Angelus (25 page)

“Keep me from despairing?” Angela demanded angrily. She stepped away. “You told Raziel to protect me—”

“—and he did,” Sophia said. “Your hair—”

She reached out to touch Angela's blood-red hair, but Angela shook her head and stayed at arm's length. “Well, Raziel's spirit within me was the sole reason I've suffered so much. Because of him I was born into a world that hated me before I ever existed.”

Sophia's face paled even more. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. “I'm sorry. I never meant for you to suffer through such a life.”

“Why am I here?” Angela said. “Who am I really? I want answers, and the Sophia I know right now refuses to give them to me.”

“Because she certainly remembers this conversation,” Sophia said, her voice breaking. “Because learning how many times you've existed only to die again in the same way would destroy your soul and drive you mad. So she kept that from you. Because she is your mother, and a mother does
anything and everything for her children—until they are beyond all possible help.”

How can I believe that? Is it a matter of not wanting to believe? My mother Erianna didn't do anything and everything for me, so how am I supposed to understand so easily?

“I want to know who you are. Right now,” Angela said. She grasped Sophia by the wrist. “Now.”

Sophia opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She turned away.

“
Now, Sophia.
You're not just the Book of Raziel. I've always guessed that much.”

“You wouldn't understand where I come from,” Sophia said, her fathomless eyes downcast. “But I can tell you that it was my choice to help life flourish and exist throughout the universe. Now, everything has gone wrong. Now I see that you and the other child I brought to this existence were never meant to live in it, and its currents tugged on your spirits too much and too soon. Your twin murdered you before I could bring you both into the world like you deserved. And in that moment, my material body perished. I fell into the Abyss, and my soul remained trapped there until every last star burned out and I was left alone to experience the cycle beginning anew. But something changed this time—Raziel is here. My prayers . . . have been answered . . .”

Angela breathed hard, feeling utterly lost. She tried to fathom how old Sophia must be and couldn't. She looked at her hands and still felt herself to be human. What Sophia said only seemed to skim the surface of the truth no matter what words were used.

“This time, Raziel found me in my prison of sorrows,” Sophia continued. “But I fear it's too late. I fear what the
enmity between Israfel and Lucifel means. They are unstable, and I truly believe that one of them will precipitate our ultimate ruin. I can't allow that to happen. Not when I am so close to redeeming this universe.” Sophia's anguished voice now grew angry, and she gritted her teeth. “Yet—what can I do? I can't approach your twin—the Father. He must never know of my existence. Your soul is lost right now, and I speak to you only by special circumstances I can never hope to repeat. I am powerless—a doll, a replica of who I used to be. And I can no longer remember the final stanzas of the song that existed here even before I did, that I sang when you were still a burning light next to my heart, and that continues as it is only because of your twin's voice. Raziel has sealed those stanzas away—in anticipation of you.”

“Raziel can't sing them?” Angela said, suddenly overwhelmed by the pain written all over Sophia's face. She held her hand again.

“No. He doesn't have that power.”

“But surely the Father knows them? Isn't he the one singing right now?”

“He doesn't know the final part of the song. If he did, creation would start over.”

“So that's what would happen if I created new stanzas to the Angelus myself? The laws of the universe would be rewritten?”

“Yes . . . a new cycle would begin, but all would be changed. It would be a great Revolution of what exists. It is what I can only hope for.”

“Then how do I accomplish that?” Angela said, wanting to scream.

“You can't do it alone,” Sophia said. She sighed heavily.
“Since it is the song of creation, it encompasses all things that live. Every soul remaining in a state of awareness and light would need to join with you.”

“Souls?” Angela said. She thought quickly, and a searing fire went through her entire body. That's why Lucifel was gathering all the souls she could that were not alive anymore and trying to make them her own. That was why Mikel spoke in the Netherworld of how souls would help Angela fight in a final battle. Lucifel knew what it would mean if Angela created a new song, and she was determined to stop the possibility.

“You're right, I can't do it alone,” Angela said. “And I shouldn't.”

Sophia regarded her with surprise.

Angela swallowed painfully. “I've been alone most of my life—at least this human life that is real to me and that I remember. I've always tried to do everything myself. But this is a battle I can lead, not win alone, and I need to try and accept that. Now—I have friends. Sophia, on Earth right now, the Realm of Heaven is about to collide with Earth. Lucifel has taken over Heaven, and she's stealing all the human souls. She's preparing to battle me one-on-one.”

Sophia's expression grew stricken. She put a finger to her lips. “But she no longer has the Grail,” she said in a hopeful tone. “That much is clear from your eyes . . .”

“So what can I do? How can I stop her and free all those souls before it's too late?”

Sophia took a deep breath.

