Anywhere But Here (6 page)

“Is that who scored?” Aunt Franki asked, leaning across my body.

“Yeah.  He graduated from Dunewood High last year and goes to Community College.  Dude should have gotten a hockey scholarship – the only player that works harder or plays better than him is Fin.”

My hear
t wiggled traitorously again but I refused to acknowledge it.

“Who is Fin?” Aunt Franki asked as the game recommenced.

“He goes to our school,” I said hiding my irritation.  “He’s in my Creative Writing class.”

“Is he cute?” she asked.

I rolled my eyes, happy at least that Damon didn’t seem to be paying any heed to our conversation.  “I don’t know. I never paid particular attention.”

Aunt Frankie tugged on my blonde ponytail teasingly.  “I bet he noticed you.  I know you used to be quite the Miss Popularity at your old school.”

Damon’s head snapped in our direction but I stared at the ice, hoping to convey my wishes to keep my previous life away from my new one.

“Miss Popularity, huh?” Damon asked, bumping his shoulder to mine.

“Not really,” I mumbled as I caught sight of number thirty-four zooming toward the puck.

“That’s great,” he continued.  “Gina Moore is chomping at the bit to be some sort of q
ueen and you could be easily but don’t want it.  I love it!”

A laugh clawed its way up my throat as a huge smile smacked my lips.  I was still staring at Fin as he exited the ice and caught my gaze.  Recognition flickered in his eyes as a slow smile spread across his own lips.  He inclined his head in my direction as a heated blush rushed to my cheeks.

I quickly turned my attention back to the game and away from Fin as I tried to gain some sort of control over my body.  What the hell?  He caught me smiling and assumed I was smiling at him, obviously.  Just wonderful.  He probably thought I came to the stupid game just to see him.  He’d be unbearable in class on Monday.

My interest waned slightly as the third period drew to a close.  The other team scored but Fin answered with a goal and looked dead at me – perhaps expecting another smile.  Poor guy was sadly disappointed as I merely turned my head as if disinterested.  Unfortunately, my insides were cheering right along with the crowd and I almost set my anger-demon on my own soul.

I was a right mess.

Once the game ended, I urged Aunt Franki out of the Community Center, my patience draining rapidly each time she greeted a neighbor or someone she recognized from town.  Granted, it was a map dot of a city, but she hadn’t lived here permanently long enough to know many people.  Or so I
had thought.  But it appeared as if she did indeed know just about everyone and she insisted on introducing me every time she stopped to chat.

By the time we got back to her place,
my head was pounding. I feigned exhaustion and escaped to my room.  I dug out my cell phone, eager to try Jared’s number again.  I was mildly surprised when he answered.

“Hey!  Rena!  Sorry I haven’t called you back but you wouldn’t believe how busy I’ve been,” he started.  It was his usual excuse but I let it pass since he’d been generous and sent me his lap top.

“I understand,” I mumbled, only slightly lifted by the sound of his voice.  “How are you?”

“I’m okay, actually,” he said and I believed him.  “I’m getting by – doing what I must to live, you know?”

I did know.  That’s exactly what I’d been doing since I’d moved to Dunewood – only, he was
living
while I was merely
existing.
  “Well, I guess that’s good.”

“How are you?” he asked, his voice dropping.  “I mean how are you really?”

“Good,” I lied.  “My first week was uneventful which is exactly how I like it.”

He snorted loudly in my ear.  “That doesn’t sound like the sister I know.  You mean to tell me that you haven’t wowed that little town yet?  Haven’t brought all the boys crawling to your front step?”  He paused briefly but didn’t give me time to answer.  “Geez, I remember when I had to chase boys away from you.”

“Yeah, well, I manage to do that on my own now.  I don’t need boys.”

The line went cold and I would have asked if he was still there but for the fact that I could hear his breath scraping across the phone.  “Rena, don’t stop living.  You’re not dead.”

