As Tears Go By (12 page)

“So you like The Stones?”

“I
love
The Stones.”

“They’re all right,” he teased.

She swatted his arm. “All right? Aside from The Beatles
they’re one of the most influential bands in music history and it just so
happens my son was born on Mick Jagger’s birthday.”

“No kidding?”

“It’s true. Got him out in the last few minutes.”

He laughed. “That’s a dedicated fan.”

“That I am.”

“Do you like being a mom?”

She took a moment to answer. “Yes. I think I’m good at it.
Some people say it’s a thankless job, but I think it’s one of the most
rewarding jobs there is.”

“When
did you know Hunter was different?”

“I had
my instincts. A mother’s very attuned to her child’s development. But I wasn’t
certain we were dealing with something big until he was over a year. Hunter
didn’t make eye contact the way other babies his age did. I had his hearing
tested, because he wouldn’t always look when I called his name. His hearing was
fine.”

“My
nephew, Lachlan, wears a hearing aid—something about when he was in the womb
with his twin, Declan. I remember my brother getting scared when they went
through all the tests.”

She
nodded with understanding. “Having your child tested is always scary. But when
you know something isn’t right, you have to be courageous. The hardest thing
was the cuddling. Hunter’s never responded to physical contact the way other
children usually do. When I touch him, it’s either for therapeutic pressure or
because he needs direction. My son doesn’t need to be held.” Her lashes
flickered and her mouth tightened. “That’s hard, because sometimes a mother
really needs to just hold her child.”

He
stilled on the trail and faced her. Those violet blue eyes blinked in question.
He didn’t want to explain his motive, only wanted to give her something she’d
been missing.

Reaching
for her shoulders, he pulled her into the shelter of his body and wrapped his
arms around her frame, hugging her tight. She stiffened, then sighed and melted
into his hold. McCulloughs were great huggers and his angel was starved for
contact. It was a win-win, because even platonic contact with Becca was
special.

They
stood there for a long time, simply hugging, his arms holding her tight. When
they finally started walking again, he kept his fingers entwined with hers. He
was an affectionate person and her need for contact suited him well.

“Does
he get upset when someone touches him?”

She
took a deep breath and seemed to collect herself. “It depends. Pressure helps
calm him, so there are varying ways he’ll tolerate touch. When he has a
meltdown, I sometimes have to put him on his beanbag chair and lay on top of
him with another beanbag. He favors that sort of deep pressure. Cloth swings
help too. But he hates soft touches. It’s too much for his skin to tolerate. A
lot of his learning requires hand over hand direction.” She gripped his
forearm. “I’ll hold him here, use my fingers to turn his chin, and sometimes
place a hand on his shoulder to let him know I’m waiting.”

The
more she opened up the more he became interested. There was nothing simplistic
about this woman, yet simplicity seemed to be the goal she strived for in
everyday life. With every detail she shared, it became imperative he not
complicate her life. It would, indeed, be strange to go into a relationship
trying to avoid the sought after excitement most people craved, but the slow,
compatible pace they’d adopted surprisingly suited him more than he’d expected.

* * * *

After
their morning at the park, they visited the Cineplex. “What kind of movies do
you like?” he asked.

“Something
easy. Nothing violent or too intense.”

They
settled on a chick flick, which Braydon actually enjoyed for the most part. The
movie itself was cheesy as hell, but the scent of her hair, the nervous way she
squirmed each time their fingers brushed together over the popcorn, the way her
features became animated as she watched the screen, that was truly
entertaining.

After
they left the theater he suffered that strange confusion one gets when exiting
a matinée and realizing it’s still fairly early in the day. “Are you hungry?”

They
visited a small café with outdoor seating. “I never go to places like this
anymore,” she said after the waiter took their order.

“How
come?”

She
shrugged. “It gets old, the people giving us the stink eye, because we’re disturbing
their meal. I try to limit our outings to places that are more accepting of
kids like Hunter. It isn’t about
my
sensitivities. It’s about trying to
find safe and supportive settings for my son.”

“Tell
me about a time it was hard for you.”

She sighed,
her head tipping back in thought. “A few years ago I was grocery shopping.
Hunter was around four, an age kids still have tantrums. Well, he’d had a big
one and a crowd gathered.” Her mouth tightened. “I could hear them, you know?
Commenting about my parenting skills, saying my kid needed a spanking. He began
hitting himself and a man said something about me needing to control my child.
I sort of lost it.”

“What
did you do?”

She
stifled a laugh. “I think I said something along the lines of
when you’re done staring at my son, maybe we
can work on
your
social skills!
 
Then I called him a jackass and gave him a
lecture on autism. He abandoned his shopping cart and left the store.”

“Wow.”

“Not my
proudest moment.” She smiled sadly. “You love your child more than anyone else
in this world ever will. When kids are bullied or made fun of, it hurts the
parent in a way I can’t describe. I just want to protect him because he’s not
capable of defending himself, but he’s capable of crying tears as real as any
other child. He’s very smart and his hearing’s just fine. Sometimes people are
just cruel.”

It was
becoming quite clear that autism wasn’t something Becca coped with. It was her
life. It was difficult to imagine something powerful enough to completely alter
a person’s existence. That was autism. He had nieces and nephews. He knew
parenting was a selfless job, but this was somehow different. His siblings
shared themselves with their children. Becca, on the other hand, surrendered
herself to be exactly what her child needed.

He was
learning so much, but worried his curiosity might be irritating her. “Do you
get tired of the questions?”

