Atticus Claw Lends a Paw (13 page)

18

Inspector Cheddar opened one eye. He looked about. He was in a dingy cellar full of cobwebs. He opened the other eye and tried to sit up. ‘Ouch!’ He retrieved two hairpins from his backside and tried again.

Where was he?
More to the point,
Who was he? What time was it? What YEAR WAS IT??
Inspector Cheddar couldn’t remember a thing. He glanced at his clothes: a djellaba, a turban, some sandals. He felt in his pockets. A few quill pens and a bit of papyrus. He was an Ancient Egyptian.
But what did he do? What was his name?
A crack of light was coming from under the door. Inspector Cheddar pushed it open with a creak and started looking round for clues.

His eye was drawn to the hieroglyphs on the wall. There was a cat, a handsome, wise-looking tabby cat with four white socks and a blue and green headdress. Inspector Cheddar thought he’d seen that cat before. He traced the hieroglyphs with his fingers. Yes, it was all coming back to him now. The cat was the mighty ruler of Nebu-Mau: the cat pharaoh, Cattypuss the Great. Other hieroglyphs showed people coming from far and wide to worship him, bringing gifts and kneeling at his feet. Inspector Cheddar gave a cry of joy.
That was it!
He had come from afar to worship Cattypuss the Great: to offer himself up as his slave. He wished he had some prawns with him. He let himself out of the dungeon and trotted off towards the pyramid.

Atticus entered the pyramid with the Tuckers, the kids and Mrs Cheddar.

They made their way through the torch-lit passageways. Atticus felt calm. He knew the way. The others followed in silence. They entered the antechamber.

‘Atticus!’ Mimi cried. ‘I knew you’d come!’

‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ Even the magpies were glad to see him!

‘Mimi!’ Atticus ran to her while Mrs Tucker went to rescue Professor Verry-Clever. Atticus flicked out his claws. It only took seconds for the world’s greatest ex-cat burglar to free Mimi from the iron chain.

‘Don’t forget your old friends!’ Thug pleaded.

‘Let us out too!’ Slasher begged.

Atticus hesitated. He didn’t trust the magpies, but he didn’t really want Biscuit to munch them either. They should face justice like any other criminal. He wondered where Inspector Cheddar was. He hoped he would come soon and arrest everyone. ‘Maybe later,’ he growled.

He turned to face the tomb. Mrs Tucker had untied Professor Verry-Clever. The Professor stood beside Atticus, Howard Toffly’s book in his hand. His face was white. ‘This is history in the making!’ he whispered, giving Atticus a pat. ‘Good luck, Atticus.’

‘Are you sure you want to go through with this, Atticus?’ Mrs Tucker asked.

Squeak
…
squeak
…
squeak.

They turned.

‘Of course he’s sure, Velk!’ Zenia Klob marched into the antechamber. She had on her 1920s
tomb-raider
’s costume: green khaki hat, green khaki jacket, green khaki shorts, green khaki knickers (although luckily you couldn’t see those) and a pistol loaded with hairpins at her belt. ‘Don’t think I von’t use it.’ She took it out and waved it at Mrs Tucker.

The Tofflys stood behind her threateningly. Lord Toffly was very red in the face. His moustache shone with sweat. He had put his thickest tweed suit on for the occasion and it was very hot and itchy. He was armed with a set of dessertspoons. Lady Toffly had polished her teeth with Spoonbright. They shone yellow in the torchlight. She wore a T-shirt that said ‘Tofflys’ Treasure Trip’, which she’d had printed specially in Cairo, and carried a sack to put the goodies in.

Biscuit pushed past them into the antechamber.

‘Claw,’ he hissed.

‘Biscuit,’ Atticus hissed back.

‘Ve seem to be missing someone.’ Klob
pretended to look for Inspector Cheddar. ‘Ah yes, Inspector Vally.’

‘Don’t call Dad a wally,’ Michael said.

‘Vy not?’ Klob spat. ‘He said I had a face like a camel’s bum.’

‘You do have a face like a camel’s bum!’ Michael shouted back.

‘Only a camel’s bum is better looking!’ Callie put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out at Zenia.

‘Silence!’ screeched Zenia. ‘Dad’s kaput. He von’t save you. I vacked him vith six hairpins for his insolence.’

‘No!’ Mrs Cheddar screamed. ‘You witch!’

‘Shall ve proceed?’ Zenia said coldly.

‘MMMYAAAWWWW!’ Biscuit howled his agreement.

