Ashes (Book 2 The Kindred Series) (11 page)

Living in the dark, being a monster,
being one of the things that had killed her parents was not
something that she could do. Ever.

Bile rose in her throat. She wanted to
stand up, but her legs would not support her. His gaze was fierce
on her, but he could not hide the brief flicker of hurt that
flashed through his eyes. “Cassie…”

She held up her hand, not sure that she
could hear anymore. She needed time to digest what he was saying to
her now, never mind hearing anymore. “I can’t,” she managed to
choke out. “I can’t.”

He closed his eyes, folding his hands
behind his back as he rocked on his heels. He opened his eyes
slowly, the stark pain in them nearly breaking her heart. Tears
boiled up in her eyes, the anguish radiating from him was almost
more than she could bear.

Taking a deep breath, he took a step
closer to her, kneeling down so that they were on the same eye
level. His gaze was steady on hers, hard, intense. “I either change
you, or I leave when this is over,” he said softly.

Terror tore through her; she lurched to
her feet, falling before him on the carpet. Reaching out, she
grasped hold of him, her fingers digging into his shoulders, fear
threatening to choke her. “You can’t,” she whispered, shaking her
head forcefully. “You can’t.”

He gently brushed away the tears that
spilled rapidly down her face. Tears she hadn’t even known she was
shedding. “If I stay, I may change you against your will Cassie. I
am unstable around you. You shake me to the very core of my being,
rattle me; unravel me. I don’t want to hurt you Cassie, it’s the
last thing in the world that I want to do, but I very well
might.”

“No,” she breathed. “Never. You would
never hurt me.”

He sighed, his hand wrapped around the
back of her head, his fingers gently stroked her skull. “Today in
the cafeteria…”

“I won’t do anything like that
again!”

“So we don’t touch, we don’t kiss, we
keep our distance? What kind of a relationship is that Cassie? You
deserve so much better, you deserve someone who can love you
completely without having to fear that they might snap and turn you
into a monster.”

Her tears spilled more freely. His eyes
were full of anguish as he continued to gently caress and comfort
her. “I can’t lose you, I can’t,” she sobbed. “I didn’t come alive
until I met you. I can’t lose you.”

“Shh love, please Cassie, please don’t
cry. I’m so sorry; I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt
you.”

“Then don’t leave me!”

His eyes were tormented, wracked with
pain and anguish. She could see the fierce battle waging within
him, the absolute torture that she was putting him through, but she
couldn’t stop herself. She couldn’t lose him, she would never
survive it. She would die if she lost him, she knew that. He was
her other half, her everything.

He nodded briefly, but his were still
dark, distant. “Not now,” he promised. “Not with Julian
around.”

“But after?” she asked
worriedly.

He sighed softly. “After, you are going
to have to make a choice. You should be with someone that can give
you the life that you deserve. I am not that man Cassie; I am not
even a man.”

Horror tore through her again, she
tried to shake her head, but he had a firm hold on the back of her
skull. His eyes blazed into hers, fierce with his need, anguish,
and fear of rejection. She didn’t want to reject him and what he
was; she would do anything for him, well almost anything. She
simply could not give him that.

Her gaze ran over his glorious face,
savoring every detail. He was everything that she had ever dreamed
of, and more. No one else would ever make her feel like he did, she
couldn’t imagine even kissing another man, let alone having them
touch her. The thought repulsed her almost as much as the idea of
becoming a vampire. “You are that person. I could never be with
anyone else,” she said fervently. “Never.”

Anguish flashed across his face.
“Cassie…”

“You can control yourself,” she
whispered. “I know it.”

Resignation settled over his features,
his thumb began to gently stroke her neck again. “For a little
while yes, but I don’t know for how long Cass. You affect me too
much, and my need for you grows every day. I know that it will only
continue to grow. If I lose complete control, I could hurt someone,
or I could force the change on you and that is the last thing that
I want to do. But I feel that it might come to that if I continue
on this way.”

She bit her bottom lip, trying hard not
to start sobbing again. “You will have to make a choice
Cassie.”

She closed her eyes as she nodded,
unable to meet the hope and fear that radiated from his gaze. Even
if it meant losing him, she didn’t think she could do what he was
asking of her. In fact, she knew that she couldn’t. Her heart
constricted, an ache bloomed throughout her body, seeping into her
limbs. It felt as if a hundred needles were piercing her skin,
driving the pain into the very marrow of her bones.

She shuddered, her blood having turned
to ice, her heart labored to push it through her flayed veins.
Slowly opening her eyes, she met his gaze, trying her best to hide
the grief tearing through her. She didn’t want to hurt him, she
didn’t want to lose him, but this was an impossible, shattering
choice that she wasn’t capable of making now. If ever.

In his gaze she saw the realization,
the hurt, but there was nothing that she could do to ease it. She
could not assure him that he would be the one that she chose. She
could not assure him that she would give up sunlight and life, for
a cold existence of death and darkness. Not all vampires may be the
monsters that she had once believed them to be, but she could not
become the thing that had murdered her parents. She could not
become the thing she had been birthed to destroy.

All she could do was hope that he was
wrong, and that he would be able to keep control of himself. It was
selfish of her to put him through such torture; it was so much to
ask of him. Yet, it was also a lot to ask of her. She refused to
let the knowledge that their relationship was doomed seep into her
brain. If she did, she would completely break down, and she
couldn’t do that. Not in front of him. Not now.

For now she was still able to hold him,
be near him; love him. Right now she had to cherish every moment
they had together, for they were far more limited than she had
realized.

Reaching out, she gently stroked the
face that she loved so much. Beneath her hand she could feel the
fine bristles of his stubble. “I love you Devon.”

