Arizona Pastor (18 page)

“‘Forgive as the Lord forgave you.'” Eustace finished
the verse. She furrowed her brows. “Do you think I don't know my scriptures? The only reason I've survived these past fifty-five years is because of them.”

“Then you know God's mercy,” Wade implored. “A sin, once forgiven, is remembered no more.”

“You're wrong,” Eustace whispered as tears sprang to her eyes and then rolled down her cheeks.

Wade got up, grabbed a box of tissues from another table and gave them to Eustace. Again, he waited while she cried. Inwardly, he battled whether he should hug her or pat her hand or simply let her cry. After a sniff and a dab to her eyes, she said, “I can't forget my baby.”

Understanding dawned within him, and with it, a wave of sorrow.

“He was fifty-five a few weeks ago. That's all I know about him. His day of birth, and he's a boy.”

She crossed her arms, wrapping her hands around her upper arms as if she was cold. “My parents were furious when they discovered my pregnancy. They sent me away to my aunt and uncle's house. When the child was born, they took him away. I never even got to hold him.”

Though he didn't speak, his mind wondered if she'd tried to leave her parents. Possibly get help from the father of the child. As if reading his thoughts, she said, “My boyfriend and I were only fifteen. I never saw him again.” She pushed away from the table, stood and paced around the room. “My parents never took me back into their home. I never married because I knew my future husband deserved more than a tainted wife. And I never told a soul.”

Wade turned toward her. “No matter how your family responded, Eustace, you're—”

“Forgiven,” she said. She shook her head and balled her fists. “I know.” She pointed to her head. “In my mind, I
know that, but I've never been able to live it. I wanted to keep my baby so badly...”

She moved across the room again and then waved her hand toward him. “You preached that sermon on forgiveness, and Wilma just went cuckoo because she was finally able to forgive herself for smoking in front of Ron.” She lifted her hand higher. “Every time we got together, she went on and on about how her heart felt pounds lighter.” She chuckled, but the sound was bitter and angry. “And it's true, she's been a lot healthier.”

“You can have that, too,” Wade said.

“I've tried.” She shrugged. “Doesn't work. I can't forget my son. I don't even want to. I wondered about his teething, when he potty trained, how his first day of kindergarten went...”

“Let's try this a different way.” Wade patted the chair to encourage her to sit beside him again. He pointed to his chest. “It's true the heart can be difficult, but I don't know that you need to forget your child.”

Eustace sat down. “Forgive and forget. Isn't that what we're called to do?”

Wade tapped his Bible. “God forgets our sins, but I don't think any of us ever do. Remembering and knowing what we've done wrong keeps us from repeating the sin. Maybe you'd find forgiveness for yourself by being an encouragement to those who've experienced what you have.”

She sat still, and he couldn't tell if she was contemplating his words or had started stewing with frustration again. He remembered what Kristy had shared about her feelings of guilt, and his heart hurt for Eustace, that she'd tortured herself for so long with shame that had never come from God.

“People fail every day, Eustace. Even Christians like your parents.”

Eustace let out a slow breath and covered her face with her palm. “I can't believe I said those things to Kristy. I have become just like the people who hurt me so deeply. I should have understood better.”

“The good news is that I think you can fix it. I have an idea.”

K
risty picked up the buzzing smartphone and clicked the decline button once again. A mature person would break off a relationship face-to-face. But if she saw him, or if he tried to kiss her, she would melt and agree to anything he said. The least she could do was answer his calls, but she didn't have the strength to hear his voice. True love was doing what was best for the other person, and she was not good for Wade.

“I can hardly wait for them to get off the plane.” Carrie cradled a sleeping Noah closer to her chest. “Mom is gonna absolutely flip over this little guy.”

“Mom?” Kristy teased. “You mean Dad. The poor guy had to raise three daughters and then got stuck with only a granddaughter for eighteen years.”

“Hey,” Mel squealed. “I heard that.”

Kristy brushed a quick kiss on Noah's downy head. “If Kaitlyn was here, the homecoming would be perfect.”

“I know,” Carrie said. “I don't think we're ever all going to be together at one time.”

