Ash Rising (DEAd Series) (32 page)

Squeezing her eyes shut, she ran
her hands up and down his back, over his suit coat, soothing and reassuring. Hopelessly, helplessly in love with this beautiful, brilliant, complicated man. Overwhelmed by the rush of emotion, the fear and exhilaration, the rightness of the sudden realization, she could only hold on to him, solid and real in her arms.

“Emma.” His voice was gruff, and
his eyes widened when he saw her face. With a jerk, he pulled out of her body and severed the intimate connection. “Oh, God, Emma. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

Sh
e struggled to stand on her own, wobbling on weakened legs and the thin high heels of her shoes. Cupping her cheeks, his thumbs brushed away the wet trail of tears before his hands ran through her hair and over her body, checking for damage.

“I’m okay, Ash. I’m okay. Really,” she added when he scowled at her.

“You’re crying.” He pulled her to him and hugged hard. “Not okay. I’m so sorry.”

Just as quickly as he’d grabbed her, he held her away and tugged her skirt down, smoothing the velvet over her hips. At some point, he’d pulled his pants up, but they sagged dangerously. Grabbing the waist before they fell, his mouth set in a hard, self-castigating line
as he fastened them, movements harsh and erratic. Emma reached out to touch his cheek.

“Ash. Don’t. It’s okay. That was…” She shook her head, unable to adequately describe what had just happened.

“Fucking stupid.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe… I lost my fucking mind. That’s why I don’t kiss you.”

She shivered, and not because of the cold mortar at her back. “I liked it. I like that you lose control when you touch me.”

He stared at her. “I just took you in a stairwell. At the theater. Shoved your skirt up and went at you, and I didn’t even—You didn’t even…”

He waved his hand, unable to complete the thought.

“Ash, that was amazing. Incredible. So much fun. I loved it.”

He let out a startled laugh. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

“Crazy about you.” She fought the tremble in her knees at the truth of her words and stretched contentedly instead. “How about we get out of the stairwell before someone does catch us?”

He cast an assessing glance over her, and she bit back a grin at the sight of her red lipstick smeared over his mouth. She circled a finger around her face to indicate the mess on his, and he wiped ineffectually at his lips and chin. Emma’s heart warmed as she pushed his hands aside and used the backside of his tie to wipe the glossy crimson from his skin. After giving her a soft kiss in thanks, he stuck his head out the door and blew out a breath in exaggerated relief at the empty hallway.

“Sorry about missing the show.” The door shut behind them, and he guided her toward the sweeping staircase that descended to the lower level.

She tugged him to a halt. “What are you talking about? Where are you going?”

“Taking you home. After that…” He gestured to the emergency exit. “You don’t want to stay, do you?”

“Of course I do. You promised me a night at the theater, and I’m going to make you deliver. That”—she mimicked his gesture—“was just an added bonus.”

He managed to scowl even as one brow rose. “You sure?”

“Positive,” she told him firmly. “Just let me, ah, use the ladies room first, and then let’s enjoy the show.”

He leaned against the wall waiting for her when she exited the restroom, hands in pockets and one foot cocked against the other as he watched her with a smile curving his mouth.

“This way,” he urged, taking her hand and leading her toward the stairs.

“But those are to the private boxes.”

“Yeah.” He pulled the tickets out of his inside coat pocket
to hand to the usher, but she stopped a few feet away.

“You bought me box seats?”

One side of his mouth lifted. “Not a big deal, Emma. They’re just theater tickets. Should have done something like this for you a long time ago. I should always do something like this for you.”

She leaned up on tiptoe in her heels and planted a kiss right on his lips, a really good one, ignoring the discreet cough the usher gave to hide his grin. “Thank you. For everything.”

His fingers curled under her jaw, and his thumb brushed over her cheek. “If I can get you something, I will. You’ve got me at the point I’d do just about anything for you, Emmaline.”

She hugged him tight. Maybe someday he’d give her what she most wanted, but that wasn’t something she could ask for.

As usual, Ash was out of bed the next morning before she even awoke. Emma inhaled the scent of coffee as she struggled to shake off the sleep and contentment addling her brain. After making a quick stop in the bathroom, she staggered into the kitchen to find him bright, cheerful, and brimming with energy.

“How can orgasms deplete everyone else on this earth but only supercharge you?” she groused, accepting the mug he placed in her hands.

He shrugged. “I’m special that way.”

She scoffed but smiled as she downed the coffee. He had such a way about him
even just moving around the kitchen, strong, graceful, and too attractive for his own good. He kissed her—on the mouth—when she finished the drink, took the mug from her and refilled, adding the perfect amount of cream and sugar before placing the cup back in her hands.

Curling his hands over her shoulders, he turned her toward the breakfast bar and waited until she was seated before pulling a plate out of the warming oven. She blinked at the artful arrangement of eggs and sausage for a few seconds, until the amazing aroma hit her nose and triggered a rumble in her stomach. She grabbed her fork and dug in.

“Thank you. Oh.” Smooth, rich saltiness burst in her mouth. “So good. I’m starving. Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Already had mine, thanks.”

She ate until she couldn’t take another bite and sat back with a groan, hand pressed to her stomach. After placing her plate in the sink, he turned to face her and leaned against the counter.

“I want to talk to you about something.”

