Any Way You Want It (15 page)

Zandra fought not to laugh, but it escaped anyway. She’d never been one to bask in the misfortunes of others, but seeing Tawny and Kevin today made her grateful that she
had
been ditched on prom night.

As the band returned to the stage, Zandra settled more comfortably against Remy’s chest. When he leaned over her, she raised her face to his. They shared a slow, steamy upside-down kiss that had her insides clenching with pleasure.

When Roderick and Lena whistled encouragingly, Remy and Zandra pulled apart and smiled softly at each other.

After the concert, they left the park and headed to Royce and Bernadette Brand’s home in Hyde Park, where the rest of the family had gathered for a summer cookout. Holding hands, the two couples made their way through the beautifully furnished house to reach the French doors leading out to the lushly landscaped backyard.

The scene that greeted them sent a wave of nostalgia through Zandra.

Remy’s parents and grandparents lounged companionably on the wraparound brick patio, sipping lemonade and laughing quietly. Flame and smoke billowed from the grill, where Royce flipped thick steaks and burgers while joking raucously with River and Racquel. Dozing on the ground near the outdoor fireplace was the family’s presciently named cocker spaniel, Zeus, who’d long surpassed his breed’s life expectancy.

Robyn and her husband, Harper, chased their four young children around the sprawling yard, while Royce’s handsome sons tossed a football back and forth.

Observing the idyllic scene filled Zandra with a poignant sense of homecoming.

The Brands’ summer barbecues had been one of the few highlights of her childhood. She’d looked forward to them the way most kids looked forward to Christmas. They were always held on a Saturday afternoon, the day after Royce Senior received his bonus from the steel mill where he worked. Though money had been tight, he’d always set aside funds to buy plenty of meat for grilling.

On the day of the cookouts, Zandra would rush through her chores, then race down the street to Remy’s house. The outside may have appeared as old and rickety as her own, but unlike her home, the Brand residence was filled with love, laughter and warmth. It had truly been a
home.

Sometimes Zandra’s mother had accompanied her to the cookouts. Her father rarely came, and for that she’d been grateful. His surly presence would have ruined her enjoyment of the festivities, and he’d always seemed intimidated by Royce and Desmond Brand, a sense of inadequacy he would later take out on Zandra’s mother.

Whenever she’d gone on vacation with the Brands, she’d liked to pretend that she was a member of their family, that Remy and his siblings were her brothers and sisters. And as much as she’d loved and adored her mother, she’d often wished—secretly—that Royce and Bernadette were her parents. She knew Royce would never lay a hand on his wife or children, would never cause them to dread the very sound of his voice.

The Brands had always been there for Zandra, cheering her on at every important event, giving her the strength and courage to believe that she could transcend the horrors of her home life. If Racquel’s high school graduation hadn’t coincided with Zandra’s college commencement ceremony, the Brands would have found a way to make it to England to show their support.

Zandra’s mother and grandmother were gone, but they hadn’t left her without a family.

The Brands were her family. Always had been. Always would be.

When she appeared on the patio, they greeted her with such affectionate enthusiasm, she almost forgot that they’d recently vacationed together in the Caribbean. After she kissed Remy’s parents and grandparents, she sauntered over to the grill and laughed as Royce caught her, lifted her off the ground and swung her around before setting her back on her feet.

“Hey, baby girl.” He playfully tweaked her nose. “You’re just in time to be served the first burger, hot off the grill.”

“Oh, no,” Zandra protested, patting her stomach. “After the way I stuffed myself at the Taste, I couldn’t possibly eat another thing.”

Royce guffawed. “When has Za-Za ever turned down food?”

She grinned sheepishly as everyone laughed. Her huge appetite had been a running joke in the family for as long as she could remember. She loved to eat, and even now she couldn’t deny that her mouth was watering at the aroma of steaks, burgers and hot dogs sizzling on the grill.

Royce grabbed a paper plate. “Let me hook you up with a burger.”

