As You Wish (10 page)

“I'm freaking you out, aren't I?” Todd asked.

“No. Well, maybe. A little. But I think it's good. I want to know this stuff about you, Todd. I want you to feel that you can talk openly with me about anything. I guess I'm a little surprised that we've known each other so long and been so close—or at least, I've thought of us as being close—yet I didn't know any of this.”

Todd moved closer to Christy and put his arm around her, drawing her to his side. “We are close, Kilikina. I'm closer to you than any other person I know. And maybe that's why I never told you a lot of this. I didn't want to say anything that would cause you to pull away from me. You're such a merciful person. I didn't want to hurt you.”

“You're not hurting me by telling me these things,” Christy said. “I'm glad you're telling me. I want to know all this.”

“But you want to fix me, and you can't go back and fix my childhood, can you?”

Christy pulled her head away from Todd's shoulder and
looked up at him. “How did you know that's what I was thinking?”

Todd brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “I know your heart, Kilikina. That's how I knew what you were thinking. I know your heart.”

“I believe you do.” Then pressing her head against his chest, Christy said, “And I want to know your heart, Todd.”

She came very close to adding the words, “Because I love you.” But she still couldn't say it. Not yet.

6
That night Christy lay awake in bed. The room was dark except for the soft yellow glow from the desk light she had left on again for Katie. Squinting her eyes to read the numbers on her alarm clock, Christy wondered when she should start to worry. It was three minutes after midnight. She had slipped into bed at ten, hoping for a good sleep before going to Riverview with Todd at eight the next morning.

Instead of good sleep, for the past two hours all Christy had experienced was an endless replay of Todd's words. He had opened himself up to her, and in every way she had expressed to him it was okay, she cared, and she was glad he had told her about his childhood. But since they had parted after dinner, Christy had been bombarded with worries and fears.

She was worried about Katie, too. Christy hadn't seen her since lunch and didn't know if Katie had drowned herself in chocolate mocha frozen yogurt or had bounced back and was out romping with some of her friends.

Christy turned on her side and tried to convince herself to go to sleep and to forget everything and everybody else.
It would all work out, somehow. Then a wild thought popped into her foggy brain.
What if Todd hurts me the way his dad hurt his mom?

Christy angrily tossed to the other side.
Where did that thought come from? Todd would never hurt me.

A moment later she thought,
What if he left me and took our kids the way his mom left his dad and took him?

Christy tumbled out of bed. That's ridiculous! Why am I even thinking this?

She reached for the water bottle she had left sitting on her desk. Next to the water bottle was the bouquet of wilting white carnations Todd had given her a week ago when she had returned from Switzerland. On the shelf above her desk sat an old, beat-up Folgers coffee can. Inside were the dried brown remains of the first dozen white carnations Todd had given her on her fifteenth birthday.

Why did he wait so long to tell me what his life was really like? If we do end up getting married, will he always wait five years before telling me something? “Oh, by the way, honey, we're bankrupt and we have to move out of the house by tomorrow.”

Christy plunged back into bed, more distraught than ever. Her wildly emotional thoughts turned to Uncle Bob. How would he respond when Marti told him, “By the way, honey, I'm leaving in the morning to go to Santa Fe with Cheyenne.”

I have to talk to someone about Marti. I can't hold her secret. Not when I have all this other stuff to deal with. Why did I ever promise her I'd keep her secret? That was such a stupid thing to do.

Christy's thoughts beat her up until she fell into a deep, exhausted sleep in which nightmares came one right after the other. Crazy, tormenting laughter circled her, taunting her for being so naive as to love Todd Spencer and so foolish
as to promise her aunt anything.

At close to four in the morning, Christy woke with a start and sat up in bed. The laughter from her brutal nightmares instantly ceased. The soft desk light was turned off, and she could hear Katie's rhythmic breathing in the bed across the room.

At least Katie is okay. And the rest of that stuff wasn't real. It was a nightmare.
She tried to slow down her pounding heart.
It's okay. Pray, Christy. Pray and sleep. You need to sleep.

Slowly lowering her head to the pillow, Christy prayed silently, moving her lips and whispering a word here and there. She prayed about everything. Her heart calmed. Her mind cleared. She slept a dreamless sleep for the next two and a half hours.

When Christy's alarm went off at six-thirty, Katie rolled over and gave one of her grumpy groans. “What's going on?”

“I'm going to church with Todd,” Christy said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

“Do you want to come to church with us?” Christy didn't know if her invitation was such a good idea since Matt would be there, but she offered it anyway.

“No, I'm taking Sierra down to San Diego to Paul's church. Will you wake me at eight o'clock?”

“I'll be gone before then,” Christy said. “I'll reset my alarm for eight.”

With a “humph-okay,” Katie went back to sleep, and Christy got ready for church.

She met Todd at seven-thirty in the cafeteria for a quick breakfast, as they had planned the night before. Matt was eating with Todd when she arrived. The guys were almost
through, so Christy had to gulp down her breakfast. She thought she should do something obvious to show that she and Todd were together, but the opportunity didn't present itself.

“How did you guys sleep last night?” Todd asked as the three of them drove down the hill in Gus the Bus.

“Awful,” Christy said.

“Me too,” Todd said. “I felt like I was being attacked. I couldn't figure out what was going on, and then I realized I needed to pray. We're stepping out to the front lines for the Lord this morning, but the enemy doesn't want us to do this.”

