As Bad As Can Be (12 page)

M
ALLORY STARED AT HER PALE
face in the bathroom mirror, adding concealer to hide the dark circles. The difficulty she had sleeping with anyone in the bed next to her had paled next to the sleepless hours she'd been through the past few nights.

It was alarming how great a vacuum Shay had left behind. It wasn't just the sex—she missed laughing with him, saving up things to tell him, talking shop at the end of the day.

When she tossed and turned at night, she told herself that it didn't matter, she was fine on her own, she didn't need anyone around. She told herself that he'd be back. But the phone hadn't rung, there'd been no knock at the door. Time, she told herself as she tried to brighten up her face with blusher. She'd get used to it in time. It was probably just as well that it had ended when it had, before she'd gotten too used to having him around.

Anyway, it wasn't just thinking about Shay that was keeping her up. For almost as long as she could remember, she'd had problems sleeping—sleepwalking, nightmares that jolted her awake at 3:00 a.m., weeks of staring up at the ceiling at night, every muscle in her body crying out for rest while slumber remained stubbornly elusive. It was part of the reason she never let lovers stay over. Tossing and turning became ex
cruciating when you were afraid of waking the person in bed next to you. Having a witness made the whole thing more personal. People who slept normally inevitably began to pry into areas she didn't want to discuss.

The answering machine clicked in the other room, making her jump. Adrenaline surged through her veins. The temptation to run to pick up the receiver was overwhelming, but she made herself wait. It could be a telemarketer. It could be a business call.

It could be Shay.

Heart thumping, she waited to hear what he had to say.

The machine clicked again. “Mallory? Mal, you there?” Dev's voice crackled out of the speaker. “Pick up the phone.”

She hurried out into the living room to grab the receiver. “Hey. What's up?”

“Life sucks,” he said briefly. “How about you?”

“I've been better.”

“That doesn't sound too promising. Got any plans for the weekend?”

“Just work, why?”

He blew out a breath. “I just had a mother of a fight with Melissa. I need to get the hell out of Dodge before I do something I'll regret. I figured I'd come for a visit. That all right?”

“Of course,” she said instantly. It wasn't even a decision when it came to Dev. He was the one person she allowed in her life absolutely and completely, without reservations. The one person who was safe, she thought, Shay rising in her mind unbidden.

“I figure I can check out the bar, hang out with you, check in with Shay.”

She hesitated a moment too long. “Sure.”

“Don't tell me you're still upset about him.”

“Of course not.” She kept her words casual. “Shay's fine.” Except for the little fact that he wasn't talking to her, not that she cared.

“That's good.” The line crackled.

“You're breaking up, Dev.”

“Sorry. I'm on my cell, driving back from a job site.” The crackling faded away and his voice was clear again. “Look, I'll probably head out from here around three, be up your way by eight or nine. Can you set up breakfast or something with Shay?”

It figured, she thought. “Sure, I'll take care of it. Drive safe and call me when you hit Rhode Island.”

Mallory hung up the phone slowly, staring out the window. Great. She'd dial up Shay and he'd think she was calling to throw herself at his feet. Perfect.

By the time she'd dialed his number, she was already agitated. She paced restlessly while it rang.

“O'Connor's.”

It made her almost pathetically glad to hear the sound of his voice. Need for him—not for sex but for Shay—rocketed through her. Anything it took, she thought for a sudden, irrational moment, she'd be willing to do whatever it took to make him a part of her life again.

Mallory shook her head as though someone had thrown water on her. Not whatever it took. She knew what that was and it was too much. That wasn't her. She didn't do that kind of thing. She didn't let people in and she didn't crawl.

“Hello?” Shay said again.

She swallowed. “It's Mallory.”

“Hello.” His voice was neutral.

“I'm calling for business,” she said immediately.

“I never imagined anything but.” His voice sounded calm yet remote.

That stopped her for a moment. “I, uh…” She paused. “I just got a call from Dev. He's coming up for the weekend and he wants to get together to talk about the bar. Assuming you've got the time.”

