Asylum (20 page)

            “What
did you do?” Chloe asked quietly.

            “Nothing. 
I mean, I just kind of sat there with my mouth hanging open.  I was scared for
like, a minute, but then I had this thought and my thought was, ‘wait a minute,
this thing, whatever it is, has the ability to pick up something sharp and use
enough force to carve its initials into the floor.’  Well, okay maybe not
carve
,
scratch would be a better word, but anyway, if it wanted to hurt me, it could
have just picked that tack up and like jammed it into my eye or something,
right? Or there were scissors laying there, why didn’t it use its force and jam
those into my neck?”

            Chloe
flinched at the suggestion.

            “It’s
because it doesn’t want to hurt me, or us, it wants to tell us something!” Sam
insisted.

            “Then
why does it just write ‘A.M.’? Why doesn’t it write its name, or, God forbid,
just write down what the heck it wants.  ‘Hello, I’m the ghost of a former
student that wants to know if the Bears made it to semi-finals this year, say
Hi to my mom for me!’” Chloe mimicked in mysterious tones.

            “I
don’t know,” Sam conceded.

            “I
do.  Because we’re making it up in our heads, we’re giving ourselves just
enough clues to keep us guessing, to make it seem real, and it’s not.  It’s…oh
what did they call it?  I don’t remember the term for it, but it means you’re
subconsciously keeping yourself sick!” Chloe said.

            “You
think that, really?  You think we’re both schitzos, and we just happened to
have been stuck together by room assignment?  You think it was me that wrote
all over the walls?” Sam demanded.

            “Maybe
it was me,” Chloe whispered.
            “I don’t believe that and neither do you!  Don’t leave me hanging
here, Clo.  This is going to keep happening until we figure out what it wants,
I believe that!  You want to move to a new dorm, get a new roommate, do you
just want out?  Tell me now!”

            “I
DON’T KNOW!” Chloe snapped, “I don’t know, I don’t know what to do.  I don’t
want to get stuck in a hospital again, I don’t want to be crazy anymore!”  Her
throat swelled and she could feel the heat behind her eyes.  Sam wrapped her
arms around Chloe’s shoulders, squeezed her in a quick, tight hug, and let go.

            “No
one’s going to make you go back there, okay?” Sam assured her, “this will stay
between us.  You’re my friend, hell you’re my only
real
friend.  Even in
high school, I never trusted a single one of those bitches I hung out with.  I
knew they’d talk about me the minute I left the room.  I always felt like they
were jealous of me and they really wanted to see me fuck up so they could all
talk about me.  You’re not like that! I trust you!  I tell you things I don’t
tell anyone else.  You’re my best friend, Clo.  So please, trust me.  If you
start trying to convince people that you’re Napoleon or that you have Hoffa’s
bones under your bed, I’ll smack you around until your head’s right, okay?”

            Chloe
swiped at her eyes and glanced up to see Sam watching her with a more determined
expression then her light voice had implied.  Trust her? 
Real
friends? 
She wanted to think so, she wanted a real friend that she could trust more than
just about anything.  Why must it be that she would have to sacrifice her
hard-earned mental health to get it?
 
It wasn’t fair. You couldn’t
dabble in crazy, it was either all in or a continual upstream struggle.  Or the
drugs, but on that one and only thing Chloe and her mother had agreed…no
drugs.  Sam was asking her to jump back into the scariest thing she had ever
had to deal with, and offering her friendship for it.  Chloe took a deep
breath.

            “I
saw it too,” she confessed.  “Today…this afternoon…I spilled some white-out and
it wrote A.M. in it, and…
help
.”

            Sam’s
eyes lit up instantly.

            “You
did? You did! Oh, my God! That’s…well, not cool, but that’s…well, that’s really
something!  We both saw the same message at different times.  What do you think
it is?  What do you think it means?”

            “I
don’t know, maybe the initials of someone’s name or something?” Chloe guessed.

            “Yeah,
that’s what I’m thinking too.  Now how do we find out whose?” Sam asked.

            “Jen
gave me a newspaper article she found about the fire that happened here, and a
guy did die in it.  I can’t remember what his name was, but I know that they
weren’t his initials.  There was a bunch of people mentioned in it though,
firemen and townspeople and stuff…I guess that’d be a good place to start.”
Chloe said.

            “She
did?  Let’s go now!” Sam said, jumping to her feet.

            “What
about--”

            “We’ve
got all semester, and you heard what Dr. Willard said, we could come anytime. 
Right now I think figuring out what the hell is in our bedroom is more
important.”

            Chloe
sighed and slammed the lid back on the box.  Sam was already gone.

            “So
I never got a chance to ask,” Sam said on the way back to the elevator, “What
was up with you and Seth?  I saw you guys walking out of the woods on my way to
class.”  Sam tried to look innocently inquisitive but she couldn’t keep the
smile off her face.

            “We
went for a walk,” Chloe shrugged.

            “Aaaaaaand?”

            “He
kissed me,” Chloe said matter-of-factly.  The elevator bell dinged and she got
on and stared upwards, examining the ceiling panel as if it held something of
great interest.  Sam followed and punched the button for the first floor.

            “And,
uhhh…how was that for you?” she asked.

            “It
was…geez Sam, I don’t know, it was alright,” Chloe mumbled.

            “Look
at you, getting all embarrassed because a guy kissed you!” Sam teased, “So just
a kiss?”

            “What
do you mean
just a kiss
?  Yes, alright? Yes, just a kiss!” Chloe could
feel her ears burning.

            “No
touchy-feely? Didn’t even try to slip you the tongue or anything?” Sam grinned
wickedly.

            “Oh
my God, Sam! No…well, okay, a little tongue, but that was it,” she admitted,
hoping Sam would be content.

