Archer's Voice (29 page)

A
nd then they were gone.

Somewhere
far away I heard another car screech to a stop and footsteps running toward me. In the ten minutes it took for my life as I knew it to end, not another car had driven by.

A loud scream
filled the air and I felt my body jerk.

"You!" a
female voice screamed. It was Aunt Tori. I recognized her voice. "Oh God! Oh God! This is all
your
fault!" I opened my eyes. She was pointing her finger straight at me and her eyes were filled with hatred.
"Your fault!"
And then she screamed it again and again and again as the world faded out around me and the blue sky above me turned black.

Bree

It was early, early morning–the sun wasn't even up yet
as I opened Archer's gate quietly, let Phoebe out of her carrier, and walked down the driveway to his house.

I tried his door and it was open
, and so I tiptoed in, not wanting to wake him. I sucked in a breath and froze. His living room was torn apart, every book on the floor, furniture and lamps turned over, pictures lying broken on the ground. Ice water hit my veins. Oh God, oh God, oh God. What had happened here?

The light from the bathroom was on and the door just cracked, illuminating
his short hallway enough to see as I walked toward Archer's bedroom on legs that felt like jelly, vomit coming up my throat.

I
turned into his room and immediately saw his form huddled on his bed, fully dressed. His eyes were open, staring at the wall.

I rushed to him. His skin was clammy and he was trembling slightly. "Archer? Archer? Baby, what's wrong?"

His eyes moved to me, unseeing, looking right through me. I started to cry. "Archer, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Oh God, do you need a doctor? What happened here? Talk to me."

His eyes seemed to clear a little, moving over my face.
Suddenly in one swift movement, he sat up and grabbed me, his hands moving over my face, my hair, my shoulders. His expression cleared completely for an instant before torment filled his face and he pulled me to him harshly, making me cry out. He held my body in a vice grip, his body trembling so severely that it almost felt like he was having a seizure in my arms.

Oh God, he thought something had happened to me. "Oh Archer, I'm sorry, so sorry. My phone got ruined. I'm sorry.
I dropped it in a puddle in front of McDonalds. I'm sorry," I cried into his chest, gripping his shirt. "I'm so sorry, Archer baby. I didn't have your number… so stupid. I should have written it down. I'm so sorry. Archer, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm so sorry."

We held each other this
way for what seemed like hours, his breathing returning to normal. His body stilled and his grip loosened on me until he finally sat back and looked into my eyes, his own still filled with torment, with something that looked very close to grief.

"I'm here," I whispered, brushing the hair off of his forehead. "I'm here, Archer."

He brought his hands up.
I had almost forgotten what it feels like,
he said, suddenly looking lost, like a little boy. My heart beat hollowly in my chest, breaking for the man I loved, so petrified of loss that his mind had checked out in order that he could deal with his agonizing fear. Oh, Archer. I stifled a sob. The last thing he needed right now was for me to lose it.

"What
what
feels like?" I whispered.

To be completely alone
.

"You're not, baby. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."

He looked at me then and finally, smiled a sad smile.
This is that burden I was talking about, Bree. This is what the burden of loving me looks like.

"Loving you isn't a burden. Loving you is an honor and a joy, Archer." I used my voice to talk to him so I could keep gripping his thighs with my hands. The contact felt important–not just for him, but for me.
"You couldn't talk me out of loving you if you tried anyway. It's not a choice for me. It's just a truth."

He shook his head, looking lost again.
If you hadn't come back, I would have lay here until I died. I would have just willed myself to die.

I shook my head. "
No, you wouldn't have. It feels like that, but you wouldn't have. Somehow you would have had the strength to go on. I believe that about you. But you don't have to, because I'm here."

He shook his head.
No. I would have just faded to dust, right here. How does that make you see me? Do I seem strong to you? Am I the kind of man you want?
He looked into my eyes, begging me to tell him what he wanted to hear, but I didn't know what that was. Did he want me to tell him he was impossible to love? Did he want me to tell him I wasn't strong enough to love him? That the reassurance he needed from me was too much?

He pulled me
to him and after a few minutes we moved over and lay down on his bed. I kicked my shoes off and pulled his quilt over us.

I listened to Archer's quiet breathing right at my ear, and after a few minutes, I closed my eyes too. We fell asleep facing each other, arms and legs entwined, our hearts beating a slow, steady rhythm
.

Sometime later, when the midday sun was lighting the edges of the shade over Archer's bedroom window, I awoke as he pulled my jeans down my legs and my shirt over my head.
He moved his hands over my skin as he closed his eyes and kissed me, almost as if he needed the constant contact to assure himself I was truly there with him. When I wrapped my legs around his hips and held him tightly, the look of relief that passed over his features was almost heart-wrenching. He moved inside me with deep, powerful thrusts, and I dropped my head back on the pillow, sighing with pleasure.