“Ah. Waiting until I’m in a food and sex coma. Clever boy.” She slouched down in the tall chair. “You aren’t going to start apologizing for last night again, are you?”

He shook his head. “No. I won’t apologize, although it’ll be a long time before I stop feeling sorry, and there’s nothing you can do about that. I want to talk to you about something else.”

“Okay.” Studying him, she fought sudden apprehension. A quirk of a smile curved his mouth, but his eyes were dark and serious.

“We don’t know when you have to go back—back to the States.” He moved across the kitchen to lean over the breakfast bar and take her hand. “And when you do, we’ll deal with it, like we talked about, but until then… Until then, I don’t want to waste time running back and forth between here and your apartment or spend any of the nights we have left while you’re still here not being with each other. Emma, I want you to move in. With me.”

Surprise held her immobile. Not what she wanted most from him, but close. Closer than she expected, but even that little bit only made her want more.

“You want me to move in with you?” she repeated, testing each word.

“I do. If that’s what you want. If you don’t, we’ll make things work, but I want you here.”

“I don’t know.” She pulled her hand out of his to press fingertips to her forehead. A glimpse of the stricken look on his face made her realize what she’d just said. “I mean, I do know. I just don’t know.”

He scowled and stood straight on the opposite side of the counter. “I don’t want to pressure you, Emmaline. If you’re not ready, if you don’t—”

“No, Ash. That’s not it.”

“It’s a lot to spring on you, but I don’t want to waste time. I want you here. Short term, if that’s all I can get, but I’m thinking long term here. I don’t know. Sorry if I’m being pushy.”

“Pushy is only one thing you are,” she muttered.

He stuck his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and took a step back. “I’m a jackass sometimes, too. I’m a lot of work, but I try to make it worth the effort. Hoped you could see past all that, and think I was worth
your
effort.”

“You’re all that and more.”
She blew out a breath. How to explain? He didn’t see how she felt about him—how everyone felt about him. “You’re too clever for your own good. You’re so used to getting your way, because everyone falls all over themselves to give it to you, to catch your attention, to be in your spotlight. Ash, you glow. You’re one of those people who attract others like moths to your flame. You like to make others feel good, and I don’t just mean physically, although you’re pretty amazing at that. That’s just your nature, no matter how hard you’ve been trying to deny it. You give, and even though you take, too—you do enjoy your indulgences—you’re happiest when you’re giving pleasure. I’ve been lucky enough to have been on the receiving end these past few months.”

Cringing
at the words spilling out of her mouth, she was too far gone to stop, lightheaded and reckless. “Is it any wonder—knowing all that—is it any wonder I love you?”

He froze, his mouth and eyes opening wide
. The expression would have been comical if it hadn’t made her want to cry. He reached toward her but let his arm drop to his side. Desolation threatened to swamp her. She’d gambled on the chance he’d fall in love with her, too, but judging by his horrified expression, she’d gambled and lost. The pride that both helped and hindered her throughout her life fought through the pain clogging her throat. She wouldn’t back down. She loved the stupid jackass, and it was his problem if he couldn’t see the best thing that had ever happened to him stood right before his damn gorgeous blue eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said
, breaking the stunned silence. “I shouldn’t have…”

Her voice trailed away, because
yeah, she should have. No reason not to tell him how she felt, and she wouldn’t be ashamed of giving him her heart. She wasn’t sorry she loved him, just that he didn’t feel the same. “I’m sorry.”

His expression changed from shock to
bewilderment and hurt. “Why would you be sorry you’re in love with me?”

“Becaus
e—” She winced, his words too close to what had been going through her mind. How could she explain what was obvious? Expecting him to deny, deflect, play her declaration off with humor, or even completely disregard the sentiment, she didn’t think he’d welcome her confession. “Because it appears that’s something you don’t want to hear.”

He looked completely offended, and it was her turn to be confused.
When he spoke, his voice rang quiet and low, giving his words more impact. “I’ve really screwed things up if I’ve made you think that.”

“It’s just…” S
he floundered in her attempt to verbalize her feelings. Could she be wrong about his reaction? “I’m not sorry I love you, Ash. I couldn’t be. I thought it might be too soon, too much, that you’re not ready.”

“Ready?” He interrupted with a wry
smile. “Who’s ready for that? If you’re ready to be blindsided, overwhelmed, blasted to pieces and then put back together again, well, if you’re ready for that, then it isn’t really love, is it?”

“A-Ash.”

“I was brought up by two people who loved each other—and me—beyond reason. I’ve always wanted what my parents had. I always knew when I met the right person, that’s what I’d have. That’s how they raised me.”

“You don’t have to explain. I—”

“With Liz… I loved her.” He ignored her interruption and kept his gaze level, refusing to let her look away. “I’d never been in love. Don’t know what would have happened between the two of us if she hadn’t been taken from me. Don’t know if she was the one, if she… I don’t know. And that’s okay, because there’s you.

“I didn’t expect you
, Emma. You’re more than I ever expected to have, and I never thought you’d feel what I do, not now, not right away. I planned a long, patient, careful campaign. Wear you down, distract you with pleasure, make you fall in love with me. Figured you’d make me work harder than I ever had in my life, and you have. It’s been worth every second, because there’s you—only you. I love you, Emmaline. I love you, damn it. Don’t be sorry you love me, too.”