“Duh,” I said as the dozing anger-demon woke.  “I know that.”

“You were supposed to go to Aunt Franki’s to get your life back.”

I barked out a sharp, sarcastic laugh.  “What life?  That shallow life I led back home?  The selfish, self-absorbed person I used to be?  What good did that get me, huh?”

“It wasn’t your fault, damn it,” he said and I could literally hear the anger boiling in his gut.  “You …”

“I know what I did and didn’t do, Jared, okay?”

His sigh was so deep and harsh that it hurt my ear.  “Hey, um, what do you say about coming here for a weekend soon?  We could hang out and you could visit the campus – maybe you could apply here.  It’s not too late.”

“I don’t know,” I said, gnawing on my lip.  I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint him but I had no intentions of going to college.  I just wanted to finish high school and deal with real life later.  “I guess I could but I want to get a little more settled first.”

“Sure, sis, whatever you say,” he said, disheartened.  “Just let me know.”

“Okay,” I said, guilt dripping out of my pores like sweat.  “Um, thanks again for the lap top.  It’s awesome.”

“No problem.  Take care of yourself, Rena – I mean it.”

“I will,” I promised.  “Talk to you later.”

I ended the call, all mixed up inside, and prepared for bed.  I thought for sure I’d feel better
after talking to my brother but I wasn’t sure
how
I felt.  We’d had the blame argument over and over – it was one of the main reasons for the gap in our formerly easy-going relationship.  He’d made an attempt to fix it and I’d practically thrown it in his face.  But the facts hadn’t changed – I knew my role in the tragedy that had struck my family.  I knew how I’d failed.  I knew how my selfishness had played a part in what had happened.  Maybe my parents did, too.  Only Jared remained ignorant of it all – refusing to believe that I was at fault. And I loved him all the more for his faith in me.

As I slipped into my bed, my thoughts drifted away from my family and my guilt and landed on Fin in his hockey gear. I shoved it away furiously – not wanting to travel down that road in the least.  I had enough to deal with as it was.

I was tempted to bunch up under my jacket and hide as I made my way to my locker
Monday morning - but I decided not to be a coward.  So what if Fin saw me in the halls?  What did it matter?  I was going to have to face him sooner or later.  Maybe it would be for the best if I met him in the hall and got through his smug, arrogant, conceited, egotistical…

I sighed as I opened my locker.  I wasn’t being fair and I knew it.  He hadn’t really acted that way at all toward me – I
’d just judged him as if he was like the athletes I’d gone to school with back home.  Still, I couldn’t afford to soften to him as I didn’t want or need any sort of deep meaningful relationship whether it be friendship or something more.

I gathered my books and headed to class.

My morning classes dragged on endlessly in typical Monday fashion as I focused on the lectures and the worksheets and the demonstrations. I truly wanted to make an effort to be a better student this term – maybe then my mother would remember she had another daughter.

I pushed the grim thoughts away as the bell rang for lunch.  I
was trudging to my locker to deposit my book bag when I spotted Fin and his friend, Grant, goofing off near the boys’ bathroom.  My anger-demon leapt to its feet and released a low growl but I silenced it as I slammed my locker shut and crossed to the opposite side of the hall, hoping to blend in with the stragglers who were in no particular hurry to get to the cafeteria.

It didn’t work, much to my dismay, and he spotted me.  A huge smile brightened his face and I had to turn my head to stave off the effects.  My anger-demon began to growl at me for double crossing it but I had no explanation to offer.  I certainly didn’t want to be attracted to the hockey idiot but I couldn’t deny that the attraction was there, lurking in the depths of my heart.

I raced to the cafeteria as his chuckles bounced off the walls and followed me.

Damon was nowhere to be found as I purchased my food and plopped at our table.  I opened my milk and took a long drink as someone dropped into a chair beside me.

“Did you enjoy the game?”

My heart twittered as I looked into his green eyes, hastily wiping my milk moustache with my sleeve.  “Who said you could sit here?”

