Angelic Anarchy (Heaven on Earth Book 1) (5 page)

Part of me was screaming
pull back,
but I’d thought I would never see him again. I needed to make sure this was real. That
he
was real. I needed to feel him against my hands; to touch every part of him.

Colton turned toward me at last. We shared a brief moment of eye contact before he took the soapy sponge and wordlessly began to massage my chest and neck with it. He washed my upper body, being careful to stay above my naval. When the front of me was cleaned to his satisfaction, he lifted my right hand with his and twirled me. I was left facing the wall and Colton continued to wash my back—much the same way I did his.

He placed the sponge on my neck just below my hair. With tantalizing movements, he used the sponge in his right hand to scrub and used his left hand to massage. It was my turn to lean my head back with a sigh. He made his way to my shoulder blades, making delicate movements as if he was trying not to harm my wings. He gently scrubbed my sides, using the perfect amount of pressure so it didn’t tickle. The sponge made its way to my lower back, gently tracing my upper cheeks but going no further. My breathing was heavy and my heart was racing. My body was begging for him to keep going, but my mind was screaming
this is a bad idea
.

I turned and lifted his chin, pressing my lips to his. A barrier came down, and we were suddenly kissing in a carnal frenzy, forcefully and passionately. He lifted me up and my legs instantly wrapped around him as he shoved me against the stone shower wall. I cried out, consumed by pleasure. We were hungry for each other; hungry for the intimacy we had been denying each other. His tongue worked feverishly against mine while he clutched my ass like it was the last thing in the world. My hands clawed their way across his back and through his hair. My thighs pulsed with electric heat, my body hummed with anticipation. Colton’s mouth worked its way down my chest and to my breasts. He ran his lips across them softly, slowly. Then suddenly he pulled my nipple into his mouth as his greedy fingers glided up my inner thighs. I threw my head back and cried out. He pulled me to him quickly and silenced my screams with his mouth yet still he didn’t enter me.

My body begged him to take that last step but somewhere in the back of my mind I kept hearing that little voice that said I should slow things down. Colton must have somehow understood the fight I was having with myself because he made the choice for me. Despite the desire I could feel emanating from him, he pulled his hands back slowly, lovingly. He knew me so very well. Facing each other, we stood with our eyes locked and filled with unspoken words. I grabbed his hands and pulled him back to me. I hugged him; I held him fiercely and he wrapped strong arms around me. He let me hold him until I was ready to release him. I played with the perfect curls at the ends of his hair. His fingers traced my scars as he loved to do.

Unsure of what to say, I finally turned away toward the shower door. Colton suddenly grabbed me and turned me to face him once more. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but at the last moment, he settled for silence once more. He caressed my face and kissed me tenderly on my neck just below my ear. He had kissed me there more than a thousand times, and I felt the love in those lips still.

“Don’t scare me like that again,” he said softly, breaking the silence.

“You either,” I answered.

“You’re still the only one I’ve ever known intimately,” he said.

My heart lifted. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d had some jealous thoughts when it had occurred to me that for all I knew, he had been having his way with numerous demon women or even humans. It was good to know I had been wrong.

“You’re the only one I want. The only one I’ve
ever
wanted,” he added. “I’m only telling you this because I want you to know that I understand you cannot allow yourself to trust me. I don’t deserve your trust, but I will wait for you no matter how long it takes. If it takes you a thousand years to see that my words are true, then I will wait for a thousand years.” He paused. “That’s all I wanted to say.”

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.”

“I love you, Belleeza.”

I touched his cheek tenderly and kissed him gently, and then left him standing alone in the shower and headed back to my bed.

I love you too . . .

* * *

S
tart Here

Colton lay asleep in a chair in the corner of the bedroom. He was so beautiful it made my breath catch. We shared the most intimate moment in the shower just a few hours ago. In my entire existence, I could not think of another encounter that could compete with our silent and sensual shower. After everything that had happened, my thoughts and feelings where he was concerned were all jumbled together in a messy ball of confusion. He broke my heart into a thousand pieces, but watching him nearly bleed to death made me realize how much I still truly loved him. Nevertheless, I didn’t think we could ever go back to the way we were. I might have made it clear that I still loved him, but that didn’t mean I could trust him. Not to mention he was not an angel, and it was possible he never again would be. I don’t know how he had his healing abilities back, but I could sense that he still wasn’t an angel.

