Ashes to Ashes (28 page)

I
WRAP THE LAST SECTION
of my hair around the barrel of the curling iron as quickly as I can without burning the shit out of my arm, which I've done twice already. I flip my head over and shake out the curls and then give my whole head a spritz of hair spray. My hair is still damp from my shower, and the curl isn't holding great. It's looking more beach waves than vamp curls, but whatever. It'll have to do. I'm in my black strapless bra and underwear, no makeup on, and I'm supposed to be at Reeve's house in five minutes to take pictures. I suck at time management.

I race around my room shoving shit into Mrs. Cho's beaded clutch. Nadia's lipstick, a couple of Band-Aids. I've got one smudge stick left from what I made to burn in Reeve's room, and I stick that in there too, just in case.

I hurry downstairs. The house is empty. I have no idea where Pat and my dad are. Maybe working on one of Dad's canoes. Business has picked up again now that the tourists are back. He already has enough orders to last him through summer. Dad's been training Pat for the last few weeks, which is good. Pat needs a long-term plan. He can't ride bikes and fuck around in Dad's garage forever.

I slip on Mrs. Cho's stilettos. They are so freaking hot, I almost wish this dress was short, so I could really show them off. Then I head out the front door. On the landing I quick light a cigarette and take a few puffs. I know Lillia told me not to smoke in her dress, but I need something to calm me down. I'm nervous, about tonight going well, and of course about Mary. I'll get the thing dry-cleaned. She'll never notice.

Dad and Pat are standing in the driveway. Pat wolf-whistles, and Dad blinks like I might disappear. He says, “You look beautiful, Katherine.”

“I'd better. This dress cost more than our mortgage.”

Dad hurries to meet me at the stairs. “Come here, daughter,” he says quietly. He takes away my cigarette, and even though
it's only half smoked, he tosses it into the grass. Then he tucks me under his arm. “My beautiful girl,” he says, and then closes up my hand inside his.

That's when I notice Dad's in a nice button-up shirt, a pair of slacks, and his motorcycle boots. He shaved his beard. He looks younger.

“What are you dressed up for?”

“I want to take a prom picture with you.”

Dad motions to Pat to come over. He's got Dad's camera around his neck, an old one that takes real film. He and my mom bought it the year Pat was born.

Pat hands Dad a plastic container, which Dad opens for me. Inside is a white rose corsage. “Dad!”

“I know you said that you and Reeve are going as friends, so I wanted to make sure someone bought you flowers.” He slides it onto my wrist.

It's a good thing I don't have any makeup on yet, because my bottom lip begins to shake, and my eyes fill up. I kiss his face. He smells like aftershave. It's cheap shit he gets from the drugstore, but I love the smell.

*  *  *

The three of us walk over to Reeve's house. While Reeve's posing for a picture with his mom and dad, I take out Nadia's
maroon lipstick, bend down to Reeve's truck's side mirror, and quick apply a coat.

Tommy comes outside and throws his arms around Pat, and they pound each other's backs like they're old war buddies. Tommy gives me a quick once-over, and I act like I don't notice, but I pop my chest out a little.

When my dad and Pat go to say hi to Reeve's parents, I'm about to follow, but Tommy grabs my wrist. “You look good. When you coming to my place for a sleepover?”

“Shut up, you tool! My dad's right there!”

I ended up hooking up with Tommy one night while I was sleeping over at Reeve's. He fell asleep in the recliner and . . . I don't know. I might have climbed on top of him. I was in mourning or something. And he is hot.

Reeve comes across the lawn and puts his arm around my waist. “Leave her alone, Tommy.” Tommy trots back to the house, and at the last second he turns around and waves at me. “Not bad, DeBrassio,” Reeve says. “Where'd you get that dress from?”

“I borrowed it from Lil brand-new,” I brag. “Had the tags on it and everything.” He gets a funny look on his face, like something's dawning on him. I elbow him. “What?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“You look good too.” Reeve's body was meant for a tux. Even though it's a
rental, it fits him perfectly. He has his hair wet and combed back, and with his strong jaw and bright smile—which was missing for so long that I forgot what it looked like—he looks like a leading man from some black-and-white movie.

