Ashes and Ice (6 page)
“Psalm 112 says, ‘Praise ye the Lord. Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed. Wealth and riches shall be in his house: and his righteousness endureth forever.’”
The verse set Peter on edge. He could remember a time when he was very young that his father had read the Bible to them at bedtime, but that habit had certainly passed by the wayside for more constructive, beneficial habits. Peter cleared his throat before his father could continue. “I didn’t realize we were having church this morning.”
Ephraim looked up and smiled at his son. “You’re often gone before the morning meal. Grace convinced us of this marvelous routine.” He smiled at his daughter-in-law, and Peter watched her flush nervously. She knew he wouldn’t approve, and yet she’d once again gone behind his back to manipulate his family.
Peter took his chair beside Grace and refused to look at her when he spoke. “Grace has a great many strange ideas. I wouldn’t give all of them credence.”
“Peter, what an ungracious thing to say. Grace is a lovely young woman with a fine mind,” Amelia Colton admonished. “She has brought a certain light and joy into this house. I hardly think it fair to accuse her of having strange ideas.”
“I do not recall that this family ever wasted time over meals with Bible readings,” Peter said as he reached out for a platter of sausages.
“Then perhaps we should have,” Miranda countered.
Peter paused, holding the platter aloft, but turned his attention to his younger sister. “I would think you, above the others, would know exactly how faulty Grace’s advice can be.”
“You are just being thickheaded,” Miranda snapped.
“And you are being insolent, a trait I know without a doubt you have learned from my wife.”
“Enough!” Ephraim declared. “I’m ashamed of your words, Peter. Did I not raise you to have respect for the women in this family? For any woman?”
Peter dropped the platter on the table. He slammed his fist down hard, causing all the contents on the table to vibrate. He got to his feet, barely able to contain his anger. Nothing had gone right since he’d brought Grace home.
“Perhaps you would find the meal less unpleasant if I simply took myself away.”
“Son, we would just as soon have you stay,” Ephraim began, and Peter felt some small amount of control returning. But just as he considered retaking his seat, his father added, “However, if you insist on treating your sister and wife in a poor manner, then perhaps it is just as well you go.”
Peter had never been dismissed from the family table. He’d been honored and his words heeded as grains of wisdom until now. He looked at Grace, whose head was bowed, her gaze fixed on an empty plate. This was her fault. He should have known it would happen. Why had he been so foolish as to listen to his heart?
He turned and left the room without bothering to add further comment.
I will not stand around and be insulted by my
own family. Let them have their Bible studies and prayers
. He turned the handle on the front door, then remembered some important papers he needed. The delay only served to anger him more.
Taking the stairs two at a time, he allowed his anger to fuel his stride. The papers were in his locked desk near the window. Leaving the door open, he fumbled in his pocket for the key and had barely managed to open the desk when Grace entered the room.
“Peter, I would like to talk to you.”
He straightened and momentarily forgot the papers. He met her intense brown eyes, saw the flush to her cheeks, and thought her the most beautiful woman in the world. Why did she have to be so cantankerous and opinionated?
“I have nothing to say.”
She nodded and closed the door. “Perhaps not, but I have something I want to say to you.”
“I do not wish to hear it. You’ve caused enough harm already. I can’t believe you could so quickly turn my family against me. But that, of course, has always been the power of religious nonsense. I suppose when you found you could not convert me, you went after them with the same ardor and zeal. Well, you have my congratulations, Grace. You have managed a feat I would have thought them above falling for.”
“Peter, this isn’t a game.”
He watched her fold her hands calmly as she leaned back against the door. “I have only the highest regard for your family. They have been gracious and kind. They have willingly taken me into their fold without question and without resentment. I thought you wanted me to get along with them. On the trip here from Skagway you encouraged me to befriend your sister, and I have done that. She is a pleasant woman who has a sharp mind for detail. She knows a great deal and has much to offer. I enjoy her company, and I believe she enjoys mine, as well.”
Peter gritted his teeth and turned back to the desk. He opened the drawer and took out a thick fold of papers. Relocking the desk, he looked back to Grace and cocked his head to one side. “Is that all?”
