April's Glow (16 page)

‘It's just easier to … to keep my distance,' she said quietly.

‘What for? It's not like I'm going to come by tomorrow and ask you to marry me or to come over for a passionate night of you-know-what. I'm committed to being dateless and celibate right now.'

Her cheeks burned. ‘Oh, you think I can't resist you, is that it?' She planted her hands on her hips. ‘Like I could just launch myself at you in any given moment with uncontrolled desire and passion? Huh!'

He was totally right.

‘Look, I just mean that you don't have to worry. Right now, I just want to be your friend. Your neighbour. Someone you can chat to here and there, exchange books with, share the odd meal—if that's not too difficult.'

Right now. Why did he keep talking about right now? In the moment. She remembered that he'd said that in September he will have been sober for twelve months. Of course. Alcoholics are advised to avoid getting into new personal relationships until at least twelve months of sobriety have passed.

‘It's not difficult, but you revealing this to me, it's brought back a lot of stuff about my dad. And he's just been discharged from hospital. He ends up there a lot. It takes its toll, not only on him, but on my mum and me.'

‘Okay, fair enough, I get that.' He relaxed his posture. ‘But let's try to be civil, yeah? We've had some good conversations. No need to stop. I understand where you're coming from, I do. But don't forget that I'm not your father.'

That was true, but she also couldn't forget that her father was not her father. Once the drink took hold, it possessed him, as it did with other alcoholics. It was like an evil spirit that lingered and spread itself among all those who allowed it. Zac had allowed it, maybe not now, but once.

She took a deep breath. It wasn't fair to treat him badly because of her father.

‘I'm sorry for being rude, I hope you understand. And okay, I'll try to not let my past get in the way of being a courteous neighbour.'

‘And friend, perhaps?'

‘Sure.' She shrugged. Friends. It sounded simple. But the thing was, deep down in that forbidden part of her, she didn't know if she could be
just
friends. But she would have to be. And if she ever doubted her resolve, she need only visit her father and be reminded of the reality.

She could not, would not, allow herself to get involved.

‘Wonder if he ever points that thing at you,' Zoe said, as she peered discreetly out the window near April's back door, spying on Zac as he looked through his telescope. ‘I don't know why you won't let me go out there and introduce myself.'

‘I'll explain at dinner. Anyway he looks busy, we should leave him to it.'

‘Busy?' She chuckled. ‘The man's gazing at the stars.'

Well, she did say she'd try to be friendlier. She was surprised he even wanted to be friends, after the way she'd practically accused him of being like her father, who he didn't know, but she hadn't painted him in the best light. ‘Okay, but just a quick hello, don't bombard him. He's kind of shy.' She didn't know whether to reveal that he had mild agoraphobia. She told pretty much everything to Zoe, but had Zac told her in confidence? And what about his history, should she even be telling her that? But both secrets had been revealed out of the context of the confidential thirty-six questions, so it was different. She needed to tell her something, to help her manage the whirlwind of emotions swirling up inside. Yes she'd told her mother, but for her, there would be no discussion on Zac. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, she would simply say.

April opened the back door and Zac looked up and across at them. ‘Zac, this is Zoe. Zoe, this is Zac.' Even though her friend knew too well who he was.

He smiled. ‘Hey.'

‘Hey,' Zoe replied.

Romeo dashed through April's legs and out onto the deck, then leapt into the tree near Zac's fence and jumped over into his yard. ‘Oh, Romeo!' April called out.

‘You called?' Zac asked. Zoe laughed and April shot him an are-you-kidding-me look, and he held up his hands. ‘Kidding. I'll get him. Hang on.'

Zac was back. Back to his old tricks.

Zoe and April glanced at each other, and Zoe fanned her face as though she had a hot flush. April nudged her. ‘Stop it.'

‘Romeo, wherefore art thou,' he said, crouching near the bushes. ‘Stop humping Juliet.'

Zoe laughed again. ‘Who's Juliet?'

‘Zac's cat.'—‘My cat.' They both spoke at the same time.

‘I might get a cat and call it Shakespeare,' Zoe said.

