At Any Price (Gaming The System) (20 page)

With jerky movements I pulled on my clothes, trying to ignore the sinking sensation that made me wish the sea would rise up and swallow me here and now.

Had I done something wrong? Had I not responded to him the way he wanted? In my mind I retraced everything that led up to the moment where he’d stiffened and pulled away. Had I touched him in a place he didn’t like or—oh, God—had he been fantasizing about someone else? My hands shook with fury as I dressed.

***

What the hell was that? I couldn’t help but wonder. It wasn’t even ten o’clock when I checked the clock in my room—the guest room just down from his. His door was open, light off, so I assumed he wasn’t in his quarters.

What had made him react so strongly? Why that look of revulsion on his face? Was Adam screwed up about sex? Maybe he’d been abused as a child or teen. The thought turned my stomach but alleviated some of my anger. What if he couldn’t help it? But he’d obviously had sexual relationships with other women—at least one of whom I’d met, Lindsay. But maybe it was something about my being a virgin? Of course if that repelled him, why bid on the auction?

I paced in a tight circle for a while before deciding there was no way I could keep still. I slipped on my shorts and running shoes and headed down to the yacht’s little gym. Adam had showed it to me on my tour that afternoon—a room with a treadmill, elliptical machine, weights. I could use a nice long run to clear my head.

With my trusty mp3 player and earbuds in, I descended a deck and—after a couple wrong turns—finally found the room I was seeking. I had the light shining from the doorway to thank for being able to find it. So this was where he’d run to.

Undeterred, I queued my music to my running playlist and headed straight for the unoccupied treadmill. I caught a glimpse of him in the corner—in running shorts and a black tank top—at the pull-up bar. So I wasn’t the only one who had decided to burn off my sexual frustration with exercise.

His head jerked toward me just as I turned my back on him and mounted the treadmill.

I turned it on and quickly got my pace up, upping the speed probably faster than I should have. I wanted to burn off the energy as quickly as possible. Maybe, exhausted, I could find the courage to talk to him after that.

I was all-out sprinting—Christina Aguilera’s “Keeps Getting Better” pounding through my pulse—when he entered my line of vision, standing just in front of me and mouthing something, shaking his head sternly. I shook my head and looked down. He wanted to talk
now?
Hell no. He could wait. Just like I’d waited up on the top deck while he’d checked in on work.

He didn’t move when I refused to stop running or look at him. Then he reached out and turned off the treadmill. The safety mechanism kicked in and the slow was gradual. If I turned it on again, I’d only fall, because it would start with a much slower speed than the one at which I was running.

When it came to a stop I yanked out my earbuds. “What the hell was that?”

He scowled at me. “You’re going too fast. You didn’t even warm up.”

“I’ll thank you to keep your fucking nose out of my exercise routine.”

“I’m not going to sit back and watch you hurt yourself. You can really fuck yourself up that way.”

“Well, maybe I’m pissed off and I need a good run.”

“Then at least do it properly.”

Heath had told me that Adam was once a runner—probably still was—but that didn’t give him the right to butt in.

I got off the treadmill and was about to walk off—wishing I had my computer and an Internet connection so I could log on to the game and go hack a few hundred orcs. “Emilia.”

I spun on him, face burning.
“What?
”

“You aren’t ready.”

I knew he wasn’t talking about running now. I stiffened. “And who are
you
to determine that? It’s
my
decision. My body. I’m twenty-two years old, for chrissakes. I could go out tomorrow with anyone and—”

“No, you can’t,” he said flatly, hands curling at his sides.

I shook my head. “There’s no agreement if
you
refuse to go through with it.”

“Oh? So you’ve just decided to do away with our impending bank transfer?”

I swallowed in a tight throat. I
needed
that money, goddamn it. I shrugged. “Who says you were ever planning to pay me, anyway?”

His jaw bulged. “I never back out of my agreements.”

I shook my head. “I can’t take this. I opened up to you. You asked me to be honest and I was and now…” I gestured wildly. “It’s like you’re punishing me because I told you about my past.”

He approached me, reaching out to touch my cheek. I closed my eyes and jerked my head away from his hand. “Emilia. Look at me.”

