Anna's Visions (12 page)

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Wes answered.

Tori eyed
herself
in the
mirror. “Is my face getting fat? It looks fat to me.” She turned around. Wes
wasn’t in the room. “Well, alrighty then,” she sang, and wondered how long
she’d been talking to herself.

After breakfast they drove into town, found Jill and
Billy, and they spent the day at old hangouts in Madison, just like old times.
They drove past the old high school building, which was scheduled to be torn
down. It brought tears to Tori’s eyes to think about it, since Dixon High held
so many precious memories. “Goodbye, Dixon High,” she mumbled.

Tori turned her head and eyed Jill and Billy in the
back seat. The sight of them touched her heart. She pumped her fist into the
air and yelled, “The four musketeers forever!”

“Forever!” everyone yelled in response, followed by a
wave of happy laughter.

Tori didn’t want the day to end, she didn’t want to
say goodbye to Jill, and she dreaded the next day when she’d have to kiss Wes
goodbye and wait for his return, which always seemed like an eternity to her.

* * * *

For the entire next month, Wes wasn’t able to come
back for a visit because of his work schedule, studies, and football. Tori
walked the farm endlessly, feeling as if the life was being sucked out of her.
Dr. Harrison had told her to walk two miles a day, and though she didn’t know
exactly how far it was, she faithfully walked around the farm every morning and
afternoon.

One morning in mid-November, she began her daily walk,
cradling her stomach so she could hug her precious son. As she neared the barn,
she heard the familiar sound of Jill’s Pinto coming up the driveway.

“Jill!” she squealed. “You always know when to show
up. It’s downright uncanny.” Tori hurried to greet her best friend. “What are
you doing here in the middle of the week?” she asked as Jill stepped out of the
car.

Jill hugged her. “I cut class today. I had an
overwhelming urge to see you. I felt it so strong that I couldn’t have
concentrated, anyway, so here I am!” Jill hugged Tori again, her body swaying
as if she were rocking a baby.

“I think you read my mind, just like you’ve done so
many times,” Tori said. “I was on my way to the barn to feed Henry and take him
out for a walk. Henry will be glad to see you, too. We’ve ridden many miles on
his back.” Tori took Jill’s hand.

As they neared the barn, Jill waved hello to Poppy,
who was greasing the old tractor. Henry snorted in his stall and threw his head
back the way he always did when he wanted to get out and run, and he always
seemed to think he could out run the wind.

Tori opened the door to Henry’s stall and he reared on
his hind legs, his front legs pawing the air.

“Hey, big boy, calm down,” she said, reaching for his
neck. “I’m going to let you out.”

Suddenly one of Henry’s front hooves struck Tori in
the stomach, knocking her to the ground. Then he jumped over her and as he did,
one of his hind legs kicked her in the side, slamming her body against the
wall.

“Tori!”
Jill screamed as she ran to Tori’s side.

Tori could hear Jill screaming and she was trying to
speak but words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. Then she felt the ground
vibrate beneath heavy footsteps coming toward her.

“Help her, Poppy!”

Trembling arms wrap around Tori and lifted her off the
ground. Then she was being carried as Poppy ran as quickly as his aging legs
would allow.

Tori could hear Jill calling for Grammy, but Grammy
apparently wasn’t in the house. Poppy gently placed her on the sofa in the
living room. Again she tried to speak but no words would come out.

She heard Jill’s voice, “We need an ambulance at the
Morgan farm on Old Mill Road. “Please hurry!”

Tori was
desperately trying to ask for Momma and Daddy when she
heard Jill, again.
 
“Mona, you and Ed
need to meet us at the emergency room.
Tori has
been
hurt. There’s no time to talk now. I’ll tell you all about it when we get
there. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes!”

Voices seemed to be coming from afar as
Poppy
called for Grammy.

She felt the soft touch of Grammy’s hand wrapping
around her own. “You told me it was coming,” Grammy mumbled, “but you didn’t
tell me soon enough.”

Who told Grammy what? Tori wondered.

Poppy lifted her again into his arms, and warm blood
ran down her legs. “S-sorry,” she whimpered for the stains she made on Grammy’s
area rug.

“No, no. Don’t you worry,
now.
”
Grammy squeezed the hand she still held.

Tori’s body felt as limp as a ragdoll. Poppy’s hot
tears dropped onto her forehead. She couldn’t stop shaking; it was like she was
freezing to death.

“Hold on, Tori. Please don’t give up,” Jill said as
she wrapped a soft blanket around Tori. “Fight for your life and for your
baby.”

Then the world went mute and all became a blur.