Mimi touched Atticus’s paw. Her golden eyes were anxious. ‘Biscuit plans to kill you,’ she whispered, ‘as soon as you’ve entered the tomb.’

‘It’s okay, Mimi,’ Atticus said. ‘I think I know a way to defeat Biscuit.’

‘How?’

‘All these feelings I’ve been having,’ Atticus
explained, ‘they’re partly instinct like you said. But I think it’s more than that. I think Cattypuss is trying to control me. He
wants
me to open his tomb.’

‘But why?’ Mimi looked bewildered.

‘Because he wants to come back to life. Cattypuss wants to be
me
. Or rather, he wants me to be
him
!’

Mimi looked horrified. ‘But you’re not him. He’s not you. Atticus, you mustn’t let him control you.’

‘I have to, Mimi, just for a little while,’ Atticus said. ‘It’s the only way.’

‘No!’ Mimi clutched his paw. ‘It’s too dangerous. What if he doesn’t let you go? What if you never come back?’

Atticus set her paw down gently. ‘I’ve thought of that,’ he said, ‘but I have to take the risk. To save my family. And the Professor. And you.’

He stepped forward.

The door to the tomb was covered in
hieroglyphs
. The symbols were different from the ones in Howard Toffly’s book. They showed a funeral: a sarcophagus in the shape of the cat pharaoh being carried into the pyramid, followed by a procession
of cats and humans bearing caskets and urns brimming with treasure. There was a picture of the god Anubis welcoming Cattypuss to the underworld. There was another of the sun god Ra promising him eternal life. It was this picture that Atticus chose. He placed his paw against the hieroglyph.

The door to the tomb slid back.

Torches on the walls flickered into life.

Nobody spoke. Even the magpies were silent.

The sarcophagus stood upright on a marble podium in the centre of the tomb. Next to it was a magnificent throne. The throne was surrounded by small statues of Cattypuss the Great identical to the ones in Howard Toffly’s crypt. They made a perfect circle, except that one – the one Howard Toffly had stolen – was missing.

Atticus drifted down the steps into the chamber. He felt dreamy. Treasure was piled high against the walls. It glittered and sparkled in the torchlight.

‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ From the antechamber he heard the magpies’ soft chatter. They had spotted the treasure.

He approached the sarcophagus.

The humans crowded round the door of the tomb, speaking in whispers.

‘Is it safe to go in yet?’ Lord Toffly blustered. He clutched his spoons.

Professor Verry-Clever had his eyes glued on Atticus. ‘I don’t know,’ he admitted. ‘It depends if Atticus has defeated the curse.’

‘It’s our treasure,’ Lady Toffly sounded peeved. ‘I don’t see why we can’t just go and get it.’

‘Vy don’t ve chuck the magpies in and see vot happens,’ Zenia suggested. ‘They shouldn’t be tied up anyvay.’ She glared at Biscuit. ‘Release them.’

Reluctantly, Biscuit unpicked the magpies’ chains one by one.

‘Go on, Thug.’ Jimmy gave him a shove. ‘You’re the expert. Go and say hi to your bessie, Anubis.’

‘Goodbye, cruel world.’ Thug tumbled down
the steps into the tomb. He lay there, breathing heavily, waiting for the curse to strike.

Atticus had reached the podium. He jumped on to it.

‘What’s he doing?’ Callie whispered.

Mrs Tucker swallowed. ‘I’m not sure.’ She glanced at Mimi. Mimi’s eyes were fixed on Atticus.

Atticus raised a paw and placed it against the sarcophagus. The door opened with a creak of its rusty hinges.

Everyone gasped.

Inside the sarcophagus was the mummy of the cat pharaoh. Upon the mummy’s head rested a blue and green headdress.

Suddenly there was a swirl of dust. The torches flickered. Atticus staggered backwards. He almost fell.

‘Atticus!’ Mimi yowled.

Atticus didn’t seem to hear her. He recovered himself. He took the headdress from the mummy, placed it on his head and leapt on to the throne. The pyramid shook.

‘Oh my giddy aunt!’ Mrs Tucker breathed.

‘What is it?’ Callie demanded.

‘What’s happening?’ Mrs Cheddar shivered.

‘I’ve got a nasty feeling Cattypuss the Great has taken possession of Atticus!’ Mrs Tucker said. ‘I’ve been worried something like that might happen. Is that it, Mimi? Is that what Atticus thought too?’

‘Meow!’ Mimi jumped into Mrs Tucker’s arms to show her that she was right.