“Well?”

“I'm sorry. I don't have an answer for you.”

“But you must!”

“I don't.” Sophia smiled faintly. “But that's all right. You said it yourself. This time—you have friends to help you. Start from there.”

Angela couldn't believe what she was hearing. Of all places, at the edge of the universe she should have found a solution to the most pressing problem of all.

“So you can't help me?” Angela said. She clasped Sophia's hand. It was cool and delicate as always. “Sophia . . .”

“Answer one question,” Sophia said, and tears sprang to her eyes again. “What is your name? So that I can find you again someday.”

“Angela. My mother gave me that name after she dreamed of Raziel before I was born.”

“Angela . . . I can't help you sing the new Angelus or defeat Lucifel like you're hoping. But I can send you back to your time, where you belong. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.”

Sophia placed a hand on Angela's heart. Angela pressed her hand over Sophia's and squeezed it, trying to see a mother in Sophia where once she'd seen only a friend. Maybe—just maybe—she could. It would take time, but anything was possible now. “You should thank the soul that brought you here, Angela.” Sophia said. “It appears you and he are powerfully connected somehow. I hope that knowledge will give you strength.”

She's talking about Kim! Somehow, he brought me to this place!

Was his soul with Angela right now? Wild hope plucked at her again.

“How can you send me back to my time?” Angela said to Sophia. “How can you have that kind of power even as the Book of Raziel?”

Angela tried to move, but couldn't. Suddenly, all she could see was a swirling darkness behind Sophia's eyes that grew and grew. Angela's left eye burned, yet she couldn't look away no matter how hard she tried.

Now she saw that deep within the Book of Raziel existed a sea of churning chaos.

Who was Sophia? Better still,
what
was she? If Sophia had truly given birth to the Father and the creature Angela used to be, then was Sophia divine? Or was she the embodied darkness from which so much life sprang? Angela remembered the writing all over Sophia's skin as the Book of Raziel, as if she were a blueprint for existence. Was she—perhaps in a shockingly literal sense—the universe itself? But with her own personality, thoughts, feelings.

Angela sensed some kind of answer in the latter, and she also sensed that perhaps she might never really know the entire truth.

Now, Stephanie Walsh's sudden insanity that fateful day she'd attempted to open the Book of Raziel without the proper means made sense. This is what she'd seen: galaxies, light, and endless darkness. Angela stared into Sophia eyes, which now seemed greater and more encompassing than the world. She heard the familiar lullaby of the Angelus before Angela's twin murdered her, and tore her apart, and she seemed to feel the rending pain all over again.

Over and over, she seemed to suffer without end.

“Good-bye, my sweet child,” Sophia's voice echoed in Angela's ears. “Remember, I am always with you in one way or another.”

Then a brilliant vision of stars and light swept over Angela and carried her away.

LUZ
OCEAN

Angela felt like she was descending through one layer of air after another, until suddenly she ascended instead, and a shocking cold seeped powerfully through to her bones again.

She splashed to the surface of eerily calm water and gasped for breath.

Salty water poured into her mouth and she coughed painfully. She had to shade her eyes to look at the glory of Malakhim, revolving in the sky like a brilliant galaxy above the dark crooked towers and leaning spires of Luz. From Angela's spot within the glassy ocean, a great part of the island city resembled a jagged heap of sticks and stones ready to collapse at any second. Silhouettes of angels swarmed like starlings out in the distance.

Angela glanced around and then up at the sky overloaded with stars. She pumped her legs and arms, trying to stay afloat. Already, a frightening numbness had started to take her over.

I'll never make it back into the city like this. If only it weren't so cold!

Angela's teeth chattered violently. She tried swimming, but even though the water looked placid, a current drove her back. The numbness made her limbs feel like iron weights. Every second that passed made it harder for her to stay afloat. More water found its way into Angela's mouth every time she breathed.

Boom. Boom.
Wingbeats sounded overhead.

Fear coursed through her. Angela looked up, trying to spot whatever angel flew overhead. But there was only the darkness, the stars, and the intimidating shadow of the Luz Institution still sitting on the sea cliff high to her left. Angela searched the peak where she'd plummeted into the water. There was no sign of Python now, but he was certainly on the lookout for her. He had to be.

I wonder if Sophia is all right. And Kim . . . Is he with me? Or if not, what if his soul's already been found by the angels—or even taken to Lucifel?

Angela shuddered. She too would be taken if any of the angels spotted her. That couldn't happen before she found some way to reach the souls Lucifel had stolen.

The powerful wingbeats boomed high above her again.