“It was the same for me,” Christy said. “Once I prayed, I finally could sleep.” She felt hushed inside at the thought of evil forces trying to keep her from serving God this morning with Todd.

“Sounds like we better pray this morning, too,” Matt said.

Matt had just said the word “pray” when Gus the Bus sputtered, lurched, and came to a stop in the middle of the road.

“Do you have your emergency lights on?” Matt asked as he slid the side door open and hopped out to motion to the car behind them to go around.

“They aren't working.” Todd opened his door and climbed out. “Everything shut down. Christy, slide over here to the driver's seat and steer us to that parking lot, will you?”

“You mean over there in front of the dental offices?”

Todd didn't hear her. He was already around the back of the van, yelling for Christy to put it in neutral and make sure the brake was off. Christy had only driven ol' Gus a few
times before and didn't feel comfortable behind the wheel at a time like this.

She followed Todd's instructions, and the car moved forward, thanks to the brawn of Todd and Matt. Biting her lower lip the entire journey of a block and a half into the parking lot, she steered as carefully as she could right into a space. It was marked
Compact Only,
but she was certain on a Sunday morning, with no one else in the lot, it wouldn't matter that Gus wasn't exactly compact.

“Put her in first,” Todd called out, coming around to the open window on the driver's side. “And set the emergency brake.”

Christy followed his instructions. That's when she realized her lip was throbbing from biting it. It was beginning to swell.

“What should we do now?” Christy asked. “Should we find a phone and call a repair service or something?”

“I don't think we have time for that,” Matt said.

Todd had gone around to the side of Gus and opened the door. He was pulling out his guitar and his Bible.

“We better walk,” Todd said. “It's at least a mile to the church from here.”

Christy grabbed her Bible and strung her purse over her shoulder. Her mind flipped through half a dozen impractical solutions like calling a cab or hitchhiking. She didn't offer any of her suggestions as the three of them silently took off at a fast pace down the street.

“Probably the alternator,” Matt said as they walked.

Christy knew it could be anything, since Gus was so old and subject to random seizures.

“I'll come back with my truck after church and look at it if you want me to,” Matt offered.

“Sure.” Todd was walking faster than Matt and Christy. His mind seemed not on his car but on what lay ahead.

Christy had gotten used to walking in Basel, and she found it easy to pick up her pace so she could keep up with Todd. “You know what? We never did pray,” she said. “Matt was about to pray, and then Gus stopped.”

“You're right,” Todd said, as if Christy's words had snapped him out of a daydream. Then without slowing the pace, Todd spoke aloud. “Okay, Father, look at us here. I know you hold every detail of our lives in your hands. This didn't come as a surprise to you the way it did to us. You have a plan. I trust you for whatever you're going to do. We need you to make it clear because, to be honest, I'm not getting it right now.”

They came to one of the town's main intersections and had to wait for the light to turn green before they could cross. Todd shifted his heavy guitar case to his other hand, and Christy wiped the perspiration off her forehead. The day's heat was already rising. The steady desert winds that had blown the past few days were absent, and the air felt close around them.

“And, Lord,” Christy added to Todd's prayer, “we stand together on your Word against the enemy's plans. I think he's trying to put roadblocks in our way today. But this is your day, and we are your children. Please make our path straight.”

The light turned green. They began to hoof it across the street when one of the cars at the crosswalk honked at them.

Christy thought the driver was honking to make fun of the three strolling minstrels who obviously were on their
way to church wearing their nice clothes and carrying Bibles.

“Need a ride?” the driver called from the open car window.

“It's Donna,” Christy said. “My new boss at the bookstore.”

Within minutes, the three of them had jammed into the backseat of Donna's van, met her husband, and arrived in the church parking lot several minutes before the service started. Donna's husband, they found out, was a professor at Rancho Corona and involved in leadership at the church. He had been out of town last week when Todd was hired and asked if he could meet with Todd after the second service. With a round of thanks, Todd, Christy, and Matt dashed to the high school room.

Matt stopped to chat with two guys who were hanging out by the door. They both looked as if this was the last place they wanted to be, but they perked up when they saw Matt. Three girls arrived together. Christy followed Matt's lead and pretended she wasn't a shy person. She introduced herself to the girls and started a conversation with them.

Todd set up his equipment. The sophisticated computer on the stand in the back of the room projected the words to the first song off a disc Todd had inserted. He invited everyone to come in.

For the next fifteen minutes, Christy, Matt, and the five students sang the worship songs as Todd played his guitar. Since so few people were there, Christy didn't stand in front with Todd, but she did sing louder and more convincingly than any of the others.

Two more girls arrived halfway through and sat in the back whispering as the others sang. That bugged Christy.
She knew how wonderful a time of worship could be with friends since she had experienced that as a teenager. How could she tell those girls that this time was holy and meaningful and they should enter in?

When the singing ended, Todd asked the students to pull their chairs into a circle. None of them were too eager, but they did it anyway. He then introduced himself and asked that each person do the same and tell something about him or herself.

It didn't go so well, from Christy's opinion. She and Matt talked the most, but they ended up telling that they grew up together. The way Matt talked, it almost sounded as if he and Christy were boyfriend and girlfriend, and the two of them were there to support their buddy, Todd.

I definitely need to have a talk with Matt. The sooner the better.