Atonement (16 page)

“Reese, I don’t understand. What…what are you saying?” He was holding me tight with his hands on my arms.

“It’s a complicated story Tate, one that will shock you. It shocked me! But I need for you to hear it.”

I started the story, and I told him
everything
, even the intimate times John and I had, although I left some details out. I wanted him to be completely informed, but I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than was necessary. I suddenly realized he may not want me after this, but at least everything would be out in the open. I even told him how I had spent time with John after he left the beach last year, and what all he had done for us, but that I remained completely faithful then. His expressions changed like the wind with each new detail.

Tate was pacing in no time, running his hands through his hair. He was angry and crying at the same time. After I told him about the conversation with John and Lauren I had overheard in the lounge here at the hospital, he stopped in his tracks. Then his eyes flicked a painful, but extremely scary expression.

“John…He started all of this shit Reese? He took you away from me. You believed everything, hook line and sinker. You wanted to bury me, and forget all that we had been through? All the love we shared? But, you know the truth now, and you’re still wearing his ring!”

“No Tate, I came here to tell you I’m not with John anymore. I’m going to let him know when I leave…”

Before I could say anything else, he ran out the door. My shoes seemed stuck to the tile floor. I was scared for what that meant. I knew he was upset, and now I worried he was out to find John and Lauren. I knew he might cuss Lauren out and for that I was glad, but I was really worried what it would mean for John. Thoughts of what happened with Carter flashed in my head. I was suddenly terrified.

fter a few seconds of catching my breath, I ran after him, but he was nowhere to be found. I called John but didn’t get an answer. I called Elle, and she was worried too. I begged her to have Finn call Tate to calm him down. In the meantime I ran off to find them both. I asked Mr. Kline if he knew where John was. He said he thought he was on the yacht. Oh no! I needed to get to John before Tate did. I was upset with him, but I didn’t want him physically hurt.

Mr. Kline rushed me to the yacht, and I ran down the docks onto the yacht, calling John’s name. He came out with a phone in his hand which he abruptly hung up. “Reese, what is it? Are you okay? Are you hurt? What’s happening? He scooped me up in a hug. It took me a second to realize what was happening, but once I did, I pushed him away. With a confused look he said “Reese, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“John, something happened alright. Something happened last summer.” He looked confused. Then a smile swept across his face.

“Of course it did, I fell in love with you. I decided then and there that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” John started inching closer to me.

I backed up. “You call it love, I call it desperate infatuation…I still don’t get it either, you could have anyone. You’re gorgeous John, charming, and of course rich. Why were you fixated on…me?” This time I stepped closer to him as well, not letting him answer yet. “You decided to run my life, and interfere with my future, didn’t you? I heard you John. I heard what you did by getting Lauren involved. You were hoping you would be rid of Tate, and I would be free to take. Did you even care how much I would get hurt John? Because I HAVE! My heart was ripped out and trampled on! In fact, I told you, you may think you love me, but I don’t have a big enough heart to really love you back. It was stolen from me. You destroyed it when you manipulated my life.” I was crying now, and talking between sobs. His expression quickly became one of devastation. His blue eyes were full of pain and fear.

“Reese, what…what are you talking about? I love you…I love you so much! I would do anything,
anything
for you. I need you to be my future. You know that. I…”

“You what John…you would jeopardize everything to get me? I’m not worth it, and neither are you. I fell into your trap…I became so intimate with you. It was all a lie. A few more seconds here and there, and you would have had all of me John…”

“The hell he would have…” my body froze. Oh my, Tate!

“Tate,” I was breathless. “Please, just leave. I can handle this. I don’t want you to fight with John…please!” I was begging Tate with my eyes, my voice was shaking.

“Reese, he knows what he’s done. He knows what he deserves.” Tate seethed every word he spoke. “I can’t look at him without knowing where his mouth has been, and his
hands. Oh God…” Tate was beside himself. I know he was picturing John and me making out…probably right here on this yacht.

“Reese,” John said “I love you more than my life. I can make you happy. I didn’t know of any other way for you to leave Tate. He isn’t what you need. Please tell me you know that by now. I might have asked Lauren to help me out, but she already wanted him, and he wasn’t altogether truthful either. He didn’t even tell you he was being scouted.” This was true, but Tate had said it was all because he was afraid it would make me upset if I knew, and he wasn’t sure it was even what he wanted. My breathing was erratic, my heartbeat racing. I was so worried about what might happen in the next few minutes.

“Do you hear him Reese? We had an amazing life and he came along with the intent to screw it up. He wants you, of course he does. You’re beautiful, kind and smart. But you were mine Reese. I wanted you to be mine forever. He decided it was his fate to change that. Maybe I can’t compete with his money Reese. I never thought that mattered to you. I get it if that’s what this is about. But…Ahhh! Reese, why did you do all of those things with him? Lauren tried to kiss me, and I always turned away or pushed her off. You nearly had sex with him.” Tate was hurt and furious. “I should kill you.” He said looking at John with hatred in his eyes as he took a step closer.

I stepped in between them both. “Stop it both of you…Please.” I looked at Tate, “after what happened with Carter, I can’t believe you’re doing this?” I said, begging Tate with my fearful eyes locked on his.

