Ashes and Rain: Sequel to Khe (The Ahsenthe Cycle Book 2) (5 page)

The rest of the corentans were gathered by the gate. Wall was quick to take credit for having spotted the hatchlings, sending how fortunate it was that it had superior senses, seeing and hearing far more than mere doumanas could imagine. Wall did have excellent hearing, and had sent the gist of our conversations with the hatchlings to the doumanas who’d stayed behind. Most were excited to have the hatchlings among us, but I heard more than one corentan complain that they were just more mouths to feed.

“They’re right,” Azlii said once we’d settled the newcomers in with Kelroosh’s own young, leaving Nez at the hatchling house to help with the transition. “It is more mouths to feed, and we all know how hatchlings can eat.” She looked at me. “Is Simanca vain?”

I half laughed under my breath — at the abrupt change of subject and at the question. “She has her vanities. Mostly about what a brilliant leader she is for Lunge. Why?”

“Does she like to decorate herself? We have those Bethon Blue cloaks. Very difficult for a commune leader to ever have enough credits to buy one of those. Do you think she would lust for one enough to trade for the food we need?”

The cloaks were beautiful, tightly woven and as soft as feathers. A cold part of me didn’t want Simanca to have anything so fine.

“She’d lust more for the hatchlings, unless she’s completely changed who she is in her heart.”

Azlii raised her eyebrow ridges. “Good. Two solutions in one transaction. We’ll head for Lunge tomorrow at first light. In the meantime, I hope Nez can figure out which of those hatchlings are doumana, and which not. Simanca likely wouldn’t be too happy if we left her with males.”

Azlii and Nez were quiet as we sat at the table, eating the morning meal in Home instead of at the communiteria today. Not that it was all that unusual for Nez to be quiet, but Azlii was normally a wellspring of words. She reminded me of my sister at Lunge, Thedra, that way. I was quiet myself. My heart ached with wanting to see Thedra today, and Jit and Stoss, my unitmates at Lunge, the place that had been my home until just a few seasons ago. That life seemed a fever dream now, and all that had happened these last few seasons my only real life. But Lunge was real. Simanca was real. The ache in my heart turned to nerves and resentment.

Kelroosh had settled onto the plain outside Lunge commune the night before. Soon Wall would throw open the front gate and Simanca and her unitmates would come to trade.

I huffed out a harsh breath.

“Thinking of Simanca?” Azlii said, not looking up.

I nodded and looked down at my bowl. I’d eaten none of it, and thought I should donate it for the hatchlings.

Corentans usually shared a communal morning meal — a daily reminder that all in Kelroosh were one — but ate alone at night, for individual reflection and contemplation. Of all the doumanas of Kelroosh, only Azlii shared her home, and that was only out of kindness to Nez and me, kler and commune doumanas that we were, who couldn’t imagine living without our sisters always near. Each night they set a place for me, and served a meal, as if somehow my appetite would return and we could all go back to who and what we were before the lumani.

“You don’t have to meet with Simanca,” Azlii said. “But you should.”

“Why should she?” Nez asked. “Khe doesn’t miss Simanca. There’s no love between them. Simanca isn’t going to suddenly break down and apologize for her ill treatment of Khe — not from what I’ve heard about her.”

Sweet Nez; the one doumana I told most everything to. I didn’t know why her and not Azlii. Ever since we’d come to Kelroosh, I’d felt more in harmony with Nez, maybe because we were both set-placers.

“Because,” Azlii said, “the unfinished past haunts her. Better to seize the moment and see Simanca for what she is, not what Khe has built her up to be.”

“I want to seize her by the throat and strike her down,” I said, a little ashamed of my feelings, a little embarrassed by my own honest outburst. But speech was all I had left, now that my spots no longer lit — the only way for my sisters to know my emotions. Except Nez. She knew already.

“Weast is the only other being who made me feel this way.” I hadn’t said that name since leaving Chimbalay the night we’d destroyed the all the lumani, including Weast — the one that had chosen me to be its mate. The one that had made me what I now was. Weast and Simanca. Funny how I thought of them together.

“My point exactly,” Azlii said. “See her. Strike her if you want to.”

I laughed without humor. “I thought corentans were against violence.”

“Mostly,” Azlii said.

“I’ll meet with her.” I was amazed at the words that had jumped from my mouth. Only seconds earlier I never would have said them.

Opening
the
gate
, I heard Wall sending to the doumanas of Kelroosh, alerting them to be ready.

“How are you feeling today?” Azlii asked. Meaning, was I strong enough physically to see Simanca?

“Good,” I said. “Better than the day of the dancing doumanas. I was tired then.”

Pradat’s treatment seemed to be holding — or more rightly, coming and going. My body wasn’t as strong as it had been, but was stronger now than after Weast had finished changing me. Maybe it wasn’t too late. I held on to the hope for a moment, and then threw it away. Too early to hope when disappointment could be so close on its heels. Commemoration Day was coming, if I made it that far.

