Arabella (36 page)

             
'Why do you say that?'

             
'The master never brought his mistresses to the country house,' Mrs Saunders replied.  'He gave you the room that had belonged to his sister – though I was told her London clothes were packed away after you wore one of them.  And the remainder of her things were burned after she died by the old master.'

             
'His sister…' Arabella stared at her in astonishment.  'Those gowns belonged to Gervase's sister?'

             
'Aye.  Thought the world of her he did.  If Gervase ever loved anyone it was Miss Helen. It sent him near mad with grief when he knew what had happened to her – what that rogue Sylvester did to her, and her but an innocent child.  If I could have got my hands on him I'd have killed him myself. It was wicked and the way her father treated her no better.'

             
'You mean Harry Sylvester?  Did he seduce her?'  Arabella felt the shock run through her as the housekeeper nodded. Ice was spreading through her and she felt sick to her stomach. 'No wonder Gervase hated Harry!  I cannot blame him after what you have told me. What happened to his sister?'

             
'Her father sent her away in disgrace. She died having the child, and the child died soon after of neglect so they say.   When his lordship heard of it he was in a blue rage for weeks.  I thought his grief would send him mad or that he would kill that rogue for sure, but Sylvester would never fight him until that last time and his lordship is too honourable a man to send his servants to thrash him.  There's a good many others would have done it, miss, and so I tell you!'

             
'Yes, I believe you,' Arabella said.  The tale was harrowing and had made her want to cry.  'I…thank you for telling me.  I wish that I had known this a long time ago.'  Why had no one ever told her?  If she had known how wicked Harry was, she might have been more sensible.

             
'It was hushed up at the time.  His lordship didn't want Miss Helen's name dragged through the mud or I dare say he would have thrashed Sylvester in public.'

             
Why had he not told her?  She understood now why he had been so angry to see her wearing his sister's gown – why he had hated Harry and warned her not to trust him right from the beginning.  If only she had listened!  If she had never believed herself in love with Harry… how different things might have been.

             
'You have made it easier for me to understand many things, Mrs Saunders.  I am grateful to you.'

             
The housekeeper nodded, relaxing slightly.  'I hope that there need be no unpleasantness between us, Mistress Tucker?'

             
'No, of course not,' Arabella said.  'But you may call me Bella if you wish.  Nothing has changed.'

             
'I thank you for the offer, miss, but I beg to differ.  His lordship knows his own mind, and I believe you will find that he intends a great many changes.'

Arabella left James sleeping in his cot that afternoon three weeks later.  Torah was sitting by him, keeping a watch as she often did, and Arabella was free for an hour or so.  Whenever she felt that she could leave the child she liked to walk in the sunshine, to explore the estate.  Once she had walked up to the new house to watch the men at work on it.  Clearly it was intended to be a grand mansion, with many windows, steps leading up to the imposing colonnade and front door.  Most of it was ready but the walls were receiving a final coat of white wash and the sound of hammering could still be heard from inside.

             
Gervase had been there, discussing something with the master builder, so intent on his purpose that he had not noticed her.  She had done nothing to attract his attention, for she knew that if he wanted to see her he would come to her.

             
In the three weeks since his return she had seen him at a distance as she walked, sometimes with James, sometimes alone, and she knew that he had visited his son several times when she was out.  Had he deliberately chosen those times?  She was uncertain whether he was avoiding her or she him; she only knew that there was a part of her that longed for him while another resisted.

             
If she had truly been free to choose would she have left him?  Sometimes her pride made her want to be free, but she knew that she was bound to Gervase – and to the child she loved as if he were her own.

             
So if she did not wish to leave, why did she fear giving herself to Gervase again?  Was it only pride or something more?

             
She was standing by the river that fed the plantation when she heard the sound of a horse's hooves.  She knew that the rider had dismounted but did not turn her head, sensing without looking that it was Gervase.

             
'Nat told me you come here,' Gervase said as he came to stand beside her.  'He likes you – did you know that?'

             
She turned to look at him, her heart catching.  How strong and vital he looked, wearing riding breeches and an open necked shirt.  His skin had taken on a healthy glow since he'd come to this country and it clearly suited him far better than the life he had led in London.  Her heart was racing and her mouth felt dry as she turned back to look at the river.

             
'He is a rogue but I find him amusing company,' she said.  'But you need not glare so, Gervase.  He is merely a friend – as Matthew and Flores and all the others…'

             
'You have found a life for yourself here?'

             
'Yes.'  She lifted her head, gazing into his eyes.  'I am content, my lord.'

             
'It is better if you call me Gervase,' he replied his expression giving nothing away.  'I have no use for empty titles here – nor ever did if truth be known.'

             
'They meant something in England.'

             
'But not here,' Gervase said.  'This is a young country, Bella, and we shall not always bend the knee to England.  Why should we pay their taxes?  We do not need them or their laws.  We shall form our own.'

             
'Become an independent country?'

             
'Why not?'

             
'I see no reason why not,' Arabella said.  'That is why you planned to come here, isn't it, Gervase?  Because you were tired of the old ways – of the injustice and the corruption?  You wanted to be free of it, to find a new life here.'