It was too much to take in right now so I slipped out of the bed and tiptoed my way to the sitting room, following the sound of voices. There would be time to sort through my feelings toward Colton after we found the kid.
Yep…I’m a coward.

Despite some stiffness, especially in my back and sides, and the need for more sleep, I felt great. As I approached the sitting room, everyone’s eyes fell on me. It looked as though I had interrupted a heated discussion. Evangelina looked exasperated, sitting on the sofa across from a disgruntled Anselma. Lounging in a sitting chair was a young woman I recognized as Olivia. She was fair-skinned with shoulder-length auburn hair and an attractive pair of hazel eyes. Olivia was a warrior angel I had met at the annual warrior ceremony in which we honor the newcomers. Standing behind her was a young, tanned warrior with black hair that fell just above his behind. His name, I knew, was Liam. I’d also met Liam at the warrior ceremony, and not long after that, we had worked a small case. I liked him a lot. Liam had some serious potential.

As I walked into my sitting room, I reached in and squeezed Evangelina’s shoulder gently to let her know I was okay. Then I stood straight and bowed my head momentarily to Anselma, who did the same. It was a show of respect. Anselma was an archangel, making her close to angelic royalty.

“Great to you see up and healed, Belleeza,” Anselma said, lightly touching my elbow and looking deeply into my eyes as if reading my thoughts. I turned my head to Liam and Olivia abruptly. I wasn’t sure if Anselma
could
hear thoughts, but I didn’t want to chance it. I would brush off my torture as though it was just another normal day of battle, and inside only I would know how truly terrified I had been. When I closed my eyes, I could see Big Jack’s face leering at me. I could almost feel his lashes upon my back. They couldn’t know I had begged for death.
I couldn’t let them see my weakness
.

“Liam, it’s great to see you again! How are you, Olivia?”

Liam’s face beamed with joy as I not only acknowledged but also called him by his name. Olivia’s eyes also lit up and I noticed a small twitch of her lips that told me she was trying not to show she was pleased. I started toward Liam to shake his hand but instead received a hug that picked my feet up off the ground. He didn’t even mean to do it. The kid was just that big and that strong. I froze, not being accustomed to people touching me, and Liam’s facial expression showed he was scared he had just crossed a line with me. Anybody else that tried that I probably would have laid out, but for some reason he didn’t bother me. Hugging was just a part of his innocent personality, and I valued that innocence. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick squeeze as I said, “Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

“That’s a good way to lose an arm.” My heart leapt as I heard Colton chuckle from behind me.

Liam walked back toward Olivia, bearing a grin, and took his place standing behind her.

I watched as Colton walked over, wondering what I would say to him after our shower. I opened my mouth to speak . . . and he leaned toward me and put his lips on mine.

I
t was
the kind of heart-stopping slow but full kiss that left me standing there, eyes closed, mouth partially open, waiting and wanting more. The touch of his finger caressing my chin brought me back to the present. If it wasn’t for my naturally tan skin tone, I felt certain that my cheeks would have flushed as blood rushed to my face. I was horrified. Not only had my body betrayed me by showing Colton the effect he still had on me, but it had also betrayed me in front of room full of people I wanted to respect me.

I shoved him away, my face burning, but he just cocked an eyebrow and smiled. He gave me a look that said he understood what that kiss had just cost me. He of all people should know that above all, I craved respect.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked, his eyes flicking to my chest and then back to my face.

“A little sore, but fine, thank you,” I said primly.

“I’ll bet,” he said, grinning at the confused looks on the others’ faces. I felt myself redden all over again.

I pulled a chair from the dining room into the sitting room and Colton did the same. It was time to get down to business. Everyone in this room had answers to questions I needed to ask, but I did not even know where to start.

As if he read my mind, Colton spoke. “So, Belleeza, where do you want to start? I know you have a million questions circling inside your mind right now. I can almost see them in your eyes.” His voice was soft and patient.