Biscuit could hardly believe his ears.
Cattypuss take possession of Atticus Claw?!
It was the most ridiculous idea he’d ever heard.

Zenia thought so too. ‘Vot rot,’ she shrieked. ‘I’ve had enough of this. Biscuit! Get him!’

‘My pleasure!’ Biscuit growled. He’d soon show Claw who was the real king of cats around here. All the jealousy and hatred Ginger Biscuit had been bottling up burst out of him in a terrifying moan.

‘MMMYYYYYYYAAAAAWWWW.’

19

Ginger Biscuit advanced on the throne.

The others watched from the doorway, horrified. They dared not move, partly in case Zenia zapped them with her hairpin pistol (which was raised and ready to fire), and partly because they were afraid. Only Mimi seemed calm. She reached out a paw to Callie and Michael to reassure them.

‘You’re finished, Claw.’ Ginger Biscuit hopped up on to the podium and popped out his claws POP. POP. POP. POP.

Atticus glowered at him. ‘WHO ARE YOU?’ he thundered.

‘Don’t give me that,’ Biscuit snarled. ‘You know perfectly well who I am.’ He bared his teeth. ‘Your worst nightmare.’

‘SILENCE!’ Atticus commanded.

‘You really think you’re something special, don’t you!’ Ginger Biscuit’s ears flattened against his head. ‘But all you are is just a pathetic
pet
.’

‘No one speaks to Cattypuss the Great, mighty ruler of Nebu-Mau, like that.’ Atticus narrowed his eyes. ‘You shall be punished.’ He raised a paw.

‘Sure!’ Biscuit yawned. ‘Bring it on, Claw.’ He got ready to spring. ‘Only there’s going to be a new pharaoh in town: he’s called Gingerpuss the Horrible.’

There was a sound of scratching and scurrying.

‘RATS!’ Lady Toffly screamed. She dropped her sack and ran back down the passageway towards the exit.

Ginger Biscuit laughed. He wasn’t afraid of a few rats. He’d squish them later. ‘Ooh,’ he said. ‘I’m really scared.’

Atticus raised his other paw.

There was a sound of clicking and buzzing.

‘BEETLES!’ Lord Toffly roared. He dropped his dessertspoons and ran after his wife.

Ginger Biscuit looked down. A carpet of rats surged from underneath the treasure. He looked up.
A plague of beetles squeezed from the cracks in the ceiling. He swallowed. Biscuit was terrified of anything spooky. And this was REALLY spooky.

Atticus raised both paws at the same time.

‘SPIDERS!’ Zenia Klob cried.

Huge long-legged beasts crept from the shadows to join the rats and beetles.

Ginger Biscuit started to back away.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

ZIP! ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!

Zenia waded into the tomb and started shooting hairpins at the mass of creeping animals. ‘Get off my treasure,’ she screeched, ‘if you know vot’s good for you. Ginger, kill that cat!’

Ginger Biscuit was shaking. All his bravado had disappeared.

‘PHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ Atticus opened his mouth and blew. A stream of locusts hit Ginger Biscuit in the face. Ginger Biscuit fell off the podium into the crawling carpet.

The magpies were flying in circles around the tomb. ‘Thug, me old mate!’ Slasher called desperately. ‘Where are you?’

A wing appeared from under some beetles,
followed by a sob. ‘Remind me never to go
tomb-raiding
again.’ Thug’s strangled voice could be heard from beneath a very hairy spider.

BASH! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! BASH!

‘We’ve got to stop Cattypus!’ Mrs Tucker panted, kicking at the rats as they swarmed out of the tomb into the antechamber. ‘Before he does anything else!’

SWAT! BUZZ! BUZZ! SWAT!

‘And get Atticus back!’ Mrs Cheddar swiped at the locusts with her shoe.

CLUNK! CRUNCH! CRUNCH! CLUNK!

‘Youze ladies leave it to me!’ Mr Tucker was doing a jig on the beetles with his wooden leg. He reached into his trouser pocket and drew out a plastic bottle. ‘I knows what to do. Fetch me a tooorrrch, kids.’

Michael and Callie dodged the torrent of rats and bugs that were swarming into the
antechamber
. Michael lifted his younger sister up. Callie grabbed one of the flaming torches from the wall and handed it to Mr Tucker.

Mr Tucker took the stopper off the plastic bottle and hurled it into the tomb. ‘Hold your noses!’ he roared.