“No,” she replied softly. “Peter, I love you with all my heart. I’m sorry that I have offended you by sharing my faith with your family, but I’m not sorry for having shared my faith. I did not do so with the intention of bringing you harm or causing ill will against you.”
“Well, for something you never intended to do, you’ve done it well.”
“I don’t wish for you to leave in anger. We’ve had too many angry words of late.” She moved toward him, but Peter quickly held up his hand.
“Stay your distance, madam. I will not be cajoled from my mood.”
“I had no idea to offer such a plan. I merely hoped to offer my sincerest apology and tell you that my motivation has always been love. I love you and I love your family. But I also love God, and the love He has shown me gives me cause to want to share it with others.”
Peter shoved the papers into his coat pocket. “I’m afraid if you are unwilling to put an end to this religious nonsense, we will constantly be at odds. I have no desire to fall into a routine of the masses. My Maker needs no such confirmation from me. God knows who He is and what He plans. He will not be swayed by my prayers or reading of the Bible.
“In turn, I need no such lessons in religious matters from my wife.” He paused and eyed her hard. He knew it was a look that could wilt even the heartiest of his sailors, but he didn’t care. “What I need from you is obedience and respect. Without that, we cannot have a marriage.”
“I agree,” Grace said. “I do respect you, Peter. I admire your abilities and your knowledge. I am sorry that I’ve overstepped my place at times, but I will not give up my faith because it makes you uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, madam. It makes me furious. You put a fence between us, with God sitting squarely on the top rail. You use your religion as an excuse to defy me and make me look the fool in my father’s eyes, and that I find most unforgivable.”
She again moved toward him, but once more he put up his arm to stop her. “I have business to attend to.”
“Business that is more important than our marriage?”
“Quite frankly, I wish I had never married you at all.”
He hadn’t meant to say the words; they had simply poured from his mouth in his rage. So many times before he had come to regret speaking in anger, but nothing compared to the regret he felt now as he watched Grace’s expression fall and tears come to her eyes.
Guilt propelled him past her and out of the room. He couldn’t stand to see the anguish on her face. He couldn’t bear to know that he had so neatly broken her spirit with one fatal blow. But break her he had. He was certain of it. There was a defeat in her eyes that he knew would always haunt him.
He hadn’t meant the words. But he couldn’t take them back.
Grace crumbled to the floor. She felt her chest tighten, her lungs desperate for air. She wanted to scream, but there were no sounds to utter. There was nothing but the hideous, abominable pain in her heart.
I only did what I thought was right, Father
. She struggled to focus on prayer rather than give in to her misery.
I thought
if I shared your mercy and goodness that Peter and his family
would see the void in their lives and come to you. And they
have . . . all except for Peter
.
Her breathing gradually returned to normal, and with it she found her voice. “Oh, Father, what am I to do? I was faithful to you. I was faithful, and now I feel as though death would be kinder than life.”
————
Peter didn’t return anytime during the day, and by night when Grace prepared for bed, she was certain he was gone for good. Word came to them the next morning that
Merry Maid
had set off for Seattle, giving confirmation to Grace’s fear of desertion.
“I can’t believe he has behaved so badly,” Amelia said, putting her arm around Grace. “It isn’t like him to be so cruel.”
“He’s not fighting against Grace, Mother,” Miranda stated. “He’s fighting against God.”
“Not a healthy stand to take,” Ephraim said as they gathered around the breakfast table. “Grace, perhaps I will have a chance to speak to him. I’m to take
Summer Song
north in the morning. I know it would be best if you could meet face-toface to work out your differences. Once Peter calms down, he’ll realize his foolishness and wish to make amends.”
Grace said nothing but started when Amelia threw out the next suggestion. “Why don’t we all go north? Grace hasn’t seen her friends in some time, and with Easter approaching rather quickly, she could share the season with them as well.”
“That would be splendid,” Miranda declared. “I would love to make the trip again. I think the adventure would be perfect for all of us.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” Grace said quietly, “but Peter has no interest in seeing me or resolving this issue. He told me he was sorry we married, and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he sought to remedy the matter.”