I opened my eyes.

“If I didn’t care about you as a person, I wouldn’t give a shit. I’d just do it. But I’m not convinced that it won’t somehow harm you. I’d never forgive myself.

I folded my arms across my chest. “So if not now, when? Never? Adam, I need that money.”

He tilted his head, studying me. “You haven’t even applied to med school yet.”

I glanced away. Could I afford to tell him the real reason? The ranch was literally in trouble. It sounded like a cheesy ‘80s movie plot, but if my mom lost her ranch and the bed-and-breakfast that went along with it, she’d lose her livelihood. And if that happened, there’d be no more cancer therapy. I’d just opened up to him about my personal life, and he’d taken the decision out of my hands. I couldn’t trust him not to do the same if I told him why I really needed the money now.

“I don’t have the whole story, I take it. Why do you need the money?”

I stiffened. “Why should I tell you? So you can use it against me?”

Those midnight eyes were hard. Stern. I lifted my chin, staring him down. Did I have any choice but to go along with his decisions? I let out a slow breath.

His gaze didn’t waver as he watched me intently. “You thought you were the one in control. Now you’re realizing that’s no longer the case.”

I exhaled suddenly, as if he’d just punched me. “I was never in control, was I? You just let me think I was. I’ve always considered myself a smart person—smart enough to get a scholarship and get the grades for medical school, but I’m not a prodigy genius and I’m not going to exhaust myself trying to outthink you. Am I just some little toy to play with until you get bored again?”

He blinked, his arms tensed. “No.”

“Because that’s your problem, you know. You’re bored. You’re
empty.
All you do is work. You surround yourself with every costly toy imaginable and keep people at a distance. Does anyone love you? Do you love anyone?”

I don’t know if it was my imagination, but he seemed to grow a shade paler. He shifted his weight and ran a hand through his dark hair. But I turned and ran back to my room. I didn’t want to do this anymore.

He caught me just outside the door to my room, wrapped his hand around my upper arm and pulled me around to face him.

His mouth found mine and though I was still angry, I let him kiss me. His arms came around me and pulled me tight against him. When we came apart, his breath was harsh and his voice was dark, husky. “One more night, Emilia.”

I said nothing, looking into his eyes. I put my hands up to push away from him and he tightened his grip on my waist. “Please.”

I took a deep breath. “I need something—some kind of—We can’t just keep doing this.”

He tipped his head down to rest his forehead against mine. His eyes squeezed tight and then opened again. My throat tightened at the determination in his eyes. “One more night. I’ll transfer half the money to you on Monday.”

I shivered. When I spoke, it was with a shaky voice. “Okay…” I hesitated. “If you still want me.”

He slowly released me, stepping back. He took a deep breath, his right hand closing into a fist. “Were you in any doubt until I stopped it?”

I shook my head.

“Then don’t allow yourself to think otherwise. I want you. Very much.”

My heart thudded in my throat. He wanted me—for one night. And then what? For the first time since entering into this entire sordid scheme, I was beginning to think I’d made a very, very bad decision. With my strict rules, my frenzied grasps at control, I’d boxed myself into an impossible situation, because my feelings for him were starting to grow too big for just one night. Just one more night.

He stepped forward to land a chaste kiss on my cheek. “Good night.” Then he turned down the hallway and disappeared into his quarters.

It hurt to breathe. And exhausted, I dropped onto my bed, curled into a ball and slept.

***

The next morning, when I woke, we were safely docked at the slip on Bay Island, nestled against Adam’s house. We had a brief, understated breakfast sitting in his kitchen, snacking on fresh fruit and warm crepes prepared by Chef.

He glanced at me several times but I remained mostly quiet, still feeling awkward and completely in the dark about what had happened between us the night before.

“Do you have plans for later?” he finally said.

I shrugged. “Apparently I’m at your disposal.”

“No, I mean for dinner. Just dinner.”

“Tonight?”

I thought for a moment. I didn’t have to be back at work until tomorrow’s late shift. I hadn’t had a chance to call Heath back, but I could take care of that this afternoon.

