Angels in America (32 page)

JOE
: Or OK I expected you to call me, I hoped you'd—

LOUIS
(Finally looking at Joe)
: “Have you no decency, sir?”

     
Who said that?

JOE
: I'm having a very hard time. With this. Please, can we—

LOUIS
: “At long last? Have you no sense of decency?”

     
(Fake pleasant teasing)
Come on, who said it?

JOE
: Who said . . .?

LOUIS
: Who said, “Have you no—”

JOE
: I don't . . . I'm not interested in playing guessing games, Louis, please stop and let me—

LOUIS
: You
really
don't know who said, “Have you no decency?”

JOE
: I want to tell you something, I want to—

LOUIS
: OK, second question:
Have
you no decency?

(Joe doesn't respond. Louis gathers the Xeroxed packets and stands up.)

LOUIS
: Guess what I spent the rainy afternoon doing?

JOE
: What?

LOUIS
: Research at the courthouse. Look what I got:

     
(Holding out the papers)
The Decisions of Justice Theodore Wilson, Second Circuit Court of Appeals. 1981–1984. The Reagan Years.

(Little pause.)

JOE
: You, um, you read my decisions.

LOUIS
:
Your
decisions. Yes.

     
(The fake pleasantness fading)
The librarian's gay, he has all the good dish, he told me that Justice Wilson didn't write these opinions any more than Nixon wrote
Six Crises
—

JOE
: Or Kennedy wrote
Profiles in Courage
.

LOUIS
: Or Reagan wrote
Where's the Rest of Me?
Or you and I wrote the Book of Love.

     
These gems were ghostwritten. By you: his obedient clerk.

JOE
: OK, OK so we can talk about the decisions, if that's what you want, or, or Prior, if you want to talk about— If you saw him, I'm— Well I'm relieved you're here. I was scared you'd have moved back, I mean out. I'm . . . Oh God it's so good to see you again.

(Joe tries to touch Louis. Louis puts a hand on Joe's chest and firmly pushes him back.)

JOE
: Hey!

LOUIS
: Naturally I was eager to read them.

(Louis starts flipping through the files, looking for one in particular.)

JOE
: Free country.

LOUIS
(Finding it, leafing through the pages)
: I love the one where you found against those women on Staten Island who were suing the New Jersey factory, the toothpaste makers whose orange-colored smoke was
blinding children
—

JOE
: Not blind, just minor irritation.

(Louis holds the decision right up to Joe's face, open to the relevant page.)

LOUIS
: Three of them had to be hospitalized. Joe.

(Joe looks away from the paper.)

LOUIS
: It's sort of brilliant, in a satanic sort of way, how you conclude—
(Continue below:)

JOE
: I don't believe this.

LOUIS
(Continuous from above)
: —How you concluded that these women had no right to sue under the Air and Water Protection Act because—

JOE
: My opinions are being criticized by the guy who changes the coffee filters in the secretaries' lounge!

LOUIS
: Because the Air and Water Protection Act doesn't protect
people
, but actually only
air and water
. That's like—
(Continue below:)

JOE
: It's not your fault that you have no idea what you're talking about—
(Continue below:)

LOUIS
(Continuous from above)
: That's like fucking
creative
, or something.

     
(Under his breath while flipping through the cases)
Have you no decency, have you no—

JOE
(Continuous from above)
: —but it's unbelievable to me how total ignorance is no impediment for you in forming half-baked uninformed snap judgments masquerading as adult opinions, you, you . . .
child
.

(Joe snatches at the papers. Louis dodges, at the same time locating the case he's been looking for.)

LOUIS
: But my
absolute favorite
is this:

     
Stephens versus the United States.

JOE
: Of course. I was waiting for that. It's a complicated case, you don't—

LOUIS
: The army guy who got a dishonorable discharge—for being gay. Now as I understand it, this Stephens had told the army he was gay when he enlisted, but when he got ready to retire they booted him out. Cheat the queer of his pension.

JOE
: Right. And he sued. And he won the case. He got the pension back. And then the—

LOUIS
: The first judges gave him his pension back,
yes
, because: they ruled that gay men are members of a legitimate minority, entitled to the special protection of the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Equal Protection under the Law.

     
I can just imagine how that momentary lapse into you know
sanity
was received! So then all the judges on the Second Circuit were
hastily
assembled, and—

JOE
: And they found for the guy again, they—

LOUIS
: But but but!

     
On an equitable estoppel. I had to look that up, I'm Mr. Coffee, I can't be expected to know these things. They didn't change the
decision
, they just changed the
reason for
the decision. Right? They gave it to him on a technicality: the army knew Stephens was gay when he enlisted. That's all, that's why he won. Not because it's unconstitutional to discriminate against homosexuals. Because homosexuals, they write, are
not
entitled to equal protection under the law.

