Aspen (27 page)

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Authors: Rebekah Crane

BOOK: Aspen
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“I think Ninny’s going to be home any minute,” I say, even though I know she’s working until close at Shakedown Street.
Ben kisses me and goes for my shirt again. “Ninny did say I could sleep with you anytime.”
“I can’t.” I stop his hands.
“Okay.” Ben backs up, a look on his face like he did something wrong. “Is this about what happened at school?”
I don’t move. I just stare at one of the empty spaces in the Grove.
Ben gets off the bed and paces my room. “People don’t know what they’re talking about. They only know what they saw in the halls.”
“Suzy said that Katelyn treated you badly.” I pause. “Actually, like shit is what she said. Katelyn treated you like shit.”
Ben stops still. He pulls on the collar of his shirt. “She did sometimes.”
“Why did you stay with her?”
“Because sometimes she loved me, too.”
The pain in my head comes back. My eyes burn like someone poured acid in my room. But I’m so fixed on the Grove, I can’t even blink to clear them.
“But Katelyn and I never had what we have,” Ben says.
“What do we have?” I ask.
“Something real.” Ben kisses the palm of my hand. The feel makes me snap out of it. Then he moves to my lips. And this time, I don’t stop him.
Ninny gets home from work after Ben’s already left for the night. She sticks her head in my room and asks if I’ve had dinner.
“No.” I’m sitting on the floor next to my bed. My sketchbook in my lap.
“Do you want anything, baby?”
“No. That’s okay.”
I don’t move the rest of the night. When I wake up in the morning on the floor, my sketchbook sits next to me. The word liar is written on the blank page. I don’t remember writing it.
C
HAPTER
27
Suzy pulls up in her SUV as I’m undoing my bike lock. It’s so cold my hands are practically frozen to the metal. She rolls down the window.
“What are you doing?”
I glance up, my hair in my face. “Saving the planet, one bike ride at a time.”
“It’s freezing. And riding bikes is for losers and seven-year-olds.” She gets out of the car. “I’ll give you a ride.”
“That’s okay.”
“Stop being silly. We can put your bike in the back of my car.” She picks up the lock and makes a wrinkled, gross face. “Do you seriously think someone is going to steal this thing?”
Suzy and I hoist the bike into the back of her car, and I climb in the front seat.
“Thanks,” I say.
“What are friends for?” She turns up the heat so it’s blasting our faces. It melts my frozen nose. “Where to?”
“Shakedown Street.”
We drive toward Pearl Street, both of us quiet. Suzy taps out the beat of the song playing on the radio and bobs her head. Big sunglasses cover her eyes. I watch her.
“Why are you friends with me?” I ask.
“What?”
“You didn’t talk to me once last year.”
“I didn’t know you.”
“But what made you want to get to know me?”
Suzy’s easy demeanor shifts. She sits up straighter in the seat, eyes glued to the road. “Because I felt bad for you,” she says.
I exhale but can’t respond. The truth sits on me.
When Suzy stops at a red light, she turns to me and says, “Aspen, what is it? What’s going on?”
The air in the car is thick. Too thick. It’s getting caught in my throat.
“I just . . . I . . . ”
Suzy’s eyes are wide. “Do you not want to be friends anymore?” The words sound like they hurt coming out of her mouth. Her bottom lip starts to tremble.
“No.” I say. “I just need some fresh air. I’ll ride my bike from here.” I jump out and grab my bike from the back.
“You’d tell me if something were wrong, right?” Suzy says through the rolled down car window. I nod and ride down the street as fast as I can, never looking back.
By the time I get to Shakedown Street, my entire body aches. I squat and rest my head against my knees, pressing on my forehead.
Mickey walks out of the back room, clipboard in hand, and says, “You look tired. Go home.”
I stand up, a little wobbly on my feet. “I’m fine.”
He points his pencil at me. “No, you’re not. I can tell. Go home.”
“Just leave me alone,” I bark.
Mickey’s face freezes. Even I freeze. I can’t believe I just snapped at my boss. The man who’s given my mom the only job she’s managed to maintain in my entire life.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
Mickey walks over and grabs my shoulders. “Go home, Aspen. Get some sleep. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”
I grit my teeth.
Get some sleep
. But even when I get home, I can’t close my eyes. Keeping them open doesn’t help the pain either. I down three Advil and wait. They don’t help. I chug seven glasses of water. My head still hurts. I open Ninny’s pot stash. And then I close it.
When I hear Ninny and a muffled male voice walk into the house giggling, I lock my bedroom door. At least Ninny’s laughing. That’s a good sign.
