Augusta Played (2 page)

She tapped on Tweetie's cage and he began to swing and sing. She filled his water bowl. He was a sparkling bright yellow, as if somebody had taken a chunk of sunshine, like a twist of clay, and molded it into a tiny mop of flying feathers with a heart that would just about bust if he couldn't sing it out at least half the day. His full name was Tweetie-Pie, and he was certainly a genius among canaries, irrepressible, bold, and a trifle vain. Gus frequently let him perch on her finger while she spoke to him in baby talk, but only if no one else was around.

The room itself was unremarkable, a typical efficiency apartment. There was a single bed which doubled as a couch, a table and chairs, a floor lamp and a favorite table lamp, a music stand, Tweetie's cage, and light white curtains that billowed on breezy days but currently hung as still as if they were painted strips of wood framing the view in the window.

But speaking of pictures—that was the one unusual feature of the room. There were pictures everywhere, pen-and-ink sketches or watercolors, largely green. Gus's father was an illustrator for books on natural history; he did all kinds of animals, birds, butterflies, flowers, grasses, trees. When Gus was little, he had made her a leaf series, each drawing mounted under glass and properly labeled. Gus had hung these on the white-painted walls. The table was white and the chairs were white and the curtains, as stated, were white, and the cotton bedspread on the couch-bed was white, and most of the pictures on the wall were green, but on the wall at the foot of the bed she had tacked postcards of composers.

She put Rampai playing a Telemann Fantasy on the record player, and then she stripped to her slip and stuck a pencil behind her ear and plumped the pillow behind her back as she sat down on the bed to read. Briefly, she glanced at the postcards on the wall facing her. Beethoven, Bach. Verdi, debonair in top hat and white silk scarf. Now there was a man.

3

R
ICHARD
HAD
NOT
MOVED
from the telephone after hanging it up. His hands were shaking, but he didn't bother to disguise the fact. Richard was one of those people who do not so much meet life head on or sidle into it shrewdly or sidestep it gingerly as
bump
into it. It seldom occurred to him to look where he was going. His work made so many inroads into his emotional center that if he stopped to evaluate this experience or that, he would never get anything done. His strategy therefore was simple: quick passes at a bottle of Scotch to propel him through the day, a dreamlike attachment to the surface of the world as it presented itself to him, and a tendency, while gazing into other people's eyes, to fall into deep reveries which he himself could not later recount. But for all the half-despairing, half-delighted stillness of his soul, he was physically fidgety, constantly flinging his long arms outward as if eager to embrace anyone or anything in his path. The one thing that destroyed him, from time to time, was separation: he could not bear to be parted from anyone he
had
embraced. For the rest of it, he was merely chronically but appealingly nervous. The only time he ever really calmed down was on a stage in the middle of a performance. Then, when he might legitimately be expected to be keyed up, something at the very core of his being unwound and played itself right on out, sweet as anything, like fishing for marlin off the coast of Florida.

4

N
ORMAN
GOLD'S
FATHER
was a silent partner in a small munitions firm and a judge with a chance to step up to the Supreme Court if the right man won in the next election. When Norman was growing up, his father had been district attorney. During the war, his father was shipping arms to Palestine secretly, laying the groundwork for the new state. None of this had left much room for Norman. His father blew cigar smoke in his face, trying to be friendly.

When Norman started school, he faced another problem, an albino bully known as Snowball. Norman could have gone to his father for help, even though his father was an exalted wheeler-dealer who lived in a cloud of smoke and laid down the law like Moses, if only he hadn't been D.A., but because he was, Norman couldn't approach him without appearing even more cowardly than he felt. So every day for the first six years of his education Norman, instead of “going” home, “escaped” from school. He started thinking about his breakaway long before the afternoon bell rang. He was tough and power-packed but short for his age, with eyes like SOS signals, gleaming, tight, dark curls the texture of electrical wire, and the feeling, dating even from the time before Snowball, that he had been set down in a hostile environment for the purpose of proving that he could outwit it.

