ASHFORD (Gray Wolf Security #5) (12 page)

Mina

I lay curled up in the center of my bed, dressed in sweatpants and a heavy sweatshirt, sobs tearing at my body. I couldn’t blame him for reacting the way he did, but it didn’t keep it from hurting as if someone had torn my heart out with a dull knife.

He thought I betrayed him. He thought he couldn’t trust me.

Was it all just a dream? Had I seen things that weren’t really there? Had I let myself dream of a future with a good man who’d treat me so differently than all the other men in my life—only to wake up in the cruel, hard world of reality?

I hated the way he’d looked at me. I hated the hurt I saw in his eyes. I hated that half of what he’d said was true.

I lied to him. I used him.

It was all true.

The baby woke not long after Ash left me alone. I cradled him close to me and watched his little eyes look up at me with such trust in them. I wondered how long it would be before I broke his heart, too.

Maybe I wasn’t as different from my father as I always thought I was.

My father was a cop, ironically enough. He beat my mother two or three times a month for as long as I could remember. Sometimes he had a reason. She forgot to pay the electric bill, or she left the clothes in the washer too long and they had a certain foul smell to them. Other times, there was no reason at all—except that she dared to breathe the same air he breathed. He never touched me. Not even to offer the basic affection that even the most distant parent offered their child. I might as well have not existed.

He was cold. Cruel. But my mother loved him.

Momma, he’ll kill you one day.

No, Wilhelmina. He loves me. He just loses his temper sometimes.

He hurts you.

He has to take his frustrations out somewhere. Why not on his wife?

She was old fashioned, believed that the wife was supposed to suffer in silence no matter how bad it got. And he did. He finally killed her. The doctors called it an aneurysm. But I knew the truth.

How long before I became my father? How long before I hurt my child?

And Dimitri. Poor Ford had it coming from two directions. His father was one of the cruelest men I’d ever met. When he first began to court me, he’d been gentle. Kind, even. He took me to expensive dinners, fed me steak that cost more than the rent I paid each month to sleep on a friend’s couch. He brought me flowers and jewelry, things I’d only dreamt of having. So what if he left bruises on my arms and thighs the first time we lay together? So what if he raised his voice when I wasn’t appreciative enough when he offered me a pair of diamond earrings that were for piercings I didn’t have? Men did things like that.

The first time he raised his hand to me, I was already living in his apartment. I had nowhere to go. I’d burned my bridges with my friends, quit my job at the strip club, given up my money so that he could invest it for me. He wanted to take care of me. But then some guy smiled at me when he took me to a club. He was fine while we were out, but the moment we got home, the story was different. He beat me until I blacked out. I had bruises from my chest to my thighs. He was careful not to hit me where someone might see, but that didn’t stop him from cracking a rib or two.

I should have left then. But, two weeks later, I realized I was pregnant. I was stuck. Where could I go? I couldn’t go back home. My father told me if I left, I should never look back. I had no one else. What could I do?

I was carrying the laundry up from the basement when I heard Dimitri talking to three of his lieutenants about Ash Grayson. They saw a copy of some magazine with his face plastered all over the cover. Anger dripped from their voices as they talked about what a pompous ass Ash was.

“Fucking asshole thinks he’s king of the world, or something. Look at that picture! It’s like the man thinks his shit don’t stink.”

“Kill a good man like Vitaly Bazarov, of course he’d look cocky. But we’re going to wipe that smile right off his face.”

I snuck downstairs after Dimitri was asleep and found the magazine in his office. Ash had such a kind face, I instinctively knew he would help me. I knew he would protect me from Dimitri. I read the article, memorized every word. I wanted to know as much about Ash Grayson as I could before I went looking for him.

But I should have told him the truth from the beginning.

What is it they say? Hindsight is twenty-twenty? It certainly was in this case.

Two years ago, I was a stupid kid who couldn’t sit around and watch her father beat her mother anymore. I ran away before I realized just how hard this world really was. I thought I could survive on the little money I’d managed to steal, that I could take care of myself. I was wrong. And now the man I loved, the only man who had ever been truly kind to me, believed I’d betrayed him.