She surrendered with a sigh. “Okay. If you insist.” She paused. “While you’re at it, add two of those beef kabobs.”

Royce laughed uproariously. “That’s my girl.”

Edging closer, River hummed appreciatively. “I don’t know where you’re putting all that food, Za,” he drawled, slowly looking her over, “but it sure ends up in all the right places.”

Remy scowled and slapped the back of his brother’s head, drawing another round of laughter from everyone.

Gathered on the large brick patio, they spent the rest of the afternoon feasting on Royce’s mouthwatering barbecue, grilled corn on the cob, and Robyn’s scrumptious pasta and potato salads. They teased one another, howled with laughter and chattered animatedly, several conversations often running at once. When Zeus roused himself from his nap and sidled up to the table, Mackenzie snuck scraps of food into his mouth, and was gently scolded by her mother.

“Aw, leave the child alone, Robyn,” Royce Senior interjected. “You and your siblings used to feed Zeus human food all the time, and it certainly never hurt him. Heck, that ol’ hound might outlive us all.”

Everyone laughed in agreement.

Throughout the boisterous meal, even when Zandra wasn’t looking at Remy, she knew that he watched her. She felt the naked heat of his gaze as palpably as she felt the sun on her skin, and it made her shiver every time.

She didn’t appreciate the way he’d manipulated her into accompanying him to London. But she hadn’t wanted to call his bluff by daring him to take Noelani instead. She knew he would have gone through with it, if for no other reason than to torment her. And she definitely would have been tormented as she imagined him wining and dining Noelani and making love to her with the same passion and intensity he’d unleashed upon Zandra.

But she knew jealousy hadn’t been the only motivating factor in her decision to go away with Remy. The truth was that she wanted to be with him. Wanted it more than she should have.

She didn’t know where their relationship was headed. She’d been telling herself that they were just two old friends enjoying a casual summer fling, one that allowed them to satisfy each other’s sexual needs without expecting or demanding more.

But as she held Remy’s gaze across the table, she knew that their summer fling was becoming so much more than that.

And it terrified her like nothing ever had before.

Because this was Remy, the man who knew her better than any other man she’d ever known. If anyone could hurt her, if anyone could deal a mortal blow to her fractured soul, it was Remy.

As day drifted into evening, Zandra found herself curled up on the cushioned wicker sofa between Bernadette and Grandma Eleanor.

After dinner, Racquel had left to meet a date for drinks, while Robyn had escorted her brood inside the house to watch a movie. Lena had followed, yawning hugely as she rubbed her full belly and joked about needing a nap. At the other end of the patio, Royce Senior and Papa Desmond were huddled intently over a chessboard, oblivious to the rowdy shouts and laughter coming from the yard where the rest of the men were playing football.

Zandra watched as Royce’s son, Parker, hiked the ball to Remy, who dropped back, scanned the yard for his receiver and lobbed a deep spiral that River caught for a touchdown. Remy laughed and pumped his fist as River swaggered over, and the two brothers celebrated with macho chest bumps and high fives. Then Remy walked over to their other nephew, Rocco, the defender who’d gotten burned. He consoled the sulking boy, affectionately rubbing the back of his head until Rocco relented with a surly grin.

The scene had Zandra’s lips curving with amused pleasure.

Bernadette sighed contentedly. “It’s wonderful to see Remy looking so happy and relaxed again.”

“Umm-hmm,” Grandma Eleanor agreed. “Does my heart good.”

Bernadette affectionately patted Zandra’s arm. “And we have this young lady
right
here to thank.”

Eleanor beamed. “We sure do.”

Zandra’s face heated. “But I, um, haven’t done anything.”

The two women shared a knowing chuckle. “Sure you haven’t.”

Zandra blushed harder, suddenly wishing she’d gone inside with Robyn and Lena when she had the chance.