Every day, when the afternoon bell rang, Norman gritted his teeth—he had read this phrase in a book and was under the impression that doing it would help him get to the end of the block faster—and ran. Snowball was nowhere in sight, but this was because Snowball was behind the fence. The fence began halfway down the block and ended abruptly 50 yards later. Fronting on the sidewalk, it enclosed nothing—nothing but a sandlot—but hid everything. Every year, the lot very nearly washed away in the spring rains, and the slush of Snowball's steps was audible out on the sidewalk…a soft, repulsive squishing. As he ran, Norman imagined that he felt a horrible kind of tickle in his heart, the tip of terror poking at him like a switchblade. At the end of the block, the candy store was an oasis, unless it was a mirage—and that it wasn't a mirage was something Norman had to establish over again each time Snowball's mild eyes, tinted with so delicate a touch by the creative hand, fixed on him through the slatted fence and then, for a split second of grace, closed.

One night six years later, when he was twelve, watching a movie about Tchaikovsky on television, Norman had begun to scream and hadn't stopped, and after that he didn't have to go to school anymore. Instead, he rode the subway four times a week to the King's County Clinic for sessions with one Dr. Morris. The sessions weren't until late in the afternoon, and until four or so Norman stayed in bed, a navy robe awkwardly bunched around his legs, expounding on psychoanalysis or the nature of tragedy or Spitfires to the gang who dropped in after school. Occasionally he got out of bed to sit at the card table with his tutor. Mitzi would fry a steak for him, with a side dish of buttered spaghetti. Norman said he would have Mitzi fry two steaks instead of one, but the tutor was always too nervous to eat. Unhinged, no doubt, by the huge house with the hand-carved molding and the kid in it who gave audiences rather than took lessons.

Norman ate again at dinner time. For several years, it seemed to Norman that three meals a day was a starvation diet. He was a skinny kid and he became a skinny adolescent but there was a sturdiness of bone and strength of sinew that suggested he might fill out in middle age, thicken, grow round and burly like his father in old age. For now, he could eat everything in sight and still look like a street orphan.

As soon as he was through, he excused himself from the table so he and his blood-brother Philip Fleischman could make the first showing at Loew's, which they pronounced “Loewie's.” If he had a heavy date, one of his dad's yes-men would chauffeur him in the D.A. car, but usually he took the bus with Phil. There was no longer any need to run from Snowball. For one thing, Norman and Phil, together, were a team to reckon with, having mingled their blood in a ritual with peculiar validity, according to a formula which Phil swore had been handed down among the men in his family for generations, by a homesick Sioux Indian who had decided to retrace his route over the Bering Strait back to Pinsk. Norman did not entirely believe this story, but he was not prepared to disregard it, either; stranger things were true, and if there were Jews in Wales, why not Indians in Pinsk?

For another thing, Snowball had entered adolescence along with the rest of them, and what had once been the source of his machismo was now being transformed into a permanent embarrassment. They used to see Snowball on the bus, a three-ring notebook on his lap to hide his hard-on. “Hey, lessee whatcha reading,” Phil would say, pretending to grab for the notebook. Snowball looked as though he'd turn to water, evaporate, disappear into thinnest air, leaving only a faint, unpleasant trace of moisture behind him on the seat.

Four years of this, and Norman took the Regents for an equivalency diploma, which wasn't the same as graduating from Erasmus High with Phil but was good enough. On a hot August day ten years before the one on which he found out where the girl with the flute case lived, he had registered at Brooklyn College. He stood in a long line and in front of him and behind him he could see dozens of others who looked just like him, thin and greedy as unweaned pups. The last line led outdoors. He raised his hand to mop the sweat from his face. Light was breaking on his head, like a comber.

