Anywhere But Here (20 page)

 
"You should not be in here," she said, her eyes glazed with a thin layer of insanity.  "Get out, now!"

 
I jumped to my feet, the battered teddy bear tumbling to the ground, and trembled with fear and uncertainty.  "Mom?"

 
"Out!" she shouted, pointing to the door.

 
I scrambled toward it quickly but was stopped by my dad's bulky body.  "What is going on in here?" he asked, his hair tousled and sleep still lingering in his eyes.  "Rena?"

 
I shook my head, tears coursing down my cheeks.  I wanted to escape but he obstructed freedom and wasn't about to move without answers.

 
"She shouldn't be in here," Mom said, her voice teetering on the edge of normal and enraged.  "No one is allowed in here."

 
"April, get a hold of yourself," Dad ordered as he took my hand.  "Rena didn't hurt anything."

 
"I want her out of here!  And you, too!"

 
"April!" Aunt Franki shouted as she pushed past my father and grabbed Mom's shoulders.  "Stop this nonsense, now!"

 
Dad released me as Mom's hands flayed out, nearly knocking Aunt Franki to the floor.  I scooted around him and fled, bumping into Jared on the way to my own room.

 
"What the hell is going on?" Jared demanded, stopping my progress.

 
I couldn't speak, the tears were choking me while my lungs constricted, blazing inside my chest.  My head pounded as my hands trembled. I just wanted to run and bury my face in my own pillow.  I wanted to wallow in self-pity and mourn my broken family.  I wanted to hide.

 
"This room is off limits and you know it, William!"  Mom's voice rose higher and higher, making Jared wince.  He gently shoved me aside so he could join the fray.  I didn't wait around - I fled to my room as the argument continued.

 
"I know, I know, April, but perhaps Rena just forgot," Dad cooed.

 
I slammed my door, not waiting to hear Mom's response.  Perhaps I was too afraid.  I cowered in my bed, yanking my blankets over my head as I continued to cry and curse the world with all its cruelties and evilness.

 
I finally settled enough to hear someone slip into the room and sit on the edge of my bed.  I sighed heavily, knowing it was one of the adults here to console me and feed me lots of grown up advice.

 
"Rena, sweetheart," Dad said in a soft voice.  I pulled the blanket back a touch to peek at him.  He tried to smile but it was warbled.  His sad eyes were bloodshot and his hair grayer than the last time I'd been home.  "Honey, about your mom..."

 
"What about her?  That's she's turning into a freak?" I shot, regretting the words almost immediately.

 
"Rena," he said patiently as he awkwardly patted my blanketed knee.  "You know how hard this has been on your mother."

 
"It's been hard on the rest of us, too," I said as I scooted up the headboard.  "And none of us are freaking out on the others."

 
"She's under a lot of stress..."

 
"And so are you!  But you're not exploding at me for entering my little sister's room!"

 
"I know, I know," he appeased, lifting his defeated eyes to the ceiling.  He took a deep breath before collecting me in his strong arms.  "Honey, Mom just...well...she just needs some time.  She's a mother and it's really hard on a mother when something happens to one of their children."

 
I could see his point - sort of - but I was her child, too, and, even though I was seventeen, I still needed my mother.  But I couldn't say that to my father.  I didn't want him to feel bad, too.  I swallowed my pride and my anger and offered a smile.

 
"Yeah, sure.  I get it," I said. Dad hugged me, kissed my head, then left.  Heaving a sigh, I slipped off my bed to shower.  I dressed in clothes that I'd left behind when I'd packed to go to Aunt Franki's. I threw my damp hair in a lumpy ponytail without so much as a second glance in the mirror.

 
I joined my subdued family for breakfast in the dreary dining room.  Well, my family minus my mother who, I suspected, was back at the computer, monitoring chat rooms and updating her friends on the latest.  I slipped into a chair and thanked Aunt Franki when she slid a plate of pancakes in front of me.

I forced chunks of food into my mouth
, chewing automatically without even tasting anything.  My father ate with gusto and chatted with faux enthusiasm.  I wondered, probably for the first time, how he genuinely felt about this entire situation.  Not that I would ask, though.  No need to expose his true feelings and put him on the spot.  Besides, I wasn't sure that I really wanted to know.

 
Mom hurried into the room to fill her coffee cup from the half-full pot on the maker, not bothering with milk, sugar, or conversation.  I watched her with wary eyes, anger rising in my throat and effectively blocking my breakfast.  I carefully set my fork on the table, next to my plate, and prepared to rip into her as she'd done to me earlier.  Jared caught my movements and shook his head at me.  With another typical roll of my eyes, I slumped in my seat. I complied with my brother’s silent wishes and kept my mouth shut.

 
"Are you going to join us for breakfast, April?" Dad asked as he unfolded the morning paper.

 
"No, I have to update Camille's website.  I don't want people to stop looking for her," Mom said, her brow furrowed in fright.  She shook her head in disgust. "I don't think any of the big city news stations picked up her story.  I think the only thing they reported on was the girl's real identity - they didn't mention Camille at all."

 
Anger roiled in my stomach, churning up the little bit of pancakes I'd managed to eat, and I slid up in my seat, my hands fisted on either side of my plate.  I ignored Jared's pointed looks as I addressed my mother in the cold, stony voice I'd used when I first joined the ranks at Dunewood High School.  "What about the family of that poor girl, huh?  What about them?"

 
"I'm sorry for them, yes," Mom said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.  "But my main concern is for Camille."

 
"You mean your
only
concern," I countered a bit petulantly.  Jared groaned and dropped his head in his hands.

 
"Enough, Rena," Dad said sternly as he set his paper aside.