‘Don’t you mean cover your ears?’ Mrs Tucker shouted back.

‘No!’ Mr Tucker chucked the torch in after it. ‘Definitely hold your noses.’

BOOM!

A hideous smell of camel fart filled the air.

The rats, beetles and spiders scuttled for cover. They disappeared through the antechamber into the passageway, trying to find some fresh air.

‘Vot is that revolting pong?’ Zenia Klob struggled out of the tomb. ‘Eurgh! I can’t take it.’ She ran after them.

‘I’m out of here!’ Jimmy squawked, emerging from the cloud of evil-smelling gas.

‘Wait for us!’ Pig, Wally and Gizzard flapped feebly after him.

‘I think I’m going to be sick.’ Slasher flew out.

‘I want to go home!’ Thug zigzagged after him. He still had a spider wrapped round his head. ‘Help! I can’t see!’

‘MMMMYYYYAAAAWWW!’ Biscuit chased off, his tail between his legs.

‘Good riddance to the lot of you!’ Mrs Tucker shouted after them. ‘Badawi and his men will
intercept them on their way out,’ she added.

Just then Inspector Cheddar appeared in the antechamber. He picked a couple of rats out of his turban and removed a locust from his ear. He stumbled on in a trance, his eyes glazed. He didn’t seem to smell the camel fart.

‘Dad!’ Michael and Callie cried.

Mrs Tucker held them back. ‘He’s sleepwalking,’ she said. ‘Don’t wake him.’

‘Klob’s sleeping potion!’ Mrs Cheddar put her hand to her mouth.

‘I’ve come to worship the Great Cattypuss,’ Inspector Cheddar announced. ‘Wise and mighty ruler of Nebu-Mau.’ He pushed his way through the clouds of camel fart into the tomb.

The others followed, pressing their sleeves to their noses. They looked anxiously at the podium, not knowing what to expect.

Atticus was sitting there holding his
handkerchief
across his nose. He wasn’t wearing the cat pharaoh headdress any more.

‘Look!’ Michael said.

The headdress was back on the mummy. Suddenly an icy wind swept through the chamber.
The torches flickered. A terrible roar, like Biscuit’s only deeper and more powerful, reverberated about the walls.

Atticus’s fur blew flat.

The humans clung to one another, except Inspector Cheddar, who struggled forwards, arms outstretched.

The sarcophagus door slammed shut in a swirl of dust.

The chamber was still.

‘I told youze that camel faaarrrt would come in useful!’ Mr Tucker said.

Mimi jumped up beside Atticus.

‘Atticus?’ she said hesitantly. ‘Is it really you?’

‘Yes!’ Atticus said. ‘It’s really me. That camel fart sent Cattypuss straight back to his coffin.’ He laughed. ‘I don’t blame him. It’s disgusting.’ Atticus leant over so that Mimi could share his hanky to breathe through. He began to purr throatily.

‘Atticus is back!’ Michael cried. ‘Listen!’

‘It’s him!’ Callie gave a little scream.

Inspector Cheddar had finally made it to the throne. He knelt and clasped his hands. ‘All hail the fabulous feline pharaoh of Nebu-Mau,’ he said.

‘Oh dear,’ Mrs Cheddar sighed.

Atticus gave Inspector Cheddar a wave. He squeezed Mimi’s paw. ‘Isn’t this great?’ he said. ‘Apart from the camel fart.’

‘Yes,’ Mimi said. ‘It’s absolutely brilliant to have you back.’

Atticus purred like a tractor. He’d defeated the curse, got rid of Klob, Biscuit and the Tofflys. Better still, Inspector Cheddar was worshipping him! What more could a tabby cat ask for except a plate of sardines? He looked at Mrs Tucker hopefully.

‘Sorry, Atticus,’ she said. ‘I’m all out.’

Atticus didn’t care. He’d get some when he went home. Inspector Cheddar could bring him some prawns too.

Professor Verry-Clever was inspecting the treasure. ‘I propose that we take something with us to show the Egyptian authorities,’ he said seriously. ‘They must know what a remarkable find we’ve made.’ He chose a gorgeous amulet and put it in his pocket with Howard Toffly’s book. He stepped out of the tomb.

Suddenly the pyramid began to shake. Pieces of
stone crumbled from the walls.

‘What’s happening?’ Mimi cried.

Atticus glanced round. It wasn’t over yet. ‘It’s Cattypuss. He’s angry. He thinks we’re stealing his treasure. We must go. Now!’