Antebellum (52 page)

Mama laughed out loud as SaTia looked at me as if I was a newfound fool.

“Moses, do we need to take you back to the hospital? Are you feeling okay?”

“I'm fine, SaTia. You don't have to ask me that anymore, okay?
Look, I love you. I've loved you since high school. And if you ain't love me, you wouldn't have put up with me for as long as you have.”

Big Mama set the hot skillet on top of the table to listen to our conversation. I ignored the smell of the burning tablecloth as I went on.

“I wasn't ready for you before. Now I am. So let me take you out.”

I watched SaTia transform in front of my eyes. She began with the shocked eyes and mouth wide open look that I'd expected. But as she slowly sat back in her chair, the realization that I was serious seemed to fall over her like a fog, and before I knew it, she had reached into a hidden place inside herself and brought Ella out to meet me.

“You were hiding her,” I said as if I'd just seen a magic trick.

By the time SaTia got relaxed and comfortable, she didn't have to say a word. Her eyes, her moves, and her body said it all.

This was the SaTia that Da Nigga never got to see.

“What makes you think you're ready for me now?” Her voice sounded like sex on a bed full of roses. I had to remind myself that my mother and grandmother were still in the room.

“It's not a thought,” I responded matter-of-factly. “It's a promise. I can handle whatever you got, and still be your king when the sun comes up.”

She was impressed. I could tell by the notes in her laughter and the shift of her legs.

“So, you gonna let me take you out?” I pressed.

“Yeah, I guess,” she said nonchalantly, as if the subject had suddenly become unimportant. “I don't have anything else to do.”

“Actually, you do. You gotta manage the career of the biggest rap star in the world during a transition that'll probably make 'im lose all his fans.”

“Yeah, well, I've got that...but that's it.”

I leaned forward to her and lost myself. “Marry me.”

“Why?”

“Cause you're my mic.”

“What happened to waiting?”

“Who has the time?”

“You've been in a coma for six months.”

“Exactly.”

“You said I didn't know you anymore.”

“I was wrong.”

“I know you were.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Where would the fun have been in that? I'd have missed you bending over backwards trying to introduce me to someone I already knew.”

I shook my head, amazed by the woman.

“Marry me,” I repeated.

“I married you when I took this job, Moses. You just never bought the ring.”

She leaned forward and laid her lips on mine. For a moment, I thought I'd been shot in the chest again.

When she pulled away, I could see the vulnerability in her eyes.

“If you hurt me...”

“Then you'd survive, 'cause you're that strong. I wouldn't. So I can't.”

“Moses...”

“I told you, you're my mic. No one hears me unless I'm with you.”

“Is that enough?”

“It is now.”

THUD! THUD! THUD!

Three solid strikes sounded at the front door, and I saw a blur pass outside the kitchen window and head toward the front door.

The mercenary
, I thought to myself.
Man, he was there the whole time!

Instantly, SaTia and I fell back into our normal roles.

“Oh! Moses, I forgot to tell you that the guys were coming back over. I had planned to tell you at the table but I forgot.”

“It's cool. Is that them?”

“I hope so.”

I got up and walked out of the kitchen. My protector was standing off to the side of the door. He held his pistol with one hand, and moved the cover to the peephole with the other as he cautiously looked through.

“It's your colleagues from yesterday, sir. The same three men.”

“Okay, they can come in.”

The soldier swiftly opened the door, letting Ray, Brian, and Henry back into the house, and then stepped off to the side and talked into his radio.

“Packman, this is Alpha, come in.”

“Packman here.”

“Why was I not notified of the three men coming to the door?”

“1800 hours, Alpha. We off the clock and ready to roll. Waitin' for you in the truck.”

The soldier they called Alpha held the radio up to his mouth, but didn't say anything. The news had taken him by surprise, and it seemed as if he was struggling to decide what to do. I looked at him for a while, and then followed my friends back into the living room. SaTia sat with her laptop out, ready to take notes. When I walked in, she kept her eyes on her computer screen.

