Arrhythmia (25 page)

A perfect union. Desiderio made me complete like I had never been before.

I looked up at the stars and called his name out into the night.

Hours later, we fell into the big four-poster bed, exhausted. It had taken us quite some time to get there, since we had consumed each other many times over on the way. Five times, to be exact.

I was lying on my back, looking at the white canopy. Desiderio had placed his head in my lap, and I was playing with his hair, lost in thought.

Every fiber of my body was still tingling slightly from our exertions. It was a marvelous feeling.

Desiderio turned slightly on his side and placed his hand on my abdomen. I was overcome by a wave of affection as I looked at him. His eyes were closed, and his features looked soft and relaxed. With every breath he took, I could feel his stubble lightly scratch my skin. It was a sweet pain because it reassured me that the beautiful face was really there. Rapt, I traced his smooth forehead with my fingers, then along the curved shape of his eyebrows up to his temple, then down along the high cheekbones to those sensuous lips.

He opened his eyes and looked at me lovingly. I could see the ocean blue light up despite the darkness. I felt how his lips formed a smile.

“Are you happy, Lena?”

My hand moved down to the crook of his neck. “Yes,” I answered softly, but with conviction.

“So am I. Very.” He turned onto his back again. I tenderly caressed the curve of his clavicle as he continued, “I can hardly believe that you’re here. With me. There were times when you really made me despair, you know.”

“Hm.” I recalled with a smile his persistent attempts to get me to go on a date with him. “Normally I’m a sore loser, but this is a victory I have to concede.”

“So you really have the feeling that you lost something?” he asked softly.

He was right, of course. I had lost nothing. Quite the contrary.

“No,” I said. “I clearly gained something. Something I don’t want to give up for anything in the world.”

The words came out of my mouth effortlessly, and their veracity astounded me.

It was the truth. I had fought for too long against this acknowledgment. Desiderio’s aura had drawn me in from the very beginning, like a ray of light in the darkness. I had finally reached him, and there was no going back. He had become a part of my life and I needed him.

Desiderio rose to find another position: directly on top of me. I happily received him in my arms.

No,
I thought, while he caressed my neck with his lips,
there is no going back. There will be no one but him from now on . . .

Chapter 29

Desiderio again woke me from my fairy-tale slumber with a tender kiss.

“Good morning, my love. The key is in the kitchen, like before. See you later!” And with those words, he was gone.

I stretched and swung out of bed with surprising energy, considering my lack of sleep. This time I felt much more comfortable in the big, empty house. I moved around almost as though I belonged there.

I wanted to belong there. At Desiderio’s side.

My feelings for him had long crossed the threshold from infatuation. I now realized that I loved him with all my heart. It was not a feeling of being in love but a true, great love that filled my being and took hold of me. I really should have told him, but I couldn’t even find the right words for it.

I was deliriously happy when I stepped into the kitchen, fully dressed. I was more than a little surprised—the chaos from the night before was completely gone. It was a mystery to me how Desiderio had managed to clear it up. The quiet humming of the dishwasher told me he’d gotten up early. Did the man not need any sleep? Maybe he was a vampire after all.

I noticed a single flower in a narrow vase. A white calla lily. Next to it were the house key and a handwritten note.

This flower is for you.

Strong and powerful and yet as soft as the morning dew, it radiates perfect beauty.

Just like you.

D.

I melted.

How was it possible that a guy like him, who just burst with masculinity, could compose such expressive sentences?

I reverently held the paper in my hands and looked at the calla lily. It was indeed very beautiful. Immaculate and well proportioned.

“Just like you . . .”

My God, is this really happening to me?

Or had I gotten caught up in a fantasy? A dream? An unusually long and intense dream . . . Was this what it felt like to be in a coma?

I carefully ran my fingers across the magnificent blossom and suddenly had to think of Frank. I had again simply surrendered to my own happiness and not given a single thought to how he might be feeling. Some friend I was . . .

My guilty conscience bothered me so much that I immediately reached for my phone and dialed Vera’s number.

She answered sleepily. “Mmh?”

Oops, I had totally forgotten that she didn’t have to be at her office job until eight thirty. Oh well, now that she was awake anyway . . .

“Hey, Vera! It’s me!”

“Lena? What time is it?”

“Uh, dunno.”

There was a quiet rustling, followed by a loud groan from Vera.

“It’s seven o’clock and you know it, you stinker!” she moaned. It was amazing how quickly her voice sounded wide awake. “What the heck do you want? Wait, is everything all right?”

“Yes, yes,” I quickly assured her. “I’m sorry, but I was just thinking about Frank and wanted to know how he’s doing.”

There was a slight pause.

Vera cleared her throat. “Well, so-so.”

“My God! That bad?” I exclaimed.

