Answered Prayers (28 page)

“It never works that way,” Faith said with a sigh. “We all have to go find other people and complicate things. We marry complicated people, and then we think we've done it right. If you marry someone in your own backyard, you feel like you've failed somehow. Too easy, I guess. And there was more to it than that for me.” She wondered if Jack had ever said anything to him about their father, but suspected he had not. It had been their secret shame for their entire childhood and a significant part of their adult lives.

She had never told anyone else about her father molesting her, and threatening her about it. She had never felt able to tell Alex, and had always been afraid he would hold it against her somehow. She had discussed it with her therapist at length years before, and with Jack, and her conclusion had always been that Alex wasn't up to it. His own childhood had been cold and unemotional, but relatively normal otherwise, and circumspect. She didn't think he could have understood her father doing something like that, without blaming her for it, which would have broken her heart. But she felt differently about Brad. She knew she could tell him anything. What he had offered her, and always given her, was his unconditional love.

“Complicated is never the right thing,” Brad said simply, as he watched her. He could see something painful come into her eyes. “Are you okay, Fred?”

“Yeah. I was just thinking about some old stuff. Ugly old stuff actually. But I think it's always been a big part of my life with Alex, in an unspoken way. I think it's why I let him call the shots and be so hard on me at times. I suspect I always thought I deserved whatever he dished out to me.” Her eyes were speaking volumes to Brad, and he held her hand tight, as though sensing that she was facing old demons with him, and within herself.

“Why is that?” he asked softly, as she lowered her eyes, and then looked up at him again. It was harder to say the words than she had thought it would be, even to him.

“There was some pretty bad stuff that happened when I was a kid. Jack knew about it… not at first, but he found out eventually. It was hard for him too.” Before she even said the words, Brad suspected it, and tightened his grip on her hand. He didn't know how or why he knew, but he did. And she could sense his acceptance even before she spoke to him.

She took a breath finally, and dove in. She wasn't sure why, but she wanted to share it with him. Faith wasn't even aware of the tears rolling down her cheeks, as Brad's heart nearly ripped out of his chest as he watched helplessly. He was just as helpless as Jack had been. Jack couldn't stop it at the time. And Brad couldn't take the memory away from her now. All he could do was be there for her, and as always, he was.

“My father molested me when I was a little girl,” she said barely audibly. There was no sound from Brad as he waited for her to go on. “He started when I was about four or five, and did it until he died, when I was ten. I was too scared to tell anyone, because he told me he'd kill me and Jack if I did. So I never told. I tried to tell my mother years later, when we were adults, and she never believed me. Jack found out the year before Dad died, and he threatened him too, if he told. I think it was part of the bond between us. Jack was the only one who ever knew. But I always felt guilty about it, as though it were my fault and not his … as though it made me less than everyone else … or worse … it was hard to forgive myself for it,” she said in an agonized voice, “but finally I did. I think, without even knowing it, that was Alex's hold over me. I felt he had the right to treat me badly or be critical or unkind … I didn't think I deserved better than that. I played right into his hands.” She had looked down for a moment as she explained it to Brad, and when she looked up, she could see that he was crying too. He said not a word to her at first, but pulled her into his arms, and held her tight. Everything he didn't say was in his powerful grip on her. It was a long moment before he could find words for her.

“I'm so sorry, Fred … I'm so sorry … what a rotten thing to carry around with you all those years. I don't know why, but I just suddenly knew before you said anything. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It doesn't make you less … it makes you more … a million times more. What a sick, cruel thing to do to a little girl. Thank God he died.”

“I used to think that too, and then I felt guilty for that. It happens to a lot of kids, I guess. It's a lonely, scary place to be.”

It had impacted her entire life, affected whom she chose to marry, and how she dealt with him and let him treat her for all those years. But Brad's reaction was exactly the one she would have hoped for when she was finally brave enough to speak up. Brad never let her down, unlike Alex, who never failed to disappoint her at every turn and had for so long. Somehow telling Brad and feeling his arms around her vindicated her. She had finally told someone, and he accepted her in spite of it. She was free at last from the chains that had bound her for most of her life. It was an incredible gift he had given her, and they sat there in silence for a long time, as he held her. He was the friend and brother she had always loved, and knew he was, and when she pulled away from him at last, he smiled at her.

