Angels in the Snow (14 page)

As if she had been thinking the very same thought, Judith looked up. Their gazes caught and held. In her eyes was a mirror of his emotions, a sweet soft stirring of feelings that was tinged with sorrow.

He swallowed hard, willing her to struggle past the sadness. Without thinking, he mouthed the words
I love you.
For a moment longer their eyes clung. Then she looked away.

Charles knew she'd been affected by his impulsive avowal, for her eyes had widened and she'd suddenly seemed more vulnerable than ever. He too was frightened by the emotions he felt. It was almost as if he'd never said the words before—or never truly meant them. But he meant them now. More than he'd ever thought he could.

“Boy, are you guys gonna be surprised,” Josie announced with a nod of her curly head.

Charles looked at the little girl, who had come up before him. “We are, are we?” On impulse he reached forward to stroke the golden haze of curls. “You know what, angel baby? I bet you're right.” He sat back in the chair, filled with a rare feeling of well-being as he smiled at her. “I can hardly wait to see what you hooligans have cooked up for us.”

They ate dinner by firelight and candlelight amid the infectious good humor of the children. Everyone seemed filled with good spirits. But then, it
was
the day before Christmas Eve, Charles thought with enormous contentment.

Judith sat to his left. As he finished the last spoonful of the hearty stew, he wiped his mouth. Then he placed one arm around Judith's shoulders and drew her nearer. When she looked around in surprise, he planted a kiss directly on her lips. “Thanks for a wonderful meal.”

“Ooooh!” Lucy teased at once. “No kissing at the table until
everyone's
finished.”

Charles laughed, more in the pleasure of the moment than at Lucy's joking. Kissing his wife had been wonderful; her lips were warm and she tasted of beef stew. And best of all, he'd made her blush. Her cheeks were tinged with pink in the flickering light of the candles on the table, and she looked incredibly beautiful like that.

He glanced over at Lucy. “Then I hope everyone hurries up and finishes, so I can kiss her again.”

Judith lowered her eyes in confusion.

Jennifer, however, was not at a loss for words. “Hey, you know what we need? Mistletoe! You always have to have mistletoe at Christmastime.”

“All right, Jenn,” Alex said. “ 'Fess up. Who do you want to kiss, anyway?”

“Me? I don't want to kiss anyone,” she exclaimed. But she couldn't prevent a guilty glance at Robbie.

“Yeah,” Lucy jumped in. “Moms and dads don't need mistletoe to kiss. So
you
must want to kiss somebody!”

Into all this raucous good humor Josie piped up eagerly, “I want to kiss Alex.” She stood up on her chair and waved her fork around to get attention. “I want to kiss Alex! He's my boyfriend.”

Charles watched Alex get up too, then pick up Josie and spin her around in his arms. This wasn't the Alex he'd known for the past few years. This was a different Alex—a gentle, considerate boy who planted a kiss on the little girl's cheek.

“Okay, girlfriend, I kissed you. Now you kiss me.”

The other children whistled and hooted as Josie gave him a long, loud smack on his cheek. Then every-one started clapping.

“See,” Alex said as he put her down on her chair. “You don't need mistletoe to kiss somebody.”

He grinned at everyone, and it was as if a contagion were set loose upon them all. Joe kissed Lucy; Marilyn kissed Robbie. Charles took that opportunity to kiss Judith again. With an embarrassed laugh Judith reached out for Jennifer.

“Come here. Remember when we used to give you sandwich kisses?” She pressed a kiss to the girl's left cheek while Charles immediately pressed one to the other side of Jennifer's laughing face.

Again Charles's gaze met Judith's in the old familiar way. While these warm feelings enveloped them all, they needed to talk about their relationship. Maybe later that night.

He smiled at Judith as Jennifer broke away laughing, and rejoiced inside when she smiled back.

Alex tossed Josie up in the air, making her squeal with delight. Then he kissed her again and planted her back on her chair. “See what you started, Josie?” he teased.

“
I
didn't start it. Jennifer did,” the child replied, pointing at Jennifer.