His eyes dilated momentarily at my rudeness before amusement sparkled in them.  “Do you own this table or this chair?” he asked around a smirk.

“Do you?” I shot back.

Leaning closer, he laughed quietly, his eyes crinkling and his straight, white teeth nearly glimmering like a stupid toothpaste commercial.  My heart – that back-stabbing, traitorous thing – flipped like a gymnast performing a floor exercise and it took all of my strength not to inch closer to him.

“I believe it’s
school property, therefore I am entitled to use it,” he retorted in a smooth tone.

“Then maybe I should move, huh?” I asked, a smirk of my own toying with my lips.  My eyes narrowed as I challenged him, waiting for his next move.

“Why do you have to be this way, Rena?” he asked, a touch of desperation creeping into his voice.  “I’m just trying to be nice to you.”

I dropped my eyes to my tray and unwrapped my cheeseburger.  My appetite bolted but I wouldn’t dare let him know he was getting to me.  “I don’t need any friends.”

“So you’ve said,” he muttered.  “Why?”

My head shot up and I glared at him, barely restraining the anger-demon.  “It’s none of your business now bug off and leave me alone to eat.”

“Hm,” he snorted.  “And they call me the King of the Ice – maybe you should be my queen.  It suits you.”

I rolled
my eyes at his veiled insult but that only amused him.  He leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, and watched as I took a bite and forced the rubbery hamburger meat down my throat.  It was clear he had no intentions of leaving.

“There you are, dude,” his friend, Grant, greeted as he pulled out a chair
, sat, and dug into his lunch.  Chancing a glance at me, he flashed a shy smile.  I ignored him.

“Rena here is going to be my ice queen.  Cool, huh?” Fin said as he gave me a wry smile.

“Yeah,” Grant said, perking.  His eyes darted between me and Fin and I could read his face like a well-loved novel.

I swallowed, nearly choking, and shook my head vigorously.  “Oh, no.  No way.  Don’t go thinking there’s something going on here,” I said, waving my finger betw
een me and Fin.  “He’s just pestering me.”

“Dudes, great game Saturday,” Damon said as he finally sat beside me.  I could have hugged him. 

“Thanks, man,” Fin said, slight blush rising on his cheeks.  “Didn’t know you were there.”

“I was sitting with Rena for a bit,” Damon said as he crammed his cheeseburger in
to his mouth.

“I don’t think Rena enjoyed the game much,” Fin said as he attempted to draw me back into the conversation. 

I pushed my tray away, giving in to defeat.  I’d never finish my lunch now.  “Hockey is hard to follow.”

“It’s not that bad,” he said defensively.  “Once you learn the rules, it’s a lot easier.”

“It’s hard to follow that stupid puck as it flies all over the ice,” I complained.

Grunting, he grimaced.  “Try hitting that
stupid puck into the little nets.”

“You managed just fine,” I pointed out and instantly realized my mistake as his eyes lit up brighter than a Christmas tree.

“So, you were watching me, huh?  Excellent,” he grinned.  I toyed with the clip to the anger-demon’s leash, ready to release him.

“How do you fit that ego of yours through doors?” I asked, causing Grant to spew his milk all over his lunch tray.

“Oh, that’s hilarious,” Grant said, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.  “She nailed you, man.”

Fin forced a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and I knew I’d succeeded in shutting him up – at least for the time being.

“See you in class,” he said as his chair legs scraped the floor.  Picking up his tray, he gestured for Grant to follow him.  They sauntered off to another table where Gina sat, causing her to positively beam.

“You don’t like him much, do you?” Damon asked.

I lifted a shoulder as I watched Gina mosey up to Fin.  “I don’t know.”  I turned my attention on Damon.  “Hey, where are Reg and Shane?”

“Library,” Damon said.  “They have a paper due tomorrow and they have a lot of work to do.”  He finished his burger and glanced at the clock.  “Do you want to hang out tonight or something?”