Zac smiled as he picked up Romeo. ‘I think they want to move in together,' he said, handing back her cat. His arm muscles bulged beneath his sleeves and she tried not to look. Zoe looked.

‘Thanks again,' she said.

‘So Romeo's done this before, huh?' asked Zoe. ‘Cheeky thing.'

‘Yes,' replied Zac. ‘As I said, they're getting serious, I think.'

‘Better take him inside,' April said, heading towards the deck.

‘When was the last time you looked at stars?'

She turned. ‘Stars? Stars. Um, I don't remember.'

‘I saw a few stars after my work function last weekend. Spinning ones,' Zoe said.

Okay, she would have to tell her. She couldn't make alcohol jokes around Zac. April was used to the odd one and didn't mind so much when they were lighthearted and not related to her father's condition, but anything that made Zac think of alcohol was probably not a good idea.

‘Come look at these,' said Zac. ‘It's a beautiful, clear night.' He gestured towards his telescope.

‘Oh, we have to get to Café Lagoon, dinnertime,' April said.

‘I'd love to!' Zoe moved towards the fence.

April sighed on the inside. She'd probably get used to Zac again, but things were still a little raw and vulnerable, after the recent dealings with her dad, and having opened up to Zac last week. Actually, he had been right. She
was
feeling exposed. She wasn't used to baring her feelings or talking about her past. He was taking her to places inside she wasn't sure she wanted to visit.

‘There's a gate around the …' Zac began, but Zoe had already stepped on the short brick wall surrounding a flower garden near April's side of the fence, and was lifting herself up onto the fence.

‘Zoe! What are you, eight years old?' April sounded like Olivia, except Olivia would say to her daughter, ‘Mia, what are you, eighteen years old?' when she tried on her mother's clothes and make-up.

Zac was laughing. ‘Sure, come on over!'

April took Romeo back inside and locked him in the laundry early for the night. Then she went back outside. Zoe peered through the telescope as Zac explained things to her, something about the big one next to the smaller one.

‘Cool,' said Zoe. ‘Come take a look, Ape.'

‘No thanks, I'll wait for you. Couldn't be bothered walking around.' Yeah, she'd just used her leg as an excuse. She wasn't about to climb over like Zoe had, and anyway, she was wearing a skirt.

Zoe must have sensed April's discomfort as she moved her face away from the telescope. ‘Was that my stomach? Better go eat,' she said. ‘Nice to meet you, Zac. Thanks for the astrology lesson.'

‘Astronomy,' he corrected.

‘Oops!' She slapped her forehead. ‘You're a Capricorn, right?'

‘How'd you know?' He raised his eyebrows.

‘Wild guess.' She went to climb the fence but must have realised there was no brick wall on his side as she stopped and looked around.

‘Here, I'll give you a boost.' Zac intertwined his hands and she placed her foot on it. His hands barely moved under her weight.

‘Or you could walk around the gate like a normal person,' April joked.

‘I'm not normal,' she said, heaving herself up and over, landing back in April's yard.

‘Have fun?' April asked.

‘Sure did. Thanks, Zac.' She waved, and he waved back.

‘Have a good night,' he said.

‘Hey, do you want to come too?' Zoe asked.

Oh man!
Now she'd really have to tell her everything.

Zac and April's gaze connected and she mouthed ‘sorry'.

‘Thanks ladies, but it's a quiet night in for me and Juliet.' He smiled and stepped onto his deck, his cat following him.

How did he do that?

‘Goodnight,' Zoe said, and April ushered her back inside before she asked him to reveal his life story and declare if he had feelings for her friend.

‘Zoe, God, I thought I'd never get you away from him!'

‘If you don't want him I'll have him.'

‘No. Leave him be.' She grabbed her handbag. ‘Let's go.'

‘Seriously, why you're not jumping him at every available opportunity I have no idea, girl.'

‘He's an alcoholic, alright?' Oops. Blurt number three thousand and forty seven of her adult life.

Zoe's mouth gaped. ‘Are you serious?'

She nodded. ‘Sober for eight months.'

‘So he's recovered.'

‘
Recovering
,' she said. ‘He'll never be “recovered”, he said that himself.'

‘That doesn't mean he'll go back to drinking, just that he can never have a drink without risking it, right?'