“
I
didn't start it,” Jennifer protested in turn. “It's all Dad's fault.”

“Moi?”
Charles said, feigning innocence. “All I did was kiss my wife.” He leaned over and kissed Judith once more, taking a secret pleasure in the color that rose in her face again.

Amid the continuing good humor and boisterous jesting, the meal was finished and the cleanup began. Marilyn marshaled the children's aid and sent Judith and Charles to sit by the fire with the firm admonition to relax and do “whatever.”

As he guided Judith to the big couch, Charles felt jubilant. Never in his wildest dreams could he have thought a blizzard and the constant presence of a quintet of strangers—very strange strangers at that—would lend itself to a truly merry Christmas. Yet that was precisely what was happening. His children were behaving; his wife had let him kiss her—three times!—and blushed at his attentions. He was so happy, he felt he would burst. Things were going to work out; he was sure of it.

But as he sank down into the soft sofa, Judith took a step back, glancing briefly at him before averting her gaze. “The rabbit . . . someone should check on it.”

“One of the kids can do that, Jude. Come on. Sit down with me for a little while.”

“Well . . . I will. I will. Just as soon as I do a couple of things.”

She backed away before he could stop her, and just as fast as hope had buoyed him up, despair now let him down with a hard thump. He watched her fuss over the rabbit in its box in the corner. He saw Josie come to join her, and the way Judith's hand gently stroked the child's curly head.

She was so kind, he thought as yearning stabbed painfully through him. So gentle and loving and giving of herself. She'd been that way with him for as long as he'd known her.

But she didn't want to be that way with him anymore. Anguish threatened to overwhelm him, but he fought it down. He would never win her back by giving up. He never gave up. That's what had gotten him where he was today. He never gave up, and he would not give up now.

His gaze sharpened on Judith, taking in her familiar shape, the familiar profile, the soft shine of her hair. He knew her so well. At least he'd thought he did. It was clear, though, that there were facets of her he'd never learned.

But he was willing to learn them now, so why wouldn't she let him? If only she would bend. It wouldn't take much to bring them back to how they were before.

His skin prickled and he looked up to see Joe's eyes focused on him. Marilyn moved into her husband's embrace at that moment and her gaze, too, turned toward Charles. Their steady gazes left him unsettled, and he struggled for a way to get back the warm camaraderie he'd felt during the meal.

“How about . . . how about those carols? Is everyone nearly ready to sing them now?” He crossed to Josie and crouched down before her with a determined smile. “Are you ready for Christmas caroling?”

The smile he received back was like a beam of sunshine. It warmed him through and through, and he was tempted to pick her up and hug her tight. But before he could act on that impulse, she turned away.

“C'mon, Alex!” she called as she ran toward the boy. “Let's do our songs now.”

Alex caught her as she jumped for him, then tucked her under one arm, carrying her like a limp rag. “Sack of potatoes,” he cried as he paraded through the room. “Sack of potatoes.”

Jennifer at once swatted Josie's upended rump, echoing “sack of potatoes.” Lucy and Robbie quickly caught on, and in a moment Josie was squealing with laughter. When Alex finally put her down, she promptly whacked him on his rear end, shouting, “Sack of potatoes.”

“Aw, you got me.” He laughed. Then, spying her flushed features, he pressed a hand to her brow.

“Has her fever come back?” Marilyn asked at once.

“I don't think so,” Alex answered. “What do you think?”

“I'm
not
sick,” Josie protested as her mother felt her brow.

“No, I don't think you are,” her mother agreed with a relieved smile at Alex. “She's just pink from being upside down.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

“It's fine. She's fine. Now, shall we sing those songs you've been working on?”

As the children huddled, finalizing the details of their performance, Charles stared at Alex in amazement. His concern for Josie was so unexpected. So unlike him. Charles glanced at Judith and caught the same puzzled expression on her face.

As if she felt his gaze, she met his eyes, and he knew they shared the same thought. This child of theirs—this boy struggling to become a man—had sides to him they did not know.