Brian got comfortable on the couch and looked up at SaTia.

“How's Moses doin'?”

“I'm good,” I answered.

Ray stood too fast and ended up falling backward out of his seat. Henry missed his chair entirely. They both hit the ground and popped right up together.

“What the hell!” They sounded like a duet.

“Yeah, he started talking last night, fellas,” SaTia said. “He's actually had a lot to say since the last time you saw him.”

Brian hadn't quite closed his mouth yet. He looked at me as if he was looking at a ghost.

“Mo...Moses?”

“Yeah, dogg, it's me. You seen me yesterday; why y'all actin' so crazy?”

“Nigga, you wasn't talkin' yesterday! You was goin' around pointin' at stuff like a retard!”

I felt the red lines coming back into my vision, but SaTia grabbed my arm and massaged my hand.

“He doesn't know, Moses,” she whispered.

She was right. I closed my eyes and felt my anger fade.

“You aight, man?” Brian noticed that something was bothering me. “Yo, I ain't mean nothin' serious by the retard thing, man. I'm jus' sayin'...it's...it's good to hear your voice again, my nigga... that's all.”

I had to laugh at him. He meant well. “It's all good.”

“Yo!” Henry made his way to the middle of the floor with excitement written all over his face. “Yo, we can hit da streets for real now, cuz! My mans is back and in full effect! Yo, we 'bout ta turn dis whole world upside down!”

“Slow down, homie, slow down!” I stood and placed my hand on Henry's shoulder. “We gotta talk first, man. Things ain't da same as they used to be.”

“What's changed?” My friends' excitement quickly turned into nervous curiosity as they sat down.

“Well, first, I can't do—”

“Ah, excuse me, sir.”

I looked over to see that the lead soldier was standing directly to my left. I was too curious to be annoyed. “Yeah, what's up?”

“I...ahh...well...”

It was weird seeing him stumble over his words as if I was watching a law of nature being broken.

“Ah...the contract that you all had with my company...the time has expired on it.”

“Oh, yes, I know,” SaTia said, and turned around and looked at the soldier from her seat. “I've got another outfit on the way. They aren't as impressive, but they're a lot less expensive. I just wanted to make sure that we had over and above what we needed getting out of the hospital and staying our first night in the house. Tell Mr. Tooley I said thank you, and that you all did an outstanding job.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

We all waited in awkward silence as the soldier refused to move. SaTia pulled up the contract on her laptop and looked it over one last time. “Did I forget anything?” she asked.

“No, ma'am.” The soldier continued to look uneasy.

“Well...can we help you with anything else?”

The commander took a deep breath.

“Ma'am, as soldiers we're trained to follow our instincts. No matter what happens, if our guts tell us something, we listen to them. I've lived and operated under that premise, and it's kept me alive more times than I can count.”

“Okay?” I knew he was going somewhere, but I couldn't figure it out.

“I heard your story last night.”

It was my turn to take a deep breath. This was the first time anyone had brought it up directly since I'd told it. “I know.”

“I didn't want to believe you.”

I laughed.

“I don't think they wanted to believe me, either,” I said, motioning toward my mother, Big Mama, and SaTia.

“Was it true, sir?”

I looked in his eyes and saw the same conflict that I'd seen when he'd spoken with his fellow soldiers over the radio.

“Yeah, yeah, it was true.”

The soldier nodded and his eyes focused on the floor. Finally, as he resolved in his mind what he wanted, he straightened his back, lifted his head, and turned into a stone wall again. “Sir, I'd like to stay on your detail.”

“What? What are you talkin' about?”

SaTia pulled my arm.

“I think he's saying he wants to stay here and keep protecting you.”

I looked at the soldier with disbelief. “That's not what you're saying, is it?”

“Yes, sir, it is.”

“But you gotta get orders from your boss, right?”

“I'd like to work for you exclusively, sir.”