Bernadette continued warmly, “Ever since we came back from St. Lucia, Remy’s been like a new man. I’m not going to pry,” she glided on when Zandra opened her mouth. “You and Remy are grown, so it’s none of my business what goes on behind your closed doors. But whatever happened must have been good, because he hasn’t stopped smiling since.”

Just when Zandra thought her face couldn’t get any hotter, Eleanor waggled a warning finger at her. “Just make sure I get my wedding before you start popping out pretty babies.”

Zandra groaned and covered her face with her hands as the two women dissolved into laughter.

“No one’s popping out any babies, Grandma,” she mumbled.

“I don’t know,” Eleanor intoned slyly. “Roderick told me you two looked
mighty
cozy at the festival. Like bona fide lovebirds.”

Zandra uncovered her face to glower across the yard at Roderick, who was grinning and pointing at Remy as they lined up opposite each other at the line of scrimmage.

Bernadette laughed, squeezing her hand. “Don’t be mad at Roderick. He’s just glad to see his twin acting like his old self again.”

Eleanor nodded. “We all are.”

Zandra couldn’t help smiling as she watched the two brothers taunting and roughly shoving at each other, sweat glistening on their faces and muscled biceps.

“We all remember how Remy was after he got discharged,” Bernadette reflected with a mother’s quiet pain. “Came home like a wounded bear. Hurt my heart to see him like that.”

Eleanor sighed. “Me, too. He was so lost and depressed. And he wouldn’t talk to anyone, barely even Roderick.”

“He shut me out, too,” Zandra murmured, still feeling the sting of Remy’s rejection three years later. She’d wanted to be there for him the way he’d been there for her after her mother’s death. But he’d rarely returned her phone calls or emails, and if she ventured to his apartment to see how he was doing, he’d come to the door wearing a fearsome scowl and several days’ worth of dark stubble on his jaw. He was brusque with her. A cold, distant stranger she hadn’t recognized. Unable to get through to him, and afraid to push him too far, she’d eventually backed off to give him space to work through his demons, because that was something she knew all about.

“He was devastated,” Bernadette said gently, as if to console Zandra. “You remember how much he’d always wanted to be a SEAL.”

“I remember.” Zandra smiled quietly at the memory of walking home from school one day with Remy and Roderick.

“I’m gonna be a Navy SEAL when I grow up,” Remy boasted.

She wrinkled her nose, puzzled. “What’s a seal?”

“The baddest soldiers in the world!”

Eleanor remarked softly, “Starting his own company definitely helped pull him through.”

“It did,” Zandra agreed.

When Remy landed his first client, he’d showed up at her office bearing two dozen pink roses—her favorite color—and the sweetest smile she’d ever seen. He’d humbly apologized for his boorish behavior and told her that he missed her friendship.

She’d melted, of course. But he’d always known how to melt her.

Bernadette smiled at Zandra, as if she’d intercepted her thoughts. “Not even running his own company has made him as happy as we’ve seen him these past few weeks.”

“Umm-hmm,” Eleanor agreed. “That’s true.”

Zandra didn’t want to get their hopes up any higher than they already were. So she smiled and offered diplomatically, “Remy and I are enjoying a new...chapter of our friendship. Operative word being
friendship.
”

As if he’d picked up on her comment, Remy suddenly glanced toward the patio.

When their eyes met, the possessive heat of his gaze sent shivers racing down her spine.

After a breathless moment, he winked at her before jogging off to huddle with his teammates.

Zandra pretended not to notice the knowing, conspiratorial smiles that passed between Bernadette and Grandma Eleanor.

Chapter Fifteen

“Y
ou’re not going to believe what I just did.”

“Uh-oh,” Zandra intoned, cell phone pressed to her ear as she sat on the table in one of her gynecologist’s examination rooms. She was waiting for Dr. Gill, who had just begun Zandra’s exam when she was paged and had to step out to take the call. Shortly afterward, Zandra’s cell had rung.

“What did you do, Skylar?”