For a moment her face softened, and he felt the smile in her eyes before she looked back at the children. He didn't know as much about her as he'd thought, he decided again. Nor did he really know his son.

He swallowed hard at that admission, then focused on Jennifer. Was she, too, more than just the silly twelve-year-old he saw? He watched as she smoothed Josie's hair back and tucked her shirt in. Then she lined everyone up, tallest to shortest, shushing Josie's demand to be next to Alex.

“You can stand next to him in a minute, okay? Just wait.”

She was just like her mother, he realized, a born organizer, although Judith was more low-key about it. Jennifer seemed to combine his own brash style with her mother's need for order, and that was good.

And just like Judith, she needed more from him than she was getting. If he didn't want to end up as distanced from her as he was from her mother and brother, he needed to pay more attention to her needs.

“Okay, we're ready,” Jennifer announced. She glanced down the line of children, trying to restrain a giggle. “We each picked out a special song that we like the best, and everybody has to sing along.” Her eyes danced in anticipation as she stared at her parents. “We're starting with the youngest first.”

“That's me!” Josie broke in, jumping up and down. “Can I start now?”

“Yeah, go on,” Lucy said, giving her a nudge forward.

The children all sat down in a circle, with Alex on a footstool with the guitar. Josie stood next to him with one hand on his knee. She waited expectantly as he strummed the opening chords, then, with her eyes fixed on him, began to sing “Away in a Manger.”

The other kids joined in with her almost at once, as did the adults. Joe's voice was deep and mellow; Marilyn's a sweet soprano. Though Charles's voice was hesitant at first, he slowly gained confidence.

But Judith found it impossible to sing. A sudden rush of emotions had caught her unawares, and now her throat filled with them. How like an angel Josie appeared, with her sweet little voice raised in song. How angelic all of them looked. Even Alex, with his shaggy hair and gangly arms and legs, was a vision of all God intended in His children.

She took a quick breath, willing away the tears that threatened. How blessed she was. How truly blessed with everything she'd been given.

Charles nudged her. “Aren't you going to sing?” he whispered as Josie began the same verse a second time.

Judith blinked and managed a nod, then began to mouth the words, afraid to trust her voice. In many ways she had been blessed with Charles, too. When he was with her—
really
with her, heart and soul—she couldn't want for more. But he was so seldom with her that way anymore.

When he'd kissed her at the table, though, she'd felt like he was with her. She'd been caught off guard by the warmth of his sweetly intimate gesture, and for a moment she'd felt all the old feelings. The deep emotional ones, as well as the stirring physical ones. At that moment she'd wanted to hold him close forever. Yet she knew better than to fall into that same old trap, the simple solution that was no solution at all. It was only nostalgia getting to her once again.

Still, the crestfallen expression on his face when she'd refused to sit on the couch with him had cut her to the heart. And now, with everything so perfect, with the children singing Christmas carols and all the rest . . . If only it could be like this forever.

“That was good. Real good,” Jennifer said. Her cheeks were rosy and flushed. “Okay, you're next, Lucy.”

Lucy stepped up, pressing her lips together self-consciously. She grinned at her parents. “I picked ‘O Holy Night,' because it's my very favorite.”

Judith was able to sing this one, but she still had to guard against the constant threat of tears. There was something so emotional about it all, even in the middle of their gaiety. Jennifer and Robbie sat side by side, singing quite earnestly. Josie was draped over Alex's back, her face on his shoulder, right next to his. He glanced frequently at the guitar as he sang, but at one point he caught his mother's eye and grinned, and he was once more her little boy.

Jennifer, too, would always be her baby, she decided when the girl rose to lead the next song. They all sang her choice, “White Christmas,” with considerable gusto and laughter, and when it was done, Judith felt more in control of herself. This was truly a perfect way to celebrate Christmas. Even Charles seemed to be enjoying himself enormously, despite the blow she'd dealt him earlier.

“Your turn now, Robbie. Go on,” Josie ordered. She grabbed his hand and pulled it until, with an embarrassed look, he got up.

“I told them I didn't want to do one,” he said, his face sheepish. “I don't sing too well.”