Attack of the Ninja Kittens! (7 page)

mumbled Butch.

‘Anyway, I would like to propose a little exchange,’ said Princess Puss. ‘Lady Fluffkins for the brute, and I promise to imprison the empress in a diamond tower where she
won’t be a nuisance to anyone.’

‘And I suppose
you’ll
rule the galaxy in her place,’ growled Rocket.

‘Naturally,’ purred the cat. ‘But I have no interest in your planet.’

‘Why should we trust you?’ Rocket demanded, jumping up to the hub so his head drew level with the screen. ‘How do we know you won’t just keep us here and order the feline
forces to invade Earth?’

‘Because it’s entirely the wrong colour,’ hissed the cat. ‘Earth is blue, and I only like things that are pink. PINK! PINK! PINK!’ she squealed, slamming her paws
on the armrests of her throne.

‘And if we don’t agree to the exchange?’ asked Rocket.

‘Then I will set you all to work in my diamond mines,’ sniffed Puss.

The captain glanced at his crew while he considered their position, then he flattened his ears and turned back to the screen. ‘Where do you want the exchange to take place?’ he
growled.

Princess Puss gave the captain directions to a place called Magenta Forest and then abruptly ended the transmission. When the screen went blank, Rocket hopped down to discuss the situation in a
huddle with the Spacemutts.

Meanwhile, in the cat basket on the transportation deck, Lady Fluffkins’ snores were becoming snorts and snuffles as she slowly began to wake.

Spiky Ninja Kittens

‘I trust Princess Puss about as much as I trust Lady Fluffkins,’ said Rocket. ‘She’s a cat first and foremost, which means she’s probably lying
through her whiskers.’

Poppy and Butch nodded in agreement.

‘But we’re not leaving this planet without Duke,’ the captain added firmly. ‘There’s a family waiting for him back on Earth, and I want to see that big dog settled
in a happy home.’

‘We can’t hand over the empress,’ said Poppy.

‘And the pink pompom is expecting a swap,’ said Butch.

‘What a pickle you’re in!’ hissed a voice from the transportation deck.

The Spacemutts turned to see two green eyes glaring at them through the bars of the cat basket. Lady Fluffkins was picking her teeth with a long, sharp claw and grinning at captors.

‘What we need is a decoy to trade in her place!’ said Rocket, ignoring the empress to focus on the problem at hand. ‘Princess Puss said she hasn’t seen her sister since
they were kittens, so she probably won’t remember exactly what she looks like . . .’

‘A decoy!’ scoffed Fluffkins. ‘HA! HA! HA!’

‘What’s so funny?’ barked Poppy.

‘My sister may not be very bright,’ said the Persian, looking very pleased with herself, ‘but I’m fairly certain she knows I’m not a fleabag dog, and I don’t
see any other cats around here.’

‘There is
one
other cat aboard this ship,’ said Rocket, bounding on to the deck. He nudged Baldy out from his hiding place behind the cat basket and frowned. ‘He’s
about the right size too.’

‘HA! HA! HA!’ laughed the empress, looking the hairless servant up and down with a sour expression on her furry face. ‘I know dogs are stupid, but even
you
must have
spotted a tiny flaw in your plan.’

‘Not really,’ said the captain, returning to his crew.

Rocket exchanged a few words with the Spacemutts, who nodded and looked from Lady Fluffkins to Baldy and back again. Then Poppy and Butch tried their best not to smirk as the captain trotted
away to the rear of the ship.

Inside the maximum-security cat basket, the evil empress knew something was going on and narrowed her eyes at Baldy. The quivering servant had seen this look before – it meant whatever was
about to happen would be entirely his fault.

When Rocket returned he had something shiny in his mouth. The empress couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but when Poppy and Butch took up positions on either side of the basket and
opened the cage door, she backed into the corner with her hackles up and hissed loudly.

Lady Fluffkins’ hiss was quickly drowned out by an even louder BUZZ as Rocket flicked on the doggy hair-clippers and poked his head through the wicker archway.

‘You’ll never get away with this!’ spat the empress, eyes glowering from the shadows of her wicker prison as the Spacemutts prepared a newly fluffy Baldy for
the hostage exchange. ‘I’ll have you all stuffed and mounted on the wall of my kitty-litter room!’

Lady Fluffkins had been delivering a steady stream of threats while the dogs gathered up tufts of her fur and stuck them on to Baldy’s skinny body, though her vanity kept the empress
hidden in the shadows.