Tori fought against the pull that threatened to drag
her into darkness. She had to stay awake. They were close now. She could hear
the ambulance approaching, its siren wailing as it raced up the driveway.
 

New voices came into the room – lots of questions – Jill
answering.

The two paramedics placed Tori on a stretcher. She
felt like she watched someone else as they adjusted the straps, and rushed her
outside and into the back of the ambulance.

The siren again started to scream and Tori heard one
of the paramedics, “En route with an eighteen-year-old female, five months
pregnant, trampled by horse – bleeding profusely.
Request
assistance and permission for treatment.”

Another voice responded, “Start an IV with Lactated
Ringers, drip wide open. Bring her to O. R. three. I’ll have a surgical team
ready.”

Everything went gray and fuzzy, and once again Tori
struggled against the sensation of being pulled under.
Fight...fight...

“Tori, honey, I’m here.” It was her mother’s voice

Tori fluttered her eyes open. Fluorescent lights
beamed overhead, one after the other in a long succession as she traveled down
a corridor. Were they at the hospital already?

“We’ll be right here!” her mother called as they
slowed to turn a corner.

They pushed through double doors and Tori
was
hit with a sudden chill of air. All around her chaos
ensued – people wearing masks, barking orders, bright lights and strange
machines. Tears rolled down Tori’s face as she pictured her family and Jill
heading to the waiting room, where they would wait, pray, and cry.

Then the world went black.

Anna’s Note

November 14, 1975

I must have paced ten miles in the waiting room at the
hospital today. Only the aching in my hips forced me to sit every now and then.
I sat on the sofa next to Tom, scanned the room, eyeing the grief stricken
faces of my daughter and son-in-law.

I tried to piece together the vision I’d seen the day
Tori was born. Pool of blood – a large pool of blood at Tom’s feet. A knife –
the surgeon was using a scalpel. A gun – Tom had vowed that he would shoot
Henry.

I cupped my chin and creased my brow. Then I heard a
voice and I looked up to see Father O’Malley standing in front of me. He
extended his hand.

I took his warm hand as chills ran my spine. The man
dressed in black.

All the pieces fit.

Then I remembered there was still one last piece – the
coffin.

Anna West-Morgan

Chapter Nine

Grammy insisted that Tori go home with her after she
was released from the hospital. For the next five months, Tori seldom got out
of bed. She was lost in the darkness of guilt and depression. She was angry
with God for taking her baby – and angry with herself for somehow being
responsible for her unborn son’s death.

She glanced at the bedside clock. It showed 9:10. She
balled her fist and rubbed her eyes. The window shade was pulled down, but the
bright sunrays penetrated the thin material, which was at least forty years
old.

She got out of bed, pulled on the bottom of the shade
and it went to the top without yanking. She looked out the window and realized
the world was still turning, waiting for her to come back. She opened the
window so she could smell Poppy’s clover field. It was in full bloom – the
beautiful purple color she had always loved so much, and the sweet smell of it
filled her lungs and lifted her spirits. She actually wanted to fly out of the
window as if she were a bumblebee and suck the sweet nectar.

Tori inhaled deeply as images of her running barefoot
through the field of purple flowers with Jill, danced through her mind. She
remembered them picking the blooms and sticking them behind their ears, singing
and dancing like fairies. She smiled as she recalled bringing bouquets of
clover into the house for Grammy to put into vases and how the clover would
fill the house with its sweet aroma.

As she gazed out the window, a warm April breeze
caressed her face like the loving touch of a favorite aunt. April was always
her favorite month – but she couldn’t remember anything about the previous five
months. How could she have missed Thanksgiving – and Christmas? Had the family
even celebrated Christmas last year? She couldn’t remember. It was if she’d
been in a deep sleep and had just woken up – like the newly awaking world
outside her bedroom window.

“I need a bath and a shampoo,” she said happily, as if
that would be the perfect thing to celebrate her return to the world. She
wanted to live, not exist, and she couldn’t wait to begin.

She walked over to her dresser, took out panties and a
bra, and then strolled to the closet and pulled a green sundress off a hanger.
She went down the hall and into the bathroom, turned on the water, and poured
in some special jasmine-scented bath salt. She pulled off her gown that hung on
her like a gunnysack, patted her stomach, and mumbled, “Flat.”

Tori stepped into the old claw foot tub, and as the
warm water enveloped her, she sank back against the rim, closed her eyes, and
thanked God for her life.

After luxuriating for a long time, she poured shampoo
over her hair, massaged her scalp, and rinsed it out. Then she splashed fresh
water over her body. It was one of the most wonderful baths she’d ever taken –
and the absurdity of such a simple pleasure made her chuckle. She stepped out
of the tub and dried off, surprised that even such a simple exercise made her
tired. Apparently, her body was going to need to readjust to living along with
her mind and spirit.

