Angels in the Architecture (43 page)

‘What divine poetry,’ he said, in a voice so assured that everyone looked towards him.

‘How so?’ Loraine asked, instantly engaged.

‘Oh, an old man’s amusement mostly,’ he replied with ease.

How was it,
Alicia wondered,
that an old man such as this, might command an instant rapport?

Nigel continued slowly and philosophically as if in answer to her question. ‘I’ve been many places. I’ve served in wars and witnessed many more. I’ve seen innocents killed in peacetime
through ignorance in the main – and fear, in this town and those nearby and afar. I’ve also seen miracles. Things you could not imagine. Things I could not explain in words but that I know in my soul. And at some points, in my long life, I have experienced a few moments, when what’s going on around me comes together at some particular point, where I can
see
the Divine movement of time, and the spiritual
taste
of God’s mercy. And I can tell you,’ he continued slowly and softly, ‘that those moments come, not in the face of some beautiful sunset, or the pounding of an ocean, or the touch of the most beautiful woman.’ He raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. ‘Although, those can be moments one senses the Great Beauty ...’ Nigel smiled. ‘But that crispest coming together of the great and complex matrix of a universe, both Divine and Earthly, most often occurs at the simplest of all moments ... just as one sits at a table of strangers-become-friends..’

Not a hair’s breadth of movement followed, as the old man continued his beaming smile. ‘Please forgive an old man
.’ He nodded to his hosts.

‘No such thing is necessary,’ Loraine responded, surprised at her guest’s charismatic monologue. ‘I do believe you have quite honoured us, and I thank you.’ A few murmurs made clear the group’s agreement. ‘And I think I can say
... I believe, I understand of what you speak. This ... coming together. Can I prevail on you, perhaps, to tell us, what those compass points are that have given you this brief moment of awareness?’

Alicia noted a half, unspoken conspiracy between host and guest, as the one sensed a worthwhile thread to pursue, and the other graciously obliged.

‘Well, I shall be happy to try ...’ Nigel bowed his head briefly to Loraine, before looking up at Alicia, smiling. ‘You, my dear,’ he said, looking directly at Alicia still. ‘You are a compass point.’

Alicia raised her own eyebrows, while others turned to look at her, and then back
to Nigel.

‘I really cannot put into words the synchronicity that combines your presence
... Alicia ... , that you have a most extraordinary young son . . ..’

Now it
was Pete’s turn to look surprised, and he looked from Nigel to his wife and back.

‘...
that here we are, only yards from one of the greatest Cathedrals in the world, a scene of so much history, including the tragic death of a young boy so many hundreds of years ago, not to mention the many more besides . A place of worship for kings,’ Nigel continued as though in disbelief at the convergence of events, ‘kings who fought
against
other religions, in the name of a Christ who had no such wish for their battles. And here you are,’ he looked to Loraine, Rose, and Maitland in turn, ‘bringing together, by such a simple act, the members of two Faiths.’ He paused. ‘My words fail me.’

‘I don’t think so,’
said Loraine softly.

‘You can never know all of the impact of what you do,’ Nigel restarted, seemingly into another story. ‘I can guarantee that every one of you here has done something in this world, at some time or another that was so selfless that its impact changed the world. You
do not know
what good you do.’

Nigel paused, as though to acknowledge each one at the table, looking around them all
.

‘Paradoxically,’ Rose spoke, ‘our question in these
get-togethers is really
what can we know
.’

‘Oh yes, yes, indeed. Indeed. And a valuable thing it is to ask it. Most certainly,’ Nigel responded. ‘But you must also know there is much more you can never know.’

‘Yes, of course,’ Rose replied.

Alicia wondered where the conversation
and Nigel were headed, although it was reassuring to her that those present seemed far more insightful to be dreamy, and certainly far less than dull.

‘Do you understand the idea of the butterfly effect?’ Nigel asked, looking around.

‘When a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the planet,’ Sally responded, ‘it causes an earthquake on the other side. Or something like that.’

‘Yes, that’s it perfectly. It’s an idea of cause and effect, and it’s really talking about what we
can’t know
.’ Nigel was quietly emphatic, and looked around again. ‘You cannot know. You cannot know that your prayers have changed the course of the lives of the people at this table. You cannot know that your actions have changed the future of the world. You cannot know that your actions have even changed the past.’

Silence reigned. Nigel’s words and presence had such gravitas that no one dared move
.

‘And I believe, my dear’
– Nigel looked towards Alicia – ‘that is where you come in.’

His smile
gave Alicia a reassurance she’d not known previously; she knew exactly of what he spoke; and further too of the weightiness of her work, which Nigel’s reassurance bred a new faith in.

‘You know of my work?’ She knew the answer.

‘You’re a physicist, you said.’ Alice knew, that Nigel knew, that being a physicist alone was not in the least sufficient to respond to his statement about the past, but it seemed of no consequence any more that this man, ostensibly a stranger, somehow knew of her particular area of interest..

‘You’re
... more or less ... addressing Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle,’ Alicia began. ‘At least as I see it. Richard Feynman said that nobody understands quantum physics. And I think he’s right. The majority of our theory is just that: theoretical. Of course, there has also been much application, but ...’

Attention was now firmly transferred
to Alicia.

