Annie's Truth (Touch of Grace) (24 page)

“We will.” He took her hand and laid it on his chest and then put his other hand behind his head. She copied him and turned to face him. He returned the stare with a smile, the blade of grass sticking out from one side of his lips.

Annie thought right then and there that no one had ever looked at her like that before, and she doubted anyone else ever would.

She found sleep and woke when the sun came up. Annie didn’t let her mind wander as she packed and readied herself to leave. Whatever reason the Lord had for her to come here, He also had a reason for her to go home. She owed it to Rudy to have some closure of her time here, but even more, she needed to make amends with her family, and foremost John, after being gone for three long months. It would be an awkward time to return with all the couples being announced, but the nudge she’d felt the night before couldn’t be ignored.

The Glicks gave her another farewell, this time more somber. Knowing their response, Annie decided no one would know the truth about her mother in the community. She didn’t need pity along with being chastised. The sympathy she felt for her sister community gave Annie another reason to go.

Rudy checked her bag and paid for her ticket. She didn’t have a choice, so she accepted his charity once again. “Danke, Rudy, for everything. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have ever finished what I started to do here.” Even though her feelings were mixed about the entire experience, she couldn’t be anything but grateful to him for his time and support.

He held up a hand, avoiding eye contact. “It wasn’t what you’d hoped for, Annie. I’m sorry for that.” He looked up at her now. “I’m sorry about that part of it, but I’m not sorry I met you, Annie Beiler.”

His intense gaze made Annie uncomfortable. She felt as if he wanted something more that she couldn’t give. She stood as the bus rolled in, appreciating the lack of intimidation this time regarding the huge machine. “I’m glad I met you too, Rudy.”

He took a step forward to embrace her. She gave him a quick hug and turned to go. Annie felt his gaze as she walked away but didn’t turn around. She was ready to go home.

 
Chapter Twenty-Five
 

T
HE STEEL CLOMP
of the horse’s shoes against the hard ground created a familiar, settling rhythm in Annie’s head as Abraham drove her home.

“I had more visitors asking for your letters than customers while you were gone. And I’ll be if it wasn’t right before you left that I installed that bell above that door.”

Annie smiled at Abraham’s ability to always lighten the mood. She couldn’t keep still in the bench seat, and when she unfolded her hands, they were damp from nervous sweat. “They don’t know I’m coming.”

“No one? Even your daed and mamm?” Abraham’s eyes widened, but he kept them on the road. He gave the reins some slack and waved the leather so it made a slap against the horse’s hide. The animal picked up the pace as they turned to go up the long dirt path to her home. “So you don’t know.”

Annie studied his face and knew it was something bad. Had they already had a judge, jury, and trial before she even arrived home? Maybe she wasn’t even allowed to be here. “What is it, Abraham?”

“I don’t know how to tell you.” His eyes darted from her to the path. “Your daed’s daed passed away, Annie.” He pursed his lips. “I hate to be the one to tell you. I figured that’s why you came home.”

Annie’s heart dropped. She cupped her hand over her mouth as tears blurred the dirt path before her.

How could they keep this from me?

He hadn’t been sick. Dawdi was never sick.

“What happened?” she asked in a whisper.

“Just didn’t wake up one morning.” He pulled the buggy to a stop and tied the reins. Then he surrounded her with his burly arms. She accepted his warmth and took a moment to prepare herself for how this might turn out. She didn’t want to be more of a burden, along with what was already happening. She would need to put her needs aside and take care of her mammi and her daed. Ach, her daed would be so hardened.

Abraham pulled away. “Are you ready?” His soft eyes and gentle way didn’t match his stocky build.

She nodded and adjusted herself in her seat. As they got closer to her house, she noted the number of buggies at her home. “Is this the wake?”

Abraham nodded. “If it’s all right with you, I’d like to pay my respects.” He reached back and pulled out a black jacket.

“Jah…jah, you should.” Annie watched a couple walk out of her home and another get out of their buggy to go in. The entire day was spent this way. Once the death was announced to the church and the obituary appeared in the local paper, the numbers for the viewing grew large.

Abraham jumped down and got Annie’s suitcase. She stepped onto the hard dirt path, feeling the pebbles scratch against the soles of her shoes, the same way the grief for her dawdi made her bruised heart raw. The anticipation was greater than she’d ever imagined, with the grief added to her return. More death. She knew her community was grieving with the Nickel Mines community 166 as well.

The door seemed almost as if it was coming to her instead of each footstep drawing her closer. A silhouette flashed by the front window, and then another.

How many are in there?

Her homecoming was meant to be for her family only, not the entire community—not yet.

She inhaled, taking in the fresh air, and let the wind seep out through her lips. Annie looked out over the hills, now brown and naked against the gray sky. Then she turned to the valley. The river moved peacefully through the fields and meadows. She had missed the fall colors, and inside Annie knew she’d missed a lot more.