“I love you, Fred … I truly, truly love you … what an incredibly wonderful human being you are. And what a goddamn shame you married that asshole instead of me. I really blew that one, kid.” But everything he had said to her that day had been right for her. Telling him had been one of the best things she'd ever done. It was like holding up a mirror, and seeing herself in his eyes. What she saw was the good person who was not to blame for any of it. Not a victim either, or a bad little girl. It was a proud woman who had survived, and deserved love and good things to happen to her. It was exactly the key she needed to unlock the last door to freedom. He had freed her, and she had freed herself. Finally.

“Thank you, Brad. I guess things work out the way they're meant to. You'd probably have been bored if you'd married me.” Faith smiled again. “Besides, marrying you would have been like marrying my brother. Incestuous, to say the least.” Maybe it was better with him like this, as best friends.

“That's what I always thought. Jack told me I should go out with you once, when we were in college, and I thought he was nuts. You were like my kid sister. I was pretty dumb in those days,” he said sheepishly.

“No you weren't.” They sat and talked for a while afterward, easily and comfortably. And then finally he glanced at his watch. He hated to leave her, but he had to, to keep up the charade that he'd come to New York on business, and not just to see her. He didn't want to leave her after what they'd just shared. All he was going to do was lie in his hotel room for two hours, and watch a basketball game, or sleep. But he knew he had to stick to his story, and leave her for a while. He felt closer to her than he ever had, but tried to look casual as he stood up.

“Where do you want to eat tonight?” he asked with a yawn.

“You're going to be a ball of fire at your meeting, if you don't wake up.” She laughed, and he grinned and shook his head. “What about Chinese?” It was as though nothing untoward had happened between them. They were closer than they'd ever been.

“Sounds good to me. I forgot to bring a tie. I figured I'd buy one if you wanted me to wear one to take you out.”

“I figured you'd come in black tie,” she teased, after all his complaints about Pam. All he'd brought was a sport jacket, a pair of slacks, a pair of jeans, and some blue shirts. It was a good look, and he looked handsome as he rolled down his sleeves and pretended he was going to work.

“I'll pick you up at seven o'clock. How's that?” he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head and pulling her close to him.

“Is that enough time for your meeting?” She seemed surprised.

“That'll be enough. We only need to discuss one kid.”

“Must be a very special kid for you to come this far to discuss him for two hours,” she said, as she walked him to the front door. He had said just enough, not too much, and not too little, about the revelations she'd made to him.

“He is,” he confirmed, and then hugged her tight before he left. He walked the two blocks to the hotel, and thought about all she'd said to him, what an amazing woman she was, and what a fool he'd been not to marry her. He wished now that he'd taken a different fork in the road than he had years before. But there was no turning back now. All he could do was make the best of it, and acknowledge the mistake to himself. He couldn't even acknowledge to her that he'd made a mistake. But he looked pensive and sad as he walked into the hotel, thinking of the horrors she'd survived, the love she lavished on everyone in spite of it, and how lucky he was to be her friend.

And all Faith could do was thank God she had finally had the courage to unburden herself and tell him about her father. And Brad had been the right one to tell. It had only strengthened the bond they shared and the love she felt for him. A thousand-pound weight she'd carried for a lifetime had been lifted from her heart.

17

F
AITH AND
B
RAD WENT TO
C
HINESE DINNER THAT NIGHT
He told her about the meeting he'd had, and invented all of it, or borrowed it from a case he had in San Francisco. But all he'd done at the hotel for two hours was sleep. She never suspected it, and was fascinated by the case he described. And after that, they talked about their kids. He was dying to see his sons, and she was anxious to talk to Ellie, after Alex did.

“How do you think she'll take the news?” Brad asked, looking concerned.

