Atonement (The Atonement Series) (12 page)

“Sorry. I felt bad about what happened and I came in here after we had our first fight. I wanted to talk to you but you were sleep so I just crawled next to you and watched you sleep. Before I knew it, I was sleep too. I didn’t try anything, I swear,” he replied, the sleep in his voice still palpable.

“I didn’t think you had.” I ran my hands through my tousled hair before I lay down. “You can get underneath the covers you know. We are both adults and well over the age of twenty-one. I have no false illusions you are going to attack me just because we are sharing the same bed. You sleep on your side and I’ll sleep on mine.”

Colin slipped underneath the covers in a weary manner before he turned toward me and stared at me with those blue eyes of his which could make that twisted knife in my heart melt. “Listen, I’m sorry. You’re right. I need to stop hiding as much as you needed to and I am scared of failure. I’m so terrified I will never live up to Liam and it just…it’s overwhelming sometimes. You have no idea what it’s like to live in his shadow because he has always been so awesome and I have been so…goddamn ordinary.”

I slipped on the lamp next to my bed. It carried a low-watt lighting throughout the room, soothing rather than garish. “Listen, I may not have had to live up to an older sibling but I have had Caitlyn and let me tell you something about my perfect blonde sister. She did everything right and I couldn’t ever do anything she did. I hated the comparison. It’s probably why I wouldn’t work for Amazon if they were the only company in Seattle. I’d never measure up because everyone would always compare me to Cait and I don’t want that shit.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I certainly don’t have your issues because I know Cait and she is far from perfect. She watches her weight like a hawk because she is prone to weight gain and I can eat anything I want. She’s gorgeous but she suffers from self-esteem issues too. I know she secretly feels a bit jealous against me and not because of my ‘exotic’ beauty or anything petty like that. She hates she didn’t have it in herself to defy our parents’ and live her life the way she wanted to.”

Colin scooted closer in the bed though he lay on his side. “What do you mean?”

“Caitlyn was accepted at Stanford University but what she didn’t tell our parents was she’d also applied to Cambridge too. They took one look at her transcripts, all the volunteer work she did and it certainly didn’t hurt she was a British citizen and they accepted her immediately. I remember the look on her face when she received the paperwork.”

My smile disappeared. “She never showed it to our parents because she didn’t want to give them the chance to say no. Jeanette hates England. Granted it’s the country of her birth…along with Wales and Scotland…but she would never want Cait to go. She would have said no on principle alone. No way was England claiming her only daughter. Jeanette was afraid maybe she might like it there and not come back.”

He touched my cheek and caressed it with his left hand. “Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are and I can be such a fucking dick. I know you have experiences with sibling rivalry too but at least yours was healthy. You see, I was the favorite—between both our parents’—and Liam thought he had to work twice as hard to impress them. That is why he’s so driven and I don’t blame him but I know I can’t be like him and if I am perfectly honest with myself, I don’t want to be.”

I slipped Colin’s hand between my own hands and closed them over his. “Then you don’t have to be and starting your own business is not going to make you in competition with your brother. Think about it as a way to start your life. You are turning over a new leaf. You are declaring this is your life and you will live it however you want to. At least try…can you promise me that?”

Our bodies touched lightly before I felt his warm thigh ride between my own. “Promise me something: if I do this, will you at least give me a chance?”

I smiled again. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in case it’s escaped you, I haven’t brought another chick here since you’ve been staying at my place and I’m not bragging but I do possess a rather high sex drive. To be honest, I don’t want to sleep with anyone else except you. I know that sounds cheesy because we haven’t even known one another for a week but…there’s just something about you. And no, it’s not your vulnerability—it’s your strength.

“Around you, I feel like a better human being and you make me want to strive for better. I seriously have fucked off this restaurant idea so many times but only when you suggested it did I give it real serious thought. I want you in the worse way and surely you want me to.”

It happened before I could stop it but his lips found mine and I allowed the kiss, so sweet and tender to turn more torrid and explicit. His tongue touched mine and it felt like a thunderstorm raged in my stomach.

I pulled back abruptly. “I won’t say no but you have to know I don’t do one night stands and I sure as hell don’t do insta-love. I am not going to be exclaiming I love you by next week because I know I don’t. Relationships are like plants. They need room and sustenance to grow and expand. If you’re willing to put in the work then we can talk about taking this to the next level.”

Colin lay on his back and placed his arms behind his head for leverage. “Can you blame me? Women don’t quite seem to know what they want nowadays and I would desperately like to save you from the clutches of my brother. He may not be relationship material but that’s not to say he might not try to take you for a test drive.”

I laughed as I turned over to my side away from him. “Don’t worry about me, sweetie. I may look delicate but I can handle a horn dog like your brother.”

My mind danced along the edges of sleep again when I heard him murmur, “I wouldn’t be too sure of anything if I were you.”