He grins and puts his thumbs in his suspenders. “I feel good. I feel like myself again.”

We pose for pictures on his front lawn. I make sure to get some nice ones of me, Dad, and Pat. I'll put one in a frame and take it with me to wherever I end up going to college, now that Oberlin's out. No matter where I go, I'll carry my dad and brother with me forever.

W
HEN WE FINALLY GET OVER
to Alex's house, the prom is in full swing, and honestly, it's even better than if we'd had it at the Water Club. The white tents and the twinkly lights look elegant, Gatsby-esque even. While Alex goes around saying hello to people, I make my way over to Ash and everybody. We're exclaiming over each other's dresses when I spot Kat and Reeve on the dance floor. Reeve's behind Kat. She's tucked up against him, she's leading him by the suspenders, and they're dancing in sync, laughing their heads off. It's been so long since I've seen him happy. He looks so handsome and full of life. He
looks like the old Reeve, and I'm glad. Even though it's over between us, I still want to know that he's okay.

I'm stepping onto the edge of the dance floor just as Reeve's walking off it, sweaty and flushed and out of breath. Smiling. When he sees me, his smile slips.

“Hi,” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I'm scared he's going to be cutting, or mean, or indifferent. “You look good, Reeve.” I try to say it warmly, kindly, the way an old girlfriend would.

It feels like whole minutes go by before he says, “So do you.”

I lick my lips. They feel very dry. “I'm—I'm glad you came.”

“Yeah, I wasn't going to but Kat dragged me here.” Reeve takes a step closer to me, and without thinking I back away from him. He sees me do it, and his eyes go straight to his shoes. We're standing in the shadows of the trees that surround Alex's house now. The prom suddenly feels far away. “Can I just say something?”

I'm afraid to say yes. I just look at him.

“I'm sorry for what I said to you at the banquet. It wasn't right. It was out of line.” Reeve's looking at me steadily, waiting. “I wanted to tell you about what happened between me and that girl. And you know, what? I should have. It should have come from me, not from Alex or whoever. The only reason I didn't was because I was scared that if you knew, you wouldn't want
to be with me.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “Which is exactly what ended up happening, so . . . yeah.”

My eyes fill up. I want to tell him that I knew. That I loved him anyway.

“It's all right. I'm sorry too—for the way things turned out.” The words come out thin and without conviction. “I would like us to still be friends.”

Reeve shakes his head. “I don't think I can do that.” He says it so softly, almost a whisper. “I'm sorry, I have to be honest. All night I'm thinking how it was supposed to be you and me. I know you don't want to hear that. But we were supposed to be at prom together, Cho.”

“Reeve, please. I—”

“I'm never going to not want to be with you. I mean, I still love you, despite all the shit that's gone down. I would do anything to be with you. So no, I can't be”—he chokes—“your
friend
.”

“Reeve,” I whisper. I touch his face. He grabs my hand, holds it tight in his.

“I know why you can't be with me now. What I did, what people here think of me. I get it. But school's almost over and in a couple of months, we'll both be off Jar Island. I'm still going to Graydon in the fall. I'll be an hour away from BC. I'm not giving up on you. On us.” And then he's pulling me against him,
and his mouth is on mine, and I'm kissing him back. I can't not be kissing him back. The smell of him, the way he tastes, I'm drowning in it and how right it feels. How good.

Between kisses, he says, “Please. Please find a way to forgive me for what I did. I love you. I love you so much, Lillia.”

It wakes me up.

Mary.

I push him away, my fingers fly to my lips. Oh my God. What have I done? “Don't ever say that to me,” I gasp.

“Cho, wait—” His arms are reaching for me.

“Don't ever come near me again.” I turn tail and run, run as fast as I can away from the party, to Alex's pool house.

I can't be near Reeve. It's too dangerous. I won't go back to school, it's pretty much over for the seniors anyway. Or . . . or I'll go to Boston, stay in our family apartment until Reeve leaves for training. Whatever it takes to not be near him.

My purse. I need my purse.