“Don’t panic,” she said, trying to calm me. “But yeah, he’s not doing great. He’s hurt and disappointed.” I noisily drew a breath. “No, Lena, that’s not your fault. And he knows it and has told me so. He doesn’t blame you, OK?”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Maybe I should talk to him again.”

“Hm, I think you should wait with that. You’re both still too emotional to deal with this. I know you too well, Lena darling. You would just end up screaming at the poor guy again and then you’d feel awful. So just wait a few days, OK? Even better, wait until Frank gets in touch.”

“You’re probably right.”

“As usual,” she boasted. “By the way, I’m glad you called. I have stacks of bridal catalogs and I’m totally lost. Do you think you could help me?”

“Sure. When?”

“Well, how about after work today?”

I stared at the love note with its magic words. I really would rather keep rolling in the sheets with Desiderio than look at millions of bridal gowns, but that would mean I was neglecting my friends again. I was caught between desire and decency.

Vera once again interpreted my silence correctly with her unequaled intuition. “No problem, sweetie. Go ahead and spend time with Dr. Sexy. My wedding is a year away, but you’re newly in love, so that’s more important.”

I tried to protest, but only halfheartedly. “No. I’ll come over. After all, Desiderio and I still have many hours to spend together.”

“Oh! That sure sounds like someone is in a relationship?”

“Looks like it.”

“Man, I’m so happy for you! But let’s chat later. Because you’re about to be late for work, aren’t you?”

I looked at my watch and cursed. Vera was giggling happily as I put away my phone and hurried to the ER.

Neither Sandra nor I mentioned my relationship with Desiderio. Of course, I knew that she was dying to find out more about it. But she was apparently waiting for me to bring up the subject. I couldn’t do her that favor because I was still a little embarrassed by the events of the previous day.

Again and again, my thoughts wandered to Desiderio and the calla lily, which I had brought to work with me, along with the vase. I had carefully wrapped it in my jacket so it wouldn’t get cold in my car and I would be able to enjoy it longer. I had brought the letter too. I had reserved a special place for it in my nightstand, where it could keep its predecessor company.

Would I receive more such beautiful notes from Desiderio?

I hoped so. As far as I was concerned, he could write a whole book with his lyrical words. I would never tire of reading them.

Hans the coffeemaker was grinding beans for me when my personal poet entered the kitchen.

He was truly a sex god in his white coat!

“Good morning,” he greeted us cordially.

My heart began to flutter when he approached me. He planted a kiss on my cheek as though it were nothing and went over casually to retrieve a mug.

Sandra’s eyes were burning a hole in my back. She was watching us, just lusting for a scandal. I began to feel the heat in my cheeks, but Desiderio seemed unperturbed. He gave me a pat on the nose with his index finger, saying, “Hey you, did you sleep well?”

Fine. If he was going to be cool, so was I.

“Like a baby,” I gushed and moved aside a little to let him get to the coffeemaker. “So when did you get up?”

He shrugged. “Dunno exactly. I just didn’t want you to see the kitchen in that state again.”

“Yeah, I was expecting so much worse.”

Man oh man, why couldn’t I just tell him how much I loved his writing? How much I loved him?

Instead, I fell silent.

“What are your plans this afternoon?” he inquired.

“Actually, Vera asked me to help her look at bridal gowns.”

“Well, that sounds nice. Exciting.” He grinned.

“Yes. Well, knowing us women, it could take a while . . .”

I looked at him a little hesitantly. Although I had no idea what to expect, his understanding surprised me.

“And you think I’m going to object? Lena, much as I would have liked to see you later, I’d never get between you and your friends,” he declared seriously.

I found his answer so wonderful that I forgot Sandra’s presence and simply kissed him on the mouth. “All right, then we can plan something for tomorrow?”

He wrinkled his nose. “I’m afraid I’m on duty.”

My disappointment made my jaw drop, and I was about to tell him that Vera would have to wait when he continued.

“I know exactly what you’re thinking now. But you’re going to keep your date with Vera because she is your best friend. And in return, I’ll take you to the movies on Friday, OK?”

I struggled for composure. “OK.”

But it wasn’t OK!

I didn’t want to be away from Desiderio for two days. I especially didn’t want to be away from Desiderio for two
nights
!

But I really didn’t want to seem like one of those clingy, hysterical girlfriends, and so I smiled bravely and didn’t let my disappointment show.

“See you later, darling,” he said, giving me a last touch on the nose before disappearing with his steaming coffee.

Sandra let out a soulful sigh. I looked at her with a wrinkled brow, hoping to prevent her from making a stupid remark. She resigned herself to a knowing grin, which was oh so preferable to the pitying looks I’d been getting from her before, so I let her be.

Although we no longer had to conceal our affection for each other, this day turned out to be no less tumultuous than the previous one. Every time I ran into Desiderio, whether intentionally or accidentally, my stomach started to tingle. There was more than one occasion on which it was a feat of self-restraint for me not to pounce and drag him to the nearest examination table to have my way with him.