ALTHOUGH OUR GET
-
TOGETHER
was supposed to take place originally at the townhouse I shared with Drew, the location quickly changed to O’Shaughnessy’s. Liam couldn’t hold water and what was supposed to be a small intimate get together with friends wishing us well on our trip to Europe turned out to be a no-holds barred mega party with plenty of people I didn’t know.

Half the uConnect office turned up along with Liam, Drew, Colin, Caitlyn and Aubrey who had taken the night off from Bare to celebrate with us. Alcohol flowed as easily as water and unfortunately, my food intake didn’t keep up with the endless mojitos I found myself enjoying.

The celebration was in full swing but two hours into it, my head began to spin and I quietly wandered outside to get some air. I took deep breaths and knew if I stopped drinking, I would be all right for the time being and probably wouldn’t end up puking either.

I pulled out my Android to call a taxi as Liam walked out with a friend. He kissed her cheek and bid her farewell as she climbed into her car and drove off shortly. I prayed he wouldn’t see me but unfortunately, he turned my way and smiled.

“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your last couple of days here in the States before you take off for Europe?” he greeted as he walked over to me.

“I don’t feel all that great. I drank too much and seriously, all I can think about is going back to Colin’s. I was going to call a cab. Can you tell him I left?”

“Nonsense! I barely drank much, I can take you back to his condo. Come on.”

My mind kept repeating this was not a good idea. In fact in the shitty world of bad ideas, this was right up there with the experimentation of acid and bungee jumping as far as I was concerned. I should have stuck to my original idea of a cab.

I followed Liam, albeit reluctantly, to his late-model black BMW X6, and I seriously questioned my sanity. I could have asked any number of people to take me home, including Caitlyn, Drew or even Colin who hadn’t seemed too drunk.

Liam was dangerous. Walking sex on a stick dangerous because he was not only my new boss but he was Colin’s brother and I had to admit I did find Colin attractive and I liked him a lot. Too much to sully what we had with easy sex and something that would eventually end up a “friends with benefits” type of arrangement because he wouldn’t be able to take me seriously.

At the same time, I was also a woman. A woman with sexual needs who hadn’t gotten laid in a while and I wanted to desperately. I wanted to be sated so I wouldn’t go on this trip to Europe a total over-hormonal bitch who would act like a complete and utter basket case because I hadn’t bothered to get laid before boarding a flight to another continent.

And there was that dangerous part of me who, like Aubrey, liked to live life on the wild side. Most of the time, she was hidden from the world but she questioned me that night. There was no guarantee Colin and I would end up in a relationship and no matter what happened between Liam and I, it would just be a one night stand and that would be it. No strings, no love, no feelings—just pure sex because that is what people our age did to blow off steam and show we were attracted to someone without them necessarily becoming a spouse, life partner or the parent of our potential children.

All this raced through my mind and by the time Liam pulled up to the building and he parked in his designated spot, he looked over at me. “Hey. You wanna come up to my place? I don’t think you have ever seen it and it has a great view. I could make you a cup of coffee before you go back to Colin’s all on your own.”

Oh the man was smooth but he also seemed sincere and I had no real reason to doubt he didn’t care about my well being.

“Sure, that would be great,” I replied before I smiled shyly.

We stepped out and walked into the large condominium complex before we boarded the elevators up to his floor. His was located several floors higher than Colin’s but that wasn’t the only difference between his place and where I was staying with his brother.

Liam’s home looked like it had been designed for an episode of MTV’s defunct show,
Cribs
. The place was amazing. Everything was high tech and instead of a proper second bedroom, it was a playroom with a pool table, a dope computer system and a mini-bar. He gave me the complete tour and afterwards, I felt dizzy from everything he’d showed me in such a blasé fashion as opposed to from one too many mojitos.

“What do you think?” Liam inquired as he strode closer to me and invaded my personal space. “It’s a bit swankier and less sterile than my brother’s pad but it’s still pretty cool, right?”

I stared into those gorgeous sky blue eyes of his and smiled. “Yes, it’s very nice.”

He slid his hands around my waist and held me close to him. I could smell the faint scent of his cologne, Armani Code Ultimate, a sensuous and sexy fragrance that seductively teased my nostrils. “You know what is even better than all this crap I’ve filled my condo with to impress the ladies and my boys?”

“I wouldn’t have a clue,” I remarked in a sarcastic tone.

“You. Holding your body like this and having you so very close to me.” He sighed despondently. “It’s a damn shame you are so in lust with my brother because I would take you in a heartbeat but since that isn’t a possibility…how about one night? It could be our little secret. No one else has to know and as far as everyone is concerned, I dropped you off and you went to bed,” he explained in a calm and fluid voice which drove me over the brink.

“Is this a yes or no question?” I wondered out loud.

“Not particularly, no. I usually want what I want and I am hoping you will acquiesce. I wouldn’t force myself on you but you must feel what exists between us. I haven’t been alone in imagining your attraction for me.”