Ask Me (23 page)

“This looks terrible,” he said. He traced a spiral with his fingertips over my shoulder blade and down the back of my arm.

I shivered but willed myself to stand still. “She tripped me in art class, and I fell into a desk,” I said, swallowing, feeling like I had to explain, like I had to fill the air with words. “It’s not that bad, really. Not any worse than your eye. I mean, it hurts, but …” I trailed off. Should I make a grab for the
clothes or the towel? Or would that make me look like an idiot? I felt naked. I was as good as naked, nearly.

Will drew my hair to one side. Did he know what he was doing to me? Did he have any idea at all? I concentrated on keeping my breathing normal, the smell of the lavender fabric softener filling my nose.

His fingertips danced over my elbow. “These bruises here don’t look like they’re from a fall.” He tugged gently, and I gave up my left arm, letting him pull it away from the shelter of my body, leaving my right arm a solitary and ineffectual barrier across my breasts. “What about these?”

“Alex’s fingerprints,” I said, startling myself.

I hadn’t realized I’d bruised when he’d grabbed me. Will’s grip increased for a moment, then he let go of my arm completely. For some reason that made me feel even more naked. “Alex helped me up after Shelley tripped me, but he was pretty pissed. At Shelley, I mean. That was right before the cop took him out of art class. I don’t think he meant to hurt me.” I wasn’t sure why I was defending Alex at all. I chanced a peek over my shoulder at Will.

He was staring at my elbow, a strange look on his face.

My arm was just hanging by my side now. Should I cover myself again? Go for the towel? The clothes?

Whatever it was, the look passed to be replaced with a dark and determined glint in his eye.

“No one else will ever do that to you again,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me softly in the middle of my shoulder, so gently I almost didn’t feel it. His lips were warm as he drew them slowly across my neck and stopped behind my ear, his breath tickling me. “I promise,” he said.

He kissed my neck. He was still talking in between kisses, but it was hard to concentrate on the actual words. I had lost track of his hands and became very suddenly aware of them as he moved into me, his bare chest so warm against my back and his fingertips drawing a web across my stomach from my belly button out.

“Aria,” he breathed into a spot just above my ear, my name like a three-syllable symphony played for me alone.

“Yes?” I whispered back.

“Do you love me?”

My hands flew up to my lips, but the words came anyway: “Too much.”

An ache opened up deep inside me. It had been building the entire time, and now it lay there, in my center, laid bare before him. I turned to face him. “Will, that wasn’t fair.” I hated how my voice quivered.

“I know,” he said gently. He lowered his eyes. Then he took my face in his hands, tilting it up to meet his. Where the kiss in the woods had been almost too intense, this one started slow and soft. My arms were caught between us, and I flattened my hands against his bare chest. Maybe the thought had been to push him away after his small deception, but the ache inside me was filling me up. I lost track of time, of myself. It could have been midnight. It could have been next week. I was lost in a place that had come down to his warm breath mingled with mine, his skin against my skin. My whole body was a live wire, humming with electricity.

“Aria,” he said again, and I almost braced myself for a question, but what did I have left to hide from him now?
I dropped my forehead onto his chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It didn’t help. So close to him, it was like breathing him in. He smelled like rain and heat. He ran his hands down my back, stopping at my waist. My hips had betrayed me at some point, and my dress had fallen the rest of the way to the floor. It was tangled around my ankles, a heavy weight against my feet.

“We’d better stop,” he said. Finally I could hear some hint in his husky voice that I wasn’t the only one set adrift. “Unless—” he splayed his fingers so they oh-so-barely went underneath the elastic waistband of my underwear “—you want me to keep going.”

I drew in a shivering breath and pulled back. If we went any further, I didn’t know where I’d wind up. This morning, I’d never even
kissed
a boy. I didn’t say anything, but he seemed to understand. He kissed the top of my head and left the room without another word.

I tore off the dripping remnants of my clothes and put everything in the dryer, throwing in one of Mrs. Raffles’s lavender scented dryer sheets. When they were dry I’d be able to take the smell of the afternoon with me.

Will had left me one of his white T-shirts and a pair of red drawstring shorts, like the kind boys wear to play basketball. I put everything on, wishing I had a mirror to see how ridiculous I looked. I had drawn the string as tight as I could, and the shorts were bunched up in the middle. It felt really bizarre to be wearing them without underwear, but I had no choice. The T-shirt was an undershirt, kind of like Granddad always wore. It was comfortably worn, and I had the feeling it was as good as see-through. Did it matter at this point? I pulled my hair into a twisty knot and went to find Will.

He was in the kitchen making sandwiches. He smiled at me as I came in, composed and calm now. “Hope you like
grilled cheese,” he said. “It’s the only thing I really know how to make. I’m an expert.”

“Love them,” I said. Who doesn’t love grilled cheese? I sat at the kitchen table on a padded bench. The whole set was white and distressed—that shabby chic style where you make things look old and worn on purpose—whereas my kitchen just looked shabby. I tried not to think of my kitchen. I tried to be here, now, away from Gran and Granddad.

I watched Will as he cooked, humming some song I didn’t recognize. He paused long enough to pour me a glass of water and give me a look that clearly took in my bra-less state. I pretended not to notice, but I crossed my legs thinking that maybe I should have kept my soaking wet underwear on anyway instead of sticking them in the dryer, too.

He flipped the sandwiches over and got out some earthenware plates and cloth napkins. I hid a smile. Much as I tried to banish Gran and Granddad from my thoughts, we looked the picture of domesticity, other than my underwear-less state. Like we were playing house. I let myself dream for a minute. The two of us together in some better place, another kitchen, another state, far away from here. Me, not hiding and not lost, but found. Will Raffles and me, fifty years from now.