Light and hope bloomed in his eyes;
they glowed with warmth and love. Though she knew he did not hope
for her to change her mind, the hope nearly unraveled her. Pulling
her gently forward he dropped a soft, lingering kiss on her
forehead. “I love you too. I’ll love you forever.”

Tears slid down Cassie’s face as she
leaned into him, savoring in his strength, his warmth, and the
eternal love enshrouding her.

CHAPTER
8

Cassie studied the crowd crammed into
the restaurant of B’s and S’s. A few diehards remained settled
around the picnic tables outside, but for the most part the crisp
mid October air had chased everyone else inside. The heat from all
the bodies, and the noise was almost more than she could tolerate,
but unfortunately they had to be here. Vampires were drawn to the
crowds, drawn to the fresh blood of the youth within the
walls.

The loud ringing of the pinball machine
behind her caused her to wince involuntarily. A headache had been
bothering her all day, tensing her shoulders and back. It was the
kind of headache that no amount of aspirin could cure, and noises
and stress were best avoided. She couldn’t avoid either of them
right now.

Devon leaned closer to her, his hand
gently massaging the back of her neck. She leaned forward, closing
her eyes as he attempted to ease the tightness lingering there.
There was far too much on her mind right now. A loud shout rang out
as the pinball machine went crazy. Sliding lower in her seat, she
fervently wished that she was anywhere but here.

“Do you want me to take you home?”
Chris inquired.

Opening her eyes Cassie focused on his
bleary figure. She would love nothing more than to go home, but she
couldn’t leave the three of them on their own tonight. If anything
happened… She refused to finish the thought as she shook her head
slightly. “No, that’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

He frowned at her, but didn’t push
further. Devon pulled her closer to him, his arm wrapping gently
around her head as he rested it against his chest. Some of the pain
eased from her as his touch soothed the pounding in her temples.
Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his waist, clinging
tight to him as he stroked her hair lightly. He blocked out some of
the noise, making it easier to breathe as she opened her eyes once
more.

Her gaze drifted across the students
that gave their table a wide berth. Not long ago their table would
have been flocked with people vying for their attention. Now there
was no one, and she found that she didn’t miss them. Glancing
around the too bright, too loud restaurant, Cassie ignored the
sideways looks she received. Sighing heavily, she took a sip of
water, hoping the cool liquid would help ease the pain in her body.
It didn’t.

Fresh air would though, she was certain
of that. “I’m going to step outside for a minute.”

“I’ll come with you,” Devon said
instantly.

She shot him a look, shaking her head
slightly, afraid to move it much more. “No, I’ll be fine, I’m not
going anywhere.”

“Cassie…”

“Devon, I just need some fresh
air.”

His eyes were dark and turbulent as he
studied her carefully. His glance toward Chris and Melissa set
Cassie’s hackles on edge. She was just getting some fresh air for
crying out loud, she was not a two year old, and she did not need a
babysitter. “I don’t need their permission either,” she said
sharply.

His gaze came guiltily back to hers,
his shoulders slumped slightly. “Alright, but don’t go
anywhere.”

She frowned fiercely at him, but did
not argue further. Besides, she was not fooled into thinking that
at least one of them wouldn’t be keeping an eye on her, making sure
she didn’t get herself killed. Devon slid out of the booth, letting
her escape from her cramped corner and the endlessly annoying ring
of the pinball machine. “I’ll be back,” she muttered.

He squeezed her arm gently as she made
her way past. In the old days she would have had to push her way
through the crowd, stopping every few feet to talk with someone.
There had been times that it had taken her a half an hour just to
make it to the door. Not any longer. Now the crowd parted for her
as if she were a highly contagious leper they wanted no part
of.

Cassie kept her face impassive, and her
chin high. It was only high school, she continuously told herself.
She only had a little over seven months left, and she still had her
best friends, and Devon. Though that thought helped to ease some of
the hurt, it did not make it go away. She would never get used to
being hated. She would never get used to people that she had
considered friends turning against her so quickly, and so easily.
It was like a knife to the heart, and especially to the
back.

Shoving through the double glass doors,
Cassie greedily inhaled gulps of the refreshing, crisp air. The
doors closed behind her, blocking most of the ringing and voices,
leaving her in the near blissful silence of the outdoor eating
area. The two tables of people still outside glanced up at her,
surprise and amusement crossed their features before they turned
back to each other.

Cassie turned to ignore them, but her
attention was snagged by one of the girls with blood red hair,
tinted at the ends with neon green. Eyes narrowing, she tried to
place the girl, knowing that she had seen her before. Her mind
tripped along, going over features and memories. Then, it locked
into place. She had been one of Dani’s smoking friends the day
Cassie had first met Dani in the bathroom, and she had been one of
the girl’s that Dani had joined in the hallway.

But where was Dani?

Cassie scanned the crowd again, but she
did not see the tiny girl amongst them. Turning back to the
restaurant, she searched the packed, bright interior. If Dani was
more than ten feet in there, Cassie was not going to see her. Maybe
she had decided not to come out tonight? Or perhaps she was in the
restaurant. Though she tried to assure herself that both of these
things were possible, Cassie could not shake the feeling that
neither explanation was right.

Narrowing her eyes, she scanned the
dark night. The roads winding through the center of town were empty
of all but a few souls mingling outside of the bars, smoking or
talking loudly. Cassie watched them for a moment, knowing that they
would be prime targets for Julian, though she suspected that he
wanted to do more damage than they would offer. Julian wanted to
attack Cassie, Chris, Melissa, and Devon. Going after high school
students would be the best way to do that.