5

Now
Norman
was doing his doctorate at Columbia in Cultural Musicology, a newly defined academic field that boiled down to historical social analysis from the vantage point of music. It is possible that Norman was the only cultural musicologist in the country, the area
per se
being definitely an intellectual frontier, formally speaking, although certainly there had been forerunners, musicologists of the old school and music historians who here and there blundered unsys-tematically into the insights Norman was attempting to organize single-handedly into an arrestingly original world view with real conceptual muscle, capable of yielding fresh and if necessary lethally incisive slants on immediate problems. For example, what precisely had been the repercussions, if any, of the Wagner-Nietzsche dialogue? What statements might be made about Soviet society on the basis of its effect on Shostakovich's symphonies? Did contemporary music instrumentalized from cards shuffled and selected at random incorporate a philosophy of chance as a controlled element, or was it more properly viewed as an outgrowth of the jazz riff? Why did a girl with legs like hers carry a flute?

Norman's questions frequently veered into sexual ones. The separation of mind from body which commentators on modern society sometimes name as a root cause of dissatisfaction was not one of Norman's difficulties. He had once managed to make it with a psych major from Barnard between classes, barely beating the clock by the skin of her
vagina dentata
. The classics library was a handy place; hardly anyone ever used it.

But Norman didn't just think about sex; he thought
with
sex. It was one of his tools for dissecting culture. Between Brooklyn and Columbia had come the New York Institute. They didn't normally accept non-Ph.D.'s, but Dr. Morris, neatly folding his handkerchief into diminishing squares, explained that that august body on occasion did indeed clasp to its bosom exceptional students in allied fields providing they willingly signed a document stating that they would not title themselves analysts or engage in a practice upon completing the course, especially if they were championed by himself. So Norman let himself be championed. What appealed to him about psychoanalysis was the feeling of being in control, of knowing more about other people than they knew about themselves, of being one up on his own subconscious.

At first he went through periods of making Freudian slips, of recycling in his dreams at night the complexes he was examining during the day, and even of inadvertently punning bilingually in French or Yiddish. These awkward stretches eventually wore off, and, dead seriously, he settled down to thinking about the sexual implications of the late quartets. The Oedipal relation of Beethoven to Mozart and Mozart to Haydn. The latent content manifest in Leonore's sartorial transformation… Norman considered that these questions were at the nucleus of the nature of human culture and he expected them to relinquish important conclusions in time, but he saw no reason not to use them in the meantime to score now and again. Certain types of broads went apeshit, as he explained it to Phil, for this kind of talk, and furthermore, one thing he did not like to do, he admitted it (again to Phil), was live alone.

He had moved in with the painter D. D. Jones, at her request. Dee Dee did a half-dozen nude studies of him and one mixed media portrait (for hair, she sewed clumps of black thread to the canvas, a task that took weeks), and cooked like a dream. When she got her one-man show, scouring for materials and hanging paintings kept her too busy to cook. Norman said good-bye to Dee Dee, moved in with Bunny Van Den Nieuwenhutzen, and enrolled at Columbia. He had flirted with City University of New York, but at the time eighty percent of the students at CUNY were children of survivors of the Holocaust, and Norman was not. It made him uneasy—he couldn't say why exactly. It was as if a particular history had been programmed into his genes, and yet his own development exhibited none of the coded consequences. He was a mutant. While seven-year-olds in Europe were being packed into boxcars and shipped off to the camps, he had been taxiing to F. A. O. Schwarz with Mitzi, to spend his sixty-dollar-a-month allowance. And no matter how often he and Morris went over this ground, he was still afraid of the dark. Finally Bunny Van Den Nieuwenhutzen couldn't stand it any longer. “Listen, Norman,” she said, “I don't want you to take this personally. It's not like I'm trying to reform you, or anything. Listen, who am I to try to reform another human being, for heaven's sake? I know you're just a weak ordinary slob like the rest of us and can't help it, because after all, when you look—I mean really look—at the human condition, which is what my French teacher used to call it only in French, who the hell isn't? To err is human, I always say. So the way I figure it, reforming you is out of the question. I would not presume. But, Norman, I am telling you, I can't
stand
it any longer. Let there be light, okay, but not all the time, it is like living with an optical jackhammer, if you know what I mean.”