The pleasure rose higher and higher until I tipped over the edge, breathing out his name as my body shuddered in release. A few seconds later he followed behind me on two last jerky thrusts and then pressed deeply inside me as he stuck his face in my neck and just breathed there for several minutes.

I ran my hands up and down his back, whispering words of love in his ear over and over and over.

After a few minutes, he rolled to the side and gathered me in his arms again and was almost instantly asleep.

I lay there in the dim light of his room, listening to him breathe. I had to pee, and my thighs were sticky with his release, but I refused to move. I knew instinctively that he needed me right where I was. After a little while, I fell back to sleep too, my face next to his smooth chest, my breath against his skin, my legs entwined with his.

**********

I woke up later and I was alone in bed, and the sun had moved in the sky. The light around the border of the shade was now muted and golden. Had we slept all day?

I sat up and stretched, my sore muscles protesting with my movement. I didn't think I had moved
at all–wrapped in Archer's vice grip.

I looked
up as he walked in the bedroom wearing a towel around his waist and rubbing another one through his hair that had already grown a little longer, starting to curl up slightly in the back and flop over his forehead a little. I liked it.

"Hi," I croaked out, smiling and bringing the sheet up over my breasts. He smiled back, a shy smile, and sat down on the side of the bed. He kept rubbing the towel through his hair absently for another minute as he look
ed down, and then he put the towel next to him on the bed and looked up at me.

I'm sorry about last night.
I lost it, Bree, I was so scared and I didn't know what to do. I felt alone and helpless again.
He paused, pursing his lips and obviously gathering his thoughts.
I… freaked out, I guess. I don't even remember doing what I did to the living room.

I grabbed his hands and shook my head.
Archer, do you remember how I reacted when I got caught in that net out there?
I gestured my head to the window
. I get it. Sometimes fear gets the best of you. I get it. I'm the last person you have to apologize to about that. You picked up where I left off once, and now I get to do that for you. That's how it works, okay?

He nodded, looking at me so solemnly.
The problem, Bree, is that I feel like it's getting better for you and worse for me.

I'm up for the challenge
,
I said, raising my brows and smiling at him slightly, trying to coax a smile from him too.

It worked
, and he let out a breath and nodded.
Are you hungry?

Famished.

He smiled, but it still looked a little sad. I looked at him for a minute and then leaned forward and threw my arms around him. "I love you," I whispered in his ear. His body tensed slightly, but he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me back tightly.

We sat there like that for a few minutes and then I said against his neck. "I need a shower–bad. Like, really bad."

He finally laughed just a little as he picked me up and sat me down on the floor and stood up, straightening his towel.
I like you all dirty with me all over you
, he said.

Oh, I know.
I winked, trying to coax another smile from him as I walked toward his door, using my voice as I turned toward him. "You can dirty me up again later. Right now, I'm getting clean and you're going to feed me."

Yes, ma'am
, he said, giving me another small smile.

I smiled
back at him and then I turned out of the room and walked down the hall toward the shower. I closed the bathroom door behind me and just stood on the other side for a minute, trying to figure out why I was still so worried.

Bree

I went back to work the next day
to Maggie who gave me a giant bear hug, pressing me tightly into her ample bosom as I laughed and struggled to breathe, and Norm who said simply, "Bree," but gave me a rare Norm smile and head nod before he moved his focus back to the griddle where he was flipping pancakes. For some reason, the bear hug and the head nod both filled me with equal amounts of warmth. I was home.

I cha
tted with the locals I'd come to know as I worked, making my way easily around the diner, delivering the food and checking on my customers.

I thought about Archer as I worked too, considering how difficult it was for him to become attached to another person. I had had an idea before I left for Ohio, but not to the extent that I now understood.
I loved him–I would do whatever was necessary to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere. But I understood his struggle too. I saw that it made him feel weak that I knew how reliant he was on me.

He had acted almost shy with me the day before, his eyes moving away from mine when he saw me watching him as we cleaned up his living room together.
I had picked up Ethan Frome from the floor when I'd recognized the title, and opened it to read a passage, putting my hand dramatically on my chest and feigning a breathy, pained whisper, "I want to put my hand out and touch you. I want to do for you and care for you. I want to be there when you're sick and when you're lonesome." I had paused, my hand falling from my chest. I placed the book down and brought my hands up,
That was beautiful, actually,
I said.

He had smiled at me and said simply,
I guess if it wasn't beautiful, the tragedy ultimately wouldn't be sad.

