Ascension (20 page)

He had always lived for the moment, uncaring of the danger he placed himself in, almost seeking out death. If Lealandra really loved him, he would need to be more careful, and not only with himself. Her happiness would be his responsibility and he would have to find a way to live with his demon lineage and protect her so it would never be responsible for her demise or pain. Was this how his father had felt, fearing his demon side because it could be a danger to his mother?

Anger burned deep in his heart, bitterness filling his mouth with an acrid tang, and Taig pushed his thoughts of his parents away, not wanting them to ruin this time with Lealandra. One day he might be able to accept himself but he doubted he could ever accept his father now, not after everything he had been through because of him.

Lealandra slowed her movements and he sensed the shift in her feelings. His distant silence was concerning her. He focused on her where she sat astride him, her warm body wrapped around his. She was beautiful. Her wet black hair streamed down over her breasts, hiding their dusky peaks, and her slender thighs pressed into his. She grazed her hands over his sides and her grey eyes met his. He groaned when she moved on him, his cock sliding deep inside her hot sheath, and bit his lower lip again, no longer caring if he drew blood.

Her lips parted and her breathing quickened to match his. He tilted his head back and frowned, his eyes remaining locked on her. She pressed her hands into his stomach, riding him harder, urging them both towards climax. Taig grasped her thighs and thrust into her, slow and deep, countering her movements so as she moved down, he moved up into her. She groaned and closed her eyes, a frown creasing her brow.

“Taig,” she whispered and he growled in response.

Her movements became jerky and then she moaned and stiffened. He plunged into her and she gasped, her body convulsing around his, drawing him close to the edge. He continued thrusting as she stilled, captivated by her climax. He growled at the feel of her body milking his and her warmth covering his cock. She opened her eyes and looked deep into his. He tensed and then buried himself inside her and came with another long low growl.

Lealandra smiled and eased down to lay on his chest, her breathing rough and warm on his skin.

He wrapped his arms around her and sighed slowly to steady his thundering heart.

“Growly,” she whispered and circled his right nipple with her fingertip.

Lealandra was right. He wasn’t normally like that. His demon receded, peaceful and sated. Satisfied. He had never had such control over it and it had never played a part in his lovemaking with Lealandra. He frowned, trying to figure it out.

It hadn’t been a threat and he hadn’t been close to changing. It had been one with him, a part of him, just as his father had said it would be if he practiced controlling himself.

Perhaps Lealandra was right and all this time he had been wrong.

He was a man.

And his demon side was a part of that man, not a separate being to loathe or hide.

He closed his eyes and drew Lealandra closer to him. Her breathing became soft and shallow. Her heart drummed steadily against his chest.

Thoughts kept him awake. He couldn’t shake them.

Could he really come to accept his demon side and his past?

He still wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to do such a thing. He had never been any good at letting go of his anger, and his feelings about his parents’ disappearance and his demon side had fuelled him for over twenty years. Could he let go of such pain and move on?

Even if Lealandra loved him, could accept both sides of him, could he accept himself?

His demon blood still felt like a curse more than anything, a barrier that stood between him and leading a normal life, and the very thought of his father made his blood boil with a desire to destroy. He didn’t want to be like him. He wanted to be human, because then he would never be a threat to Lealandra. She would always be safe around him then. If he were human, he would be certain, would easily believe, that she really did love him with all of her heart.

But he wasn’t human, and he never would be, no matter how hard he tried to be one. He couldn’t erase his demon blood. It pounded in his veins, a dark force that pushed for control. He was a monster and Lealandra’s love would never change that.

Could she really love someone who was both man and monster?

Because both man and monster loved her.

Taig stared at the ceiling, emptying his mind. He focused on the feel of Lealandra resting softly against him, warm in his arms where she belonged, her legs tangled with his, and held her close, savouring the calm, a feeling that he had longed for from the moment she had walked out of his life. The conflict he felt about himself slowly drifted to the back of his mind, drowned out by positive emotions, but he couldn’t rid himself of it completely. It lingered in his heart.