I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. I had to make this right.

I had to show Ash that I never meant to hurt him.

At the Compound

“Where’s Mina?”

David shrugged, glancing over his shoulder to where Ash was pacing in front of his desk. He was on the phone with Jack Warren’s people, trying to figure out what their next move should be. They couldn’t stay trapped in the compound indefinitely. McKelty had school. Carrington and Mabel had businesses to run. Kate had a job. And Gray Wolf had commitments that weren’t being fulfilled. Something had to give.

“She hasn’t been downstairs all morning.”

“Do you think she’s behind all this information Ash suddenly has?” Kirkland asked.

“I don’t know.”

“She must be,” Donovan said. “There’s something different about Ash today.”

“He’s under a lot of stress,” Joss said.

“Yeah, well, it’s like night and day from yesterday.”

“Rose…”

They all looked at each other a little uncomfortably.

“It’s more than that,” David finally said. “He was more like his old self these last few days. But now…”

Joss crossed her arms across her chest, as she watched Carrington pace with the baby on his shoulder and McKelty pelting him with questions. He caught her eye, and they exchanged some unspoken communication that made Joss sigh.

“We can’t just stand around here doing nothing. We’re a security team, for goodness sakes! There has to be something we can do.”

“Emily wants to play this one by the book this time. She wants any charges against Avdonin and his crew to stick.”

“And what if they don’t stick and we find ourselves in this same predicament in a few months?”

“We’re not in the military anymore,” Donovan said. “We have to at least attempt to follow the laws of the land.”

Joss groaned. “It’s not right. We’re the ones who are moving targets on the streets. We should be allowed to take care of ourselves our way.”

Kirkland slipped his arm around Joss’s shoulders. “Ash will make sure we get through this, Joss.”

She looked over to where he was still pacing, still talking animatedly into the phone.

“I trust Ash with my life. With my family’s life. But if this thing goes south…”

Everyone understood what she was saying—even David despite the fact that he’d joined the FBI instead of the military out of college. He’d worked with them long enough to appreciate their more barbaric way of doing things. To even count on them.

There was the legal way, and then there was the efficient way.

“I’m going to take Mina some food,” he said. “Maybe she’ll enlighten me on what’s going on with Ash. We need him to have his head in the right place.”

Joss nodded, but Donovan hesitated. “I don’t think Ash would want us to get involved in his personal stuff.”

“David found Alexi for him,” Joss said. “How much more involved could he get than that?”

“That was your doing?”

“I got tired of watching him torture himself with every little lead that came in.”

Donovan nodded. “I never would have guessed Alexi was capable of that sort of thing.”

Donovan was the only one of the four of them who’d known Alexi well. David had met her a few times, but the others only knew of her in the aftermath. But Donovan actually ran a few ops with Ash and Alexi. He knew her almost as well as Ash.

“I never saw it coming. She was a good actress, but I thought I could tell the difference between the persona and her true personality. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

“I’m sure Ash has been saying the same thing to himself for a while,” Kirkland said.

Silence fell at that thought.

David shook himself, reminding himself that he had a purpose outlined for himself.

“Somebody distract him so he won’t see me go upstairs.”

“Not a problem,” Kirkland said, picking up a tennis ball he’d been rolling on the counter. “Hey, McKelty!”

There was a crash, and David didn’t look back.

***

Mina was curled up on her bed, her shoulders shaking as he paused in her doorway, a tray of food in his hands. He cleared his throat, and she sat up quickly, disappointment in every line of her face when she saw him.

“Thought you might be hungry,” he said.

“He wouldn’t be happy if he knew you were up here,” she said, almost instantly confirming his suspicions. She and Ash did have some sort of falling out.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

David set the tray on top of the dresser and approached the basinet, looking down at the peacefully sleeping baby.

“How’s he doing?”

“Ford’s fine. To him, the whole world is perfect as long as his diaper is clean and he has food in his belly.”

“That’s true, I suppose.”

