister Rachel . To do with as you will. For as long as you'll have me."

Seventy-two hours was not what she would have wished for. But it was more than she ever could have dreamed.

And, since she had been given no other choice, it would have to be enough. The trick was, she decided, not to waste a single second.

Laughing and crying all at the same time, she flung herself into Shade's outstretched arms.

Chapter Ten