Anybody But Him (12 page)

A massive lump lodged in her throat.

‘They might be eccentric, your parents, but at least they always loved you, and took care of you.'

Her voice didn't sound like her own when she said, ‘You're telling me that
nobody
looked after the three of you?'

‘I learned how to cook – the basics, anyway, and how to do the laundry so that my brother and sister would look decent when they went to school, and the teachers wouldn't suspect there was anything wrong.'

‘Oh, my God, but you were only ten.'

‘It didn't happen suddenly. At first she was still functioning some of the time. I only had to pick up the slack. It wasn't till I was about fourteen that I more or less took over running the house.'

‘You did it all by yourself?'

He pulled a face. ‘Not very well.'

‘But well enough that you got away with it? No one ever suspected?'

He nodded.

‘Blair … I don't know what to say.'

He looked at her. ‘I think that's the first time you've used my name.'

Nicola didn't respond, she was too busy trying to reconcile the memories she had of Blair as one of the most popular boys in school with this new knowledge – that when he wasn't at school he was cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry– and finding it difficult to accept. But no wonder he knew how to make a mean breakfast. ‘Sorry, what did you say?'

‘Never mind. I didn't tell you all this to make you pity me; I told you to make you understand why I couldn't allow you to get any ideas about me back then. I couldn't risk having a girlfriend. Not a nice girl like you who would expect to come to my house, to meet my parents, be invited for tea and all the rest of the stuff that goes with being boyfriend and girlfriend. It wasn't a risk I could take. But if things had been different, Nicki, I would have dated you like a shot.'

For once, she didn't correct him for shortening her name. ‘Would you?'

He nodded. ‘Like a shot. You were beautiful.'

A shudder trickled down her spine. She had to take a breath before she said, ‘I looked like a nerd.'

His eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. ‘I paint portraits for a living. I know about beauty.'

She managed a shaky smile. ‘Well, if that's the case, I wish I'd known.'

‘But that was the best thing about you. You weren't like those girls who were beautiful and knew it. You were … different.'

‘You've got that right.'

‘Nicki,' he said, his expression serious. ‘Now that you know why I behaved the way I did as a kid, do you think we could start again? Maybe do that dating thing we missed out on in school?'

She stared. Not even he would attempt to lure her into saying yes in order to laugh at her, she was sure, not after sharing his childhood secret. Which meant that his question was serious. She'd have sworn that Sydney Harbour would freeze over before this would happen.

She shook her head. ‘I can't do that.'

His face became blank.

‘I'll be leaving soon.'

‘So you're still planning to go?'

‘Yes. Nothing's changed.'

‘Nothing. I thought—' He broke off, his eyes narrowing as he studied her. ‘No, I see.'

‘I
am
sorry for what happened to you—'

‘No,' he said with an impatient headshake. ‘I don't want your sympathy. If you're ready, I should be getting back with Mrs Thompson's medicine.'

‘Oh. Sure.' Her chest ached as they walked back to the car in silence, and it wasn't because of her ribs.

Dating Blair would not be sensible. What she'd heard today hadn't changed the simple fact that Blair represented risk. For once, she wanted to be sensible and safe. She'd had quite enough of being hurt, and scammed, and ripped off.

She watched the familiar streetscape go by as Blair drove her home.

No, she couldn't date him, couldn't get involved with him, that would be asking for trouble, but she didn't hate him any longer either. How could she hate him now that she knew he'd suffered through high school every bit as much as she had, but for very different reasons.

If his homelife had been happy, well, everything might have been different for her too, because if she'd been his girlfriend, nobody would have dared to tease her. And if she hadn't been teased about her parents, would she have had such a problem with them herself?

Maybe. Maybe not. Blair was right, as was Dr Whitmore, and Lainey too. They were colourful characters, but there was no real harm in them, and she'd been a lot better off than Blair. She hadn't appreciated the loving home she had.

It was finally time to grow up and put the hurt of her teenage years behind her. It helped, she had to admit, to know that he hadn't found her repulsive, that his rejection had not been about her.

Yes, it was time to move on.

‘Blair Morrissey asked about you. I saw him over there.' Lainey jerked her head back towards the bar as she placed their drinks on the table.

‘What did he say? Where is he?' Nicola scanned The Pelican's Friday night crowd.

‘He was leaning against the wall and giving someone a right old nasty glare.'

‘Who?'

‘I don't know. I couldn't see.'

‘What did he say about me?'

‘He wanted to know who you were with.'

‘You told him it was just us two, didn't you?'

‘Yes, but he didn't want to join us.'

Nicola wasn't surprised. ‘So, what's happening? You said you had something to tell me tonight.'