“I have to work on my blog posts for the week.”

“It’s just for a few hours.”

I sighed. “Not if I have to spend an hour or two getting ready.”

“Oh, no, it’s not that kind of dinner. It’s a family thing at my uncle’s house. Barbecue.” I shot a glance at him out of the corners of my eyes. A family thing? Had I heard that right? Suddenly that old beast, curiosity, seized me by the throat and wouldn’t let go.

“Okay.”

He drove me home and, as always, walked me to the door, carrying my bag. I entered and noticed a sudden movement near my couch. Startled, I screamed.

Adam darted inside past me, pushing me behind him.

“What the—” Heath jerked up from the couch to a standing position. “Fuck. Way to scare the shit out of me.”

I breathed a huge sigh of relief and then started laughing. “Heath, what are you doing here?”

“You vanished. I came over here to try to track you down.”

Heath and Adam exchanged manly nods of greeting. “Drake.”

“Bowman.”

Heath turned back to me with the strangest look on his face. “You been gone all weekend?”

I glanced at Adam, “More or less.”

“Ah. Okay.”

Adam shifted, obviously sensing the awkward moment. “I’ll get going, then.” He turned and landed a kiss on my cheek, handing me my bag. “See you at six.”

Heath stared at the door with narrowed eyes and an open mouth for almost a minute after Adam shut the door.

I began. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your message. When I got in on Friday night it was too late to call and then I totally forgot on Saturday morning because I woke up late and was busy running around getting ready.”

Heath, still staring at the door, shook his head and blinked. “Mind telling me what the hell is going on?”

I dropped my bag on a nearby chair and moved over to the fridge in the corner of the studio that served as a teeny tiny kitchen. “Want some water? I think I have a Dr. Pepper.”

“I’m fine. I bought a coffee on the way over here. I know better than to come over here and expect anything to be in the fridge.”

“Why are you here?”

Heath’s face fell. “Because I was fucking
worried.
Your mom keeps calling me because she can’t get a hold of you and it’s driving me bananas and what the fuck is going on between you and Drake?”

My head spun—all of that had shot out of his mouth in less than ten seconds and I was still trying to process it. “I have a cell phone. I don’t have any numbers punched into it.” I pulled it out and handed it to him. “Can you put your number in there? And I’ll call you so you’ll have—”

“Where’d you get this? This is the brand new Galaxy. People are on waiting lists for these.”

“Adam gave it to me.”

Heath shot me a pointed look, then focused on putting his number into the phone. Then he dialed the number, letting it ring his cell once and hanging up.

“So are you two banging yet or what?”

I took the phone back from him, pressing my lips together. “Or what.”

“What’s his deal? Can’t he get it up? You spent the entire weekend with him and he didn’t get busy?”

I took a deep breath. “Friday we couldn’t. The boat wasn’t there. So we went on an overnight trip last night and…”

“
And?
”

“And nothing.”

“Shit. I
knew
he was gay.”

“What? No…no, he’s not gay.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m not going to go into details. I just know.”

“Then what?”

“Things just keep getting in the way and then last night…” I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water and took a long sip.

“What happened last night?”

“We spent the day together—had a terrific time. And yesterday before dinner we were talking in the Jacuzzi. He asked me about what happened to me in high school.”

Heath’s frowned. “How much did you tell him?”

I shrugged. “Everything. It was easier to tell him than I thought. It just all came out.”

“Okay so what does that have to do with not—” Then his face flushed and he grimaced. “Oh I get it. He doesn’t want to touch you now because you’re damaged goods?”

“What? No. No. I think it freaked him out for the opposite reason. He said he wasn’t sure I was ready. He said he wouldn’t forgive himself if I freaked out about it.”

“Are you sure he’s not just procrastinating? Maybe it’s an excuse not to pay you.”

I shrugged. “I really don’t think that’s it. I just don’t know.”

Heath shook his head. “Are you two dating or something? He’s picking you up at six?”

“It’s a family barbecue.”

Heath cursed.

“What?” I said.

“He’s playing you, Mia. This was a deal for one night. Now he’s treating you like his own personal call girl.”