The chatter stopped as they entered. In her mind’s eye everyone seemed to surge up to her then back away, with less and less sound. So this was it, the moment when all would show their true selves. She held her head up and caught the eyes of her mammi.

Before Annie had a moment to speak, Amos came through the maze of people filling the small home. His shoes clomped on the wood floor in quick rhythm as he strove to reach Annie before anyone else did. He squared his shoulders and stood more erect with each step.

He stopped in front of Annie and rested both hands on her shoulders. His touch was light and gentle, as if needing to feel her to believe she was really there. Annie had never really noticed Daed’s eyes; he was always head-down in his work. But at this moment she noticed how dark brown they were, almost black, just like her dawdi’s. Ach, if only the others would respond to her the way her daed was right now. But this alone was a complete surprise, for her daed to come to her without her pleading for forgiveness. Her mamm, jah, but never Daed.

Annie waited for the words to come, not able to imagine what the first ones would be. A hint of a smile crossed his lined, tired face. “Annie.”

His one simple word, her name, gave Annie the courage to speak. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Dawdi passed.”

“I knew you’d come. I’ve been waiting for you to return.” His eyes watered but held strong to hers.

Just the sound of her name on Daed’s tongue caused tears to prick at her eyes. She could only nod, and she glanced around the blurry room. Annie felt a hand grab her arm, strong but gentle. She turned to see the worn face of her mammi. Annie’s bottom lip trembled, and then she noticed Mammi’s hand shook too as she stroked Annie’s cheek. She nodded and walked away. The gesture, so quick and sweet, touched a part of Annie she’d pushed away. She hadn’t expected support from her mammi since this whole thing began.

Omar, the bishop, sat in a chair with a cup of tea in his lap. He held a spoon in his hand and appeared frozen with the shock of her arrival. Minister Zeke had both hands placed across his large stomach. He stared at her as if she were a ghost.

Eli came to Annie and sighed before reaching out and embracing her. Augustus and the boys were close behind, saying things that meshed together in her mind.

“We’re glad you’re home.”

“Missed you.”

“It’s good to see you.”

Other family friends came over to her then and offered their condolences, but few welcomed her home, as if they didn’t know whether her return was condoned. Many watched Omar or Zeke to see whether they were watching and whether their comments were acceptable. A very few close friends did say they were glad she was there without worry of consequences, but they were the minority.

Omar stood and cleared his throat, and then tapped his cup to get everyone’s attention. “We do not speak of the dead, out of respect, but I thought it should be known that five of our sisters in the Nickel Mines community were laid to rest yesterday. Gott rest their souls.”

He looked around the room at the many faces. “I can only hope that we, in our own community, would respond in the same manner. Forgiveness does not prevent a tragedy or pardon the wrong but rather constitutes a first step toward a future that is hopeful.” Omar looked straight at Annie and then addressed the room again. “Keep their families in your prayers this day most specially.”

She made her way through the room with Mammi by her side. “Did the bishop look at me when he spoke, or was it my imagination?”

Mammi stopped and looked at Annie. “There have been as many conflicting opinions about your leaving as there have been about the Amish forgiving that man in Pennsylvania.” She cupped her palm against Annie’s cheek. “In my mind they can’t be compared. I think Omar was just trying to make a point, and I hope he did.”

“I see.” So everyone had formed their opinion about her in her absence. Could she expect any less? Of course there had been talk, but with the enormity of the shootings at hand, couldn’t her small infraction be put aside? “I’m going to get a drink, Mammi.” There were refreshments in the receiving room, but Annie needed more than the water to cool her.

As Annie stepped into the kitchen, John and Hanna walked in through the back door. She paused as the sight of him. Although all people were to be thought of the same in their appearance, Annie wondered how everyone could ignore certain attractiveness some held. John was one of those.

Her eyes stopped on Hanna’s arm touching his. He had his hands nonchalantly in his pockets, but it caught her attention, all the same. When John noticed her, he stared so hard it hurt. Annie saw the wound, raw and overflowing, in his dark brown eyes. And she looked away.

She set the image in her mind of the two of them. Arms touching, their stunned faces, both at her presence and of being found out this way. This couldn’t be—her closest confidants together. But after looking into his eyes, she knew it could be true.

Annie lifted her head and tried to hide the shock and betrayal she felt. They were still, waiting for something that none of them seemed to know. John cleared his throat and moved away from Hanna. “I didn’t know you were coming back.”

“I didn’t have much in the way of communicating.” Annie’s voice wavered. At the brink of tears, it was all she could do to get out a single word, let alone have a conversation.

“How are you?” She was asking John. Annie realized she was hurt by John but angry with Hanna. The separation wasn’t clear to her, but those were the emotions that spilled out, on her sleeve and every other part of her.