Her friend sighed. “Well, I stopped by your office this afternoon to take you out to lunch, but I forgot that you had a gyno appointment today. So just as I was about to leave, the door opened and in walked this
god.
Piercing blue eyes, black hair, granite jaw. Stop-your-heart, drop-your-panties gorgeous.”

Zandra’s eyes narrowed. “Was he a client?”

“A new one. Christine had gone to the restroom, so he asked me whether I could help him. Oh, my God, why did he do that? I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t work there, and the next thing I knew, I was setting up a date with him.”

Zandra groaned. “Damn it, Sky.”

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, Zandra, but I just couldn’t help myself. He’s
sooo
damn hot. And, honestly, I didn’t think he’d believe that I was one of your escorts.”

Zandra frowned. “Why not?”

“Well,” Skylar said wistfully, “I know I’m not tall and leggy like your other girls—”

“Oh, stop it. You know you’re gorgeous. You’ve got the face of Jessica Biel and the body of Salma Hayek. Besides, not all of my escorts are tall and leggy. Claudia is petite and a voluptuous size twelve, and clients love her. Anyway,
what
am I gonna do with you?”

Skylar gave a lascivious chuckle. “I don’t know, but I can tell you what I want that hottie to do with me. Over and over and over again.”

“Skylar!”

“What?”

“You can’t go out with him.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?”
Zandra echoed incredulously. “Because he obviously went to the office looking to book an escort, and unless I missed something,
you’re
not one of my escorts.”

“Oh, please let me have him, Zandra,” Skylar begged. “Please, oh, please, oh,
pleeeaaase.
”

Zandra couldn’t help laughing. “Listen to you. You sound like a child begging for a new toy.”

“If you’d seen this particular toy,” Skylar purred, “you’d be begging, too.”

Zandra frowned. “Sky—”

“Please, Zandra? Pretty please?”

She heaved an exasperated breath, shaking her head at an anatomical diagram of a vagina. Damn Skylar and her raging libido.

“You can’t sleep with him, Sky,” she warned sternly. “You’re only supposed to provide companionship, not sex.”

“Aw, man,” her friend pouted.

“I mean it. If you want to pose as one of my girls, you have to play by my rules.”

She heard grumbling on the other end.

“By the way,” Zandra demanded, “where was Christine when all this deception was taking place?”

“I told you, she went to the bathroom. She was in there for a long time—must have had the runs or something. Anyway, by the time she came out, Jonah was already gone.”

“That’s the client’s name? Jonah?”

“Yes. Jonah Spanier.” Skylar gave a dreamy sigh.

“I’ll need to run his background check just to make this transaction legit.”

“Oh, he left all his information. I figured I should, ah, keep it from Christine until you gave the all-clear. Oh, and I told him my name was Brigitte, just in case he calls to follow up.”

“Brigitte?”

“Yeah. Like Brigitte Bardot. You know that’s always been my dream name.”

Zandra frowned, shaking her head. “I can’t believe I’m even considering this,” she muttered.

“Oh, come on, Zandra. I can impersonate one of your escorts. I’m well educated, I speak French and I’m up on world events. I’m demure and ladylike—”

Zandra snorted.

“—and you just said I’m gorgeous.”

“You are,” Zandra grumbled. “Crazy as hell, but yeah, gorgeous.”

“See? I’m qualified for the job. So what do you say?”

Zandra wavered.

“Please, Zandra? I’ll never ask another favor again. Well, not for a while at least.”

“Fine,” Zandra relented. “You can go out with him. But just remember my rule, Sky. No sex—no exceptions. Got that?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Skylar said in a singsong voice.

“Let me know how everything goes.”

“Oh, you
know
I will,” Skylar purred.

Zandra ended the call and shook her head in exasperated disbelief.

What the hell have I just gotten myself into?

Hearing voices outside the room, she returned her phone to her handbag on the chair and climbed back onto the table just as the door opened and her gynecologist walked back in.