“If it's Dev, I'll make the time.”

And then he disconnected before she could say anything more.

 

M
ALLORY AND
D
EV SAT
at an outdoor table at the Black Pearl, a wharf-front restaurant, staring across the railing to the white pillars of masts lining a nearby pier. Tall aluminum space heaters sent blasts of warmth down at them. The breeze that blew across the water held a slight edge of chill, warning of the winter that was to come.

The air stirred Dev's brown hair, tossing bits of it into his eyes. He really was a good-looking man, Mallory thought. He'd gotten their mother's bone structure with their father's lighter coloring, blue-green eyes the color of sea glass and light brown hair that became streaked with blond in the summer.

“Did my nose slide around on my face when I wasn't looking?” he asked in amusement.

Mallory grinned. “No, I was just thinking about how you look like a beach boy. Philadelphia, Boston, Newport, Baltimore…you think you'll ever live somewhere that isn't on the water?” she asked idly, listening to the harsh cries of the gulls.

He mulled it over. “I don't know. I've never really thought about it, but I guess I have always stuck by
the water. I like it. I think I'd feel suffocated being landlocked.”

“You look suffocated now.” Mallory studied the lines on strain on his face. “What's going on, Dev?”

“Melissa and I got into it.”

“Over the wedding?”

He shrugged. “That's a given. She's got this dream wedding idea that I try to stay out of as much as possible.”

“Outside of ponying up your share to support it.”

“Yeah, but her parents are covering most of it. Hell, if it were up to me, I'd just go to the honeymoon resort and get hitched down there,” he said ruefully.

“Why are you doing something you don't want to do?”

“Because it's a two-way street.” Dev stopped as Mallory looked away quickly. “What, did I say something?” he asked, looking closely at her.

Mallory shook her head. “No. It just sounds like another one of Melissa's justifications to get you to do something she wants.”

“Well right now what she wants is to sell my house and buy a new one.”

“What? But you love that house.”

“She says it's old and rundown.” She could hear his anger.

“Of course it's old. That's what you like about it. And you're renovating it.”

“Well, she wants a nice, shiny new house in the suburbs.”

“Dev, you love that house. If she doesn't understand that, she doesn't understand you,” Mallory said intensely. “What is she thinking?”

“Probably that she wants built-in closets,” he said wryly.

“So what. Sometimes you have to wait to get what you want. It's called being a grown-up,” Mallory said impatiently. “You guys aren't even married yet.”

“Not for three months.”

Mallory searched for diplomacy. “Dev, think hard about getting tied to someone who doesn't understand what's important to you. Or doesn't care. I don't know. It would sure as hell send me running the other way.”

He thought for a moment. “Sometimes it seems like all she's hung up on is stuff. She's shopping, she's buying, she wants a car, she wants a house. Is this really who I want to live with for the rest of my life?”

“You tell me,” Mallory said grimly.

He sighed. “Hell, I don't know. I just don't want to give up on it without trying. There was a time I thought it would work.”

“So you always say. And when was the last time that happened?”

Long moments drifted by. “A while ago,” he said finally. “Before the wedding and marriage took everything over. I keep wondering whether things will go back to normal once the wedding jazz is out of the way. I mean, she's even going on at me about wanting sex too often.”

Mallory raised her eyebrows. “‘Wanting sex'? Like it's something she dispenses? Dev, it's supposed to be something you do because you can't keep your hands off each other, not because your girlfriend doles it out like a privilege.”

He gave a genuine laugh, the first she'd heard him give since he'd arrived the night before. “I definitely
waited too long to come up here. Between Melissa and her therapist, I'd started thinking I was some kind of sex-obsessed fiend.”

“If I were engaged, I'd sure as hell hope my fiancé was a sex-obsessed fiend. Otherwise I'd be looking at a really boring marriage.”

The breeze snapped banners floating from one of the yachts moored in the harbor. “So what happens now?” Mallory asked soberly.

