Anna's Courage (Rose Island Book 1) (25 page)

His eyes narrowed. “Is it because Hailey is grounded for breaking her mother’s ornaments?”

“No, honey. She was just having a really tough time yesterday. I don’t think Nick punished her.”

In bed that night, I stared at my phone, willing it to ring. Finally, I took matters into my own hands and texted Nick. “Hey, how’s Hailey?”

After several minutes, he texted back a one-word response. “Fine.”

I waited, frantic for a call, a text, or something. I didn’t want to scare him away by aggressively pestering him, but I didn’t want this tension between us to continue either. Plus, I was sincerely worried about Hailey. “Did you take Hailey to the therapist today?” I texted.

Five minutes passed, then ten, fifteen, and twenty. I fought the urge to run next door and demand that he tell me why he was avoiding me. Tell me if we were going to be okay.

After what seemed like ages, my phone pinged with his answer. “Yes.”

My disappointment turned to anger, and I jumped out of bed to pace the floor. Was Nick the kind of guy that only cared about the chase? Had he pursued me only until I stopped running away? I honestly didn’t believe he was like that, but why was he shutting me out of his life?

Consumed with anger and frustration, I yanked his ridiculous gift certificate out of my purse, and before I could change my mind, I ran it through the paper shredder. The high-pitched whirl cut through the silence, destroying his gift.

Then I stared at all the pieces of paper and panicked. Was it possible to tape the voucher back together?

*

The next morning,
my parents arrived. Having them back on the island was usually wonderful, but I had a hard time staying in the moment as my thoughts kept circling back to Nick.

Everything had changed after we’d hit the deer, and there was nothing I could do about it. I continued rationalizing his detached behavior by telling myself he was simply worried about Hailey, but I feared I was losing him.

And yet, wasn’t losing him
now
better than losing him in the future? He was still in the army. Still a soldier. The only thing that had changed was my heart and my desire to be with him regardless of the circumstances.

Not wanting my parents to worry, I pretended everything was fine as we drove home from the airport and introduced Grams and Pop to Yoda. Travis, ignorant of my pain, continued touting Nick’s incredible accomplishments.

“And who is this Nick Peterson?” my father asked.

I explained he was Hailey and Gabby’s uncle, but I left out the fact that he’d become much more important than just a neighbor.

Down at the pier, we ate lunch and watched the fishing boats unload their morning catch. Afterward, we wandered over to the bakery for a treat and to say hello to Vicki. My parents loved Vicki, and the three of them spoke for several minutes about the benefits of flax and hemp seed in the bakery’s whole wheat bread.

“If you don’t mind,” Vicki said when the conversation turned to the new Christmas decorations on Main Street, “I’m going to let Piper take your order while I steal Anna away for a minute. I want her opinion about something in my apartment upstairs.”

“Of course,” my mother said, peering into the display case. “You girls go right ahead. I see a piece of pecan pie with my name on it.”

I followed Vicki through the kitchen, up the stairs to her living quarters above the bakery. She gestured toward the couch in front of the large window overlooking Main Street. “Sit down and tell me what’s wrong. You look horrible.”

“I’m fine.” I insisted, sinking onto the couch. Then, without warning, I burst into tears.

“Oh, Anna.” Vicki sat next to me. “It’s Nick, isn’t it? I saw him on the bike trail with the girls this morning, and he looked miserable.”

“He did?” My heart filled with hope. I didn’t want Nick to hurt, but maybe if he was brokenhearted, too, we still had a chance. “What did he say?”

“Nothing, but I could tell something was wrong. What happened between you two?”

In slow, painful detail, I explained everything that’d happened—Nick deciding to adopt the girls, the two of us talking about dating long distance, hitting the deer on the way home, and Hailey’s horrible breakdown. “Ever since then, he’s pushed me away like he no longer cares.”

The reality of my dismal situation prompted fresh tears. “I love him so much, but I’m afraid he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.”

“You love him?” Vicki asked.

I nodded, realizing I’d just admitted my feelings aloud for the first time. Yes, I truly loved Nick. Loved him more than I loved my safe and stable life on the island. Loved him more than my fear of being involved with another soldier. “What am I going to do? I love him so much. I don’t want to lose him.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m afraid to talk to him. What if it’s really over? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“He does. He’s just scared.”

I blew my nose again. “I’m scared, too.”

“Then talk to him. You were so adamant about not dating another soldier, maybe he believes you’re not interested in anything long term. Maybe Hailey’s breakdown disturbed him more than you realize, and he doesn’t want to distract himself with something that’s only temporary.”

“You think?”

“Nick loves you,” Vicki declared. “I can tell by the way he looks at you. You need to make sure he knows you feel the same way about him.”

My heart lurched. Nick had never said he loved me, but surely he did. Didn’t he? What if his feelings didn’t run as deep as mine?

Then again, what if they did?