“Here you go,” he said, putting the plate down in front of me. He straddled the bench next to me and pulled me closer to him so I was settled between his legs. He kissed my cheek and then picked up his sandwich to take a bite.

I picked up my sandwich, too, but what I really wanted
to do was take another taste of him. Wanting him was like a hunger. I cleared my throat and took a bite, trying to chew slowly. Will put his left hand on my back, making slow, lazy circles. I swallowed, sure he could hear me chewing. I put my sandwich down. I had to kiss him again. He was killing me. If he’d just sat on the other side of the table, I could have made it, but I was dying. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped him in the laundry room.

“You should eat,” he said. “Aria … you’re not anorexic, are you?”

“No,” I said and then repeated it again for myself. “I am
not
anorexic. Why would you even ask that?” I picked my sandwich up again and took another bite, the moment gone.

“Don’t be mad,” he said. “I just … You’re really thin. Not that thin is bad or anything. But it’s important to take care of yourself. You matter. You matter to me.”

“I—” I didn’t know what to say. My eyes prickled, and I blinked. No one other than my grandparents had cared about me enough to notice anything about me in a long, long time.

He went on eating like nothing special had happened. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal for him, but it was for me. I took a few deep breaths and chewed the bite in my mouth, trying to slow my heartbeat with the routine of it. Chew, chew, chew, swallow.

“I, um, have lost some weight since … since Jade died.” Chew, chew, chew, swallow. “I told you, didn’t I, how the big questions affect me? There’ve been a lot of big questions.”

“Oh, right. All the crackers at school.” He kissed my temple. “Is there anything you can do to help with that? I mean, with your whole situation?”

“Yes,” I answered simply. That brought me back to myself. “Gran did say there were things I could do to control it more. She showed me this book that’s been in our family for a long time. A really long time. It’s about our … condition.” I refused to call it a gift out loud. “I started reading it last night. She thinks it’ll help.”

“Right,” he said, nodding. “I can’t wait to hear what’s in it.” He grinned wolfishly at me.

I rolled my eyes, undone again by that grin. I didn’t trust myself to speak. He finished a bite and pulled me even closer to him, the hair on his legs tickling my knees. I could feel him down the length of me. Heat like I’d never been warm before.

Chew, chew, swallow.

“I’D BETTER GO,” I
said after I changed back into my clothes, still warm from the dryer. “If I don’t go now, my grandparents will worry.”

It was still raining, but softer now, a gentle rain. Determined but gentle.

He finished wiping his hands on a towel and came over to me. “Okay,” he said. “I’ve got some things I need to do anyway. I’ll keep an eye on the news, see if anything new gets released.”

Oh, yes. Shelley. Alex. Jade. I seriously needed to get my head back on straight. Three people lay dead in the morgue, including a girl I should have been able to save,
and all I could think about was Will. I needed to go home, see if there was anything in the book, and talk to Gran. Maybe she had some advice. I was turning into one of
those
girls, something I had never imagined doing.

“Of course,” I said. “Um …” It seemed silly to just say goodbye after the time we had spent together. What was I supposed to do? What did normal people do?

“One more before you go,” he said and took me in his arms. I didn’t hesitate this time, just melted right in and opened my mouth to his. He tasted of grilled cheese, but then, I probably did too. His hands settled on my hips, pulling me close.

He let go too soon or maybe just in time. Probably both. I stepped back, my hand touching my lips without me even thinking about it. “Well,” I said. “Right. I’m going now then.”

He smiled one of those slow smiles at me and watched as I walked away. I felt his eyes on me all the way to my car.

I WAS HALFWAY HOME
before it hit me:
Please don’t let Gran or Granddad ask me anything about my day
. I couldn’t imagine any answer I could give that wouldn’t get me into about a billion degrees of hot water. This was a problem I’d definitely never had before.

They were usually pretty good about not asking me questions, but Granddad was always slipping up. Usually the small things like “What?” or “Why?” or “How was your day?” which were exactly the types of questions I didn’t need. What I needed was to get my hands on Gran’s book and see if there was any actual concrete
information in it about how to control my “gift.” It was about normal back-from-school time, a little before 4
P.M.
, so at least they wouldn’t suspect anything. I parked and was running to the door with my backpack over my head to try and keep the rain off when Gran came flying onto the porch.

“Aria, where have you been?” She paid no mind to the rain and grabbed me in a bear hug on the first step.

“With Will,” I muttered into her shoulder, never more grateful that my inner oracle had kept it brief. “We’re getting soaked. Let’s go inside.”

So much for my plan. This was bad. I wasn’t sure why she was so freaked out, but maybe if I kept talking she wouldn’t think to ask any more questions.

The rain had let up a bit from earlier, but even that small run had drenched me again, though not through to the underwear like before. I blushed at the memory and busied myself with shaking the water off my backpack out the front door onto the porch.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Why are you—?”

Gran didn’t let me finish. “Aria, they closed the school today. Another girl was murdered, right there on the football field. The one you mentioned. Porter’s out driving around looking for you. We were worried sick when you didn’t come home.”

“Oh,” I said. That explained her freaking out. I should have thought of that, of course.

She was working up a good head of steam now.

“I don’t know what you were thinking. What were—”

“Gran!” I interrupted her before she could ask
something I really didn’t want to answer. Anything that mentioned me mostly naked with Will was not going to help matters. “Gran, I’m
fine
. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know. I would have called if I’d had a cell phone. Nothing happened. I’m perfectly okay. Just calm down.”

Gran drew herself up to her full height and brought the finger of doom to point at me, shaking. “Don’t you tell me to calm down! We thought you might be dead!”