‘Daniel said he wants to come home.'

Nicola gasped. ‘You're not going to take him back, are you?'

She shook her head miserably. ‘I'm not sure. It's only been a couple of months since he left, but I seem to have changed already. I was so sure that I loved him when he left. Since
then, though, that feeling has just sort of faded. And now he's offering me what I thought I wanted more than anything, and I'm in two minds about it.'

‘That's not so surprising,' Nicola said. ‘When he did what he did, he killed your love for him.'

‘You might be right.'

‘I never wanted you to take him back. I hate what he did to you, and I don't think he deserves another chance.'

‘But there's more to think about than just what he did and what he deserves. There's Rosie. I feel I should give him a chance for her sake. I shouldn't deprive her of a father just because I might have fallen out of love with him.' She dropped her head into her hands.

‘I know I'm no expert, but I reckon you have to ask yourself whether Rosie deserves a happy mother who's a positive role model.'

‘She does. Of course she does.'

‘Then you have to do whatever it is that would make you happy. Can you see yourself being happy with Daniel in the long term?'

Lainey groaned. ‘It's such a responsibility. I was happy with Daniel until I found out that he'd been thinking about another woman the whole time we'd been married. I don't know whether I'd ever be able to get over that, but I could probably fake it for Rosie's sake.'

‘Wouldn't that wear you down?'

‘Possibly. But maybe I'd rediscover my love for him.'

‘And if you don't? Would you spend the rest of your life faking it? Don't you think you deserve to be happy?' After a pause Nicola said, ‘What about Sarah? The woman he said he was in love with? Is he over her now?'

‘He said he doesn't think she's right for him.'

‘Ha! More likely she told him to get lost when she found out he was still married.'

‘Do you think so?'

Nicola nodded. ‘I've met her, remember? She definitely didn't know that he was still married, and I could tell she didn't like the idea of it at all. Wouldn't surprise me if that's the reason he's come crawling back.'

‘But he could have said he wanted a divorce, couldn't he? She's divorced, so surely she wouldn't have a problem with that?'

‘But we don't know
why
she's divorced, do we? It might have been her husband's choice. It's possible that her husband left her for another woman, in which case she'd most likely be against Daniel doing the same thing.'

Lainey fell silent, then heaved a sigh. ‘So, maybe he's only decided that he wants to come home because he has nowhere else to go.'

‘I think there's a very good chance of that. Anyway,' Nicola said, ‘seems to me there's no good reason to take him back, and personally, I don't think you'd be doing Rosie any favours by agreeing to it. You wouldn't be setting her a good example. You want her to value herself, don't you?'

‘Of course I do,' Lainey said firmly. ‘But I'm not going to rush into my decision. I have to be sure if I'm going to end our marriage.'

‘Remember, he doesn't love you. He said so.'

‘I'm not likely to forget it, am I? But we could be friends again, and maybe that's enough.'

‘I don't think so,' Nicola said, shaking her head.

‘And you don't have a daughter to think of. I'm sure there are plenty of successful marriages based on friendship.'

Nicola held up her palms in surrender. ‘I'm not going to say another word. You're right, it has to be your own decision.'

‘Exactly.' Lainey smiled suddenly. ‘Hi, Travis! I didn't know you came here.'

Travis nodded hi to Nicola and turned his attention back to Lainey. ‘I don't normally, but I thought I'd check it out tonight.'

‘Well, sit here,' Lainey said, waving towards an empty chair at their table.

‘Yes, do,' Nicola said. ‘But I'm afraid I have to go.'

‘Oh!' Lainey glanced at her watch. ‘Already?'

‘I have some emails to send before it gets too late.'

‘Right.' Lainey put down her glass and reached for her handbag.

Nicola flapped a hand at her. ‘You stay here. You don't need to leave just because I'm going. Travis will drive you home, won't you?' She gave him a pointed look.

‘Yes,' he said quickly. ‘No trouble at all.'

‘Okay then.' Lainey settled back in her chair. ‘I will.'

With her first coffee of the morning in one hand, Nicola held her phone to her ear with the other. When Lainey answered, she could hear a smile in her voice, something she hadn't heard for weeks.

‘What happened with Travis last night?'

Lainey hesitated. ‘We had a good time. We talked, we laughed.'

‘And?'

‘Don't you go getting any ideas about us.'

‘Did he drive you home?'

‘Yes, he told you he would.'

‘And?'

Lainey sighed. ‘I offered him a coffee, and he declined.'

‘Did he?' Nicola took a sip of her own coffee.

‘Yes, and if he'd agreed it would have been coffee, nothing else. What are you thinking?'