Her hands trembled as she generously rubbed lotion
over her skinny body. As she fluffed her wet hair with her fingers, she found
herself being thankful for her curly hair. She wiped the steam off the mirror
above the sink and was startled by the face that stared back at her. The woman
in the mirror was gaunt and pale, but she was wearing a hopeful smile – and
Tori looked forward to spending time with her as she began to reclaim her life.

Tori put on her makeup, brushed on a little blush,
rolled some coral-colored lipstick up the tube, and applied it to her lips. She
dug through her makeup case, found her mascara, pale-green eye shadow, and
applied them. Finally, she stood back and admired her reflection. The
transformation was remarkable.

“Voila!” she said, holding her arms out as if to
embrace the smiling young woman in the mirror. She chuckled as she thought how
she must have looked for five months – like she had a case of the epizootic. It
was a term Grammy used when somebody was sick with a mysterious disease.

Tori walked into the living room, gazed toward the
beautiful fireplace, and stood in adoration as renewed vitality surged through
her again. She headed into the kitchen, intent on making some coffee and having
a hearty breakfast. It was strange, but she couldn’t remember eating for many
months. This morning she was hungry – hungry for many things.

As she entered the kitchen, Grammy opened the back
door and stepped inside, carrying a basket of eggs. It took a second, but when
she saw Tori, she did a double take and then exclaimed, “Tori!” She set the
eggs on the counter, threw her arms open wide and rushed to Tori’s side,
laughing and crying at the same time.

“My stars in
heaven!
You look beautiful, child!
My prayers have finally been answered!”

“Thanks, Grammy. I feel great,” Tori said, returning
Grammy’s warm hug.

“Are you hungry? Can I fix you something to eat?”
Grammy asked.

“I’m starving, but while you make something, I’d like
to call Wes, if it’s okay to make a long distance call on your phone?”

“Sure, sweet,” Grammy said, her eyes dancing. “Call
him and talk as long as you want. I’ll have breakfast done by the time you’re
done
.
”

Tori hurried for the phone, looked at the number
scrawled across the front of the phonebook, and quickly dialed. Her fingers and
innards trembled, so she took deep breaths as the phone rang ten times.
Finally, she dropped the receiver into the cradle, her high spirits wilting.

Since Wes didn’t answer, she dialed Jill, and she
answered on the third ring.

“Jill!” Tori said with delight.

“Tori!”
Jill squealed, almost piercing Tori’s eardrum.

“I’m dying to see you,” Tori said. “Can you get out
here right away?”

“You bet I can,” Jill replied. “I’m on my way as soon
as we hang up the phone!”

Tori could picture Jill dancing a little jig, pumping
her fist in the air, and then grabbing her purse and car keys from the kitchen
table and racing for her front door. Tori smiled as she picked up the phone and
dialed another number.

“Hicks Feed and Grain.”

“Momma?
It’s Tori. I love you!”

“Tori?” her mother asked, her voice trembling. “Honey,
are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Momma. Actually, I’ve never felt better,”
Tori said, feeling her own tears begin to fall. “I just wanted to call and tell
you I love you. And I’d like to tell Daddy, too. Is he there?”

“Oh, honey, I love you so much,” her mother replied.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but Daddy had to make a farm call. As soon as we close
tonight, we’ll be out to see you. You sound wonderful. Are you eating?”

“I’m about to start eating everything in the house,
starting with the breakfast I can smell Grammy making as we speak. It smells
like biscuits and gravy. I’ll see you tonight. Tell Daddy I love him. Bye.”

“We love you, too. Bye, honey. ”

As Tori hung up, she felt Grammy’s hand on her
shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with your sense of smell, sweet,” Grammy said.
“Biscuits and gravy it is. I had a feeling that’s what you’d want on your first
day back.”

Tori followed Grammy as she hobbled into the kitchen.
Grammy seemed to have more bounce in her hobble – or maybe Tori just wanted to
think so.

As Grammy piled Tori’s favorite breakfast on a plate,
she mumbled, “My, my. Poppy will drop over for sure. Tori
is
well, Jill, Mona, and Ed will be here by the time he comes in from the fields,
and I might need to get out the smelling salts.” Grammy chuckled. Her laugh had
more bounce in it, too.

Fifteen minutes later, Tori heard Jill’s Pinto
speeding up the driveway.
Tori was
waiting on the
front porch as Jill slammed on the brakes and brought the car to a halt. Tori
rushed down the steps and ran into Jill’s excited embrace. They swayed back and
forth as they laughed and cried together, their tears falling on each other’s
shoulders.

