Astor Place Vintage: A Novel (33 page)

“Right away,” the waiter said; indeed, he returned almost immediately with their bill. Then he turned to us, and Ralph told him we’d both decided on asparagus à la vinaigrette and broiled lobster.

As he left, the waiter gave the woman a dirty look. She continued to smoke, taking advantage of no longer having to hide it. I caught her eye and smiled to let her know that we were on the same side. She smiled back, and I felt pleased with the connection we’d made.

Looking across the table at Ralph Pierce, I decided to see what I could learn about his wedding fiasco. “I hope you won’t be cross if I raise the subject,” I began cautiously, “but I’m curious to know why you called off your wedding.”

He took a sip of his white wine. “I’m not sure.”

“But you must have given it a great deal of thought.”

“It made no sense. My fiancée was sweet and pretty—the nicest girl you’d ever meet. We’d known each other since I can remember. She never wanted anything more than to marry me and raise a family together.”

“You must feel terribly guilty.”

“But I had to do it. As the day came closer, I realized it wouldn’t have been right to go on fooling myself or her.” He frowned down at the table. “Not that anyone believed I was doing her a favor.”

“And in what way were you fooling yourself?” Honestly, a man had to be interrogated like a thief to get him to confess his feelings.

He took another sip of wine before venturing to speak. “Committing to a marriage with her seemed too boring and predictable—as if my entire life would be sewn up. I couldn’t put aside this feeling that there was something more, something else out there to discover. Does that make any sense?”

“Perfectly.”

Our neighbors relinquished their table while discussing plans to see a show at the Hippodrome. After they were gone, the waiter came to us and apologized. “I hope their rude behavior wasn’t too much of a disturbance.”

Ralph thanked him with a polite smile. After he left, I told Ralph it was the waiter who caused the disturbance.

“Why do you say that? He was just doing his job.”

“But you do agree it isn’t fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

I could hear Sadie telling me to keep my trap shut. It opened anyway. “If a man can smoke in a restaurant, why can’t a woman?”

“I understand your point of view. But the sight of a woman smoking is rather unattractive, don’t you think?”

“I imagine you simply aren’t used to it.” Even if he was going to pay, why shouldn’t I express my opinion?

“I just don’t think women are the same as men, and they shouldn’t pretend to be.”

“Of course they aren’t the same, but does that mean they should have fewer rights? I’ll have you know the Mansfield Hotel forced me to move out straightaway after Father died. They don’t allow single women. The manager wouldn’t even let me stay out the month.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, leaning forward over the table, “that’s beastly unfair.”

“Not that I could’ve paid the rent. We were absolutely ruined when Father died, so I was grateful to find this boardinghouse. It’s really quite decent, you know. The landlady only takes workingwomen.”

He regarded me with genuine sympathy. “It must’ve been quite an ordeal to get on your feet again.”

“You can’t imagine.”

“But you must get out of that place, Olive. It’s really not fit to live. The dirt, the germs, the lack of sanitation . . .”

“I’ve not been sick one day.”

“That’s fine. And no doubt your father would be proud of how you’ve managed all on your own. But I daresay he’d also want his daughter to have the best that life can offer. Don’t you think he’d be horrified to see you living in such squalid conditions?”

“I should like to think he’d be horrified by how little I’m paid. You wouldn’t believe what some of the girls do to survive.”

“I would believe it. That’s why I’m worried about you. Isn’t there anywhere else you can go? Don’t you have family in Cold Spring?”

“My aunt, but she’s struggling, too. And there’s no work for me there. Don’t you see? I’ve already had a promotion, and another is sure to come. Eventually I’ll become a buyer, just as I always planned.”

“Perhaps. In the meanwhile, I hate to see you cast adrift like this.”

“I’m not adrift.” He couldn’t even acknowledge my promotion, as if I were a child musing about a visit from the sugarplum fairy.

“I’m sure you believe that,” he said, “but you don’t have the
perspective to judge. Not after having suffered the worst kind of upset and loss. All I’m suggesting is that you need to return to the standard of living that a young woman with your background deserves. If there’s anything I can do to help . . .”

If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he was asking me to be his mistress. “I don’t see what you can possibly do.”