She
tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“I
mean, when people ask—like I’m doing—does their ignorance become annoying?”

“I was
uninformed once too. When Hunter was born he was just like every other baby,
but special because he was mine. I was like every other mom. I breathed in his
hair and dreamed of everything he’d someday become. Then I realized how
different our lives were and I had to be the one asking questions for a while.
The thing is
,
no child’s alike. I don’t mind the
questions when they’re asked respectfully. It’s the assumptions I hate.”

Even
though he had yet to spend time with Hunter, a protective wave ran through him.
Hunter was an extension of Becca and he had the urge to protect him as much as
her. “What do people assume?”

“That
every child with autism will someday be Rain Man. Hunter’s gifted in some ways,
but he’s not a savant. His ability to play the piano is more of a compulsion.
He’s good at math, but doesn’t necessarily relish it. His IQ’s actually right
in the middle. But worse than the assumptions of giftedness are the misinformed
comments rude people
make
. It’s never easy to hear
someone snidely refer to your son with a label that’s become nothing more than
a derogatory slur.”

He
never used words like that, but he’d certainly heard them spoken, always in a
vulgar manner, toward anyone slightly different. Perhaps this was one of the
reasons Becca censored foul language altogether, because she was never sure
when such terms would be carelessly thrown out. He hoped no one ever said
anything like that in his presence.
 
Discussing Hunter was delicate, so he steered the subject in an easier
direction for a while. “Tell me something about you, now.”

That
quick, her expression changed, excitement mingled with curiosity illuminating
her eyes. “What do you want to know?”

“What’s
your favorite song?”

“Oh,
that’s a tough one. I love music, that’s probably where Hunter gets it from.
However, I can’t sing or play an instrument to save my life.”

He
chuckled. “I heard a little of that singing this morning.”

She
blushed and one of those cute snorting giggles slipped out. “So you know.”

“And
you can’t pick a Rolling Stones’ song.”

“Why?”

He
shrugged with feigned regret. “It’s the rules.”

“Your
rules stink.”

He
shook his head. “Rules are rules.”

 
“I don’t know if I have a favorite song.”

 
“Fine. What’s your favorite food?”

“Sweets.
I love chocolate, especially pastries and cakes. What’s your favorite food and
song?”

He
thought for a minute. “I basically love anything my mum cooks.” He paused as
her face lit with an adorable smile as though she had a secret. “What?”

“You
call your mom
mum
?”

His
skin heated. “Yeah. I’m sort of a momma’s boy. She spoils me rotten and I let
her.”

“So
what does your
mum
cook?” Her mouth pinched with a teasing smile.

“Doesn’t
matter. It’s all good. Nothin’ like Mum’s home cooking.”

“And
your favorite song?”

“I’m a
big fan of Coldplay so probably something by them.”

“I like
Coldplay.”

“We
still need to figure out your favorite song.”

“I’ll
let you know when it comes to me.”

As it
turned out, he and Becca had a lot in common. They enjoyed the same actors,
liked a lot of the same music, both desired to see the world despite their lack
of time for travel, and agreed there was something particularly nice about
quiet rainy days.

After
lunch Becca seemed tired. “Do you want to come to my place?” Braydon offered.

“Sure.
But I have to call Kevin and check on Hunter.”

When
they reached his place, she went to his office to call her ex. He was curious
about their relationship, but tried to give her privacy. When she emerged from
the back room she looked flustered.

Unsure
if he should form a stance on the ex, he tried not to let the other man’s
presence in Becca’s life annoy him. The guy did him a favor, not appreciating
the woman he had. Unfortunately, that also hurt the woman Bray now cared very
much about, which made him dislike the guy on principle. “Everything all right?”

She
sighed and sat on the couch. “Yeah. Kevin said he’s fine, but I could tell by
Hunter’s voice he’s having a rough day. It’s really hard not being in control.”

He put
his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Anything I can do to help
you relax?”

She
laughed. “Believe it or not, this has been one of the most relaxing days I’ve
had in years.”

It was
amazing how much her words flattered him. He hadn’t done anything
extraordinary, but perhaps that was what made spending time with her so special.
Becca was complicated, but also appreciated the simple pleasures in life. She
was easy to spoil in a manner of speaking and he was really becoming addicted
to indulging her. “Well, why don’t you let me make it a little better? Lie
back.”

He
eased her back on the couch so she was taking up the length of it. His fingers
unsnapped her jeans and he watched her as he slowly lowered the zipper, her
mouth quirking with a sweet smile.

Carefully,
he removed her sneakers and socks and proceeded to massage her dainty little
toes. She hummed happily as he worked the arches of her feet and even kicked
him playfully when he pretended her shoes smelled.

“I’m
only teasing. Your feet smell like roses.” He rolled his eyes and fanned his
nose.

“Jerk.”
She laughed.

Catching
her foot, he proceeded to massage her—and tickle her—and massage her some more.
Working up her legs, he pulled away her pants and panties. Her thighs touched,
showing the soft patch of blond curls at the apex. Braydon ran his hands from
her ankles to her knees, kneading gently. “Open for me, angel.”

Her
face flushed as she allowed him to gently pry apart her legs. Soft ivory skin
greeted him. Carefully, he lifted her ankle and draped it over the back of the
couch, exposing her. Beautiful.

Her
slit parted by the slightest degrees, giving him a view of her glistening pink
folds. He leaned over and softly kissed the inside of her thigh. Her skin was
so smooth beneath his lips and she smelled incredible.