“Your Simanca likes to meet in Community Hall.” Red-purple flared on Azlii’s neck, and I wondered what she thought was funny.

“Hall can’t stand her,” she said. “Thinks she’s a beast. Always has, even before we knew you, Khe. I don’t like her either. I try to get the best end of any dealings with her.”

I stared, stunned. All of my life at Lunge, I’d watched Simanca visit corentas to trade for goods. She always went with only her unitmates, to spare the rest of us from contact with the evil corentans — who were only slightly less dangerous than babblers, in Simanca’s telling. I’d never considered that Kelroosh might have had Lunge commune on its route, or that Azlii and the others might know the doumana who had used me so badly.
Your
Simanca, Azlii called her.
My
Simanca.

Azlii patted my shoulder. “You’re going to be my best tool today. Once Simanca sets her eyes on you, she’ll be too shocked to do anything but give us what we want.”

The ice-blue of pleasure-in-another’s-woes glowed faintly on her neck. It startled me. This wasn’t an emotion doumanas allowed themselves often. We didn’t have a compact word for it, and I’d only seen the color a few times, most often on Simanca. As nervous as I was about seeing Simanca again, a part of me shared Azlii’s dark glee at the idea of breaking Simanca’s perfect composure. I saw it in my mind’s eye — Simanca, always sure of herself, always calm, shocked and weakened by the sight of me. The thought cheered me. Some.

“What I’d like you to do,” Azlii said, fastening a collar around her neck, “is wait outside Hall until I call for you. Hall can keep you informed about what’s going on inside. I’d tell you myself, but if I have to think-talk to you, it splits my concentration.”

I nodded agreement and let out a sigh. The sigh helped, but my heart kept pounding in my chest. My neck felt hot. I didn’t like that Simanca still had power over me. I breathed in, slowly and deeply.

Azlii and Nez put on light cloaks for the short walk to Hall. I put on a heavier one, not knowing how long I’d be waiting outside. The weather had turned cold for First Warmth, and the mist, drizzle, and occasional hard rain had hardly let up for days. Even the corentans who’d danced in the first drops were beginning to grumble.

Hall kept up a running commentary on the conversation inside it, not only telling me what was said, but how each doumana behaved, who leaned forward, who leaned away, whose eyes narrowed during the negotiations.

Hall laughed with that deep wind sound and sent,
Doumanas
cover
their
necks
to
hide
their
emotions
,
but
their
bodies
still
speak
.

We
don’t
notice
that
, I sent back. I swung my arms to warm myself. The effort was tiring. I leaned against Hall’s side for support.

Doumanas
should
pay
attention
, Hall sent.
But
you
do
.
You
pay
attention
without
knowing
you’ve
paid
attention
.
I
see
it
in
the
way
your
body
moves
—
you
tilt
your
head
very
slightly
and
go
still
.
You
must
begin
to
notice
these
things
in
yourself
if
you
are
to
be
the
most
you
of
all
.

Before I could reply, Hall sent.
Azlii
wants
you
now
.

I took a step, half stumbled, and clenched my fists in frustration. This was no time for my legs to go weak. It wasn’t only physical weakness that made my legs feel like water reeds — fear stripped the strength from my muscles.

Tav would be with Simanca, I told myself. Sweet Tav, who had schooled me as a hatchling, and had always been kind.

Hall swung open the door and I walked into the main chamber. Azlii was already looking my way. I watched as the doumanas of Lunge shifted their eyes to see what she was looking at. I focused on Simanca. Her mouth dropped open, and then snapped shut. She pulled herself up as tall as she could. Her body was as stiff as an icicle, her face a mask of one pleasantly surprised.

“The creator is kind,” she called, clapping both palms against her thighs. “You’re alive, Khe. And well.”

Tav jumped up from her chair and ran across the room, stopping in front of me. She stroked my neck and muttered, “I knew. I knew it all along.”

I stroked her neck in return, truly happy to see her.

Simanca still wore a pretended joy on her face, but her eyes were as hard and cold as dead wood. She kept her gaze on me, muttering so low that only I, with better hearing, heard her. “This changes things.”

Her smile turned true, but it wasn’t from happiness at seeing me. “Is this where you’ve been all this time, Khe — in the corenta?”

“Trying to come back to us,” Tav said and stroked my neck again. “All this time, trying to return to Lunge commune however she could.”

I didn’t have the heart to correct her.

“Now that we’ve found each other again,” Simanca said to Azlii, “of course Khe will be returning to Lunge. We thank you for bringing her to us.” She swiveled her head back to me. “Your sisters miss you very much. They feared you were returned to the creator. They will be delighted to have you back in your rightful place.”