             
'Yes,' he admitted.  'England had become too small for me, Bella.  I felt stifled there and I believed that a man might be able to breathe in this country.  There is so much space, freedom – and equality.  Here a man may rise on the back of his ambition.  In England class and birth is all and the poor have little chance of acquiring anything more than they were born with – unless they rob or cheat.  'Tis little wonder that men like Nat take the law into their own hands.  Here he will have a chance to make something of himself.'

             
'He was lucky not to hang,' she said.  'As was I – you have not forgot that I was accused of murdering your closest friend?'

             
'Jack saved my life, but he was not always a friend to me,' Gervase replied.  'He took advantage too often and I sometimes felt that I should end the association, but being of an indolent nature I did not.' He shrugged his shoulders.

             
'There is nothing indolent about the man who dreamed of this and made it happen,' Arabella said and laughed huskily.  'You would have me believe you something other than you are, Gervase.  You kept up your friendship with Jack because you were grateful to him for saving your life, and despite his faults you liked him – as I did most of the time.'

'You don't hate him?'

'I wish that none of it had happened.'  She looked him in the eyes. 'Why did you never tell me the truth about Harry Sylvester?'

             
'Would it have made a difference?'  His eyes were gently mocking.  'I have not forgotten the girl I propositioned at that inn, Bella.  I do not believe that she would have listened to anything I had to say.'

             
'I was terribly insulted,' she said and her eyes were bright with laughter.  'At least, I knew that I ought to be insulted – but in truth I was excited.  You were the first man who had ever dared to speak to me that way.  My father's neighbours were so polite and so boring!  You made my blood race but I was angry with you for thinking me a whore.'

             
'I was foolish to think money could buy you.  I have learned my lesson the hard way, my love.'

             
'But you
have
bought me, Gervase – several times.'

             
'I bought you once to save you from being sold to the highest bidder at that infamous auction,' he admitted.  'But that is the only time, Bella.  I do not own your bond.  You were given a free pardon by the judge who so carelessly condemned you.'

             
'A pardon?  But I was told…'  she stared at him in bewilderment.  'I don't understand, Gervase.'

             
'I planned it that way,' he said.  'I was afraid of what you might do if you knew the truth.  I feared that you might hate me after all that had happened, and I blamed myself for leaving you to the wolves.  When I left you I was too angry to consider, but I should have known what they would do.  You were alone and vulnerable, but I did not expect things to develop so quickly, and I intended to return as soon as my plans were complete.'

             
'You meant to return?'  All the rest meant nothing.  Her heart beat so fast that she could scarcely breathe. 'I thought that I should never see you again.  You said it was over…'

             
'I know what I said, Bella, but once my temper had cooled I knew that it could never be over between us.  You are a part of me, the heart of me – and I could no more live without you than the air I breathe .I should have returned the next day and told you how I felt, but my pride would not permit it.  I thought it would do you good to have time to regret – at least I hoped you would regret our parting.'

             
'Gervase…' Her throat felt tight and she was close to tears.  'Of course I regretted it, but you seemed not to care.  I thought I was just…just…'

             
'Just a mistress I could discard when I was tired of you?  That is my fault, Bella – but I was too afraid to let you see what you meant to me.  I loved you but I did not trust you.  I thought you would betray me with…' He broke off, a look of pain in his eyes.

             
'With Harry Sylvester?'  She blinked away her tears, realising for the first time how much she had hurt him by giving herself to the man he hated.  'I was such a fool to think that Harry was the man for me.  So young and silly that I could not tell the dross from the gold.  And when you quarrelled with him I defended him despite myself.  In my heart I knew the truth by then, but I thought you meant to leave me and I wanted to strike out, to hurt you as you were hurting me.'

             
'Then we were both fools,' Gervase said the mockery leaving his eyes.  'Can we start again, Bella?  Can we go back to the beginning – when I promised to cover your beautiful body in jewels if you would consent to be mine?'

             
'And I told you to go to the devil!'  Arabella gurgled with laughter.  'Oh, how I wanted to hit you that night, Gervase.  You seemed so arrogant, so sure of yoruself.'

             
'I had always found women too easy to fall into my arms,' he admitted.  'At first I saw you as a challenge – as a citadel to be breached – but then I began to realise that you meant much more to me.  When I saw you flirting with Sylvester I wanted to snatch you away from him and put you across my knee.  And I wanted to kill him.'

             
'Why didn't you kill him, Gervase?  They told me you could have done so easily if you wished.'

             
'Because I thought of you, Bella.  I knew that I had no right to kill the man you loved.  That I had no right to deny you the right to choose.'

             
'If you had killed him I might never have known the truth,' Arabella said.  'I was beginning to forget him until that night, but I didn't know for sure until it was too late.'

             
'Know what, Bella?'  His eyes were intent on her face.

             
'I wasn't sure that I loved you,' she said, gazing up at him.  'It was only after you left me that I realised my life was empty without you.  I even went to see Harry, but it wasn't him I wanted.  There were plenty of others to take your place had I been ready to accept them – but I couldn't stop crying.  I drank too much wine and then Jack tried to force himself on me.  I didn't kill him, Gervase.  I struck him with a poker but it did no more than draw a spot of blood, and that made him furious.   He hated it when I told him you were twice the man he was and was determined to punish me. We were fighting and I pushed him away and he fell.'