But then he had lapsed into more silence, seeming almost embarrassed around me.
I tried to bring him out of it by joking with him and acting completely normal, but he was still slightly withdrawn even when I'd kissed him goodbye that evening, gathered Phoebe up and gone home to unpack and get ready for the next day. It would take a day or two for him to feel better, I supposed.

Over the next several days, he did return to his more normal self,
the only difference I could still see, was that there was a deep intensity to his lovemaking that hadn't been there before. It was almost as if he was trying to meld us into one person when we connected. He was almost rough in his passion. I didn't mind it, in fact, I found all sides of Archer's bedroom personalities to my liking. But I couldn't explain the change exactly, and I longed for him to open up to me and tell me what he was feeling. When I asked him though, he just shrugged and smiled and told me that he'd missed me while I was gone and was trying to make up for lost time. I didn't buy it, but as always, Archer Hale came around when he was good and ready and not a moment before. I had learned quickly–push and get nowhere, wait and hope that he trusted me enough to open up sooner rather than later in his own quiet way. I thought it had something to do with the fact that he liked to understand his own emotions before he shared them with me, and he didn't know exactly where he was at the moment.

**********

Four days after I'd returned home from Ohio, I knocked on Anne's door and she answered still in her bathrobe. "Oh, Bree, dear!" she exclaimed, holding her door open. "You'll have to excuse me. I'm having a lazy day–I've been so tired for the last week." She shook her head. "Sucks getting old, I'll tell you."

I grinned
and stepped inside her warm, inviting home. As always, the comforting smell of eucalyptus scented the air. "You? Old?" I shook my head. "Not hardly."

She laughed and winked at me. "You're a good fibber, but I feel as old as the hills today. Maybe I'm coming down with something." She shook her head and
gestured to her couch for me to take a seat. I handed her the small, boxed pie that I had brought. "I made you an apple pie," I said. "I've been baking a little bit and really enjoying it."

"Oh! Lovely. And baking again–that's wonderful." She accepted the pie, smiling. "
I'll have this later with my tea. Speaking of which, would you like a cup?"

I shook my head
and took a few steps to the couch and sat down. "No, I can actually only stay a minute. I'm meeting Archer and we're going to some caves he told me about."

Anne nodded and
set the pie box on the coffee table and took a seat on the smaller love seat to the left of the couch. "Pelion Caverns. You'll like them. There are waterfalls–lovely. I went there a couple times with Bill."

"They sound beautiful."

"They are, and the drive will be beautiful, too, now that the leaves are changing."

I smiled. "It should be a nice day. We need one," I said, breathing out.

Anne was quiet for a beat. "Did Archer mention that I visited him while you were in Ohio?"

"No," I said, surprised. "You did?"

She nodded. "That boy has been on my mind ever since you first asked about his father and his uncles. I should have visited him years ago." She sighed and shook her head slightly. "I brought him some muffins–used the last of the blueberries I had frozen." She waved her hand, dismissing her own comment. "Anyway, he looked… wary at first and can't say I blame him, but I chattered a bit and he came around–even invited me into his house. I had no idea the land was that lovely. I told him so and he seemed to take pride in that."

I nodded, wanting to tear up for some
reason. "He works hard."

"Yes,
he does." She studied me for a minute. "I told him a few things I remembered about Alyssa, his mother, and he liked that too."

I tilted my head, wanting her to go on.

"I talked about you and he liked that best of all–I could see it in his expression." Anne smiled gently. "The way Archer looked when I mentioned your name, oh, Bree, dear–I've never seen someone's heart so clearly right on their sleeve." Her eyes warmed. "It reminded me of the way Bill used to look at me sometimes." She smiled again and so did I, my heart rate picking up.

"
He loves you, dear."

I nodded
my head, looking down at my hands. "Yes, I love him too." I bit my lip. "Unfortunately for Archer, I think love is pretty complicated."

She smiled a sad smile. "I figure, now that I know what I know
about the life he's led, giving his love to you feels filled with risk."

I nodded, my eyes filling with tears now. I told her about what happened when I returned from Ohio and she listened with heartbreak on her face. "What should I do, Anne?" I asked, when I was done.

"I think the best thing you can do for Archer–" she stopped mid-sentence, her eyes taking on a startled expression and her hand coming to her chest.

"Anne!" I said, jumping up and going to her. She was gasping now and had fallen back on the couch. "Oh my God! Anne!" I grabbed my phone out of the pocket of my sweatshirt and hit 911, my hands shaking.

I told the operator the address and that I thought my neighbor was having a heart attack, and the girl on the line assured me the ambulance was on its way.