I smirked at him—the kind of smirk that let him know he just said exactly what I was thinking. He flashed a quick grin; it was
my
grin, just for me, like a secret between lovers. I guess that
was
what it was, ultimately—only we were no longer lovers. His grin was gone as fast as it appeared, but I knew that he knew I saw it, and I could see the happiness he got from that moment etched in his eyes, even though I knew no one else would recognize it.

Everyone was staring at me, waiting for me speak. I felt excited to be on the verge of finally getting some answers, but I also felt uncertainty, because I knew they would have questions of their own.
I did not want to relieve my torture.

“Yes, I have many questions,” I said, breaking the silence. “I suppose I should start at the beginning when things first got out of hand. We were ambushed. We fought well, but we were outnumbered. Colton battled beautifully, especially considering he had only the strength and speed of a human. But when one surprised him from behind, I watched him . . . die.”

By the time I finished the sentence, my voice had dropped to a quiet whisper. Remembering Colton’s lifeless body lying in a pool of his own blood nearly took the breath out of me. I realized that I had avoided that memory ever since it happened. My throat burned with tears that I refused to let fall. I’d read probably thousands of books that contained stories of people losing the love of their life, but nothing I ever read could compare to what I felt when I saw my Colton lying on a blood-soaked carpet.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in an attempt to un-see that gory scene. I felt Colton gently pull my hands away from my face and touch them to his. He was on his knees in front of me. Holding my hands to his cheeks, he eased his way in between my legs, getting as close to me as he possibly could.

“I’m so sorry, Belleeza. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He lifted my chin so my eyes would meet his. He was tall enough that we were almost at eye level, even though I was in a chair and he was on his knees. “I will not give you up again so easily.
You are everything
.”

He pressed his head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my chin upon the top of his head. We both closed our eyes and got lost in the feeling of holding each other for the first time in years. Well, the first time besides our shower moment. I clutched his face and kissed his cheek before I pulled back.
I need to pull back.
I didn’t doubt what he said, but I couldn’t let myself trust him. I’d trusted him so completely . . . I didn’t think I could trust like that again now. Even if I
did
love him. I gazed up at him; there was sadness in his eyes that I wanted to wipe away. But I kept my hands by my side.

Should I have foreseen his fall? Could I have done something about it?
And why hadn’t he told me?
Until I knew the answers to that, we were stuck in this . . . purgatory. Colton grasped me and kissed my hand gracefully before whispering softly in my ear, “I know it’s going to take time. I meant it when I said I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.” He kissed my cheek and took his seat again

The four faces sitting across from me were all looking in different directions, as if trying to give Colton and me some privacy. Once again, I was embarrassed, and that just pissed me off. I was angry that I allowed Colton to have such a pull on me. To me, it was a sign of weakness. I was angry that I put myself in a position where I was unaware of my surroundings, because that is
exactly
what I did before I woke up in chains. It was uncharacteristic of me to not be vividly aware of everything and everyone around me. I felt like I was unraveling, and I began doubting my ability to handle a case for the first time ever. Twice now in a matter of days I had forgotten my surroundings. If someone had ambushed us in the middle of my moment with Colton, I would not have been prepared.

I knew that Evangelina and Colton could read all the thoughts crossing my face. That made me even angrier. I felt as though there was a darkness brewing inside me. There was always a side to me that was darker than most, if not all, the other angels I knew, but something was off. Usually I welcomed the darkness. It was always aimed at my enemy, and it made me a better demon hunter. This darkness felt foreign. Tainted. There was a rage inside of me, bubbling just under the surface, threatening to push me over the edge at the slightest movement, and even my most beloved friends seemed to trigger it.

I took a deep breath and put a lid on the fury thrashing within me like a wild animal. It wasn’t without effort, and it wasn’t gone. I could still feel it inside me, waiting for the opportunity to attack, but it was at least caged for now. There was no time to worry about it right then anyway. One problem at a time.
It was probably just the case getting to me.

I looked up to see Colton and Evangelina share a look of concern. Colton looked guilty and apologized with his eyes. I nodded; he knew that to apologize verbally in front of our audience would only agitate me more.

