As You Were (10 page)

Brittany sat down next to Tru, and drew a pensive breath. “I don’t know...I mean, really Tru, he’s such a geek. I don’t think I’m attracted to geeks.”

11

THE FIRST FEW BARS OF MUSIC SOUNDED, and Tru leaned over to grab her cell phone off the bed. She had found a way to upload part of one of her own songs as the ring tone. It wasn’t an ego-thing. She did it for marketing purposes. If her phone rang around other people, sometimes they asked about the ring tone, and she could tell them it was her, and move that directly into a CD sale.

She flipped the phone open. “Hello?”

“Hey, Chick. How’s the comfort level over there?”

Tru gave a half-laugh. “Hey Helki...um...well it could be worse I suppose.”

“That’s the spirit. Listen, chicklet, I think I have a kickin’ bass line for ‘Swallow’—“

“Stellar!”

“...you think I could come lay the track anytime soon? My recorder is busted, and I’m afraid I’m gonna lose it.

”
Absolutely. Come on over.”

“Sure that’s cool with Brit?”

“It’ll have to be. We still have work to do. She can always go entertain herself if she doesn’t like it.”

Tru snapped her phone closed and headed down the hall. She recognized the music coming from the living room.

Brittany sat in front of the stereo. A swell of applause told her that the album had been recorded live, and as the applause died away, a voice warm with sincerity drifted through the speakers and encircled Brittany; a mellow alto, rich and soft. The CD case revealed that all the songs had been written by Raven. Brittany felt invaded, vulnerable, as the lyrics seemed to illuminate something inside her which she had not seen in such detail, yet welcomed the feeling as if it were a first kiss. She focused intently on those words...

‘What do you see in her?’ they ask,

I saw through the frozen mask-And I knew someone else would

see through it, as well.

I had a passion deep and wide,

I ached when she looked in my eyes,

She captured me, a mystery, a lover’s spell ...

And the ice maiden i
s melting
...

“Tru...” she called, while the song continued.

Tru answered from the doorway where she had been watching Brit sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the stereo. “Yes?”

“Oh. I didn’t see you there. Hey, who is this ‘Raven’?” She looked at the CD, which gave no clue.

Tru grinned. “You like it?”

“I don’t know...it’s disarming. But sort of warm, ya know?”

“I hear that a lot...” She smiled.

Brittany continued to scrutinize the CD, and realized Tru had not said any more. She looked up. “What did you say?”

Tru put a hand to her lips to stifle a laugh. “I said I hear that a lot.”

Still oblivious, Brit looked back at the insert on the inside. “Do you know her?” she said, propping the case against the speaker.

“Quite well, actually.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s an awful lot like me, except she has a different name.”

Sensing something odd in Tru’s tone, she peered up at her. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Tru laughed. “Brit, Raven is me.”

Brittany’s eyes went wide, and she watched the digital numbers change to the next track. She pushed stop. “This is you?”

“You saw the studio. It didn’t occur to you?

“I—I guess I didn’t realize...
I mean, I thought it was just a hobby. I didn’t think you had a CD.” She looked back at the case.

“I have two, actually. But they’re independent. I’m almost done with the third, which is geared more to the mainstream. Macy is trying to get me a major label. It’s what I’ve been doing with my life for the last six years, on and off. The last three, full-time.”

“I never even...ain’t that a hoot! Now why the hell can’t I remember that?”

Tru dropped to the floor beside her. “Maybe it’s not time for you to remember. Don’t force it.”

Brittany studied the CD again, opening it to view the insert. On the bottom, under acknowledgments were the words,
‘This album is dedicated to a Goddess, an angel, a fiery creature sent to vex and delight me...
my love, my life: Brit...
Yours, Raven.’

Tru picked up the remote for the stereo. “Want to hear the rest of it?”

“No,” Brittany answered too suddenly. “I’m...
no.” Getting to her feet, she disappeared into the kitchen.

Tru sighed and punched the power button. “So much for a trip down memory lane,” she murmured. Tru followed her. “Hey. Helki is on her way over. We need to lay down a bass track. So...”

She stood, holding the can of Dr. Pepper from the ‘fridge. “You want me get lost?”

“No. You did that recently, and I didn’t like it too much. I just wanted to give you a heads-up, because when we record, all the outside noise has to be gone—like the television. You could go out to the shop and play in the clay, maybe...”

“You don’t want me in the house at all?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to—“

“Can’t I just watch?”

“Watch?” Tru frowned. “You mean the TV?”

“No, I mean, You. And Helki. Can’t I just be a spectator? I mean, if I’m quiet?”

Tru considered this. She hadn’t expected it, but certainly preferred Brit to be involved in her music. She always had been. “I...that’s fine. You used to sit in on most of our sessions.”

“Okay. Cool. If I get bored, I’ll just go read.” She held up the can of Dr. Pepper. “This is the last one,” she said, popping it open.

“Help yourself.”

“I did,” came the retort.

“Are we about to bicker again?”

“No.” Brittany swept past her and plopped on the sofa, while Tru put another log on the fire. Dropping to the floor, she watched the news, while waiting for Helki to arrive. She was leaning back on her hands, her legs stretched out and crossed in front of her.

“How much of your money do you make performing?”

“Almost all of it. Selling the eCigs is pretty lucrative, too.”

Brittany absorbed this new information and then grabbed the Discover magazine, leafing through it, then discarded it in favor of another. She thought about this Helki-person. She didn’t know thing-one about her, but it might be informative to meet one of Tru’s friends. She knew, memory or not, that you could often judge a person by who they called their friends.

Tru sat up and, spinning as if sitting on a lazy Susan, she regarded Brittany as she perused the contents of The Advocate. “Better be careful...
that’s a gay publication.”