I log on to Facebook. Olivia has posted a video of Katelyn. The caption reads, “I found this today and can’t stop crying. I miss you, K!” I hold the mouse over the play button, but don’t click on it. Over a hundred people have liked the video. And there are thirty-seven comments. I turn off the computer screen.
I walk around my room for an hour. Then I clean my closet so all my clothes are hung up and color coordinated. Then I rearrange the entire Grove, trying to get rid of the empty spaces. No matter what I do, they’re still there.
I finally click on the video. When Katelyn comes on screen, I hold my breath.
“What do you want to do when you’re older?” Olivia’s voice comes through speaker.
Katelyn shrugs. She’s sitting in the middle of the soccer field in her uniform. The sun makes her eyes extra blue.
“Come on, this is for posterity,” Olivia presses.
Katelyn runs her hands through her hair. “I don’t want to get older,” she says.
I choke at the sound of her voice. Seconds pass by as the video plays on. I try to stop it.
“Damn it.” I click on the stop button. Katelyn freezes on my screen. I shut the computer down. The screen goes black.
“Aspen, baby, what are you doing?” Ninny walks out of her bedroom in her pajamas. I don’t know what time it is. Darkness.
“I’m watching TV,” I say.
“Baby.” Ninny touches my shoulder. “The TV isn’t on.”
But there is a voice in the room. And she won’t stop talking.
“I want to see a hypnotist,” I say to Kim at my locker the next day. My foot taps on the ground. I started drinking coffee at five in the morning when I realized I wouldn’t sleep at all.
“Okay.” Kim’s face gets a surprised look. “What’s going on?”
“Will you come with me?” I pull on my hair. My head is numb. “Today. I need to go today.”
Kim’s face goes from surprised to flabbergasted. “Okay. I’ll find someone.” She looks up a person on her phone and calls. “She has an appointment this afternoon at four.” I nod my head repeatedly. After Kim hangs up, she says, “I’ll get Uma’s car at lunch and drive you.”
“Thanks. I’ll meet you here later.” I walk out of school. I need some more coffee.
Sky’s hypnotism office is worse than Dr. Brenda’s. It’s actually a living room with seven cathouses and crystals hanging from the windows, sending glistening prisms all over the furniture. Kim and I sit on an old leather couch as new age yoga music plays over a small stereo tucked in the corner. The room smells like cat food and pot.
“Which one of you is Aspen?” Sky says in that hippie-kind-of voice, slow and slurred. Most likely she just ripped a bong hit. She’s wearing a flowing brown dress down to her ankles and about seven silver necklaces that jangle when she moves. I raise my hand.
“I’m just the best friend,” Kim offers.
“A best friend is never
just
anything.” Sky smiles and pets one of the cats. “So what can I do for you today, Aspen?”
“I’m having trouble sleeping.”
Sky nods, looking at my jittery hands. “Let’s go back into my office.” When Kim gets up to move with us, Sky stops her. “You can wait out here, best friend. Aspen will be fine.” Sky winks at Kim, who slumps back on the couch.
“I’ll be here when you’re done,” Kim says.
We enter the back of Sky’s house through a set of large wooden doors that slide closed. Sky motions for me to sit in an antique armchair as she pulls up an ottoman covered by a colorful tapestry. I wipe the cat hair off the chair before sitting down.
“So you can’t sleep,” Sky repeats. She pats my hand in a motherly way. “You know, Aspen, the only way to get out of the forest is to go through it.”
“Okay.” My voice wobbles.
Sky takes off one of her seven necklaces. “Lean back, love. Get comfortable.” I wiggle down in the seat and rest my head back. “Now, I want you to focus on this necklace. Clear your head of everything and just look at my pretty necklace.”
A silver ball hangs from the end. Almost like a sleigh bell. I stare hard at the rounded edges. I focus on the way it moves in Sky’s hand, back and forth.
“I’m going to start counting,” she says, “Ten, nine, eight . . . ”
But I block Sky out. All my attention is on that ball. How it hangs in the air, moving through invisible energy.
“Mickey, I’m out of here,” I say, placing my dirty rag in the laundry bin. The tables in Shakedown Street gleam. “Don’t forget the lights,” I say.
Mickey pops out to the front of the shop. “I don’t need to be reminded how to close my own damn store.” I cock my head at him. “Get out of here. Enjoy your youth while you have it.”
I walk into the back alley, where my car is parked, and check my phone: one text message on the screen. It’s from Kim.
R u coming over?
I don’t respond. I need a moment. Just one moment to myself. The warm summer air blows lightly as I roll down the windows of my Rabbit. When I pull away from Shakedown Street, Mickey walks out.

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