JOE
: Not, not insofar as precedence determines the—which is how law works, as opposed to—The definition of a suspect class, which you probably've never—

LOUIS
: Actually
they
didn't write this.

     
(He goes right up to Joe; speaking softly)
You did. They gave this opinion to Wilson to write, which since they
know
he's a vegetable incapable of writing do-re-mi, was quite the vote of confidence in his industrious little sidekick. This is an important bit of legal fag-bashing, isn't it? They trusted you to do it. And you didn't disappoint.

JOE
: It's law not justice, it's power, not the merits of its exercise, it's not an expression of the ideal, it's—

LOUIS
: So who said, “Have you no decency?”

JOE
: I didn't come here to—I'm leaving.

(Joe starts toward the door. Louis gets in his way.)

LOUIS
: You moron, how can you not know that?

JOE
: I'm leaving, you . . . son of a bitch, get out of my—

LOUIS
: It's only the greatest punchline in American history.

JOE
(Very angry, threatening)
: Out of my way, Louis.

LOUIS
:
“Have you no decency, at long last, sir, have you no decency at all?”

JOE
: I DON'T KNOW WHO SAID IT! Why are you doing this to me?!
I love you!
Please believe me, please,
I love you. Stop hurting me like
—

LOUIS
:
Joseph Welch! The
Army/McCarthy hearings!

     
Ask Roy. He'll tell you. He knows. He was
there
.

     
(Little pause)

     
Roy Cohn. What I want to know is, did you fuck him?

JOE
: Did I what?

LOUIS
: How often has the latex-sheathed cock I put in my mouth been previously in the mouth of the most evil, twisted, vicious bastard ever to snort coke at Studio 54, because lips that kissed those lips will never kiss mine.

JOE
: Don't worry about that, just get out of the—

(Joe tries to push Louis aside; Louis pushes back, forcefully.)

LOUIS
: Did you fuck him, did he pay you to let him—

JOE
: MOVE!

(Louis throws the Xeroxes in Joe's face. They fly everywhere. Joe pushes Louis, Louis grabs Joe.)

LOUIS
: You
lied
to me, you
love
me, well fuck you, you cheap piece of—

(Joe shoves Louis aside. Louis stumbles as Joe starts for the door.)

LOUIS
: He's got AIDS!

(Joe stops.)

LOUIS
: Did you even
know
that?

(Joe starts again for the door, but Louis grabs him. They struggle.)

LOUIS
: Stupid closeted bigots, you probably never figured out that each other was—

JOE
: Shut up.

(Joe slugs Louis in the stomach, hard. Louis goes to his knees. Again Joe tries to leave, but Louis grabs his leg and won't let go. Louis pulls himself up, using Joe's leg and jacket, as Joe struggles to free himself.)

LOUIS
: Fascist hypocrite lying filthy—

(Joe punches Louis in the face. Louis drops to the floor, clutching his eye. Joe stands over him.)

JOE
: Now stop. Now stop. I . . .

LOUIS
: Oh jeeesus, aw jeez, oh . . .

JOE
: Please. Say you're OK, please.
Please
.

LOUIS
: That . . . Hurt.

JOE
: I never did that before, I never hit anyone before, I—

(Louis sits up. One eye has been cut. Blood's running down his face.)

JOE
: Can you open it? Can you see?

LOUIS
: I can see blood.

JOE
: Let me get a towel, let me—

LOUIS
: I could have you arrested you . . . Creep.

     
They'd think I put you in jail for beating me up.

JOE
: I never hit anyone before, I—

LOUIS
: But it'd really be for those decisions.

     
(Laughing)
It was like a sex scene in an Ayn Rand novel, huh?

JOE
: I hurt you. I'm sorry, Louis, I never hit anyone before, I . . .

(Joe tries to touch Louis. Louis shoves Joe's hand away.)

LOUIS
: Yeah yeah get lost. Before I really lose my temper and hurt you back.

     
I just want to lie here and bleed for a while. Do me good.

(Joe stands still, not knowing what to do. He looks at his hand, which he's hurt in the fight; there's blood on it
.

     
He looks at Louis, then starts to leave, then stops. He stares at Louis, unable to move
.

     
Then he leaves.)

Scene 11

Later that night. Roy in a very serious hospital bed, monitoring machines and IV drips galore. Ethel appears
.

ROY
(Very weak, singing to himself)
:

     
John Brown's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave,

     
John Brown's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave,

     
John Brown's body lies a-moulderin' in the grave,

     
His truth is marching on . . .

ETHEL
: Look at that big smile. What you got to smile about, Roy?

ROY
: I'm going, Ethel. Finally, finally done with this world, at long long last. All mine enemies will be standing on the other shore, mouths gaping open like stupid fish, while the Almighty parts the Sea of Death and lets his Royboy cross over to Jordan. On dry land and still a lawyer.