‘But,
well, effectively that’s precisely what the uncertainty principle addresses: that we can’t know everything. It’s saying that as soon as we bring our attention to something, then that thing changes.’

‘Yes!’ Nigel cried out enthusiastically, making a few people jump
.

Alicia smiled
good-naturedly; Nigel’s joviality was infectious.

‘And this applies
,
in theory
, to the past as well,’ she added.

‘Of course it must!’ Nigel exclaimed again, and then sat back on his chair a little, dropping his hands into his lap, as if to
say,
There! You see!

‘But, that’s not possible
...,’ Maitland puzzled, looked questioningly at Nigel, and then at Alicia.

‘It’s only theory,’
replied Alicia.

‘No, no, no! You mustn’t say
only
,’ Nigel offered a correction to Alicia, leaving the room quiet once more.

‘But if we cannot know
...’ Maitland proffered cautiously.

‘Exactly,’
said Nigel.

‘Then we’re left simply with belief,’
responded Maitland.

‘
With Faith, yes,’ Nigel replied.

‘Faith alone?’
asked Pete.

‘Yes, of course. What else is there?’ Nigel stated.

‘Well, it would be nice if science proved something like this,’ Pete replied.

‘If it was proved, you wouldn’t
require Faith though.’

‘And, forgive me, but your point is
...?’ Pete continued.

‘It’s not about what you
know
. You can’t change things by what you
know
. You
know
you should exercise more. Do you? But when you
believe
that you can, when you have
Faith
in a different you,
then
you’ll make a difference. Don’t you see?’ Nigel explained.

‘But to exercise more – taking your example – I must take action
. It’s not sufficient to believe ... to only have faith,’ Pete responded again.

‘Oh
, there you go with that
only
again.’ Nigel chuckled and paused to look at Pete. ‘Then you do not understand what I mean by Faith, my friend.’ He smiled at Pete and then turned to Maitland.

‘Well,’
responded Maitland, eyebrows raised and taking a deep breath, ‘there’s no difference between real Faith and action. Your belief about something will change it.’

‘If you
believe
enough ... ,’ asserted Pete.

‘There is no
enough
,’ Nigel explained. ‘There is belief, and there is no belief. Belief
exists
. If there is no belief, there is no belief. And what is more, you hardly know everything you believe. In fact, you know but a fraction of what you yourself believe. It’s why your life is created as it is. Not entirely to your satisfaction probably. You’re a walking, talking, and breathing sack of beliefs that shape everything in you and around you. You shape your own future. You shape the future of people in this room. You’ve shaped the future of everyone you’ve met, and indeed many you have not met. And you don’t even know it. You don’t know your own power. But then nor do you need to, in fact.’

‘Is it possible
... ,’ Sally piped in, ‘ could you ... summarise that?’

Nigel laughed.

‘No,’ he replied to her.

‘But
... ,’ Sally went on.

‘Why? Because you need to
know
it? But I just told you that you can’t
know
it. But still you persist. You don’t need to know. There is no knowing.’

More quiet.

‘Here it is for you.’ Nigel stood up. ‘The full lesson of everything I can give you. I will put it on the table here before you, in all its golden glory, a crown of the finest jewels, for all to see,’ and he mimed an extraction and tugging of something from within his head, pretended to mould it into a large shape, feigning admiration for the invisible thing, and placed it delicately on the table. ‘You see, there it is, the great unknown, the answer to everything. Now that you can see it, you can
know
it. Right? Does that make a difference?’ He sat down again and paused. ‘My dear,’ he addressed Sally, slowly and without patronising, ‘you will
understand
this whether I’ve explained it sufficiently for your mind or not. It is a spiritual foundation of the Universe and therefore your soul will give it life within you.’

Alicia noted
that Rose and Loraine exchanged the briefest of looks, that all at once said
this is brilliant
and
where did you find him
and
let’s just let this run its course.

‘
But, Nigel ... ,’ Maitland started, opening and closing his mouth twice, before he saying, ‘I believe you,’ and he smiled. ‘But we are so inadequate to the task.’

‘
Oh good heavens, no. You just
think
you are. Indeed, you
believe
you are, so ...’ Nigel pulled a face and gestured suggesting
on the other hand
. ‘My boy, God hears all your prayers.  And by the way, you think far too much.’

‘But then what part
does Faith play?’ Maitland asked.

‘Young man,’
began Nigel to Maitland, raising a few smiles about the table, ‘you are about to get yourself very confused, and that would
not
be good for you.’ He paused. ‘You want to understand whether it is your Faith in God that may move mountains, or Faith in your own belief that mountains may be moved.  Or is it whether you have sufficient belief in your Faith, or sufficient Faith in God, or ... ?

Nigel waited again
.

‘Faith
,’ He continued. ‘Simply what is Faith? Is it belief? Yes. In God? Yes. In yourself? Yes. Can you
know
? No. Do you
need
to know? No. Can you move mountains? Yes. What else? As I told this dear lady recently,’ he glanced at Alicia, ‘you make your lives so complicated. It’s really not necessary.’

‘Then why does life feel such a burden sometimes?’ Alicia chimed in, raising a glance from her husband, but feeling herself quite a part of this group by now, and sensing some of the heaviness
of Nigel’s words upon all, herself included.

‘Because you believe you’re alone,’ Nigel replied.

It was not the answer any expected, but the realisation of its truth showed on most of their faces.