He needed time to think, needed space to come to terms with everything and get his head straight, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, not with Lealandra’s ascension coming and demons to hunt. For now, he would see where things took him, and hope that Lealandra didn’t push him.

Because he was a bomb with a very short fuse and she loved playing with fire.

L
ealandra slowly traced the intricate dark swirls of Taig’s mark on his shoulder blade, her grey gaze following her fingertips. His breathing was slow and deep in the quiet low-lit room, bringing a smile to her face. An hour ago, he had awoken her in the most delicious way just to tell her that she had fallen asleep, kissing her softly and kneading her bottom with one hand while he caressed her breast with the other. She was tempted to kiss him awake but resisted. He sighed, rolled onto his front, the red bed covers riding low on his hips, and turned his head to face her.

Her exploration shifted course, rounding the dark pink marks on his broad back, inspecting each one to make sure they had healed, and eventually creeping up his neck to his cheek. She caressed the line of his jaw, swept the rogue dark strands of hair from his forehead, and sighed with him.

How could a man with so much brash confidence be so vulnerable? He would hate for her saying it, would deny it completely, but she knew how he felt on the inside. Only she hadn’t realised just how strong those feelings were until she had come here and seen the level of protection he had put on his apartment. He could pretend all he wanted that there wasn’t a problem but she could see that there was, and that it affected him. He felt inadequate, unloved and unaccepted. She ached to take that pain away and make him see that his parents had been in love, that it was possible for a demon of his father’s power to love a mortal, and that it was possible for her to love Taig just the same.

It wasn’t just that though. She was sure that she could make him believe that one day. It was also making him believe that his parents had truly loved him and hadn’t abandoned him for whatever reason he thought—not because he was mixed blood or an aberration. The love in his parents’ eyes in the picture told her that they never would have left him of their own free will.

Lealandra stroked his cheek, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought about everything that Taig had been through and all the times she had tried to talk to him about his parents. She wanted to help him but it was impossible when he slammed the door in her face at every turn and wouldn’t even entertain the thought of talking about it with her, let alone actually doing it.

His lashes fluttered and then his ebony eyes opened and fixed on her.

“You think too loud.” He smiled sleepily. “Something on your mind, sweet cheeks?”

Could she tell him?

If she did, would he shove her aside again?

Was she moving too fast?

It tore at her, turning her stomach and making her hesitate. She didn’t want him to push her away, not this time, not after everything they had been through. She wanted him to listen for once and to talk to her. He was terrible at sharing, at opening himself up to her, but she needed him to give it a shot. He needed it.

“Your father—”

Taig growled. “Not this again.”

He rolled away, heading for the edge of the bed. Lealandra wasn’t about to let him escape that easily. She threw herself on him, hindering his movements, and managed to get astride him. His bare body felt cool and tempting beneath her hips and hands but she ignored the desire that just the feel of him stirred within her.

“Your father loved your mother.” She pressed her hands into his shoulders.

“I know.” His ebony gaze held hers, no trace of anger in it.

Her fine eyebrows rose. She had thought he would deny that. It gave her a little courage but she still felt as though she was walking along an eggshell covered path that was leading straight for a high cliff. He might look calm, might sound calm, but she could feel the tension growing within him and it was a warning not to push him too far.

Well, for once she was going to ignore the blaring sirens and risk his anger.

“And I’m sure they loved you.”

“Did they tell you that?” He smirked and his eyes narrowed, the edges of his irises and around his pupils burning red. “If you have a hotline to them, do tell them I’d like to know why the fuck they left me.”

Lealandra trembled when a dark wave of power surged through her. Her magic shrank away, going deep as though it was afraid too. She had never felt Taig this angry but it wasn’t going to deter her. Talking about his father was treading on ice so thin that she was walking on water but she had to try to get him to talk. If he did, he would feel better. It was just an automatic reaction for him to act like this whenever she mentioned his father. She was sure of it.