“I guess I go back and have a serious talk with her. If we can't see eye to eye now, you're right, it's not going to change.”

“Don't let her start talking you in rings again.”

“Don't worry, I won't.” He folded his arms and rested them on the table. “So that's what's going on with me. How about what's going on with you?”

“What do you mean? Things are fine,” she said lightly. “The bar's going well, I'm getting a night off here and there, we're making money. I mean, you saw it last night. It was packed.”

“Yeah, I saw it. I'm still not sure about the whole bar girls thing. I'd like to get Shay's take.”

“You can ask him yourself, then,” she said as casually as she could. “Here he comes.”

Mallory watched Shay walk through the café toward them. God, the man was beautiful, she thought, watching the breeze ruffle his black hair. Even if she didn't have feelings for him, it would be a loss to give up seeing that face, staring into those vivid blue eyes. Not to mention having those strong hands on her. She shivered.

Not, of course, that she had feelings for him, she reminded herself. Involvement just brought you grief; Dev was a demonstration of that.

“Shay.” Dev's face brightened as he stood up and seized Shay's hand, slapping him on the shoulder. “How've you been?”

“Good to see you,” Shay said in genuine pleasure. Then he turned to her and his face set. “Mallory.” He nodded, his gaze fixed on hers.

It was like being poleaxed. She should look away, she knew, but looking into his eyes again felt like coming home. For two days, it had been as though vital parts of her body had simply shut down. Now, her heart was pumping again, her lungs were breathing, her senses were registering the world. Still, she couldn't move.

Dev looked from Mallory to Shay and back again. A moment passed and his eyes narrowed.

Shay seemed to give himself a mental shake and pulled out a chair. “How was your trip up?” he asked, focusing on Dev for the first time.

Dev gave him a long, steady look. “Not nearly as interesting as my visit is proving to be.”

 

L
UNCH WAS OVER AND THE
waiter was clearing away their plates when they rose from the table and headed out of the café enclosure. Shay watched Mallory walk ahead of him and wondered how it was possible to ache so thoroughly at her absence even in her presence. Her voice on the phone the previous day had sent hope vaulting through him until he understood that she was merely calling on Dev's behalf. Now her casual manner clawed at him. Only the dark circles under her eyes had him wondering if things were really so easy for her after all.

Outside of the café area, Mallory glanced at her watch. “Look, I've got to get back to do some prep
work. I'm sure Shay can entertain you, and if not, you've got a key to my place.” She leaned in to kiss Dev on the cheek. Her eyes flicked to Shay, then she turned and headed back toward the cobbled street that led to Washington Square.

Shay's instinct was to follow, but Dev turned the other direction and began strolling down the wharf. Watching Mallory walk away without knowing when he'd see her again was the hardest thing Shay had ever done. Still, he caught up with Dev, walking along the low, weathered Colonial-style buildings that lined the center of the wharf.

Ahead lay the blue of the bay. To their right, sight-seers laughed and chattered as they boarded a blue and white harbor cruise boat. “Oh, the meat grinder dropped the line and they were out before the first turn…” came a snatch of conversation from the yachty looking couple ahead of them.

“I used to come down here a lot when I lived here,” Dev said idly, strolling over the creosote-coated planks. “You know, watch the yachts, imagine how it would feel for your biggest worry to be polishing chrome.”

Shay looked at the bobbing boats. “I figure they've all got things to stress over, though, whether it's putting Johnny through Harvard or getting into the country club.”

“Yeah, that's what I eventually decided, too. Everyone's got their own set of problems. So how long have you been sleeping with my sister?” Dev asked without preamble.

Shay snapped his head around to look at Dev, cursing himself. He'd known he needed to fess up and he'd
put it off. Now, it seemed, it didn't need to be put off anymore. “Mallory told you?”

“Christ, Shay, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out.” Dev stopped at the railing at the end of the pier and looked at him accusingly. “Something's been going on. I saw how you two looked at each other. I know she's unhappy right now. I can pretty much put two and two together.”