“He wouldn’t dare!” Amelia exclaimed. “A divorce would be a disgrace. No son of mine is going to use such an underhanded method of facing difficulties. Now I’m certain we must go north. Ephraim, you need to talk some sense into that boy before he does something foolish.”
“I should have taken him in hand long ago,” Ephraim admitted. “I suppose it was just so much easier to give him a free hand than to oppose him.”
“We can’t dwell on ‘should haves,’” Amelia said softly. “We can only work in the here and now. Whether or not Peter feels he needs to see Grace and work this matter out in a reasonable manner, we know the truth of it.”
Grace thought of how wonderful it would be to see Karen. She longed to sit down and have a lengthy discussion with her friend. Only Karen would understand her pain and suffering. Karen’s faith was so strong, and she would applaud Grace’s efforts to keep God at the center of her life and to bring Him into the hearts of those around her. Karen might even give her an idea of how to help Peter.
“I would like very much to go north,” she finally spoke.
“It’s settled, then,” Ephraim replied, taking up the Bible. “We will have our things taken down to the ship tonight and be ready to leave at dawn.” He thumbed through the Psalms. “Ah, here is where we left off. Psalm 112, verse four. ‘Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness: he is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.’”
Grace barely heard the words. Her heart was so full of sorrow and pain. She thought of her mother and wished silently that she could somehow materialize at the table. They had had so little time of closeness, but their letters over the last few months had given Grace such peace and happiness. If it was possible to make up the lost years, then that was truly what was happening.
“‘He shall not be afraid of evil tidings,’” Ephraim read, catching Grace’s attention. “‘His heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.’”
Oh, I desire that my heart be fixed on you, oh Lord
, Grace prayed in the silence of her heart.
You know my heart is in
pieces, Father. You know the pain I suffer. Please help me in this
time of need, just as you have in all the others
.
“KAREN,
MERRY MAID
is in the harbor,” Jacob announced. He came into their cramped quarters and threw his fur-lined hat onto the bed. “I saw the ship anchored there. You want me to go wait on the dock for the captain?”
Karen shook her head and put aside the mending she’d been doing for Mrs. Neal. “No, I’ll go. I’ve just finished mending three blankets and twice as many sheets. I need some fresh air.”
He frowned and reached for his cap again. “You know how crazy it gets down at the docks. Won’t be very safe. I’d better go with you.”
“No, I’ll be fine. If you go, it will mean you missing lunch.” Karen pulled on her coat and reached for her bonnet. “Leah is helping Mrs. Neal in the kitchen. They should have lunch just about ready, so why don’t you get something to eats before you head back to work?”
Jacob nodded, but Karen didn’t wait for him to comment further. She was out the door and headed down the steps before she finished tying her bonnet. The thought of telling Peter what had happened was something she both dreaded and looked forward to. Peter would understand her anger at Paxton, and he would know what to do. He wouldn’t treat her as Adrik had, expecting more from her than she could give. The dread came in knowing Peter would be devastated at the destruction of his store. Business had been very good and the profits quite high. The fire would set him back significantly, and Karen knew that wouldn’t be welcome news.
Hurrying down the oozing thaw that was the street, Karen nodded and waved to this one and that, all the time weaving in and out of the growing crowd of newcomers. Thousands of miners had poured into Dyea for the winter, and now as the weather warmed, people came out in droves. In fact, every week more and more people poured into Skagway and Dyea, and with the growing populace came all manner of evil and hardship.
In Dyea, there were now over forty saloons, most of them in tents, but nevertheless they distributed an abundance of libations. Positioned not far from the saloons and sometimes even within their confines were the brothels and “daughters of joy,” as the prostitutes were often called. Karen cringed as she passed by several of these less fortunate women. These sallowfaced women generally called out their propositions to the crowd, but they held a mutual silence as Karen passed by. She could not aid their need or better their situation, and that made her useless to these women. Karen, uncertain of how to deal with the issues at hand, hurried by with her head bowed. As one who was not very well acquainted with emotional love, much less physical intimacies, the women, quite frankly, embarrassed Karen. And as one who was struggling with her beliefs, Karen couldn’t even muster the interest to share her faith or suggest a better life for these lost sisters.