“What if they didn’t have a choice, Taig? What if someone captured them?”

“It doesn’t change a thing.” He caught her wrists and pushed her back. Lealandra twisted free of his grasp and grabbed his wrists, turning the tables on him. Her gaze locked with his. He snarled. “Drop it.”

“No.”

“I’m not talking about this.” There was an edge to his voice and his power that warned her that he wasn’t joking.

She wasn’t either. “Talk to me.”

“No.” He broke free of her grasp and lifted her off him. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

Lealandra climbed back on him, her gaze steely, and pinned his shoulders. Her heart thundered, blood rushing and causing her magic to rise when Taig’s abated. Taig glared at her.

“Just let me in this once, Taig. Please? I only want to help you.”

“Why?”

Lealandra had to look away, was too afraid to let him see the reason in her eyes or say the words. She loved him so much. If she said it now, he wouldn’t believe her, not even when she had shown it to him in so many different ways. He would still think that she was lying, or would find a way to fault her love for him and make out that it wasn’t real when it was. She had loved him from the moment she had met him. His demon side didn’t frighten her. It was a part of him. It made him Taig. The man she loved with all of her heart. The man who hated himself with all of his.

“I hate seeing you loathe yourself. I hate seeing you trying to be something that you aren’t.” Her gaze flickered to his.

Taig growled and tried to get away again. She frowned and her magic surged through her, reinforcing her strength and keeping him stuck to the bed. He bucked and snarled. Lealandra didn’t let go. She wouldn’t let him go. Never again.

“Just talk to me, God damn it. Let me in!” Her throat tightened, fear and hope constricting it, and she bit back the tears as her eyes searched his. Just this once she wanted him to let her past the barrier and into the fortress that protected his heart. She wanted to share his pain and help him heal.

He stilled beneath her, his red eyes penetrating hers, daring her to make a move.

Lealandra touched his face, a light trembling caress, and felt his pain. She felt so much for him. So sorry. He would hate her for pitying him, belittling his strength with her worry and fears, with her love. She wasn’t doing this to make him hate her but she would take it all if it would lessen how much he hated himself and would give him a moment’s respite from his endless hurt and despair. It all flowed into her, every ounce of his pain, all of it stemming from his mixed blood and his parents’ disappearance. What could she do to make him change his mind about it all and make him see that she loved him for what he was—a demon and a man? She would do anything.

“Speak to me.” She brushed her thumb across his lower lip. “I’m not asking you to open up and let me in, Taig. I’d settle for just talking about it.”

The dark look in his eyes said that it wasn’t going to happen. She was fighting a battle she would never win, at least not like this. Trying to make him talk about it had been a foolish idea. She should have bitten her tongue and let him be the one to tell her, no matter how long that took. But she was impatient. She couldn’t wait forever for him to let her in. She wanted it to be now, was scared that she wouldn’t make it through the ascension and would never know if he loved her, would never hear the words that she so desperately needed him to say to her. She sighed.

“I meant what I said today.”

“You’d better not try to find them, Lea.” The venom in his tone matched the spark of anger that bolted through him.

She smiled slowly to herself. He never had been any good at seeing the meaning in her words. She always had needed to spell things out for him.

“No. Not that. I meant what I said…” Lealandra looked deep into his eyes and opened herself to him, so he could sense things through where they touched and would know that she was telling the truth. “I missed you. I broke my heart that day and fractured yours in the process… and I’m sorry… I… if I’d known it would turn out this way, and that I’d really hurt you… I didn’t want to push you like that and make you—”

Taig tried to shove her off him, discomfort and anger written all over his scowl. Lealandra pushed his shoulders back against the mattress, making him stay and listen. He needed to hear this. She didn’t care if he hated her for saying it. Someone had to tell him and make him see.