I race into the pool house. I stashed my purse and my coat in Alex's closet for safekeeping. Outside the sliding glass doors, the music is blasting, and I hear the rest of our senior class shouting and clapping along to the music. Flashing lights from the DJ booth speckle the floor.

I slip out the door and hurry down the path, toward the front of Alex's house. I'm searching for my car keys when I remember
that Alex drove us here. Maybe I'll call my mom to come and pick me up.

No. What if Reeve tries to find me?

I'll just walk home.

I'm about to pass through the fence gate when I slam into Alex. Alarmed, he says, “Lil, what's wrong?”

“I have to get out of here right now.” I'm shaking. “I'm sorry.” I try to push past him and get on the other side of the fence, where the valet guys are all sitting on the hoods of the parked cars lining Alex's driveway and street.

But Alex won't let me go. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Did something happen with Reeve?”

I start to cry. “I don't want to be near him, Alex. It's just too much. He makes it so hard for me. He's outside my house, he's drunk at the banquet screaming things, he's telling me he loves me and that he's never going to let me go. I—I can't breathe.” I'm gulping for air. Every single day since I made that promise to Mary has been a struggle. How can I live like this? Pushing away the boy I love forever. “Alex, I can't breathe.”

Alex puts his hands on my shoulders. “It's okay. It's okay. Try to take deep breaths, Lil.”

I breathe deep. Raggedly I say, “He won't let me go. How am I supposed to do this if he won't let me go?”

Alex's face changes, and I look over my shoulder. Reeve is
standing behind us, valet ticket in his hand, white-faced and wretched. “I'll never bother you again,” he manages. “You don't have to worry anymore.” And then he's gone.

“Oh no,” I whisper. “No, no, no.”

I'm about to run after him when Alex steps in front of me. “Lil, this is just what he wants, to pull you back into his drama. He's sick. You can't help him.”

“Alex, you don't understand.” I'm practically screaming in his face. “It's not just Reeve. There are other people involved.”

“Lillia! Calm down! Let's go get Kat. Talk to her.”

Kat.

The spell.

I don't say anything. I just turn and run back toward prom.

I'
M ON THE BEDROOM FLOOR
, just staring off into space, when my bedroom door suddenly swings open. I run toward it and stare down the hall.

Are Kat and Lillia back here to do something else to me? I can't let them catch me off guard again. I was so close to getting Reeve, so close to being free of this place. And again my supposed friends chose his life over mine.

As I walk out of my room and downstairs, I see the strings tied around the doorknobs, the salt on the floor.

It's all perfectly done.

I know exactly the spell they used on me. They had to sacrifice two things they loved. I don't know what Kat's was, but I do see blood on the floor from her dog, Shep. She did give up something, unintentionally anyway.

There's a necklace hanging from the front doorknob. I pick it up and immediately recognize it. The necklace Reeve gave her during spring break.

So she gave Reeve up to bind me. How poetic.

One of them must have gone back on their sacrifice if I'm free. There's no doubt in my mind who I have to thank.

Kat and Lillia are dangerous. They know my secret, and worse, they now know how to control me. I can't let them do that again. I won't be bound here for all eternity. I'm leaving. Tonight. Before they know I'm even gone.

I close my eyes and try to feel him, find him.

I
SPEND PROM THINKING A
lot about dead people, even though I dance ten songs straight with Ashlin. The girl can dance; I'll say that for her.

I think about Rennie and if she's watching us. I can imagine her gagging over some of the uglier dresses and the one girl who's wearing a freaking tiara. And I'm sure she thinks the jumpy castle is immature. Which, okay, yeah. I hear that. But a jumpy castle is also as fun as hell, and there's been a line to get in it all night long.

Maybe it's just me being sentimental, but I honestly believe
that if Rennie were still alive, I could have sold her on the idea of ditching the Boston club to have prom here. She definitely had a rebellious streak in her. She liked shaking things up.

I think about my mom. I hope she thinks I look beautiful in my fancy dress. If she is somewhere out there, I know I've made her proud. A bunch of people have grabbed my arm tonight, kids from different social groups, thanking me. She would have loved that everyone was invited. That nobody was left out because they didn't have the money.