“If only our lives were that easy.”

He turned to her, trying not to look at the evidence of her tears.

“I assume this new information Ash has about the Bazarov Cartel came from you.”

She didn’t admit that he was right, but she didn’t deny it, either.

“I’d guess he’s upset with you because you weren’t honest to begin with.”

She shrugged. “He thinks I betrayed him.”

“You understand why his mind would go straight there.”

“I do. I just…I was scared.”

“I’m sure you were.”

David sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. “I have a way you might be able to make it up to him. A little, at least.”

“How?”

“We need information…”

Ash

My head was spinning. I had to get out of there, to get a little fresh air. I felt like I was suffocating, having so many people around.

I’d begun to miss the crowd. Now I wished they would all disappear for a while.

I stepped out onto the back porch, the memory of the barbecue we’d so recently had there fresh in my mind. I remembered watching Mina, glad to see that Joss seemed to be taking to her. Finally. We were all untrusting people. We had seen too much, experienced too much, to trust outsiders. For all this time, they tolerated Mina, but they never really let her in. But Joss, she was beginning to adjust.

And now I was going to have to tell her what Mina had done. I’d have to tell her that part of the reason we were in this situation was because of Mina.

I did this. I let this woman into our lives and now…

I wanted to regret it. I wanted to hate Mina, to blame her for everything. I wanted to kick her out of the gates and never think twice about it. But I couldn’t.

And that really sucked.

I sat in one of the chairs and leaned forward, resting my head in my hands. It amazed me how easy it was for me to put Alexi behind me after I saw her. To be honest, after she’d been the only thing on my mind night and day for three years, she was suddenly gone. Like a magic trick. Poof! One second she was there, the next she wasn’t.

I suspected it wasn’t going to be that easy with Mina.

I loved her. That was the real rub. I think I fell in love with her the instant she slid her arm through mine, doubling over in pain, but not crying out, not panicking. It wasn’t until Ford was already on his way into the world that she finally decided she couldn’t do it. Up to that point, she was the bravest woman I’d ever met.

I fell in love with her, and it was a love that went beyond anything I’d ever felt for Alexi. Why did it take me so long to realize it? Was it because the idea of her with Dimitri Avdonin killed me? Was it because I knew that a small part of the reason she never told me the truth was because I held on too tight? I gave her no options. I took her in and provided her with everything because I couldn’t bear the idea of seeing her go. And that left her with no options.

I did this. Mina didn’t.

Or was that just my heart talking?

Was she here because Dimitri sent her? Would she go back to him when all was said and done, no matter what the final result? Did she love him?

I think that was what really frightened me. The possibility that she didn’t return the feelings I’d never declared. That I would lose her and Ford. That I would never have the life I so desperately wanted.

Had she betrayed me? Had she used me?

I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. There were too many unanswered questions.

My cell rang, and I thought for a minute that I might ignore it. But I knew it was Emily. She’d been running background on Avdonin and the men known to be loyal to him, hoping to generate arrest warrants for one or two of them so she’d have a reason to interrogate them. Maybe, if she got the right one in the station, she’d get the information she needed to at least figure out what Avdonin was planning next.

“Hey, Em,” I said. “What’ve you got?”

“I’ve got an old weapons charge on one of Avdonin’s lieutenants. I’m headed to his place right now with a couple of uniforms.”

“Good. Do you think he’ll talk?”

“Don’t know. I had a conversation with a friend in narcotics. He says they’ve been watching Avdonin for months, but they haven’t seen any indication that he’s interested in any sort of domestic operation. He thinks your information is bad.”

“It’s not.”

“It would really help me if you’d tell me where you’re getting it.”

I couldn’t do that. If I told Emily it came from Mina, she’d haul Mina down to the station to get her statement on record. I couldn’t protect her there, and I wouldn’t put it past Avdonin to have people there who could hurt her.

“I’m sorry.”

Emily sighed. “I’m telling you, Ash, we have to do this right. If we don’t—”

There was a sudden sound and then gunfire.

“Emily?”

