Antonia's Bargain (17 page)

He shrugged into his coat and settled it over his broad shoulders. “I’ve realized that

allowing someone to make love to you requires trust. And trust has to go both ways.”

He turned to face her. “I would do everything in my power to stop you getting

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pregnant, but I might not succeed. Would you turn on me then and hate me as your

mother hated your father?”

He held her gaze, his blue eyes steady. “If we conceived a child together, I would

welcome it without reservation. But I’m not prepared to stand by and watch another

woman kill herself rather than carry a child.”

He kissed her forehead and handed her back the key. “I love you, Antonia but I fear

even that is not enough.” He walked toward the window, leaving her by the bed. She

bit her lip as he disappeared over the sill and faded into the blackness.

She gazed at the faint indentation on her bedcovers and the sheath he had left there.

Was he right? Was she too afraid to ever trust anyone with her love and her body? She

sank to her knees and started to sob. The sound almost a keening for something lost

beyond recall.

Gideon had understood her to the last. He’d ripped apart all her illusions about

what she wanted and shown her the frightened girl who still watched helplessly as her

mother walked into the lake and drowned.

And now she was alone with that memory and the horrible sensation that she had

just lost more than she would ever know.

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Chapter Ten

In the soft dawn light, the lake looked peaceful and untouched. A group of ancient

willow trees bent over the water like maidens washing their long hair. Blackbirds sang

challenges to neighbors and larks swooped overhead to greet the new day. Antonia sat

on the bank and hugged her knees to her chest. There were no ghosts here. No sense of

her mother and the frightened girl she had been. She closed her eyes and tried to

picture her mother’s expression as she slid beneath the water. Calmness and acceptance.

As if she had finally found peace.

Her home was as tranquil and welcoming as ever but it was no longer her refuge. It

hadn’t taken her long to realize that meeting Gideon had changed her too much to ever

allow her to return to her old life. He’d understood that she trusted him long before she

had admitted it. After understanding that, it was but a short step to acknowledging that

she was wrong to run away from him.

Antonia couldn’t imagine giving up like her mother had. She stared at a pair of

swans as they waddled up to the edge of the lake, awkward on land but transformed

after their first smooth glide into the water. Swans mated for life. Was it possible for

people to do the same?

A month in the tranquil countryside at her home on the Gower had brought her to

this place and this decision. If she had any chance to redeem her life, it had to be now.

She couldn’t change the past but she was no longer prepared to let it ruin her future.

She tensed as a horse neighed close by. The soft sound of booted feet on the cobblestone

path behind her made her close her eyes.

“Am I welcome, then?”

She opened her eyes to stare up at Gideon. He looked tired, purple shadows under

his eyes and a day’s growth of golden beard on his jaw. His boots were muddy and his

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cloak splashed with dirt. She’d only sent the letter a week ago. He must have ridden

like the devil to get to her so quickly.

“Of course you are welcome.”

He came down on one knee, a posy of wildflowers in his hand. His thick cloak

billowed out around him in the soft breeze as he laid the flowers at her feet. Dappled

light through the willow trees gave his face an intensity she found hard to ignore.

“I’m still afraid, Gideon.”

He smiled and took her hands in his. “So am I.” He glanced around the secluded

lake and laid his cloak on the ground. “I think this is the perfect spot, don’t you?”

She swallowed as he leaned forward and kissed her, his mouth warm and full of

promises. She opened to him, let him explore, possess and enchant her with his scent

and taste. With a groan he deepened the kiss and drew her into his arms.

His hands encircled her waist until she was pressed against him from shoulder to

knee. She could feel his erection hot and hard through the thin muslin of her gown and

petticoats. He kissed her throat, slid her bodice sleeves down her arms and caressed her

breasts.

“You have no corset on. Were you expecting someone?”

She smiled at his quizzical expression. “I rarely wear a corset in the country.” She

glanced down at her small breasts cupped in his hands. “It’s not as if I need one.”

His mouth surrounded her right breast, concentrating on her nipple as he sucked

and molded her flesh. God, she had missed him so much. In a hurry now she helped

him out of his garments until only his breeches remained. She was also bared to the

waist, her skimpy dress pushed down, her nipples hard and rosy from his mouth and

fingers.

She stroked his chest, ran her fingers down his back until he shivered and kissed

her again. A wave of intense longing engulfed her as he slid a hand up her thigh and

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pressed against the heat of her sex. She opened her legs gladly for him. Whimpered as

he stroked her and slid his fingers inside.

“When do you bleed?”

His fingers kept up their rocking motion and made it hard for her to speak. “In two

days.” His growl of satisfaction reverberated against her mouth, blocking further

words.

He laid her down on his cloak and knelt between her thighs, pushing them wide so

that her pussy was completely exposed to his heated gaze. He flicked her swollen bud

with his finger. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

She groaned as he hooked her thighs over his shoulders and licked her sex with

long, greedy laps, his tongue rough and demanding on her already aroused flesh. Her

cream flowed to join the wetness of his tongue until the smell of her arousal rose

around them. She dug her nails into his arms as she spiraled toward a climax.

As she came, he thrust his fingers back inside her, worked them deeper and wider

as his mouth still pleasured her. She felt overwhelmed with desire, desperate for every

new sensation he gave her. She cried out when she came again, mindlessly pushing her

hips forward, grinding her sex into his face.

When she stopped trembling, he sat back on his heels, his face wet with her cream.