Evangelina knew it as well, but that never stopped her from voicing her opinions. It was just who she was. “Belleeza, you stop doubting yourself this instant. Everyone here knows you are the only hope we have, but your body, mind, and emotions are in need of rest. You’ve been through too much, and your body has not had nearly enough sleep. Until you rest, you will be unable to focus, and I know you won’t sleep until you get some answers. We all have questions, so let’s fill in the blanks together so you go to sleep and recharge.”

I smiled, despite myself. She treated me like a daughter sometimes. And I did think of her as a mother in some ways.

“Okay,” I huffed. “So let’s start with Colton. I watched you die and here you sit alive and well, and you have all your abilities back. How is that possible? How are you alive? Are you an angel again?”

Colton made to answer, but I glared at him. I wanted to hear from Evangelina—I could trust
her
to tell me the truth.

“Well,” she said, after looking between me and Colton, “I sensed that something had gone terribly wrong, and I immediately called for a healer before I even knew what had happened. Then I called on Anselma. We all arrived at the hotel room at the same time. Anselma brought Olivia and Liam with her. We must have just missed you because Colton was still alive, though barely.”

“You didn’t think I’d let them kill me, did you, Beauty? You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” Colton grinned, but his eyes were dark. I knew he had been on the brink of death, and that must have affected him like it affected me.

“Once the healer fixed up Colton,” Evangelina continued, “he was determined to find you right away.” She rolled her eyes and Colton shrugged languidly. “So, Anselma requested that Colton receive full use of his abilities given the special circumstances of the case. The Angels of Decision granted her request on the understanding it was temporary and that Colton would remain a viator until he proved himself otherwise. So, the Angels of Decision came and granted Colton his powers and we moved everything to your apartment because obviously the hotel was no longer safe. Once here, we went to work trying to locate you. I’ll let Colton fill you in on that.”

“Belleeza, can you sense me again?” Colton asked.

I thought for a moment, clearing my mind. It had been a while since I’d been able to sense Colton. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to sense his feelings and emotions as if they were in my own head. I realized with a start that I
could
sense him and nodded mutely.

“That’s how I knew to call for a healer,” Evangelina said. “I felt . . .” She trailed off and glanced at Colton. I knew what she had felt: devastation that Colton was dying. She had felt my pain. We can only sense the emotions of the angels we are closest to . . . and Evangelina and I were very close. She would have felt the full force of my pain.

Embarrassed, I turned to Colton. “But
how
can I sense you? You aren’t an angel.”

“We don’t know, but I could sense you immediately after being healed, before I received my abilities.” Colton replied. “I could sense you were so . . . you were in pain and confused.”

I knew he had changed his original answer so he would not betray the fact I was distraught because I’d lost him. I was thankful to him for being discreet, which I tried to show him with my eyes. I think he got the message because he flashed me another quick grin before continuing with his story. “I alerted Liam and Olivia to get ready for a fight. We loaded up while Evangelina arranged your arrival. Suddenly as we were about emerge at your location, your signal vanished. I could not sense you at all for probably thirty minutes. There was nothing. I was devastated. I thought I’d lost you—that I was too late. Then suddenly I could feel your fear. It was spine-chilling but I could not locate you. I felt you trying to stay calm and collected but under that was fear. That’s when it began . . .”

I knew exactly what Colton was describing. He sensed me while the demons trapped me in that dark musky room. He probably lost the ability to sense me when I passed out as the demons transported me from the dark room to the torture chamber. He could sense me again when I awoke bound in chains but by that time, Jack’s ability was preventing both demon and angelic interference. Colton could still sense me because sensing is not an ability; it is something we can all do, as long as there is a connection.

I looked at Colton then, because if our connection was as strong as it was when he was an angel, I knew that it was stronger than most—even slightly stronger than my connection with Evangelina. It meant that he was able to feel a shadow of everything that Jack did to me. He felt every slash of that whip.

Colton met my eyes and I knew that I was right. He had never felt as helpless as he did at that moment, because he’d felt what was happening to me and could not get to me.