She didn’t answer me, but I heard the vaguest of moans. And then more gunfire.

Emily was in trouble.

I ran around the house, calling her name over the phone connection. Just as I jumped into my SUV, the phone went dead.

I immediately put a call through to Jack Warren.

“I think your wife is in trouble.”

***

I got to the hospital behind the ambulance. I’d spent far too much time at hospitals lately.

They were lifting her out of the ambulance when I rushed up. Jack was pale, as he climbed out of the ambulance beside his wife. He was holding her hand, the dazed look of a man in shock on his face. There was blood, more blood than there should have been, splattered over his shirt. I followed them inside, holding Jack back when they took Emily into the trauma room.

“We need you to fill out the paperwork, Mr. Warren,” a nurse said, holding out a clipboard to him. Jack wouldn’t even acknowledge her, let alone accept the papers.

I took them and led him to a chair in the waiting room. We sat there, side by side, for a long few minutes. Jack got the call over the radio just a few seconds after I called him. We arrived at the scene at almost the same moment. Emily’s car was lying on its side, the driver’s side door riddled with bullets. She’d been lucky that she was accompanied by a couple of uniforms who were quick to act. They were able to return fire, chasing the gunmen away. If they hadn’t, we’d probably be at the morgue instead of the hospital.

“They shot her five times,” Jack said.

“I know.”

“Five times. If one of those bullets had been in her head, or if she hadn’t had that vest on…”

“I know.”

Jack looked at me, his eyes clear and focused for the first time since all this began.

“This cartel. They’re after you and your people?”

“Yes.”

He nodded, his eyes dropping to the paperwork resting on my knee. He slipped it from my hands.

“Kill them.” I did something of a double take, not sure I’d heard him right. And then he repeated himself. “Kill them.”

***

I drove around for a long time, almost daring them to come after me. I understood Jack’s anger, but I couldn’t just indulge in a turf war in the middle of Los Angeles. If we did this, it had to be well planned. It’d been almost four years since I’d last planned an operation on the scale this one would have to be. And I only had three, maybe four, bodies to go with me.

But this had to end. It was too much, this bullshit. The third time we mixed with this cartel had to be the charm, right? We had to end it this time.

Somehow I found myself pulling into the parking lot outside the hospital where Rose was recovering from surgery. I tapped on her door, once again hit like a punch to the gut when I saw her. She tried to smile, but the swelling was even worse today.

“How’s it going, beautiful?” I asked, bending low to kiss her forehead.

She groaned, her voice slurred by swelling and pain medication.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Everything’s fine.”

She studied my face with her one good eye. “No lie.”

I pulled up a chair and sat beside her, tugging her hand into mine.

“Things are getting out of control. We think we know who did this to you, but fixing it is going to be complicated.”

“No fix.”

I kissed the back of her hand. “I can’t let someone hurt you and not do something about it.”

“No fix.”

I ran my hand over hers, squeezing her fingers lightly. “They shot Emily.”

Tears filled Rose’s eye.

“She’s going to survive,” I quickly added. “She was wearing a bulletproof vest. They hit her arm twice and her knee and upper thigh. She’ll be on crutches for a while, but the doctors said she’d make a full recovery.”

Rose blinked, then she focused on me with an intensity that was unmistakable.

“No fix,” she said again. “You shot too.”

I picked up her hand and kissed the palm. “I’ll never forgive myself for what you went through. If not for me…”

“No you fault.” She squeezed my hand. “You save me.”

I shook my head, the weight of everything finally collapsing the walls I’d put up. I buried my face against her mattress, fighting back the tears that desperately wanted to be shed. Everything was out of control. My people were hurting. My friends. It was my job to protect them, to make sure they survived their missions intact. This was a situation that was unpredictable. But my training taught me to factor in the unpredictable, to be prepared for any possibility. I should have seen this coming. I should have had a plan in place to protect my people should something like this happen.

But who could be prepared for every variable?

Rose patted my head. I stood and leaned close to kiss her forehead.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Careful,” she mumbled.

I didn’t respond.