I
returned to Anne's side, reassuring her again and again that help was on its way. She continued to clutch her chest, but her eyes were focused on me, and I thought she was understanding what I was telling her.

Oh God!
I thought.
What if I hadn't been here?

The ambulance shriek
ed down our small street ten long minutes later and tears streamed down my face as I watched them work on Anne as she lay on her couch. I took long, shaky breaths, trying to get my own heart rate under control. "Is she going to be okay?" I asked the tech when they brought a stretcher in to transport her. She had an oxygen mask on and looked slightly better already, some color returning to her cheeks.

"It looks good," he said. "She's conscious and we got to her in time."

"Okay," I nodded my head, wrapping my arms around my body. "She doesn't have any family. Should I meet her at the hospital?"

"You're welcome to ride in t
he ambulance with her."

"Oh! Okay. Yes, please, if I can," I said
, following them outside and closing Anne's door behind us.

As I moved toward the ambulance, I glanced to my right and saw Archer running toward me, a look that I could only describe as wild, on his face. My heart plunged into my feet.
Oh God, he had run here–he must have heard the ambulance sirens all the way from his house. I walked quickly toward him. He came to an immediate halt when he saw me, not moving closer, his eyes wide and staring, his fists clenched. I jogged the last couple yards to him and said, "Archer! Anne had a heart attack! She's okay, I think, but I'm going to ride to the hospital with her. It's okay. Everything is okay. I'm okay."

He put his hands up on
top of his head and gritted his teeth, looking like he was struggling mightily to rein something in. He walked in a slow circle and then turned toward me, nodding his head once, that wild look still in his eyes, but not his expression. His expression suddenly looked strangely blank.

"I'll come straight to you when I know she's going to be okay," I said. I glanced back and the back wheels of the stretcher were just disappearing inside the ambulance. I walked backwards. "I'll take a cab straight to you."

Archer nodded, still expressionless, and then turned without saying a word and walked away from me.

I only hesitated a second before jogging to the ambulance and hopping in just before they closed the doors.

**********

I stayed at the hospital until I knew for sure that Anne was going to be okay. When the doctor
finally came out to tell me that she was stable, he said that she was sleeping, but that he'd told her I was there. They had also called a sister whose number Anne had given them when they first brought her in, and she'd be to Pelion in the morning. That made me feel a lot better and when I finally called a taxi, I felt like a weight had lifted.

I was worried about Archer though. I had texted him when I first got to the hospital and then
again when the doctor came out to speak to me, but he had never responded. I was anxious to get to him.

I bit my
lip as the taxi made the thirty-minute drive to my cottage. I had told Archer I'd come straight to him, but I wanted to pick Phoebe up before going to his house. Surely he had calmed down by now. He knew I was fine, even if the initial scare had done a number on him. Why he wasn't answering his phone, I wasn't sure though, and it sat heavy in my gut.

I paid the driver and hopped out
, rushing into my cottage and calling to Phoebe who came running, her nails clicking on my hardwood floor.

I pulled up to Archer's gat
e a few minutes later and let myself and Phoebe in. We walked to Archer's door and I knocked softly before opening it and putting Phoebe down. It had just started to drizzle outside, gray clouds darkening the sky.

Archer's house was dark except for a standing lamp that was on in the corner of the living room. Archer was sitting in a chair in the opposite corner. At first I didn't see him and so when I did, I startled and brought my hand to my chest, laughing out slightly. His expression was somber, hooded. I went to him immediately and kneeled down in front of him, putting my head on his lap and sighing.

After a few seconds when I realized he was going to remain still, I looked up at him questioningly.

How's Anne
?
he asked.

I brought my hands up.
She's going to be fine. Her sister will be here in the morning.
I sighed.
I'm so sorry that whole episode scared you. I didn't want to leave you there, but I didn't want to leave Anne alone either.

Archer brought his hands up.
I understand,
he said, his eyes still shuttered.

I nodded, biting my lip.
Are you okay?
What are you sitting here thinking about?

He was quiet for so long that I thought he wasn't going to answer me, when he finally brought his hands up and signed,
That day.

I tilted my head.
That day?
I asked, confused.

The day I was shot, my uncle came to take
me and my mom away from my dad.

My eyes widened, but I didn't say a word, just watched him and waited for him to continue.

My dad was at a bar… supposedly busy for a while.
He paused, looking off behind me for a second before his eyes found me again.
He hadn't always been like he was at the end. He'd been fun, full of charm when he wanted to be. But then he started drinking and things went downhill from there. He'd slap my mom, accuse her of things he was the one doing.

Either way though, my mom only
loved one man and that was my uncle Connor. I knew it, my dad knew it, the whole town knew it. And the truth of it was, I loved him more too.