“Gets harder as everyone gets older and chooses their own paths.” Kristy glanced at her daughter, thankful she and Joel would be living just across town from her.

“Looks as though we still have a few minutes before the plane lands.” Carrie checked the arrivals board near baggage claim then sat on the bench beside Mel. “How's the wedding coming?”

“Ugh,” Mel moaned and rolled her eyes. “Leah's driving me crazy.” She waved her hand. “I'm to the point that I told her just to do whatever she wants. I don't even care.”

“She's worked really hard, and everything I've seen looks beautiful.”

Carrie lifted her eyebrows and dipped her chin at Kristy's defense of Mel's stepmom.

Mel stomped her foot. “Yeah, but the wedding is more about her than me and Joel. Over a hundred of our guests are people we don't know. Friends of hers and Dad's.” She widened her eyes and bobbed her head. “Over a hundred.”

Carrie shrugged. “At least you'll get lots of great gifts.”

Mel clicked her tongue and chuckled. “Good point. Hadn't thought of that.”

Kristy looked around at the people racing from one destination to another. Many wore T-shirts proclaiming the various locations they'd traveled from. She watched as a young woman adjusted two babies in a double stroller. A man carrying a briefcase and talking on a cell phone brushed past her. Rat race. That was what the airport reminded her of. So many people with so many plans and destinations, all running one way or another.

Her phone buzzed again, and she pressed the decline button once more. Opening a text, she typed, I won't answer. I won't be a stumbling block for you.

As she expected, Wade responded right away. Using all the determination she could muster, she ignored the text. It wouldn't take much for her to run back to him, but a relationship with her was not what he needed.

She wrinkled her nose. She'd have to figure out what to do about church once the wedding was over. No way was she going to attend where he preached. She'd miss the people. Well, maybe not Eustace. She gritted her teeth. There was only so much “praying for your enemies” that she could endure. But that wasn't her only dilemma. What reason would she give Mel for worshipping somewhere else?

“Somebody's deep in thought,” said Carrie.

Kristy pointed to the arrivals-and-departures monitor. “Their plane just landed.”

Mel rubbed her hands together. “I hope they're not too mad at me.”

Carrie nudged her shoulder. “They're gonna be thrilled to see you.”

“That doesn't mean they won't be mad.”

Kristy thought back to the night she'd told her parents about her pregnancy. Both of them had cried. They hadn't
acted
mad, but their disappointment had been palpable. Again, Kristy's maternal defenses rose as she yearned to protect her child.

Carrie and Mel stood as people slowly moved through the doors. Kristy spied her parents, who were clad in traditional Brazilian clothes, immediately.

When they saw the family, both parents raced toward them.

“It's so good to see my girls,” Dad cried as he cupped each of their cheeks one by one and kissed their foreheads.

Mom squealed as she hugged each of them in turn. “I've missed you so much.”

Dad scooped Noah out of Carrie's arms and nestled him against his chest. “My boy.”

“Now, let me see him,” Mom scolded as she rushed around Dad to rest her chin on his shoulder.

Noah's bottom lip quivered, and he squeaked, his warning that a full-fledged fit would soon ensue. Mom and Dad puckered their lips and cooed and tickled his chin, but another squeak escaped.

Carrie reached for him. “He's getting ready to blow.”

Mom swatted Carrie away. “Oh, now, he'll be fine.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, a bloodcurdling scream shattered the air. Dad quickly passed the baby back to Carrie. “Maybe he'll need a day or two to adjust to us.”

Kristy laughed outright when Carrie pursed her lips and narrowed one eye at their parents.

“And here's our beautiful bride to be.” Mom patted Mel's cheeks. “You are glowing, sweetie.”

Kristy held her breath as her dad moved closer to Mel. “Now, this boy, he loves the Lord, right?”

“Yes, Grandpa,” Mel answered.

Dad looked back at Kristy. “And he's good to my only granddaughter?”

Kristy nodded. “I've been really impressed with their maturity.”

Mel stood taller at Kristy's praise. She glanced at each of her grandparents. “You're not mad at me?”