“I'm worried that she'll blame me,” Faith confessed. “God knows what Alex will say to her, but he felt that since I told Zoe, he should call Eloise.”

“She's old enough to be fairly sensible about it,” Brad said optimistically.

“Yes, she is, but you never know. This still feels like a nightmare in every way. I can't even wrap my mind around the idea that it's over. Two weeks ago, I was still married, and I thought everything was fine.” In actual fact, it had been sixteen days. “It is kind of like when someone dies … you keep thinking, two days ago they were alive … three weeks ago … two months … and then one day, you look up and it's been years.” They were both thinking of Jack as she said the words.

“Do you want to go to church tomorrow?” they both said at the same time, and she laughed.

“I'd like that a lot. St. Patrick's, or something in the neighborhood?” she asked.

“Let's go to St. Patrick's,” he suggested. “I feel like that's our church,” he said, and offered her a fortune cookie. Hers said she was virtuous and patient and had wisdom beyond her years. His said he was going to make an excellent deal.

“I hate fortune cookies like that,” Faith complained. “I always did. They're so boring. I like the ones that say ‘You will fall in love next week.’ Mine never say that. I guess now I know why.”

“Why is that?” he asked with gentle eyes. Something about her touched him to his very core. She touched his heart.

“Bad luck,” she said, thinking of Alex. Everything that had happened in the past two weeks felt like bad luck to her. Very bad.

“Sometimes bad luck is followed by the best luck of all,” he said quietly.

“Is that a fortune cookie, or did you make that up?” Faith teased, and he noticed that she looked a thousand times better and more relaxed than she had that morning when he'd arrived. She had eaten and exercised, and as always, he'd made her laugh.

“I made it up. But it's true. Sometimes when the worst things happen to you, you don't know it yet, but they're actually making room for great things in your life.”

“Has that happened to you?”

“No, but it has to some people I know. A friend of mine lost his wife four years ago, she was a wonderful woman and he was heartbroken. She died of a brain tumor in six months. And he met the most incredible woman I've ever known. And now he's happy with her. You never know, Fred. You have to believe. It's that thing we talked about… answered prayers … you have to believe that now. You're in for a bumpy stretch of road for a while, and then it'll get better again. Maybe better than you know.”

“I'm glad you came to New York,” Faith said, without answering what he said.

“So am I,” he took her hand across the table and held it tight. “I was worried about you. You sounded terrible for a couple of days.”

“I was terrible. I'm better now. But I guess it'll get nasty for a while. I don't think Alex will play nice.”

“Probably not. Judging by what he's done so far.” And then Brad had a thought. “Do you want a banana split?” It had been her weakness as a kid.

“Now?” She smiled at him. He had been so good to her all day and all night. She felt utterly spoiled and comforted, and loved. It really was like being with Jack. Even better sometimes. “We just ate like pigs.”

“So what? They have great ones at Serendipity. I'll share one with you.”

“It's a good thing you don't live here,” she said, laughing at him. “I'd be as big as a house. Yeah, what the hell. Why not?”

He paid the check and they hopped in a cab, and went to East Sixtieth Street. The place was jammed, it was Saturday night, but they found a small round table for them under a Tiffany lamp, and Brad ordered a banana split and two spoons. It arrived with whipped cream and nuts, and chocolate sauce, and strawberries, three flavors of ice cream, and bananas hanging over the edge of the bowl, and they dove in. Brad couldn't believe how much she ate, particularly considering what she'd already had.

“I'm going to get sick if I don't stop,” she threatened, and then had two more bites. She could never resist a banana split.

“If you're going to get sick on me, then you'd better stop. Friendship only goes so far,” he warned, and they both laughed. It had been fun. They were laughing about stories from when they were kids. He reminded her of when she had played a trick on them and told their girlfriends they were out with other girls. They'd almost killed her when they found out. She'd been mad about something and did it to get even with them. They were fourteen and she'd been twelve. “Why the hell did you do that?” Brad asked with a grin as he paid the check.