“This is different Reese. He changed the course of our relationship…of us! How can you protect him? Do you love him
Reese? Is that why?” He was red in the face…I think he was beside himself with questions.

I didn’t answer right away, and Tate threw his hands in the air. John never took his eyes from me. I wanted to be out of here, away from this drama. “Tate, I love you more. I’m furious with John for trying to run my life…he is important to me. But I love you! I’ve missed you!” I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Deep down, Tate was my soul mate. I knew it. But he was hurt and pissed now.

There was a long, aching pause. “Reese, you just answered my question. I love you so much, but I would have to have all of you.” Turning to John he said, “I guess you get her man…Ahhh” He hollered in the air. “I guess I’m the stupid one. I fell in love with you, heart and soul. I should have known someone like you Reese, someone smart and beautiful, was not my type. I need someone who doesn’t draw the attention of every guy in the room. You were too much for me. I knew it, but I loved you to the ends of the earth. I may never love like that again, but at least I can say I have.” His words were breaking my heart. “The thought of you with him,” he was staring at John, “it makes me SICK,” he seethed, “but it also breaks my heart. I’m…I’m out of here.”

I froze in place for a few moments. Then when Tate was gone, John walked over to me. “Reese, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t know you heard Lauren and me. I let it get out of control, I did. I just wanted you so badly. I knew we could be amazing together. You didn’t care about my money, and I love you…really love you. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry you hurt so much, but I knew you would get over him. Especially, once I had a
chance to show you the world, and take care of you.” John was begging me.

“John, I have so many things to say to you right now. For one, you totally betrayed me, even more than Tate. You deliberately and thoughtlessly found ways to make me change my course. You made me believe things that were false. I started to fall for you.” His eyes widened and his breathing sped up. “You were so good to me…at least I thought you were. But, anyone who can watch me suffering and not help doesn’t ultimately have my best interests. I…I’m done with you both. I want to be alone, on my own for a while. I’m in school anyhow, I need my own identity. John, you know no relationship can be built on lies. I really thought you were genuine.” His eyes were full of tears. “But I guess you were too busy manipulating Elle and me, and Lauren for that matter, to be genuine. Goodbye John.” I turned around and was leaving. John hollered my name.

“Reese, please give me another chance. I love you and I need you. You are all I ever wanted. I was just hoping you would have seen it on your own, but you wouldn’t even try while Tate was in the picture. I’m sorry for how I handled everything. I guess I’m a little spoiled, but it was for both of us.” He was begging again. Coming up behind me he put his arms around my waist. I flinched, but he started to kiss my neck. I almost turned to him, he felt and smelled so good. But in the end, I held strong and kept facing the opposite direction.

“John, I need you to move on.” I slipped the ring off, placing it in his hands. He gasped and let out a painful, mournful moan. I took off quickly. There was no way I was looking back…surprisingly he didn’t chase me either.

I didn’t want Mr. Kline to take me to the hotel. He was most likely confused when I walked right past the big, black town car. I walked to the boardwalk and summoned a cab. I was actually relieved to be handling my transportation on my own. Part of me felt light to be on my own totally, no Tate and no John. I was sad, but there was a small part of me that was completely and utterly inspired. I tried not to overthink all that had happened on my drive to the hotel. I would move on, single. I needed this. I needed to have my own identity, no guys at all. A sudden thought flashed in my head. I had tried this last summer when I had broken up with Tate. John had come in to the picture entirely unexpected then. Could I manage to keep away from guys completely, I wondered? But, I was willing to try. I needed to know that I could survive on my own without one.

I filled my friends in on what had transpired. They were proud of me. They understood my need to make a clean break. Although never telling me who they thought I should have chosen, I guess in the long run I was thankful for that. It hurt…it hurt like hell. I kept imagining Tate and John both with someone that made them happy, and of course in my images, it wasn’t me. Who would be their everything? Who would hold their hand, gingerly kiss their lips, breathe warm, soft strokes on their necks. Ahhh! I couldn’t think about it. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt, whoever it was would be damn lucky.

I was determined to enjoy the rest of my trip, and find a way to actually
be
single for a while. I hadn’t really done that since early in high school. This should be interesting. I called my parents and filled them in on what was happening with me. Sometimes I hesitated though, thinking back to every time I updated my mom about Tate and me, Carter’s mom,
Lisa always found out. Facebook could be too telling, and she still had some contact with my mom, and with their circle of friends. Ugh! I really can’t worry about anyone with Tate. It wouldn’t be fair to me or to him to think about who he might be with eventually. I was secretly praying baseball would be fulfilling enough for his life right now. I was planning to make school enough for me…at least I was praying that would fill my void, and my aching heart.

I filled my mom and dad in on the past few days. They were going to send a care package to George, Tate’s Dad, at the hospital. My dad was actually encouraging me to stay single for a while and enjoy being a college student. My mom, on the other hand, always the romantic, said I should forgive Tate, and pray he forgives me as well. She still thinks we will be in each other’s futures. I know sometimes parents have a sixth sense for their children, but I’m thinking this time hers is way off.