Help! What had he done to me?

An insatiable, irrational woman.

Horrible!

When my shift was finished, I did drag him into the storage room and more or less attacked him. Practically beside myself with desire, I kissed him and clung to him until he gently but firmly pushed me away.

“Goodness, Lena, I still have to work,” he laughed hoarsely. His voice was full of arousal.

“But you can. After, I mean,” I cooed.

He sighed deeply. “You’re driving me crazy.”

A little bit of payback?

I cocked my head a little and pouted. “I miss you already.”

“Don’t you look at me that way, little warrioress. You’re not being fair.”

“Everything is fair in war.”

“And in love,” he said softly and looked deep into my eyes until I got dizzy.

Damn it, Lena, why are you such a coward that you can’t tell him what you feel for him?

Desiderio’s work cell phone rang. The magic of the moment vanished.

I reluctantly let him go so he could answer the phone.

“DiCastello,” he answered, all serious and businesslike. I was astonished at how quickly he could regain his composure, assuming he had ever lost it at all.

He signaled to me that the call was important. Without removing the phone from his ear, he gave me a kiss good-bye and slipped out of the room.

For a moment, I felt lost and alone—which was ridiculous, of course. Then I mentally straightened my shoulders and started on my way home, albeit with a heavy heart.

When I arrived at Vera’s, she greeted me with “Come in, take a seat, and tell me how Dr. McDreamy is in bed.”

“And what if we still haven’t had sex yet?” I asked as I plopped into a comfortable wing chair.

“Oh, you have, all right,” she said confidently.

“And how do you know?” I asked with surprise, although I was well aware of my friend’s exceptional gift.

Vera put on her psychologist’s face and began enumerating. “Your cheeks are red, your hair is still disheveled, and you’re walking in a way that puts John Wayne to shame.”

“What?”
Shocked as I was, I immediately pressed my legs together. “You’re kidding!”

Vera chuckled cheerfully. “Yeah, it was a joke, silly. My diagnosis is based on your dopey perma-grin. Although that rolling gait—”

“Quit it!” I interrupted her rudely.

“All right already,” she laughed. “So, how was it?”

I leaned back dreamily and said wistfully, “It was incredible! Incomparable. It was so intense . . . My God, Vera, I have never been so . . . I can’t even describe it!”

“Aroused, satisfied, jubilant, horny, fulfilled, or content, perhaps?”

“All of the above,” I said breathily.

“Ooh la la! This is someone with experience,” she said dryly.

“Yes, he’s most definitely experienced. But then, so am I. But I’ve never experienced anything like this. It was dreamlike.”

Vera nodded wisely. “Yes, because this time, feelings are involved. This is what I’ve been preaching to you about all these years. And now you’re finding out I’m right.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I loved Marek and yet you can’t compare the two.”

“Well, I could name a couple of reasons. First, you were young and inexperienced in things like pillow talk. Second, Marek was a giant asshole who had no interest in your pleasure or well-being. Third, well, what can I say? Your doc just exudes eroticism.”

“Oh God, he really does,” I gushed and thought about his heavenly appearance.

At some point, Vera snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Yoo-hoo! Come back to earth before you have an orgasm in front of my eyes.”

I squinted at her grinning face and sighed. “I can’t really get my head around it, Vera. It’s all somehow too magical to be real. I mean, he looks like a god; he’s charming, educated, and witty—and he’s rolling in money. Where’s the catch?”

Vera considered my concerns. “He’s rolling in money?”

“Well, maybe not rolling in it, but he’s certainly very well off.”

This explanation did not satisfy my girlfriend, so I took pity and described Desiderio’s home. As I expected, she was delighted.

“Pool? Heated? And a hot tub? Awesome!” She scratched her nose with excitement. “And once you’ve moved in, I’ll come over all the time to go swimming.”

I raised my hands to stop her. “Hold on! I have no intention of moving in at this point.”

All right, so I had thought about it. A little. But certainly not in the near future!

“Not yet,” Vera said and leaned back with conviction.

“This is not really something I want to think about right now.”

“And why not?”

“I just told you! What’s the catch?”

Vera shook her head. “Why is it so hard for you to accept that you’ve hit the jackpot with Desiderio? Why does everything in your life have to be a failure?”

I nibbled on a fingernail and avoided looking her in the eye. By now, even I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just enjoy my newfound love with all my heart and soul. There was still something in my innermost being that held me back, even though I knew I’d reached the point of no return. I had long ago given my heart to Desiderio, but my head had kept something for itself and insisted on being mistrustful.

Because our conversation had drifted into an uncomfortable zone, I tried some distraction. “So, what about your dress? Do you have anything in mind?”