“A loan, perhaps, so you can move to a reputable place with a higher class of people.”

“I have no way of repaying a loan.”

“But eventually, as you say, if your career advances . . .”

“I really don’t care to go into debt only to find myself vulnerable to those who could take advantage of me.”

“Please don’t think me rude—I meant nothing improper, I assure you, but there must be something that can be done.”

“Sadly, the world doesn’t provide such guarantees. I know you’re shocked by how low I’ve sunk, but I’ve managed to adjust, and I’m doing fine.”

“I’d rather you didn’t adjust. The sort of women surrounding you can be an evil influence. All it takes is one moment of weakness to put you over the edge.”

“That’s a mighty big assumption you’re making about women who work for a living.”

“But a safe assumption, don’t you think? Those girls grew up in different home atmospheres than people like you and me. It’s well known that they’re more likely to resort to . . .” He trailed off.

“What?” I wanted him to say it.

“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be talking about such delicate matters.”

“Men of every social class ‘resort to’ such ‘delicate matters’ all the time. Tell me, why is it considered normal for a man to desire a woman, but if a woman desires a man, she’s evil?”

Ralph’s cheeks turned red. “Do I really need to explain the dangers?”

“Oh posh,” I said, as if I knew all about it, “there are ways
around that. And don’t these dangers apply to men also? It does take two, I believe.”

Ralph stared at me, completely taken aback. Indeed, I myself was surprised that our conversation had degenerated this way, but I couldn’t stop myself from going on. “At any rate, that’s an utterly different issue from why a woman who desires a man is considered wicked.”

“Listen to you. If I didn’t know better, I’d fear it’s too late.”

“To save me from being a tramp?” I didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Or from being narrow-minded, like most of society?” I tossed my napkin onto the table and began putting my gloves back on.

“What the deuce are you doing?”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t possibly have a pleasant meal with you now.”

“Because you know there’s truth to what I’m saying.”

“Your truth, not mine.”

“I’ve been insensitive. Please accept my apology. We can talk of anything else.”

Every bone in my body wanted to stay at that table to enjoy the friendly meal we were supposed to have had. I rose. “Forgive me. I wish I could pretend everything is fine, but that doesn’t seem to be in my nature, I don’t know why. Please give my regards to your father.”

I marched out of the restaurant and had to suffer the indignity of walking past him on the other side of the plate-glass window. I mustered a proud face while feeling like an utter fool and mourning my uneaten lobster.

My surroundings passed in a blur as I flew down the street with my mind racing. It seemed as if I agreed with Angelina’s way of thinking while I was with Ralph, and I agreed with Ralph while I was with Angelina. Meanwhile he thought I was on the path to ruin, while she thought I was a prude. Sadie would surely
think me a fool to repulse his offer, and perhaps my reaction had been too extreme. What if I’d just turned down a good man’s well-meaning attempt to help fix the wrong that fate had done me?

And yet most men expected something in return when they offered financial help to a woman. The very solution he proposed would have forced me into a compromised position: beholden to him, dependent on his goodwill. And hadn’t he broken off with his childhood sweetheart? For all I knew, Ralph Pierce was the worst kind of cad who walked the earth. And really, he had no right to patronize me. How dare he presume to speak for my father?

The blocks passed so quickly, it was like gliding over the sidewalks on a moving staircase. The boardinghouse appeared before me, and when I breezed in the door, one of the girls asked why I was back so soon. I swept past, giving some excuse about a headache, went to my room, shut the door, and collapsed onto the bed, expecting to have a good cry. The tears didn’t come. I pulled out my journal. I had to think.

May 30, 1908

Who makes all these rules about how men and women are supposed to behave? God? It’s the same sort of injustice that allows men to smoke in restaurants, rent hotel rooms without having their morals questioned, hold better-paying jobs and enjoy the right to vote! I don’t think God is concerned with smoking in restaurants, but I do think men are. It seems to me they make these rules to suit themselves. And why should I live by rules that benefit the rule makers at my own expense? Angelina is right. Women must make their own rules. And I was wrong to shame her for making her own decisions about how to live. I must go talk with her. I must tell her I understand. She’ll be at the dance hall tonight. The Majestic on Bowery, Joe said. Do I dare go alone?