This time the water grew choppy. Air blew down on her from above. Angela fought the urge to scream and began to swim as fast as she could. But her arms and legs were suddenly heavy as lead. She was so numb, the water no longer felt cold. Angela could barely even lift a finger by the time bony hands grasped her under the shoulders and lifted her clear from the water.

A thrilling sensation of weightlessness overtook her. She was flying toward the single part of Luz where the shadows still burned with candles in the windows and lights in lamps.

And then, Angela must have fainted, because the next thing she met and the last thing she remembered was utter darkness.

“Angela . . .”

Angela tossed and turned in the warmth that surrounded her. Tiredness had overwhelmed her spirit, and it had been so, so long since warmth like this embraced her body. Her face, though, felt oddly wet. Perhaps she'd been crying in her sleep.

Suddenly, the reality of all that had taken place struck her inside and out.

Kim was dead. Even a dream she was cursed never to remember couldn't summon him again.

She hoped to continue seeing his face when her eyes at last opened to the flickering of a hearth. Instead, her vision vanished and she couldn't recall it no matter how hard she tried. All she had now was the hope that he was indeed with her somehow, watching and praying.

She felt down for her skirt pocket, but of course her skirt wasn't there. She now wore warm, dry clothes—slim-fitting pants and a long shirt. Kim's necklace, if it hadn't been lost in the ocean, was probably gone.

Angela stared at the flames and their hypnotic dance, a million thoughts racing through her mind. Sophia's revelation should have floored Angela. So why did she feel so detached from the truth of her real identity? Was it because right now, she was only a human being? Someone who loved and feared, who grew hungry, tired, and thirsty like every other mortal creature?

Angela sat up from under a thick quilt and searched the room where she'd been set to rest. She recognized this
place—the hearth, the open room with brocade furniture, the inset window where Sophia usually set her long candle at night. Filigree wallpaper covered the wall next to the window. Angela was in the den of the Emerald House, a mansion once owned by their pitifully tiny sorority at the Academy.

She hadn't been abducted by an angel after all.

But then—who had brought her here?

Angela slipped from the sheets and was about to stand up, when a shadow dashed toward her. She tensed, her left eye burning madly. But of all people, Nina stopped a foot away from her, staring back at Angela with a cautious expression. Without another word, Nina threw herself at Angela, embracing her tightly.

Angela fell back against the quilt again, but returned Nina's hug, forcing herself to let go only after a few long minutes.

“Angela . . . thank God, you're all right,” Nina whispered.

“What's going on?” Angela whispered back frantically. “Who brought me here?”

“Shhhh. Quiet,” Nina said, setting a finger to her lips for emphasis. “We can't be too loud or some of the girls upstairs will awaken. We managed to save some of them from the bloodletters. Now there are even more of them here because the institution has been emptied since you were thrown there. Everyone's targeting redheaded women your age now, but every time someone is brought to the authorities they're released, of course. They know it isn't you. Mikel must be watching for you like a hawk.”

“Then we're not safe here,” Angela said. “I can't believe no one has searched this house yet!”

“They did last night. But it was obvious you weren't here. Juno only rescued you from the ocean this morning. We
wouldn't have had you in the open in front of the fire, but . . . you were so cold, Angela. Your skin was literally blue. We're lucky you're not dead. Sophia managed to stay by your side most of the night—”

“Where is she!” Angela said, gripping Nina's arms again. Angela was just as shocked hearing Juno's name mentioned, but somehow the possibility of seeing Sophia again overwhelmed her. Tears sprang to Angela's eyes.

Nina noticed them. Her tone became even more hushed. “She's not here right now. In fact, that's the trouble. We can't figure out where Sophia has disappeared since we left the institution. Not even Troy can search for her right now, because Sophia can be anywhere in the city.”

“Troy! Then she's with you too? Did she help Juno find me?”

“Despite Troy's advice otherwise, Juno had been patrolling the water since Sophia told her what happened inside the institution. Juno's getting better at hiding. Most of the angels didn't spot her, and the one that did . . . well, Troy took care of him apparently. I'll admit Troy's vicious, but by God, she gets things done.”

Angela sat back, resting her hands against the rug set before the hearth. “If Troy is here, I need to talk to her.”

“That's probably not a good idea.”

“Why?”

“She's eating right now,” Nina said. She made a warning face.

Angela could only imagine exactly
what
Troy might be eating. Perhaps the same angel she'd killed. She shivered, trying to get the image out of her mind. “At least tell her I'm awake and I need to speak with her as soon as she's done.”

“Sure,” Nina said. She stepped away, but Angela stopped her.

“Nina! What about Fury? The angels captured her and . . .”

“She's upstairs, watching over the girls and resting. Fury's been through a lot—it's horrible. The angels looked into her soul, which is a very painful process for any Vapor. But thank goodness those winged menaces still know nothing about Troy. I'm not sure how Fury kept that information from them, but Troy said it's nothing short of a miracle that Fury is even alive. Most Vapors die after being forcefully examined like that.”

