Apocalypse Island (14 page)

“Think about it, Danny.”

“I think you’re playing games,” Wolf said. “And I don’t like it.”

“Danny,” Hardwick said. “Remember what I said a moment ago?”

“Yeah, if I don’t jump through your fucking hoops you’ll send me back to jail. I don’t like extortion.”

“That’s established,” said Hardwick. “But I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Now come back over here and sit down. I think you know precisely what I want you to talk about.”

Wolf did as he was told, sitting down on the couch opposite Hardwick. He bowed his head slightly as if in embarrassment. “The last time we spoke you said you wanted to talk about...her.”

“If you mean Siri, then yes, that’s precisely who I wish you to talk about.”

Chapter 30

Wolf wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about her. He wasn’t sure he could ever talk about her. At the last session the doctor had all but accused him of killing her. But that was ridiculous, of course. First, there was no proof she was dead. And second, Wolf was not convinced that his recent experiences were anything other than dreams.

“I want to know all about her,” the doctor reiterated.

“I don’t see what could possibly be gained by talking about her.”

“You don’t really seem to want to talk about anything, do you, Danny? Only what’s safe. Your childhood certainly isn’t safe, and it appears that Siri isn’t safe either. Now if you’d prefer I could make a phone call.”

“All right, Christ! What do you want to know?”

“I told you, everything.”

“I don’t know anything. She came into my life, told me she loved me, stayed for two years and then disappeared on the night I was accused of murdering a man. I didn’t know anything about her. I didn’t know who she was, where she came from or why she singled me out. I don’t even know if Siri Donovan was her real name.”

“Talk about your time together.”

“What part of our time?”

“Danny, you’re being evasive.”

“I just don’t know what you want from me, doc. Do you want me to tell you how good it felt to hold her in my arms, how good it felt to kiss her, how good it felt to have her long beautiful legs wrapped around me?”

Hardwick glared at Wolf.

“You want to know if I murdered her, don’t you?” Wolf said. “That’s what you really want. That’s what this whole fucking charade is about.”

“Did you murder her?”

“No!”

“You claimed at the trial that she was the only one who could exonerate you.”

“There you have it then. Why would I kill her?”

“I can think of a couple of reasons. One, you were lying. You did murder the man in the alley, a rival for Siri’s affections, and you were afraid she would testify against you.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“I know nothing of the kind,” Hardwick said.

Wolf’s temper rose. “The guy was a loner, a lobsterman who lived on his boat and kept to himself. Siri didn’t even know him!”

“Are you sure about that?”

“It came up at the trial but no one could ever prove it.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t so.”

“And it doesn’t prove I killed her, or that she’s even dead, for that matter.”

“You’re absolutely right,” the psychiatrist said. “And I’m not making accusations. But even if you did kill her and you were to confide in me, what’s discussed here in this office is strictly confidential. Doctor/patient privilege. You understand?”

“Yeah, like I believe that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“But you’ve seen her recently, haven’t you?” Hardwick said.

Wolf glared at the doctor. He felt like the breath had been punched out of him.

“Come, now, Danny. Don’t you think it’s time to start being honest about
something?”

Wolf continued to glare at the doctor. He felt panic closing in trying to suffocate him. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“So it’s true,” the doctor said, sitting forward in his seat, his piercing eyes above his square-rimmed glasses looking right into Wolf. “You
have
seen her.”

Wolf could not believe the doctor had picked up on this. Was the man psychic? How could he possibly know Wolf’s most secret fears and yearnings? He stared at the doctor and licked his lips.

“When you see her,” Hardwick said, “what does she look like? The same as when you knew her?”

“No, doc, but it seems you already know that, don’t you?”

“I know nothing of the kind,” Hardwick replied. “I’m simply trying to coax dialogue from you. It’s possible that you could be suffering from a condition known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve had my share of patients with similar symptoms. Your condition is not unique.”

Wolf stared. “You’ve got to be shitting me, doc.”

“Not at all, Danny.”