Finally, Tori turned loose. “We can’t stand here all
day bellowing. Poppy’s bull might be in rut, and that could be dangerous!” They
laughed again, and then walked hand-in-hand onto the porch and sat in the
swing.

Tori didn’t give Jill time to say anything before she
began her prattle. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I woke up this morning
feeling alive again.”

“That’s what we’ve all been praying for,” Jill said,
flashing her most beautiful smile.

“I tried to call Wes, but I guess he’s either working or
in class.” Tori squeezed Jill’s hand.

“Yeah, Billy says all Wes does is play football, work,
and study his brains out.”

“Well, I’ll call him again tonight,” Tori said. “Let’s
go in the house and get a glass of iced tea.” She pulled on her chin, and added,
“And I don’t mean some of Grammy’s special herb tea either. But you can bet
your sweet bippy she thinks her special brews are what brought me back to
life.” Tori made a face and they laughed.

“Oh, yeah!
She certainly does believe the herbs she grows in her
garden to make her special brews did the trick. And I don’t dispute her,” Jill
said. “Yeah, let’s go get that tea.”

“Too late!”
Grammy said as she opened the front door and stepped
out onto the porch, carrying a tray with a pitcher of iced tea and three
glasses. “I figured my two granddaughters would probably be getting thirsty
after talking each other’s ears off – but keep it up, girls. It’s music to my
ears.”

Tori’s parents arrived at six o’clock and couldn’t
stop hugging her. Happy tears flowed freely and Tori never felt so warm and
loved.

They all sat down and it was like old times with
everyone sitting around Grammy’s table, laughing and talking. It was a
wonderful day to be alive, surrounded by everyone Tori loved – except Wes.

By nine o’clock, her mom and dad were ready to leave.
They urged Tori to go home with them for a few days, but she decided to stay at
Grammy’s because she didn’t want to be home alone while they were at work.

Jill left at ten o’clock and shortly after, Grammy and
Poppy kissed Tori goodnight and went upstairs.

Tori sat by the phone, wishing it would ring. She
couldn’t remember the last time she’d talked to Wes. She couldn’t even remember
the last time she’d seen him. Finally, she dialed his number, held her breath,
her heart racing, hoping she wouldn’t start crying and sound like a blubbering
idiot when he answered.

After four rings, she heard him say, “Hello?”

He sounded annoyed, and Tori thought she might have
awakened him.

“Wes,” she said softly, “It’s me, Tori.”

Instead of the happy response Tori had expected, there
was silence for a few seconds. She began to wonder if they’d been disconnected.
Then he said, “Hello, Tori.” His voice was flat, as if he were talking to a
total stranger.

A knot formed in Tori’s throat but she continued.
“Wes, I just had to hear your voice. I love you and miss you.”

There was another uncomfortable silence, after which
he said flatly, “Oh, that’s nice.”

“Are you mad at me?” she asked and waited. There was
no response so she added, “I know I haven’t been myself for a long time. It’s
just that I lost my son and I–”

He cut her off, saying sharply, “Oh, I see.
You
were hurting. Listen, Tori, you weren’t the only one hurting, you know. I lost
my
son, too. Why does everything always have to be about you?”

“I’m sorry, Wes. You’re right. We both lost a son –
but I wanted to tell you that I love you, and that I really need to see you.
Can you please come as soon as possible?” She held her breath and tears blinded
her.

“I had planned on coming home next weekend to see Mom
and Dad.” He paused again – paused so long, she wondered if he had fallen
asleep. Then he said, “So I guess I could stop by and see you for a little
while. I need to get to bed, now, I have to be up early.”

With that, the phone line went dead.

Tori hung up the phone and stood, her knees weak, and
she wondered if she was that much out of shape or if the phone call had taken
all her renewed strength. She blew a deep breath and mumbled to herself, “It’s
been a long day and I’m tired. Everything will be fine once Wes comes home and
I hug and kiss him. He’s probably tired, too.”

She made her way to her bedroom, slipped on a clean
gown, and crawled into the middle of the featherbed. As she closed her eyes,
the familiar visions of her unborn son flashed briefly through her mind – but
this time it was followed by a sense of peace that passes all understanding,
unlike anything she’d ever experienced. It was almost as if the angels were
letting her know that they were taking care of her son and that everything was
going to be fine. In the holy darkness, she whispered, “Thank you,” then fell
into a sweet dreamless sleep.

Tori awoke the next morning glad to be alive, but
wondering how she’d be able to make it through the week as she waited for Wes.
She spent the week helping Grammy with housework and riding the tractor with
Poppy. She also rode Henry almost every day.