“Oh, honey,” her mom cooed. “Your momma was a young mother who didn't have the help of a loving husband, and she was one of the best mothers I've ever known.”

Kristy blinked back tears at her mom's compliment.

“That's right,” her dad said. “Sometimes people make mistakes, but babies are always blessings.”

* * *

Wade opened the church door for Eustace, Ida, Wilma and Dortha. The ladies nodded to him and continued to chatter amongst each other as they walked past him. Eustace stopped and touched his arm. “Kristy doesn't know I'm coming?”

“I haven't been able to get her to talk to me all week, so no, she doesn't.”

Eustace worried her bottom lip. “This is all my fault.”

“Don't start fretting again. Just do what we talked about. God's got it all worked out already.” Despite his confident words, trepidation washed over him. He knew Kristy might not respond to Eustace's admission and apology as they hoped. Wounds sometimes took time to heal.

“Look at this flower arrangement.” Ida pointed to the large crystal vase filled with hot-pink-and-purple flowers that sat on the welcome table.

Wilma touched one of the candles displayed around the blooms. “These look like wineglasses.”

“I love how they used different sizes to seem like steps going down from the flowers,” added Dortha.

“Oh, my.” Ida covered her lips with her finger, then pointed at the order of ceremony. “Aren't these adorable?”

“Wonder who came up with the idea?” said Dortha.

Eustace traced her finger along the edge of the photo of Joel and Mel. “I pray God's blessing on their marriage and family.”

Wilma wrapped her arm around Eustace's shoulders. “Let's go find Kristy so you can talk with her. You want me to go with you?”

“No. I need to do this myself.”

“Do you mind if I go?” asked Wade. Five days had passed since he'd last spoken with Kristy. His heart ached every minute of the separation. He missed her support in his ministry as pastor, her insights, her conversation, her laughter, her kisses. The week had confirmed his desire to make her his wife. The sooner, the better.

Eustace nodded her head one time. “That would be fine. Might even be good.”

“She was avoiding me, but I'm pretty sure I saw her slip into the flower room.”

Eustace made a beeline for the room, and Wade had to pick up the pace to keep up with her. She opened the door, and Kristy gasped. She was alone. Eustace stepped in, and Wade followed her and shut the door behind them.

Kristy looked back down at the vase in her hand. Wade cringed. If she was trying to make a pretty arrangement, she wasn't doing a very good job. Long stems poked out at wrong angles, and the biggest pink flower was smashed into the top of the container.

“I'd like to enjoy a pleasant day for my daughter. Please.”

Eustace walked to Kristy, took the urn from her and set it on a nearby table. Kristy's back stiffened, but she didn't move when Eustace grasped Kristy's hands in hers. “Please forgive a foolish old woman.”

Wade swallowed the knot in his throat and shoved his hands deep into his front pockets as Eustace shared everything about her past with the woman he loved. Tears brimmed in Kristy's eyes, and she pulled away from Eustace's grasp and wiped her eyes with her fingertips.

Eustace ended her story with a long exhale. “Please forgive me.”

Kristy leaned over and wrapped her arms around Eustace. The older woman welcomed the embrace. “Of course, I do. I understand all you've felt.”

Eustace pulled away. “Okay, then. I'm going to go see how I can help.” She took the flowers and vase off the table. “I don't think arranging flowers is your gift.”

“I know.” Kristy sighed. “I keep telling Leah that no one is going to like my crafts.”

Eustace jutted her thumb toward Wade. “Our pastor seems to really like you, even if you can't arrange flowers. Why don't you talk to him a minute?” She winked as she opened the door and slipped out of the room.

He leaned against the door. “I'm not letting you out until we talk.”

Kristy dipped her chin, then glanced up at him. Her eyelashes splayed across her cheeks, and Wade had to hold back the urge to tip up her face and take her lips as his own.

She smacked her palm against her side. “I'll go to church somewhere else. To make things easier on you.”

He grabbed her wrist and then rocked back on his heels. “I'm not sure I can continue to preach here without you by my side.” He lifted his brows. “And you know this congregation has really started to like me.”