APOCALYCIOUS: Satire of the Dead (25 page)

             
                                  
Chapter 25 – Bit me baby, one more time

Mine Hills
, West Virginia 

              Mick’s father had worked at the Rock Cave complex as a tour guide off and on for ten years before it had gone under in 2003. The state had simply not been able to afford to keep it open. It was a labyrinth of tunnels and large rooms.

Foster had been killed in March during a resupplying excursion, but had turned the caves into a fortress with all the amenities and had nicknamed it ‘the mine’ before he had died. Foster had done so much for Mick and the girls, even officiating over Mick and Mia’s wedding. Mick wasn’t sure how legally binding the marriage was, but with a crumbled society, he doubted if legalities mattered.

‘The Mine’ had its own generator, hot and cold running water, a shower, electricity, security cameras, and a garage with plenty of extra vehicles, gasoline and oil. After six months of collecting they had a room for just about everything. There was a weight room, a kitchen with a stocked pantry, bedrooms, finely furnished and because it was underground they didn’t have to worry about the military using thermal imaging to find their home and take it for themselves.

             
They pulled into the drive of the mine. The gate was closed and secure. Mick looked at the camera that nested, camouflaged, in one of the trees lining the drive. The mine was secluded even in the heavily forested West Virginia foothills. The more secluded the better. The military was renowned for its knack of taking civilians into captivity and turning the men into work slaves and the women into sex slaves. At least with zombies you knew that they only wanted to feed on you and spread their virus, people, on the other hand, were often perverse in their agendas.

             
The chain link gate, that was interlaced with foliage helped disguise it and it opened on its small, rubber wheels and the two vehicles entered the drive. Mick watched in his side mirror as the gate clattered back into place behind them as they drove.  They continued down the wooded lane for about a mile before reaching the main entrance of the mine tunnels. Mick put the truck in park, exited the vehicle, and walked to where a zombie wearing what remained of a catholic school girl uniform was chained to a tree. He grabbed a large cast iron skillet that hung from a nail on the tree and slammed it against the side of the female zombies head. He heard the skull crack and the zombie crumpled into the mud. He re-hung the skillet on its nail and climbed back into the truck. Mia looked at him in wonder. “Do you really think it’s necessary to mash Britney with a frying pan every time we come home?”

Mick shrugged with a noticeable look of guilt on his face. “
It’s part of my research, Mia, you know that.”

Mia rolled her eyes and thumbed the PTT of her walkie-talkie. “We’re at the door,
Nan.”

             
“Gothcha sis,” said the voice at the other end. The heavy gauge steel door opened and they pulled in and parked beside the other vehicles. The door shut behind them with a metallic boom that echoed inside the large chamber. They exited their vehicles. Sir Regeliel was animated with amazement as he glanced around.

“By the Sword of My Lord!” he exclaimed.

Mick shook his head, unaware that he was doing so, as they walked past numerous armored vehicles. Foster had always made sure they had multiples of everything. Regeliel followed them to a heavy steel door with an intercom beside it.

Mia pushed the talk button. “Open up
Nan.” They heard the two inch thick, steel bar slide from the other side before the door swung open.

             
Candles lined the dark hallway. Mick reset the lock as they went down the hallway. Regeliel kept his head on a swivel as he took everything in. “’Tis a veritable bastion, M’Lady,” he said impressed.

             
“Thank you, Sir Regeliel,” she replied, she wasn’t just humoring him; she liked quirky people and the weirder they were the better. It kept things from getting stale. They walked to the far end of the hallway and were met with an even heavier steel door that looked like it had come from a bank safe, which, indeed it had. Mia turned the combination lock, choosing the code with rapid dexterity. They entered the sanctuary and Nan ran to Mia and threw her arms around her sister’s neck. When they finished Mia introduced Nan to Sir Regeliel.

             
“Awesome, A knight!” Nan squealed with genuine delight. At eighteen years old, Nan was still very much a kid at heart. Even though Foster had trained her in hand to hand combat, first aid and how to shoot, Mick and Mia were given strict orders to make sure she stayed safely inside unless necessity dictated otherwise. “Are you staying here with us, Sir Regeliel?”

             
The knight looked at Mick who nodded his approval. “That I am M’Lady. My sword is yours.”

Mick shook his head again,
Unbelievable.

             
“
Did anyone contact us today Nan?” asked Mick, nodding towards the short wave radio.

             
“There was some chatter from the National Guard; evidently three prisoners escaped from Wright Pat. The Ohio branch notified the West Virginia branch. They seem to be pretty worried about those three for some reason. I talked to Death Wagon for a few minutes, but other than that...nothing.”

             
Mick sighed with apparent concern. There had been a rash of escapes lately. Last month they had monitored a broadcast that two murderers had busted out of Waynesburg, Pennsylvania and from the last report had never been apprehended. He was always worried about being discovered by the military. He could handle being on the run and losing the luxuries of the mine, but he couldn’t bear to imagine losing his girls.

             
“Can I give Sir Regeliel the grand tour, Mia?” she asked.

             
Mia nodded. “Go ahead; we have to unload our supplies.”

             
“Go ahead and show him his bunk too,” added Mick.

             
“OK,” Nan said, then led the knight through the mine, enthusiastically showing him every room of the labyrinth.

             
Mia turned to her husband and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re a good man, Mick Oswald,” she said, then kissed him.