“Sorry about that, Zandra. One of my patients just went into labor.”

“Oh, wow,” Zandra remarked. “That’s wonderful. Do you need to leave?”

“Not right away. Let me finish your exam first.”

Dr. Gill was an attractive fortysomething woman with a short natural and smooth brown skin. Zandra had always liked and respected her. She was a wife, a mother of three, and very active in her church and community. Though she knew all about Zandra’s escort agency, she’d never expressed disapproval or passed judgment on Zandra. That was rare.

As one of Dr. Gill’s nurses slipped quietly into the room and closed the door, Zandra lay back on the table and tucked her feet into the stirrups.

Dr. Gill spoke to her as she gently eased the plastic speculum inside her, her voice warm and soothing. “So how’s everything going? Are you enjoying your summer?”

“Very much,” Zandra murmured, staring up at the ceiling.

“That’s good. Got any exciting travel plans?”

“Well, I recently returned from St. Lucia—”

“Oooh, you lucky girl. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s beautiful.”

“It is. Really breathtaking.” The island would always hold a special place in Zandra’s heart because of Remy. “You have to visit sometime.”

“I know. That’s what my husband’s been telling me.” Dr. Gill sighed. “I just need to clear my schedule and do it, right?”

Zandra grinned. “Absolutely. You won’t regret it.”

“I’m sure I won’t.” Dr. Gill used her spatula and brush to gently scrape cells from Zandra’s cervix. “Got any other trips planned this summer?”

“Actually,” Zandra answered, “I’m leaving for London tomorrow.”

“Oh, how nice. I love London.”

Zandra smiled softly. “Me, too. It’s one of my favorite places in the world.” And being able to share it with Remy would make it more special than ever.

When Dr. Gill finished the exam, she passed the Pap smear sample to her nurse and disposed of her gloves, then rose from the rolling stool and walked to the sink to wash her hands.

As Zandra sat up on the table, Dr. Gill asked her, “Are you still happy with the Pill?”

Zandra hesitated for a moment, surprising herself.

“Zandra?” Dr. Gill prompted.

She looked at her. “How long does it take to get birth control pills out of your system?”

“Well, once you stop taking the Pill, the hormones are out of your body quickly, usually within a couple of days. That means your body will start to produce follicles again, which will eventually lead you to ovulate. But every woman is different. Some may take a few weeks to ovulate. Others may take several months. It just depends.”

Zandra nodded slowly, absorbing this information with a carefully neutral expression.

Dr. Gill eyed her speculatively. “Are you thinking about coming off the Pill, Zandra?”

She bit her lip, then shook her head. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

She wasn’t, but she nodded anyway.

“Well, you just let me know whenever you’re ready to stop taking the Pill, or if you’d like to explore other options for birth control.” Dr. Gill paused, eyes glinting. “Or if you’re ready to start planning a family.”

Zandra blushed. “I’m not. But...thanks.”

Dr. Gill gave her a warm smile. “See you next time.”

After the doctor and her nurse left, Zandra got dressed, then walked out of the examination room. She was heading down the bright corridor toward the reception area when she passed a corkboard covered with snapshots of patients’ newborn babies.

She’d walked by that corkboard countless times before without giving it more than a passing glance. But today for some reason, she felt compelled to stop.

As she stood there staring at the collection of photos, a deep ache of longing spread through her.

She put a hand to her stomach.

For the first time ever, she allowed herself to entertain the thought of bringing a child into the world.

Not just any man’s child.

Remy’s.

* * *

Remy sat across from Sam Keegan in a leather booth located at the back of a coffee shop on West Jackson Boulevard. Keegan had called him that morning and asked to meet in person. In case the mayor was having him followed, he wanted to look like he was following orders, doing what he’d been told.

Remy waited until the waitress had poured their coffee, winked and sashayed away before he spoke. “It’s done.”

Keegan met his gaze across the table. “You’ve started investigating the escorts?”