 
"You're right," I said as I pushed my plate away and shoved my chair back.  "It is enough.  It's time to put Camille to rest, don't you think?"

 
My mother's face fell, her jaw nearly hitting the floor.  Her coffee mug slipped from her fingers, shattering and sending drops of coffee and ceramic everywhere.  "How dare you?  How dare you give up on your sister!"

 
Although our voices were rising and there was a huge coffee mess on the floor, the rest of my family seemed frozen and unable to even blink an eye - their tongues stuck to the roof of their mouths.

 
But mine wasn't - it was loose and ready to roll.  "I haven't given up, Mother.  I just think that she's been gone so long that the chances aren't looking too great for her."  I swallowed and lifted my chin.  "I think she's probably dead.  Matter of fact, I think that if she's gone through the horrible things we hear about on television, it's best that she is dead."

 
Mom's face paled as all the blood fled to her feet.  Her mouth opened and closed as the words she wanted to scream at me worked their way up her throat.  Finally, she heaved a huge breath and forced the words in the air.  "Get out.  Get out of this house!  I'm through with you!"

 
Dad finally found his voice, too, as his chair scraped the tiles and he leapt to his feet.  "Now, April, that's not necessary..."

 
"Fine!" I said, my teeth clenched.  "That's fine with me.  I'm through, too."  I fled to my room to cram what I could of what was left of my belongings into a bag.

***

 The car ride home was nearly as excruciating as the one the day before as Aunt Franki wasn't quite sure what to say.  She'd gone through her whole Just Give Your Mother Time spiel and I’d nodded my head as if I’d believed every word of her utter nonsense. 

 
As soon as she parked in the drive, I raced to my bedroom and plopped on the bed, dropping the two overstuffed bags at my feet.  I yanked out my cell phone, finally checking my voice messages, and found one from Fin the night before asking me to call if I needed anything.

 
Suddenly, my heart was in torment.  It wasn't quite sure what it wanted as the pain from my family was ripping it to shreds.  And what would I tell Fin, anyway?  What could I possibly say that would explain the sudden family emergency?

 
A quick glance at the clock told me he'd probably be practicing - he did have a hockey game that evening and it was barely lunchtime.  I flipped the phone between my fingers, considering what to do, finally deciding to leave him a vague message saying I was home and the emergency turned out to be nothing serious after all.

 
I flipped the phone shut and fell into my pillow.  He'd call me after the game so that gave me a few hours to figure out just what to tell him.

 
As I stared at my ceiling contemplating what lies to spew to Fin, the realization that I'd been tossed out of my own home by my own mother crept up on me and smacked me in the face.  The pain returned to my heart with a vengeance. I rolled to my side, curling into a ball, and cried.

I was tempted to let Fin’s
call go to voice mail but I was also anxious to hear his voice. I answered.

“Rena, what’s going on?” he asked as soon as I uttered my greeting. Voices called to one another behind him and I heard the distinct din of a locker door shutting.

“Nothing, really,” I said, swallowing the lie like the nasty liver and onions my father had made me try a long time ago.  “Just a minor little accident that was blown totally out of proportion.  Everything is fine. Where are you?”

“The locker room – we just finished playing,” he said with a smile in his voice.  “We won.  Now, tell me what happened.”

“Um,” I started as my rehearsed story came pouring out of my mouth.  “My mom was in a little accident but she’s fine.”  I winced, hating that I'd said that, afraid I’d just jinxed my mother.  Although I was still angry at her, I didn’t want her hurt.  “She’s a little sore but fine.”

“Well, I guess that’s good,” he said.  “I was afraid it was something much worse.”

“Me, too,” I said, not lying this time.  I got up and crossed the room, staring at my rumpled appearance in the mirror.  I silently gagged and stuck my tongue out at myself.

“Hey, I need to go shower but how about when I’m done, I come pick you up?  We could grab something to eat or something…” he trailed off, leaving his invitation up in the air.

My eyes widened as I considered his suggestion.  I was a mess and my heart just wasn’t into anything remotely fun.  I wanted to sit and sulk and pout.  I wanted to contemplate the mess that was my life.  I wanted to feel sorry for myself and I desperately wanted to do it alone.

“I’m sort of tired, Fin,” I said in a weak voice.  “Do you think we could get together tomorrow?”

He paused, the silence hanging between us like a thick curtain.  My heart fell, wondering if his patience with me had suddenly waned.  “I’m not sure.  I have to do the family dinner thing tomorrow, remember?  It’s sort of a Sunday thing and we don’t get back until around seven or eight.  I can try to meet up with you then but I wouldn’t count on it – you know my dad is pretty strict about me going out on a school night.”

“I’m really sorry, Fin,” I said with genuine regret.  “I am honestly pretty wiped out.”

“I understand.  I’ll hang out with Grant and Isaiah and give you a call tomorrow some time.  Take care of yourself and call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” I said, an actual smile
crossing my lips.  As soon as I hung up, I nearly redialed his number as regret hit me.  I fought back and returned to my bed, kicking off my shoes before sinking to the mattress.  Although it was still somewhat early, I managed to slip into slumber in a matter of minutes.

***

Monday morning was bitterly cold with an ominous threat of heavy snow.  I trudged into the school, ignoring everyone as always, and headed straight to my locker.  I’d arrived a little later than usual and was only mildly surprised to find Fin waiting for me, beaming smile on his handsome face.

“Hey,” I said, not able to contain my own smile.

He latched onto my hand in order to tug me to his chest, wrapping his free arm around my waist.  “Hey, yourself,” he said as his smile morphed into a smirk.  His lips touched mine lightly and set off alarms in my heart.  I longed to melt into him and beg him to whisk me somewhere away from here.

“I think you missed me,” I said with a laugh.