His breeches bulged at the front as his cock pressed against the buckskin. Slowly she

reached up and ran her finger down the length of his shaft. His pupils dilated until his

eyes looked almost black.

He licked his lips and followed the movement of her fingers over his cock. What

would he do if she changed her mind again and was truly too terrified to take him

inside her? He tried to ignore the urgent press of his flesh and the need to possess her.

Her letter had said only that she had changed her mind and wanted to stop being a

coward. Was she strong enough to go through with it?

Did it matter?

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A sense of peace flooded through him as he looked down at her.

“You don’t have to do this, Antonia. We can make love in other ways.” He realized

he meant it. “I’d rather have you as my wife than any other woman. And if that means

keeping to your bargain, I will agree.”

He thought about never having sex again. Never having a child. It no longer

seemed important. He loved her and intended to be faithful.

She smiled up at him, her expression thoughtful. “If I deny you my bed, will you

simply fill my place with a man?”

“If you become my wife, why would I ever need to do that?”

She brushed the corner of his mouth with her fingertip. “But I would be forcing you

to deny a part of yourself that I find particularly intriguing.”

He struggled to keep some blood in his brain as the rest deserted him for his cock.

“You would allow me to bed men?”

“Only if you allowed me to watch.”

Gideon closed his eyes as Antonia flattened her fingers over his shaft.

Damnation, he wanted to move his hips, seek the pressure of her touch. He gritted

his teeth against the ache in his balls and stiff cock. With a cry of exasperation, she

ripped at the buttons of his breeches and he yelped.

“Gideon, it’s very sweet of you to be so noble but I want you. I want you now while

my courage lasts.” She sighed as his cock emerged from the ripped top of his breeches.

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Are you sure?”

“I refuse to live in the past. I don’t want to end up like my mother, too scared to

face the future and too desperate to change it.”

He stripped off his breeches and boots and knelt naked between her thighs. His

hands trembled as he carefully slid the French letter over his cock and tightened the

ribbons. His shaft jerked as Antonia stroked him.

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Grasping his cock in one hand, he positioned himself close to her wet and

welcoming sex. Damn, he felt like a virgin himself. He stared into her eyes and saw

there only open invitation and shy desire. He slid in until the crown of his cock met the

resistance of her maidenhead.

He wanted to thrust and make her his completely but he held back, kissing her

mouth, fondling her swollen clit until she started to convulse around him. Catching a

hand in her hair, he held her passion-filled gaze.

“This is your last chance to say me nay. I will try and pull out if I can, but

sometimes it’s difficult.” She didn’t respond, all her attention on his shaft. “It might

hurt for a moment, trust me.”

He pressed forward, past the thin barrier until he was sheathed inside her. She lay

quiet beneath him, her muscles rigid. Her nails dug into his back.

“Are you all right?”

Would she panic now the deed was done? Would she follow her mother into the

loneliness and silence of the lake?

She slowly opened her dove-gray eyes. It was like looking into paradise.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered.

His throat tightened as he began to move slowly within her. He watched her face,

waiting for her to lose herself in her passion again. She brought her legs up around his

hips and planted her heels in his buttocks, holding him deep with her. It was enough to

make him buck against her, driving her forward now, commanding her body to release

its secrets to him and him alone.

She cried out, the sound muffled by the urgent press of his mouth and he felt his

balls tighten, ready to come. With all his strength, he reached down between their

bodies and made sure the sheath was still tightly fitted to his cock before he allowed

himself to let go.

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A flood of pleasure shuddered through him as he came so hard he thought the top

of his cock might explode. He remembered to pull out and groped for the French letter

to make sure it hadn’t split. With a rugged sigh, he rolled onto his back and brought

Antonia with him. She fitted against his chest, her head tucked under his chin as if she

belonged there.

“Will you marry me, Antonia?”

She kissed his shoulder. “Yes, if you will have me, although you should know that

my cousin might refuse me my inheritance if he doesn’t approve of you as a potential

husband.”

Gideon smiled. “His approval only matters if it matters to you, my love. Otherwise

we can tell him to go hang himself. I don’t need your money and I promise to allow you

to spend all of mine.”

He settled her more comfortably in his arms, admired the way the light stippled her

rosy skin. “I’m glad you’ve decided to marry me, because I have already made plans for

our wedding night. After we’ve consummated our love in our marriage bed, I’m taking

you out to a cockfight.”

She reared up on one elbow and regarded him. “In my gentleman’s attire, I

assume?”

“Naturally. And on our way home, I intend to coax you up against a wall and show

you a real fighting cock.”

Her eyes widened and she stroked his shoulder. “Gideon, you are full of surprises.”

He sighed. “No, my dear, you are. I never thought I would find a woman I would

feel comfortable with. Or who would put up with my peculiar tendencies.”

“I love you, Gideon. Just as you are because you love me.”

He held her gaze. “And that is truly the best gift of all, isn’t it?” He remembered his

first sight of her face, swathed in another woman’s silk stocking, the humor and

courage behind her bold stare. He kissed her swollen mouth and glanced up at the sky

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to judge the time. They still had a while before anyone would come looking for them.

His cock thickened against her belly and he sat up.

“I have several more French letters in my pocket. It seems a shame to waste them.”

Antonia rolled off him and went to investigate his coat pockets. He came up behind

her and guided her forward onto her hands and knees. His hands cupped her breasts as

his shaft rubbed against the small of her back. His lovemaking was as wonderful as she