Only that it would be good for Lainey to have some fun. And it would be good for her self-esteem to think that someone else fancied her. It might go some way towards repairing
the damage that Daniel had done to it.

‘Travis is a nice guy.'

‘I know, and the funny thing is, I've known him for years, yet I didn't realise what a nice guy he was until last night. He's always been really quiet around me. I thought it was because he didn't like me.'

‘No, no, definitely not that.'

After a pause Lainey said, ‘He didn't just happen to come into the pub, did he? You set it up, didn't you?'

‘No. Well, that is, I might have mentioned that we'd be at The Pelican last night and that if he had nothing else to do he could drop by and check out what a good pub it is. Much better than The Wheat Sheaf, his local. But that's all.'

‘Hmm. Well, he wasn't quiet last night. We talked heaps, and got on really well, but even so, it doesn't alter the fact that nothing is going to happen between us.'

‘Why not?'

‘Because of us having to work together, and … because I have to make up my mind about Daniel.'

‘But you got the impression that Travis wants something to happen?'

Lainey sighed. ‘Yes, he told me so at the end of the night. But I'm not going to rush into anything. I don't want my judgement to be clouded when I make my decision. I have a lot to consider.'

And, hopefully, one of those considerations would be the knowledge that she didn't have to settle for Daniel, that there was someone else out there for her.

After ending the call, Nicola carried her mug across to the coffee pot and refilled it. She needed more caffeine before she could think about making breakfast. Hugging her mug, she leaned back against the bench top and gazed through the window.

Blair
.

She resisted the urge to fling herself at the window and press her nose to the glass. He hadn't worked in the garden for ages, and after what had happened last Monday, she'd wondered whether he'd ever come over again. But of course, he was doing it for Una's sake, not for hers. That made all the difference, no doubt.

God
, he looked good.

She'd missed this treat. She swallowed, only now realising how much.

After polishing off her coffee, Nicola had a quick shower, dressed in jeans and an oldish long-sleeved T-shirt, and tied her hair in a ponytail. She found Una's gumboots and whacked them on the laundry floor to dislodge any spiders before pushing her feet into them. They were a size too big, but they'd do. Finally, she grabbed some gardening gloves from the shelf above the laundry tub and shoved them in her pocket.

As soon as she opened the back door, Dammit hurtled across the garden, yapping all the way, leapt up the steps and bounced in front of her until she crouched down to his level. Well, not quite – she'd have to lie flat on her stomach to be on his level – but she was close enough.

‘I've missed you too, you silly dog,' she said in a low voice, for his ears only. She ruffled those ears, and rubbed his belly, and even let him lick her hand, but only briefly, because it tickled.

So much for a low-key arrival, she thought ruefully as she descended the steps with care, trying to pretend that her feet weren't sliding around inside the boots. She clomped along the garden's central path, Dammit at her heels.

Blair watched her approach. ‘What's with the boots?'

‘I don't have any shoes that are suitable for gardening.'

‘Why would you want some?'

‘I thought I'd come and help. It looks like you have a lot to do.' She gestured at the trays of seedlings lined up along the edge of the garden.

‘It's planting time.'

‘So, can you use my help?'

‘Sure.' He shrugged as if he didn't care whether she was there or not, which made her chest ache a little. Not enough to make her give up, though.

‘What about your ribs?'

‘They're well enough.'

‘Don't do anything stupid and hurt them again.'

‘I won't.'

‘I'll dig the trench, and you can follow along and plant the seedlings, okay?'

‘Okay.'

‘This ground's ready now, so I'll start the first trench.'

He sounded friendly enough, but there was something missing, and she wanted it back. She'd lost it when she'd rejected him at his most vulnerable – after he'd opened up and told her his secrets. The thing was, she knew exactly how he felt. She'd spent years hating him as a result of his rejection. She turned away, swallowing the lump that tried to fill her throat. She pulled on the gloves, fetched a tray of seedlings, and crouched at the trench.

‘Does it matter which way up they go?'

He stopped digging.

She glanced up to see him giving her a bemused look. ‘I'm joking.'

‘Right.' He didn't laugh, but returned to his digging.

She placed each seedling in the trench then gently covered its roots with soil, firming it in with her gloved hand. They went on like this until the first row was finished. She got to her feet, straightening slowly.

‘Have you had enough?'

‘No.' She looked at the trays of seedlings. ‘There's loads to do yet.'

‘I'm not talking about how much there is to do, I'm asking if you're in too much pain to do any more.'

‘No. I'm fine.'

Fine was a slight exaggeration, but she wasn't going to chicken out already.