“You think that’s all it is? You think that’s why I can’t remember half the shit in my life? You think that’s why I’m seeing a fucking ghost? Some sort of post traumatic stress?”

“Are
you seeing a ghost?”

“I don’t know,” Wolf said. “I prefer to believe that they’re dreams.”

“If you would talk to me about it, perhaps I could help you make some sense of it.”

“Christ, it’s just that thinking about her that way makes me so fucking crazy.”

“You mean...as a...?”

“Yeah, a ghost. If she’s a ghost it means she’s dead. And I don’t want her to be dead.”

“When did these visitations start?”

“I don’t think they’re visitations. I think they’re dreams!”

“Okay, dreams. When did these...” Hardwick cleared his throat. “When did these dreams begin?”

“Just before I got out of prison. One night I saw her. But then, a couple of weeks ago I saw her again.”

“And you never saw her before that first incident?”

Wolf shook his head. “Never.”

“Tell me exactly what happened.”

“She just appeared in my cell. It was in my mind, doc. It wasn’t real.”

“Okay, that’s established. Even so, I think we should explore this some. Tell me, what did she look like?”

“What do you think she looked like? She looked like a ghost.”

“Give me some details,” Hardwick said.

“She was wearing a gauzy dress of some kind, almost see through, and her eyes were empty, like she wasn’t really seeing me.”

“And did she communicate in any way with you?”

Wolf shook his head. No fucking way was he going to admit any of that, especially the part about them making love. Hardwick already thought he was crazy. “It wasn’t real, I tell you. It was a dream.”

“You’ve been having a lot of dreams lately, haven’t you, Danny?”

Wolf nodded. “Yeah, too many. If you want the truth, I don’t think I can take much more of it.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You know, doc, I’m talking about choices. We all have them.” Wolf gave the doctor a bleak smile.

“I see,” said Hardwick. “Let’s change the subject for a moment, shall we?”

“Glad to.”

“Tell me about the band.”

“The band?”

“That’s right. Your work. You are a singer in a rock band, are you not?”

“Yeah.”

“A most interesting profession.”

“If you say so.”

Hardwick seemed amused. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”  

Wolf shrugged. “It’s a job. Mostly we do dives, playing for a bunch of drunks, druggies and vampire wannabes. It pays the bills.”

“Vampire wannabes?” Hardwick raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that’s what I call them. You know, these goth chicks that dress all in black and slither around from bar to bar like every night is Halloween.” Wolf shrugged. “Fucking nut jobs if you ask me. The city’s full of ‘em. Maybe it’s the only way they can get noticed.”

“Interesting observation,” Hardwick said. “You think they do it for attention?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I think it’s complicated. On the one hand they’re saying I want to be an individual, I want to be left alone to be myself and do my own thing, and they don’t even realize that they look just like all the other idiots around them. I don’t know. I think these days a lot of people are just lost.”

Hardwick smiled. “It seems you have the mind of a poet.”

Wolf grunted a small noise of derision. “I don’t know about that. Being up on stage gives me a chance to observe people. There’s this place I go when I’m performing that’s almost trancelike. It allows me to really
see
people and I make up these little lives for them.”

“So there are usually lots of women around when your band plays.”

“Sure, groupies. You know.”

“You like groupies?”

“Yeah, they’re all right. In a sense they give me my paycheck so I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on them.”

“And you like booze, too, right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You like booze and you like women.”

“Yeah, Doc. What about it? That explains about ninety-nine percent of the guys on planet earth. How about you?”

“Tell me about them,” Hardwick said, readjusting himself in his seat.

Wolf squinted at the psychiatrist. “Them?”

“The groupies you mentioned a moment ago.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Do any of them go home with you?”

Wolf was speechless for a long moment as he stared at the doctor. Finally he shook his head.

“Why not?”

Wolf looked toward the window. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just a private person.”

“Private? You mean in your surroundings, in the place where you live? You don’t want anybody to violate your sanctity?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s it.”

“You don’t sound very convinced.”