             
“Yeah, yeah,” he said and kissed her again, looking into her dark eyes. She had such power over him. “I love you Mia.”

             
“I know you do. You have since we were kids,” she said picking up their conversation from in town. Mick rolled his eyes. “
And
I love you too, Mick.”

Mia looked around the cavernous room and seeing no one, whispered in his ear, “Do you want to get a shower together?” Her face was flushed and there was urgency in her voice. Mick couldn’t help but smile like a goofy school boy as he touched her face.

“Oh yeah,” he said, and led her from the main chamber.

              A long hot shower with his wife had done wonders for Mick’s nerves. Dressed in a comfortably worn pair of blue jeans and a black pocket tee, which he preferred over the military armor, he wandered into the library and plopped into his favorite chair and propped his feet up on a milk crate. He picked his Bible up from the table beside it and lit a candle to read by. Even though the place had generators, his Father had instructed them to make due with candles to light with because one day the fuel would run dry. Mick was a firm believer that this zombie plague had some Biblical reason for occurring; he had read plenty of history and had seen that God had plenty of reason to unleash His divine wrath upon humanity. Mia, however, was more of a scientific thinker. She believed that this had to have a reason backed by science and not some supernatural hocus-pocus. Mick rubbed his eyes and sat the Bible back down. There were just some days that he didn’t feel like reading.

             
The past few years had morphed Mick from a lanky boy into a strong young man. He had grown up and filled out; he had been lucky enough to inherit his father’s genes and was one of those rare young men that didn’t even have to work out to gain an athletic physique. Even though this was true, he still worked hard to be in the best shape possible, if not out of necessity, then for Mia who loved the musculature of her man.

             
“Do you mind if I peruse these magnificent tomes, Sir Mick?” asked Regeliel, startling him from his reverie. Mick hadn’t noticed him enter the library. The knight had removed his armor and wore what appeared to be a cotton tunic cut open at the neck and canvas trousers tucked into knee high leather boots.

             
Mick shrugged “Go ahead, should be something in that mess to occupy you.”

             
“Young Nan said that dinner would be served forthwith and she made mention of venison with carrots and potatoes. It has been a long time since I have enjoyed such a feast.”

             
Mick smiled. Yeah, the dude was a little on the shell shocked side, but Mia was probably right, he did seem like a good dude.

             
“Did you get settled in to your quarters alright?” Mick asked.

             
“Verily, and I thank you for your kindness, M’Lord.  The Lady Nan helped me gather my armaments and personal effects. She is a delightful girl,” answered Regeliel.

             
“Yeah, she is…smart too. She has probably read every book in here. We try to find new books for her when we go out.”

             
“How often do you go forth to slay the undead?”

             
“We really only do that by proxy. We don’t go out to kill them since there are too many to actually make a dent in that population. We actually only go out to get supplies.”

             
“Nan showed me the store rooms. They are magnificent! I believe you have every comfort known to man…” said Regeliel.

Mick nodded. “My dad saw to it that we are prepared.”

              “He sounds like a great warrior.”

             
“The greatest,” Mick said. An awkward silence fell in the room but was mercifully broken by Nan dashing into the room with the exuberance of the young.

             
“Dinner Mick, dinner Sir Regeliel,” Nan said happily. Sir Regeliel stood and offered her his arm. “M’Lady,” Nan giggled and snaked her arm into the crook of his and smiled broadly.

             
They settled down to dinner around the long oak table. Mick said grace as all bowed their heads, respecting his authority as head of the household. Even though Mia didn’t put much credence in religion, she still respected her husband’s beliefs.

             
“Sir Regeliel, tell us all about your adventures in Parkersburg,” blurted out Nan the very second Mick was done with saying grace. She had an insatiable hunger to devour every detail about the outside world.

Sir Regeliel raised his arms, the cloth tunic receded up toward his elbows as he did, and he revealed a patchwork of scars now that he had abandoned the suit of armor for comfort.

“First, allow me to thank you for your hospitality. Surely, this is a feast fit for a king.”  He lowered his arms and put knife and fork to the juicy deer steak. “MMMmmm, you have excellent culinary skills, M’Lady.”

             
“Thank you, Sir Regeliel,” said Nan, beaming with pride and delight.

             
“As for Parkersburg…the hamlet is mostly inhabited by the dead. I fear that the military has captured most, if not all, other civilians. My brothers-in-arms fought valiantly, but alas, I am all that survived.” He lapsed into a momentary silence as he remembered his fallen comrades before he continued. “Once it was a great city, I imagine, but I suppose that after the plague hit, it was verily slaughtered, although it was the West Virginia National Guard that took the final toll. They killed any who didn’t surrender, and turned those that did into slaves of one sort or other.”

             
Nan was mortified. “How terrible, thank God that Uncle Foster built this home for us.”

             
“Aye, ‘tis a fine castle,” said the knight with genuine regard.

             
“What did you do before the zombies came, Sir Regeliel?” asked Mia.

             
“Ahh… alas, I cannot remember all, my memory is hazy and mostly what I remember is when I reached that beleaguered hamlet called, Parkersburg. When I happened upon Parkersburg, I met up with a group of lads that I knighted and equipped thusly. They were good and hearty lads that taught me many things of this world. They taught me how to play a game called euchre.”