“So, you want me to hire you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you're gonna quit your job?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Don't you have a family or somethin' that you need to discuss this with?”

The soldier's eyes glazed over as he tried to focus on something else in the room.

“No. No, sir, I don't.”

He was trying to hide his sadness, but I'd seen too much of it on
the plantation not to recognize it. I quickly asked another question.

“Well, how you know I can afford you?”

“It doesn't matter, sir. I'm following my gut, as I was trained to do. My gut tells me that you need me here. And, well, that I need to be here.”

“Why do you need to be here?”

“I don't know yet, sir. You remind me of someone.”

I looked at SaTia, who shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, and then I returned my focus to the mercenary.

“I'm not sure what you tryin' to do, man.”

“I'm choosing my own mission, sir. You can accept or decline as you see fit, but I'm offering my services.”

Everyone was quiet as I thought it through. This could easily be some kind of trap or set up, and if it was, I was falling right into it. But if it wasn't, then this guy, whoever he was, connected with my story. It had struck him enough to want to be a part of whatever I was doing.

I decided that he was worth taking a chance on. “Aight then,” I replied to the soldier. “I accept.”

“Thank you, sir.”

The soldier picked up his radio.

“Alpha to Packman, come in.”

“Packman here. Still waiting on you, Alpha.”

“Not coming. Tell Tooley I quit.”

“Come again, Alpha?”

“You boys leave without me. I got another outfit now. Over.”

“Okay, Alpha...so you just want us to leave you here, over?”

“Affirmative. Go home. It was a pleasure working with you.”

“Red Eagle, Alpha! Red Eagle!”

“No! Red Eagle is docked and locked! I am not in distress. Repeat, not in distress!”

“Don't understand Alpha, over.”

“You won't. It's code green, here. You boys leave now; that's an order.”

There was silence on the other end for a while before the uncertain voice came through once more.

“Departing now, over. Hope you know what you're doing, Alpha.”

The soldier put his radio down and looked at me. “Should I go back to post, sir?”

“Well, no, hold up a minute. If you're gonna work for me, then we gotta know each other's names. I cain't get with all that ‘sir' stuff. I'm Moses.”

“I'm Xavier, sir. Xavier Turner.”

“It's good to meet you. Stop calling me sir.”

“Yes, sss...ah...okay.”

I turned and looked at Ray, Henry, and Brian. “Looks like we got another squad member,” I said.

Ray sat up in his seat with his nose turned up.

“Whateva, I don't know dat nigga.”

I slammed my hand down on the table without realizing it, and everyone in the room jumped except for Xavier.

“Aight, look.” My anger came so quickly that my voice surprised me.

“Calm down, Moses,” SaTia tried to whisper, but it wasn't an effective effort.

“Now's a great time to talk 'bout what things is the same, and what things is different,” I said. I had a hard time trying to get the fire out of my voice, but the flames eventually died down to embers. “First off, don't nobody use the word nigga in my presence no more.”

“Hold on, what?” Henry sat up in his seat and scratched his head. “Don't say nigga? That don't make no sense!”

“Look, you don't know what happened, aight? When I was in the coma...”

I started to reach for the back of my shirt, and then stopped. I looked into Ray, Brian, and Henry's eyes as they looked back at me with various emotions ink-blotted on their faces. I realized they wouldn't understand my explanation. I could talk another whole day about where I'd been and what had happened to me, but in the end, they wouldn't get it. They'd hear my story, and maybe even believe it, but they wouldn't understand it.

It was then that I realized how valuable Xavier really was.

Sadly, I dropped the back of my shirt, covering my scars up once again.

“Look, I just ain't with the word no more, aight? I'm not tryin' to hear it no more.”

“But how you jus' gonna up and say we can't say nigga no more?” Brian chimed in with slight agitation. “It's your name, man!””

“Look, you can say whatever you wanna say when you not 'round me.” I looked at Brian, unmoved by his sentiment. “When I'm around, though, you can't say it. Like I said, I ain't feelin' it no more.”