They worked on in silence, but it wasn't a comfortable, companionable silence. There was tension in the air between them, crackling and zapping and giving Nicola a headache. When the final seedling had been planted, she sighed with relief. She straightened, surveyed their work, and tried to imagine how the garden would look when all of those seedlings were fully grown plants. She wouldn't be there to see it, and the thought gave her an odd pang in her belly. Una would be the one to pick the vegetables, and Nicola would revert to buying hers from the supermarket. Or not at all.

As Blair gathered the seed trays and his tools, she realised he was preparing to leave. ‘Would you like to come in for a cold drink?' she asked quickly. ‘Or a hot one?'

‘No, thanks.'

‘Something to eat?'

He shook his head. ‘Too busy.'

‘Oh. I see. Will you be busy this afternoon as well?'

He straightened and turned, meeting her eyes for the first time since they'd started work. ‘Why?'

‘I'm going to my parents' place. I thought you might like to come. Mum will have made shortbread this morning, she always bakes it on Saturday.'

His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second, then he swung away. ‘Sorry, I can't. I have a date. You're all right to drive yourself now, aren't you?'

A moment passed before she managed to drag her voice up from her knees. Trying very hard to sound casual, she said, ‘Absolutely. No problem. That's not why I was asking.'

‘Right, then I'll be off. Thanks for the help.'

‘No problem,' she said again in the same falsely casual tone, while inside she was raging. At herself, not at him. For taking too long to realise that
she
was the one he should be dating, and if she hadn't been such a dummy, knocking him back again and again, she
could
have been the one.

Her eyes burned as she made her way to the house, kicking off the stupid gumboots as soon as she was inside. She was an idiot. She tugged off the gardening gloves and flung them down. No wonder he'd given up on her; she would have given up herself if she'd been in his shoes. She didn't deserve him. She deserved con men like Hayden and Greg, because she couldn't tell the difference between them and someone who was decent, and fun, and kind, and sexy, and, well, right for her in every way.

There'd been plenty of sparks between her and Blair and she'd ignored them. Deliberately. How moronic was that? She'd pushed him away, and continued to push until he took her seriously and found someone else, right about the time she decided that she didn't want to push any more.

All this time she'd been telling him to back away, and he'd given her chance after chance to come to her senses. He wouldn't give her another chance, she could tell, and she couldn't blame him. She had no one to blame but herself.

Her dad's car gleamed in the spring sunshine when Nicola parked behind it in the driveway. There was no sign of her dad, though, so she headed into the house. Her parents were sitting at the kitchen table, quietly chatting. Getting on well for a change? Something must be up.

‘Hello, love.' Her mother peered at her. ‘Why are your eyes all red? Have you been
crying?'

Oh, God, did she look as bad as she felt? Because she felt like a quivering, red-eyed wreck with pain where her heart used to be. Tears crawled up her throat again, and she swallowed hard, forcing them back down. She shook her head, not trusting herself to talk until she had herself under control, and then all she managed was, ‘Any tea, Mum?'

‘Of course, love. Sit down, I'll get it.'

Nicola slipped into the chair next to the one her mum had vacated. ‘Good luck with the driving test tomorrow,' she said to her dad across the table. ‘Try not to get too nervous about it.'

‘Nervous? Why should I be nervous? I've waxed the car for him and it looks a treat, what more could he want?'

Oh, I don't know, maybe competent driving?

Nicola kept the thought to herself and said, ‘It does look a treat, Dad. I saw it on the way in.'

‘Here you are. You'll feel better after you've drunk this.' Her mum placed a mug of tea on the table, and sat down again. ‘It's a man, isn't it?'

Nicola took a sip of tea while she considered prevaricating. ‘Yes.'

‘Ah, I knew it. That nice young man who liked my shortbread?'

Nicola nodded.

‘Has he done something really bad?'

‘No, he hasn't done anything bad at all. It's all my fault. I didn't realise that I liked him until it was too late.'

‘You should have asked me. I could have told you that.'

‘Huh.' She shrugged. ‘You could tell?'

‘I could tell that he liked you too. I know about these things. I knew your father was the
right man for me as soon as I saw him. It was the twinkle in his eye, and he's still got it. Look at him.'

Nicola stared at her dad's eyes. She couldn't see a twinkle, nor anything approaching it. Maybe it was only possible to see it if you were in love. Funny to think that her mum might still be in love with her dad, though, after all these years of arguing and complaining about each other.

‘How did you know Mum was the right one for you, Dad?'

‘She told me.'

Nicola laughed. Blair had told her to see the funny side of her parents. Well, she finally had, but he wasn't there to share it, and he never would be.