            “Oh
no, Chloe…uh-oh, you’re not a…not…a
virgin
, are you?” Sam feigned mock
horror.

            The
elevator doors jerked open to reveal a crowd of students waiting to get on.  
Chloe glared at Sam with a look that plainly said, ’Shut it!’ before the two
struggled against the group of oncoming students and their book bags.  Gaining
the clearing beyond, she smacked Sam on the arm.

            “That’s
none of your business!” she said.  Sam laughed out loud and shoved her back.

            “Okay,
so you are, but I bet you a hundred dollars he’s not, and he is a guy so he’s
obviously thinking about it.  Is there some reason you haven’t yet, like you’re
waiting for marriage or something?” Sam asked.

            “No…yes…I
don’t know.  I mean it’s not like the opportunity ever presented itself.  In
high school I was the crazy girl who talked to herself.  I never really thought
about it,” Chloe admitted.

            “Well,
he is older and like I said, he is a guy, and at some point, probably sooner
rather than later, he’s going to expect it.  If I could offer some advice?” Sam
asked.

            Chloe
nodded her assent.

            “Well,
my thought is to think about what you’re going to say when it comes up, whether
it’s going to be yes or no and make sure you have reasons either way.  Too many
girls do it because they’re scared to say no, they think that if they don’t do
it, the guy won’t be interested in them anymore or they do it because they’re
just totally unprepared. The guy is all ready to go and the girl’s not really
sure and they just kind of cave to pressure.  You know what I mean?” Sam asked.

            “But
don’t you think that most of the time the guy really will lose interest if they
say “no”?” Chloe asked.

            “Yeah,”
Sam admitted without hesitation, “But that’s the reason I did it…the first
time.  I really liked the guy and I wanted him to keep liking me and be my
boyfriend so I slept with him and uhhhh…we broke up a month later because he
was sleeping with a friend of mine.”

            “Oh
that sucks,” Chloe comforted her.  Sam shrugged as they pushed open the main
doors of the library and continued towards the bus stop on the other side of
the square.  It was late.  The cement benches were empty and cold even to the
eye, and the fountain, at the center of the paved square, had already been
turned off.

            “Yeah
it sucked,” Sam agreed at last, “and not to sound trite, or like an after
school special or anything, but I guess that wasn’t a good reason to do it in
the first place.  I get the feeling that sex isn’t the key to keeping a guy, I
don’t know what the hell is, but I don’t think it’s sex.”

            “So
what…now you‘re going to be the sexless party girl until you find the guy
who‘ll give you your MRS degree?” Chloe asked.

            “No. 
I don’t think so.  I used to really enjoy sex, it was fun.  Then the whole
thing happened with Ethan, and well…I don’t know.  I think I just want to wait
until I’m in a relationship.  With someone I trust, someone that really likes
me.  Someone that would stick around even if I said ‘no’ the first time…and it
would help if he was going to be a doctor or lawyer and had a decent-sized
trust fund,” she added.

            Chloe
smirked and rolled her eyes.

            “So
what do you think I should say to him…if it…if it comes up, I mean,” Chloe
stammered.

             
Sam thought about it a minute.  Up ahead the bus was groaning to a stop at the
sign.  The girls ran the last couple of feet and jumped onto the steps.

            “Say
no the first time at least,” Sam advised, swinging her bag into a seat and
dropping down next to it, “Say no, and see if he sticks around.”

            Chloe
nodded, but Sam screwed up her lips and squinted her eyes, second-guessing
herself.

            “You
know what, Clo?  Scratch that.  Say whatever you think the right thing to say
is.  It’s got to be your call.  I’m just telling you what I would do,” she
amended.  “But just a thought?  The first time he tried to kiss you, you almost
gave yourself a concussion.  The first time he tries to…well, knowing you it
could be catastrophic.”

            The
bus lurched into motion and pulled away from the curb.  Around them, other
students looked grim and tired in the bus’s yellow light.  Some listened to
earphones or read from textbooks, others stared at black windows that seemed
only to reflect the scene inside.

            “He
offered to sleep in our room tonight,” Chloe said.

            “Ha!
I bet he did,” Sam grinned.

            “Ha,
ha, very funny.  I meant he offered to sleep in our room because he knows about
us being scared of the ghost.  He said he’d come down after ten, because he
wouldn’t want other people on the floor to get the wrong idea. He said he’d
sleep on the floor,”

            “And
you believe that?” Sam taunted.

            “Yeah,
I do.”

            “Yeah,
I guess I do to,” Sam admitted.  “I kind of get the feeling he may actually be
a good guy.  I can’t be sure, cause I haven’t met one before, but he just might
be.”

            The
bus rolled to a stop and the driver popped the door open expelling several
students into the night and gaining a few more.  Sam and Chloe swayed in their
seats as it roared back into action.

            “Do
you want him to stay in the room?” Sam asked.

            “Kind
of.  I’m scared, you know?  I just don’t want him to think…” she trailed off.

            “You
don’t want him to think you’re crazy,” Sam finished.

            “Exactly.”

            “So
we don’t tell him anything from now on, right?” Sam asked.

            “I
think that would be best,” Chloe decided, “He said that if we wanted to switch
rooms, we could.  He said that we could probably even stay together.  That lots
of freshmen drop out in the first semester and that we could wait a month or
two and put in a request to move to another dorm.”

            “Is
that what you want to do?” Sam asked.

            “I
guess we can wait and see how things go.  I want to stay near him, you know?”
Chloe said.

            “Yeah,
I know.”

            “And
I like the building, kind of.  It’s neat.  There’s a lot of…history there, and
it’s…well, it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Chloe asked.

            “Yeah,
sort of, in an Addams Family kind of way.  Did you see those pictures at the
library?” Sam said.