Brittany glanced up blandly. “I’m not that fragile.”

Tru sat with her elbows on her bent knees, rocking herself back and forth, humming the melody for ‘Swallow’, the song Helki was coming over to record. The lyrics went through her head...

’I sustained another wound tonight, from a double-edged sword... so you handed me a big Band-Aid for the wound that you made before’...

She let her eyes travel across Brittany’s face...the smooth brow, the oval of her jaw, the full, pink lips which were now puckered to one side as she chewed at the inside of her cheek while she read. Tru’s eyes descended to her neck and shoulders, her mind’s eye recalling what it felt like to drop kisses on the warm skin there...

‘one wound hea
ls while another gets deeper...
’

...wishing for one opportunity to relive that experience.

I know you don’t wanna be my keeper, anymore.

Her gaze dropped lower to the swell of her breasts, the gentle rise and fall of them as she breathed...
the delicacy of her hands as she turned the page...

‘If I can get it right tonight,

then maybe I can get it right tomorrow my heart puts up a hell of a fight,

it’s a little bit more than I can swallow...’

...and laid the magazine on the arm of the sofa at her side, leaning, exposing the curve of her hips to Tru’s perusal...
the secret between them still vivid—

“What are you doing?” Brittany asked harshly.

Tru broke away from her reverie and looked up into those blue eyes, cold with disapproval. She had stopped humming without being aware of it, and had probably drawn attention to her intimate musing in doing so. “I was...just thinking.”

“Looked more like fantasizing to me,” Brittany concluded.

Tru felt the blood rush to her cheeks and looked away, unable to free herself from Brittany’s probing, rebuking stare. She stretched out on her back and closed her eyes, attempting to draw the images back again, privately, as if they were nutrients she needed for survival.

She must have dozed off, because a soft rustling prompted her to open her eyes again, and she saw Brittany looming over her, her features strangely conflicted. Tru did not look away this time, and Brittany eased down to her knees beside her.

“You fell asleep. Isn’t your friend about to be here?”

“Yeah.” Tru made no effort to get up, but continued to stare at her.

“Your eyes are unnerving...” she said, grasping the material of the T-shirt at Tru’s stomach and squeezing it into her fist. The jangle of the phone halted Brittany’s movements, and she looked up at it, then got up quickly to answer. Tru closed her eyes as she heard Brittany say hello, and found her pulse hammering in her throat.
My eyes are unnerving
, Tru repeated the irony in her mind.
Did she—

“Tru. It’s the insurance guy. It’s about my car. I think you’d better handle it.”

Tru swallowed hard, rolled over, and got up. She took the phone and talked for a moment, then thanked the agent and hung up. “They won’t replace your car because it wasn’t in your name. We’ll have to go lease you another one.”

“With what? I don’t have any money.”

“Yes you do.” Tru opened a drawer in a small desk by the kitchen and produced a checkbook from the box. “This is your account. And you have savings too.”

She took the checkbook and looked at it. “I guess that’s fortunate...
I mean, I can’t very well do the work I used to do, unless I...
remember how...”

“You will.”

Brittany stared at Tru, as if considering, and then took a step toward her, but halted when the silence was broken by the horn outside. Helki was in the driveway.

“She’s here,” Tru said, spinning to go open the front door. Swinging it wide she called to her friend. “Need help?”

“No, I got it,” Helki said, lugging in her guitar case and shoulder bag. She dropped them both inside the door and gave Tru a warm hug and quick kiss. “I missed you, Chicklet!

“I missed you too,” Tru said, turning awkwardly to Brittany. “I feel like I need to introduce you two.”

“Well,” Helki said, moving toward Brittany. “You may not remember me, but I remember you.” She gathered her in a big hug, and also a quick kiss, which incited a blush to Brittany’s cheeks. “And I’m so glad you’re back. Tru was falling apart.” She grabbed her case and bag and started for the guest room studio.

Brittany met eyes with Tru and half-smiled. “She seems nice.”

Tru motioned for her to follow and they headed down the hall. Tru caught up to Helki and whispered in her ear. “No fair! You kissed her before I did.”

“Oops,” Helki snickered. “Sorry.” Then added in her own hushed tone, “Maybe you ought to be more aggressive. Don’t ask her permission.”

“I’d really like to do the bridge again. It wasn’t very tight.”

Tru pressed the buttons to send the Fostex recorder back a little. “Okay, just start playing, and I’ll punch you in at the end of that chorus going into the bridge.”

The Bridge
, Brittany thought. That had only meant one thing to her, until now. That emotion she felt that day on the way home with Tru. That flash of memory about hitting the guard rail, and plunging into the river. From her place beside Tru, she took a breath and moved the thought from her mind, focusing on the control panel of the recorder, and Tru’s knowledgeable hands on the buttons and the jogging wheel.

“Okay, rolling...” Tru said.

Helki found her place in the music and began to play, and made it through the bridge flawlessly this time.

Tru stopped the recording and reset to the beginning, playing the tracks back with the new bass line in the mix. “That rocks, Helki.”

“Cool,” the woman said. “I like it.”

“It’s perfect. I love the way you used the harmonics on the middle part.”

“Yeah, that was an accident at first, but then I liked it and it gave me the idea.”

Tru looked at Brittany. “What did you think?”

“Me? I thought it was fabulous. I’m impressed with both of you.”

“See?” Helki said to Tru. “You get to enjoy her rediscovery of your music all over again.”

Tru blushed slightly, as Brittany smiled. “You are both very talented.” She held Tru’s eyes a beat longer than she intended.

Tru stood up. “I’m getting some more tea. Do you guys want anything?”