“Well, what do you want me to tell you?”

The psychiatrist sat forward in his seat and stared at Wolf. “The truth would be helpful. There are other reasons why you don’t take women home with you, other than your privacy violation issues. Am I right?”

Wolf watched the doctor for a long silent moment, amazed and a little bit afraid of his keen perception.

“Danny?”

“Okay, doc, maybe I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Yeah.”

“So, you don’t have permanent relationships with women because you’re afraid?”

Wolf gave his head a quick little nod.

“You’re afraid of what might happen?”

Wolf frowned in puzzlement. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Are you afraid of women, Danny?”

“Of course not!”

“You told me you were afraid. What is it that you’re afraid of? Sex?”

“Hell no!”

“What then? Are you afraid you’ll harm one of these women?”

Chapter 31

Wolf sprang from the couch, rage and revulsion both blossoming in his gut. “What the hell are you getting at?” he said, glaring across the desk at the psychiatrist.

“Please sit down,” Hardwick said firmly.

Wolf hesitated for a short moment before sitting back down, his rage simmering, making him sick inside.

“I thought I’d made it clear that these kinds of outbursts would not be tolerated?”

“I’m sorry, doc. I do want to cooperate, but Christ, I couldn’t hurt anyone.”

“Are you absolutely sure of that?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Why are you asking me this?”

“What then, Danny? What are you afraid of?”

Wolf licked his lips. “I don’t know, Doc. Jesus, I don’t know.”

“But you do have...sex with women, don’t you?” The doctor was sitting forward again in anticipation.

“Yeah, so?”

“Where, then? Their place?”

“Sometimes, but usually it’ll be after a gig, in an alleyway or a men’s room or a band room. I don’t know. What fucking difference does it make?”

Hardwick drummed his fingers and waited.

“I know it sounds sleazy,” Wolf said. “But that’s the way it’s been lately. I always send them away afterwards. I think it’s because I don’t dare take a chance on a real relationship. I haven’t been able to have one since Siri. I guess I’m just one fucked up individual.”

Hardwick did not reply.

“I just can’t explain it, doc.”

“Tell me more about what’s happening in your life now.”

“Not much to tell really. I work until two, two-thirty every night, and then I go home and drink myself stupid, hoping it will help to usher in the darkness so that I might have a few hours of peace. But lately nearly every time I sleep the dreams take over. They’re like out-of-body experiences. I just can’t explain it. If you want the truth, I think there are some blank spots in my memory, things I should be able to remember, but I can’t, or don’t want to. They try to surface sometimes, and I can almost reach them, then the dreams start and I end up pushing it all back in again not wanting to know. I think I’m afraid if I do remember it’ll be the end of me. But maybe that’s what this is all coming to. To tell you the truth, doc, lately I’ve been seriously considering...”

“Ending it all?” Hardwick finished for him.

Wolf stared across the desk at the doctor and said nothing.

There was a newspaper hidden in the shadows on Hardwick’s desk and he pushed it into the light, toward Wolf. “Did you see this morning’s paper, Danny?”

Wolf glanced down at the headline then quickly looked away. “No,” he said trying to hide the emotion he felt. His heart was pounding and blood was rushing to his head.

“Read the headline aloud.”

“What?”

Hardwick leaned forward, his eyes narrowing, his jaw firmly set. “I said read it.”

“I don’t want to read it.”

“Not debatable. Read the headline.”

“You fuck! What are you trying to do to me?”

“I’m trying to help you. Don’t you know that, Danny? Now read the headline.”

Wolf stared fixedly down at the headline for a long moment before proceeding. Finally he read:

“CROSS MY HEART KILLER CLAIMS SECOND VICTIM.”

Lances of fear stabbed into Wolf’s heart and he could barely breathe.

“Her name was Amy Salinger,” Hardwick said. “She was found at the city landfill yesterday morning stabbed to death with a cross carved on her body.”

“Oh, Christ,” Wolf said.

“You knew her, didn’t you?”