Remy nodded, his gut churning with guilt.

“You’re doing the right thing.”

A grim smile twisted Remy’s mouth. “Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll start to believe it.”

Keegan was silent, lifting his coffee cup to his mouth and sipping the black brew.

“Does the mayor know that Zandra is an old friend of mine?”

“No,” Keegan said flatly. “And I didn’t volunteer that detail. If he finds out on his own, I’ll just explain that you’re the best person for the job because she’d never suspect your involvement.”

“Jesus.” Remy closed his eyes, rubbed a hand over his face and swallowed hard as guilt and self-loathing burned like bile in his throat.

“Kennedy’s holding a press conference tomorrow to announce his run for mayor,” Keegan informed him. “It might be a difficult day for Zandra.”

“She won’t be here,” Remy muttered.

“Oh? Where’s she going?”

“I’m taking her to London. We leave early tomorrow.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” Keegan sipped more coffee. “Her father’s a strong candidate, like I told you before. The knives will be out for him soon.”

Remy smiled darkly. “Should one of those knives happen to get rammed into his aorta, I’d be ever so grateful.”

Keegan chuckled into his cup. “Guess you’re still not gonna tell me why you hate the old man so much, huh?”

Remy didn’t respond.

When Keegan first came to him, he’d been tempted to tell him about Landis Kennedy’s violent past. The revelation would torpedo the man’s campaign before it even began. But giving Keegan that kind of ammunition would also thrust Zandra into the harsh glare of the media spotlight, forcing her to relive the nightmare of her childhood. He couldn’t do that to her. He
wouldn’t.

Gripping his coffee cup, he brought it to his mouth and drank, grimacing as the strong brew hit his queasy stomach.

“By the way,” Keegan said casually, “I recently spoke to someone over at BCNR.”

Remy showed no reaction to the mention of the Board for Correction of Naval Records.

“There’s been some talk of reinstating you.”

Remy went still, but didn’t lift his gaze from his coffee.

Three years ago, he would have jumped at the chance to be reinstated into the navy. But no longer. He couldn’t go back. Too much had happened. Too much damage had been done.

Keegan watched him. “You have nothing to say?”

“No.” Remy drank more coffee.

Keegan sighed heavily. “Well, that brings me to the other reason I wanted to see you today.” He paused, waiting for Remy to set down his cup and meet his somber gaze. “Lieutenant Shaughnessy was found dead last night.”

The news jolted Remy like a live wire pressed to wet skin. Stunned, he fell back against the booth and stared at Keegan. “Where?”

“In his apartment.” Keegan grimaced. “Self-inflicted gunshot wound.”

Remy tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry. Turning his head, he stared blindly out the window as dark images flashed through his mind like explosives detonating on a battlefield.

“He was a ticking time bomb,” he whispered hoarsely. “He needed help.”

“I know,” Keegan said grimly. “You tried to warn them.”

Remy hardened his jaw, turning from the window.

Keegan’s shrewd eyes probed his, seeing through Remy’s battle-scarred armor to the anger and grief that had haunted him for the past three years.

Keegan said quietly, “Everyone who matters knows you did the right thing that night in Fallujah.”

Remy’s mouth twisted bitterly. “For all the good it did me.”

Keegan, to his credit, offered no empty platitudes.

A heavy silence lapsed between them. A silence weighted with memories and raw emotion.

Remy drank the rest of his coffee and set down the empty cup, then retrieved two fives from his wallet and slapped them down on the table.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

Keegan smiled wryly. “Not if you’re the one paying.” He watched as Remy slid out of the booth and stood. “Lieutenant Brand.”

Remy met the older man’s concerned gaze.

“Have faith,” Keegan said quietly. “Everything will work out in the end.”

Remy’s response was a brief, humorless smile.

As he left the coffee shop and slid on his sunglasses, he wished he could share the commander’s optimism.

But he knew better.

And Keegan should have, too.