‘Apparently,' she said weakly.

‘You don't sound convinced.'

‘I know some go on to stay sober for the rest of their lives, but I also know many don't. And Zac, he's been through a lot. I mean,
a lot
. There's a lot that could trigger him.'

Zoe's brow furrowed and she linked her arm in April's. ‘Come on,' she said. ‘I think we have a lot to discuss.'

* * *

After an hour of dinnertime discussion at Café Lagoon, in which April had talked further about Zac's history as well as the latest on her dad, Zoe had advised she had three options: either stay friends and avoid giving into temptation, forget avoiding him and have a one-night or one-month stand, or move elsewhere and try her luck with internet dating once again. ‘What it all boils down to,' Zoe said, ‘is living in the moment and going with the flow, or being cautious and avoiding getting hurt, which, although safer, could also involve avoiding what could be an amazing experience that could help you move forward in life.'

‘I'm not convinced you're making this any easier,' she said.

Zoe called Jonah over to the table. ‘Does the barista have any advice for the candle seller?' Zoe asked.

‘Advice on what?' he asked, slipping his hands into his pockets. He'd had a haircut, April noticed. Most shaved off, number three, like Zac. He looked somewhat older now.

‘Should April live in the moment and take a few risks, or live with caution and stay safe?'

‘You're not talking about climbing Everest or anything are you? Or backpacking around the Australian outback?'

‘Um, no, definitely not,' she said.

‘In that case, live
cautiously
in the moment.' He grinned. ‘No really, live in the moment, otherwise, you're always scared something bad's gonna happen. Who wants to live in fear like that?'

April allowed his words to absorb into her mind. But bad things
did
happen.

‘When I was travelling around Europe,' he said, ‘some of the best times I had were the unplanned ones. The risky ones, too. I had a plan for some things, but plans often change, and you just have to go with it. Trust life.'

She didn't know if she could do that.

‘You're very smart and insightful for a young dude,' Zoe said.

‘It's the coffee,' he said. ‘It's magic.' He winked, walking back to behind the counter, singing some song she didn't recognise because she hadn't listened to any songs for so long.

Truth Chicken and now Magic Coffee. If the coffee could tell her the future, she'd drink bucket loads of it.

It had been two weeks since their heated discussion about alcoholism and her father, and Zac was feeling more positive. She was still a bit reserved in their interactions, in her unreserved ‘April' kind of way. Maybe cautious was a better word. But she was making an effort to give him the benefit of the doubt.

As he carried his new outdoor heater, a chiminea, to his back deck, he watched as she filled her backyard birdbath with water.

‘Lunchbreak?' he asked. It was a Monday, in the middle of May.

‘Even better. Day off,' she said. ‘I've hired a new casual employee, Brenda. Which is really confusing because my other one is Belinda, so I keep getting them mixed up and calling one Berinda and the other one Blenda.'

Zac laughed. She was back to her normal self. ‘Or you could combine them to save time and call them Blenderinda.'

‘Ah, like celebrity couples do.'

‘I wouldn't know, I don't keep up with celebrity gossip. Don't even have a television,' he said.

She knew there'd been something missing in his living room when she'd had dinner at his house.

‘Well, they combine their names, so Brad and Angelina have been called Brangelina, for example.'

He nodded. ‘So our cats could be Juleo or Romiet.'

He loved the way her cheeks went glossy and round when she smiled. Like little balloons puffing up inside her cheeks.

He almost added that they could be
Zacril
, but resisted. They weren't a couple, and she certainly didn't want to be one. But he was enjoying getting to know her anyway, and he had figured out that whatever happened or didn't happen between them in the future, he knew that, somehow, they were important for each other. He would persist in building their friendship. He believed in a greater purpose in life, in the journey, and maybe she was here to help him transition back into normal life, whatever that was. And maybe he was here to help her stop deflecting the important things, to stop avoiding the hard stuff just because it hurt, and to understand more about life, the universe, and its wonders. And maybe even help her make amends with her father. And if that was all it would be, then so be it. It would be better than nothing, and better than where he had been before moving to Tarrin's Bay. It was all about progress.