I felt as if I’d climbed the ladder to the top of the high dive and was standing on the edge of the board, too petrified to jump, yet unable to climb back down to safety.

What if I told Nick I loved him, but he didn’t feel that way about me? What if he’d changed his mind about staying together? I clenched my fists tight, afraid of the answer to that question.

Afraid of everything.

But most of all . . . afraid of losing Nick.

*

The rest of
the day dragged on endlessly. My father took Travis fishing, while my mom and I Christmas shopped. I thought I was doing a good job pretending to be happy, but every time my phone rang or buzzed with a text from someone other than Nick, I became a little more depressed.

A gentle mist fell as we slipped into the Christmas Store on Main Street. My mom held up one of the handmade, wooden ornaments the boutique was known for. “This would be adorable for Vicki.”

I glanced at the little baker dangling from her fingertips. “It’s cute.”

My mother loved professionally themed ornaments, and for a while, I was the recipient of either a pilot or a helicopter. Those ornaments were currently boxed up in the attic, as I hadn’t been able to place them on the tree since I had stopped flying.

Lifting one of the little soldiers and spinning him around, my mother asked, “Does your mood have anything to do with our phone conversation about your father and the army?”

I bit my bottom lip and nodded.

“Oh, honey. Tell me about him.”

With a deep sigh, I told my mom the story of how despite not wanting to, I’d fallen in love with another soldier, and now I was afraid I’d lost him.

*

When we returned
to the cottage later that day, I excused myself and went to my bedroom. Curling up in the reading chair beside the large bookshelf, I called Nick. Like Vicki, my mother had encouraged me to confront Nick and tell him how I felt. My heart raced when he answered the phone.

“How’s Hailey doing?” I asked, trying to sound cheerful.

“Better.” His voice was distant, and I immediately regretted calling. I tried telling him I’d phone later, but the words got caught in my throat.

A commotion in the background broke our tense silence, and Nick addressed Hailey before turning back to me. “Hey, I’d better go. I promised I’d help her wrap a few presents and—”

“I’m really good at wrapping,” I said, unable to help myself. “Maybe I could—”

“
Anna
 . . .”

“I’m sorry.” I spoke quickly, afraid my words would only push him further away. “I know I’m not saying the right thing, but I want to help.”

“I know.” He hesitated and released a slow breath. “This morning, Hailey wrote me a sweet note apologizing for her tantrum. I think she just snapped, you know. Some sort of PTSD. We had a long session with the therapist and it helped.”

“She’s been through a lot.”

“She has.”

I held my breath, waiting for more. How could I keep Nick from pulling away? Desperate to hold onto him, I invited him and the girls to dinner for tomorrow night. “My parents are here, and I’m making my famous sour cream enchiladas. My dad promised to make guacamole if he can find some decent avocados at the Farmer’s Market.”

“
Look, Anna
,” he began.

I squeezed my eyes tight, bracing myself for what was about to come. The beginning of our end. Nick was preparing to leave and start his new life as a father, and he didn’t want me to be part of it. What he’d said in the Pelican Pub about staying together no longer mattered.

My stomach plummeted and a vise clamped on to my heart, squeezing it tighter and tighter and tighter. “I understand if you can’t make it. It’s okay. Maybe I can send over a plate, and you can reheat the enchiladas later. I just want to help. How can I help?”

I was blathering, and even though I hated the anxiety in my voice, I couldn’t stop talking. At the same time, I couldn’t find the nerve to tell him what was really in my heart. To tell him how much I needed and loved him. How I didn’t want to live my life without him.

He sighed before speaking in an apologetic, but self-assured voice. “I know you’re trying to help, but right now Hailey needs to be my main focus. Hailey and Gabby.”

“Of course. I don’t want to interfere with that. With them.” I needed to tell him good night and hang up the phone before he told me our relationship was completely over, but I was out of my mind. “What about lunch on Monday? Do you want to try out that new taco trailer down by the surf shop? I’m working in the morning, but we could have a late lunch.”

“I can’t. I need to go on post and run some errands. I have to see about expediting the girls’ passports and collecting their medical records. Plus, I have to sort out what the dogs need to travel and talk to the realtor about putting the house on the market.”

Bile burned my throat. I couldn’t tolerate this game of pretend any longer. “What’s going on, Nick? Why are you pushing me away?”

He gave a prophetic sigh. “I’m leaving the Monday after Christmas, Anna. So . . . I think it would be best if you and I stopped seeing each other. I care about you a lot, but it’s going to be hard enough when I leave, and right now, I need to concentrate on Hailey and Gabby.”

The lump in my throat throbbed, pressing against my windpipe, blocking off my oxygen supply. I tried to breathe. Tried to hold back the tears. Tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying. “I thought you wanted to continue seeing me, even after you left.”

“I know I said that, but . . .”

Gabby started crying and Nick mumbled something about a new tooth coming in and needing to give her more baby Tylenol.