“I see,” Angela said. She allowed Nina to leave, watching her walk up the wooden staircase.

Angela stared into the fire again. It was already dying, getting down to embers and ashes. Finally, Angela sat alone in the dark room.

A rustle to her right brought her to attention again.

She turned to find Troy sitting right next to her, examining her closely. The Jinn's predatory eyes transfixed Angela. It seemed like forever since she'd been with either Troy or her niece and every time she came close to either of them again, the same instinctive fear of their teeth and nails and hypnotic eyes riveted her to the spot. Troy's wing had been folded tightly against her back.

“I wanted to wait until most of the fire burned out,” Troy said as way of explanation. “The light . . .”

She didn't need to explain further. Angela tended to take it for granted that she was a being who didn't find light so painful.

“Are you done—eating?” Angela said, choking back the sour taste in her mouth.

Troy licked her bottom teeth and smirked. “Why? Feeling hungry?”

Angela made a sarcastic face. “No, thank you.” She sighed. “Tell me what happened—Nina said you infiltrated the Luz Institution.”

Troy's mouth settled into a tight line of what looked like pure and unfiltered wrath.

“What?” Angela said sharply. “What did I possibly say wrong?”

“Nothing,” Troy snapped. “It's what you didn't do that's pissed me off. You allowed Sariel to die.”

Angela's mouth hung open. “What! No, I didn't! Sophia told me if I cut the astral strings connecting Kim to Python, that would have killed him instantly!”

Troy grunted nastily. “Excuses.”

Angela jumped to her feet. “What right do you have to be angry with me? I'm the one who should be angry. I'm the one who lost a friend! Not you!”

“Don't you understand?” Troy said, speaking through gritted teeth. “Now that he's dead, I can never hope to return to the embrace of my Clan.
That was my last chance.
”

“You had a chance to kill him in Hell. What you're saying makes no sense.”

“He was connected to you. I couldn't risk it.”

“That's bullshit and you know it,” Angela muttered. “You're grasping at anything to justify your anger that he's actually dead! What were you going to do? Wait a million years for my connection to Kim to disintegrate? Look at you—I can tell by the expression on your face that you're sad.
Just admit it, damn it.
”

Troy slammed her lethal fist against the floor, and for a second, she looked quite ready to lunge for Angela's throat.

But the frightening moment passed just as quickly. Troy reclined on the floor with her head slumped against her pale arms. Then Troy squeezed her yellow eyes shut, and Angela could taste the frustration in her voice.

“We gathered a group to enter the institution and res
cue you,” Troy began. She sighed and a low growl left her. “Obviously, the attempt was only partly successful. Before the demon interrupted everything, we managed to free most of the captives there. Among them was a half-Jinn woman and her daughter. I couldn't believe an abomination like her had escaped notice for so long. And I would have put her out of her misery if she hadn't mentioned your name.”

“That was Gloriana,” Angela said quietly to herself.

“She had a little one,” Troy said, watching Angela carefully. “I spared that one as well. Juno brought them back here personally before returning to search for you. She seemed fascinated by the human chick. It's typical of her naïveté to assume she has anything in common with a weak mortal girl, but I allowed it for the sheer relief of knowing Juno was safe. Until she revealed to me that as the new Jinn Queen she had officially forgiven Sariel his transgressions to our Clan. The proof was this,” Troy said angrily again.

She dug into her rags and held out an iron crow's foot pendant.

There it was—the talisman Kim said Juno had given him. Now that he was gone, though, Juno's compassion seemed tragically wasted.

Troy sighed. “She'd given it to him before leaving Hell and joining with Nina in Luz. Juno had escaped using one of the last dimensional portals that were not the Mirror Pools before they disappeared entirely.”

“If she forgave Kim,” Angela said, “then why didn't you? She is your Queen now . . .”

Troy laughed. “Juno is a chick. Her sense of justice is impaired by her inexperience.”

“And I would say yours is impaired by just the opposite,” Angela murmured.

Troy looked at her sharply. Astonishingly, she didn't argue the point. “I never had the chance to take Sariel's body. Too many angels swept into the upper tower of the institution, forcing us to retreat. We took a dark and roundabout route back here, cursing our luck all the while that we might have lost both you and the Book in one blow. But Sophia returned after a while, and infuriatingly she offered us few answers besides the fact that you were safe for the moment, and we should keep a strict lookout for your return near the institution. The demon may or may not be dead. Sophia said that she ‘had words' with him but left it at that. My fear is that now Lilith will come to Luz looking for her snake of a son.”