Autumn Bliss (12 page)

He was amazed at how quickly she’d bounced back. Thinking about how long ago she’d told Nash she’d split with her ex, he prompted, “What is it, a couple months? Six?”

“Try most of my life.”

His surprised glance earned him a self-conscious grimace.

“Sorry, I sound like a whiny baby.”

“No you don’t.” Though, he was curious as to what put that undercurrent of resentment in her tone.

“I try to stay positive as much as possible, but sometimes it’s hard. Lately, it’s harder than usual.”

“Everyone’s entitled to a bad day now and again.” Sometimes even a bad couple years.

She stooped to grab a stick, then picked at the bark as they walked. “I know, but my mom was a very negative person, and I positively
hate
when I sound like her.”

“You’re the most positive person I know.” He couldn’t help but smirk. “You’re even
positive
about your hate.”

She laughed again and threw the stick into the woods. “I s’pose that’s one way to look at it.”

When she turned that grin toward him, her gaze immediately focused on his mouth.
Damn
. He’d been aware that he didn’t smile much, but he hadn’t realized it was so noticeable to other people.

His turn to feel self-conscious. Which left him desperate for a distraction. “What about this Doug guy you mentioned earlier? Is he the reason for all your pent-up rage?”

“Rage?”

He tilted his head toward her, eyebrows raised. “You did some damage with that splitter.”

Grimacing, she reached out to pluck a lonely little yellow maple leaf still clinging desperately to its branch. “Yeah, okay fine, I was a little pent-up. But it wasn’t Doug.”

After a few steps in silence, she sighed. “I told you it’s been building for a while. Well, since September, I lost my job, got kicked out of my apartment, my car keeps dying, and I ate up all my savings that was supposed to get me out of here. To top it all off, people in town don’t trust me because my old
daycare
bosses were arrested for arranging illegal adoptions, and some people think as the manager, I might have also been involved.”

He waited a beat, then deadpanned, “That’s it?”

“Actually, no. I also broke my favorite mug this afternoon.”

“Ah, so
that
was the final straw.”

She laughed. He smiled.

Damn, his cheek muscles were getting a hell of a work out today. He noticed her sideways glance, but at least she didn’t stare this time. On the other hand…he kinda wished she would—he’d use it as an excuse to kiss her again.

“As for Doug,” she continued, “I was more upset with myself than I was with him about our break-up. I’d let myself fall into a rut with him, and we were just going through the motions. Until I woke up one day and realized my mom might be right, and it scared the hell out of me.”

“Right about what?”

“This town.”

“She didn’t like it here?”

“Oh, God, she hated it.” She ripped little pieces from the leaf and tossed them aside. “Told me all the time to get out as soon as I could. Said it stole her hopes and dreams and left her with nothing.”

“Left her with
nothing
?”

“Yep. Those were pretty much her exact words.”

Levi glanced over as they rounded the bend in the trail that would lead them back toward the lodge. The bitterness was back, roughening her voice like a piece of coarse sandpaper on wood.

“If she was so miserable, why’d she stay?”

“I don’t know. Well…I do think some of it was pride. She was very stubborn, and when life didn’t turn out the way she expected, she became more and more resentful. Not only toward the town, but my dad as well. He tried to make her happy—I could see that even as a kid, but she blamed him, too, so nothing he did was ever good enough.”

He recalled their conversation at dinner the night before and understood why she was so happy for her dad. But growing up with a mother who made no attempt to hide her discontent couldn’t have been easy.

Left her with nothing.
Had the woman no clue? In using those words, she’d basically told her children
they
were nothing. Day after day. Shit like that could really sink into a person’s sub-conscious.

“So, that’s why you want to leave? Because of your mom?”

She kept her gaze focused on the trail ahead as she shrugged. “It’s just getting harder and harder to keep smiling through everything. I don’t want to be like her. I loved her, but I saw what the bitterness did, and I can’t relive her life.”

Yet, she’d be doing exactly that if she left. Or attempting to, by living the life she thought her mother had so desperately wanted. It might sound good in theory, but it wouldn’t be hers, and she’d end up no happier than her mother.

Would she understand that if he pointed it out?

He remained silent, unsure if she’d welcome the observation. Besides, what did he really know? He might like to think he’d picked up a few things from his own therapy sessions, but practicing amateur psychology probably wasn’t the best idea now, or ever.

“Your turn,” she said a little too brightly.

His stomach rolled, but she was right. “What do you want to know?”

“You mentioned the other night you served with Mark…which means you were in the Army, right?”

Damn, she went right for the kill shot. He looked ahead in the deepening twilight, judging they were still a good five minutes from the main trail leading back to their two cabins. A lot could be said in five minutes. Or it’d be one hell of a tense silence.

He took in a deep breath, then released it as silently as possible. “Yes.”

“How long were you in?”

“Eight years.”

“So, you’ve been out for what, three years? Did you go in right at eighteen?”

“Yes and yes.”

“No desire to make it a career?”

“No.” Not after his last tour was cut short.

“Were you…” She paused to cast him a swift glance.

The indecision in her expression told him she was more than aware of his tension. Oddly enough, coming from her, he didn’t resent the questions as much as usual.

He swallowed to ease the tightness in his throat. “Was I what?”

“Were you deployed overseas?”

“Yes.” He could practically hear the next question forming on her lips, so he added, “I served two tours in Afghanistan.”

“Were you…” Another pause, then she rushed on. “Were you hurt at all?”

How the hell did he answer that? A simple no would deny everything he’d gone through and he’d fought hard to get where he was today. But other than his shrink, who’d read his file before their first meeting, he hadn’t spoken about that week to anyone outside his platoon. Even Mark didn’t bring it up beyond his all-too-meaningful,
“You good?”
every once in a while.

Earlier he’d considered giving her a reason to stay, now it terrified him that she may consider him damaged goods. When he realized his hand had gone to his side, when his fingers traced the scar through his shirt, he quickly lowered his hand to his side.

She was still waiting for an answer he didn’t know how to form. Two steps later, he startled when her hand grasped his. A quick glance caught her gaze, received a brief smile, then she shifted her attention front and center.

No verbal answer was needed.

The tightness in his throat moved to his chest, making it hard to breathe. He threaded their fingers together, absorbing her warmth, drinking in the comfort as if he’d spent a week in the desert mountains of Afghanistan without water.

Stomach churning, he waited for her to ask what happened.

Chapter 14

“How long have you been here at Whispering Pines?”

Mallory sensed surprise and relief in Levi’s hesitation before he answered, “Two years.”

“Right after they opened?”

“Shortly after, yes.”

She cast him a sideways glance through the shadows. She knew he’d been expecting a different question, one that still sat on the tip of her tongue, begging to be asked. Did she dare return to the potentially land-mine-laden army conversation, or continue along the relatively safe emergency detour?

He’d been short with his replies a few minutes ago, but not once had he refused to answer. And he hadn’t pulled away, either. His large hand engulfed hers, strong and warm as it kept her physical awareness simmering right below the surface.

It suddenly seemed important to know if he could trust her with the stuff he wasn’t comfortable talking about. Only, after her earlier retreat, she figured she’d ease back into it with what she hoped was a fairly neutral question.

“What did you do in the army?”

His pause was shorter this time. “Specialized in EOD.”

“EOD?”

“Explosive ordinance disposal.”

The word
explosive
catapulted her heart into her throat. “Like diffusing roadside bombs?” she asked, unable to keep the alarm from her voice.

“Yes. Relax.” His fingers gave hers a little squeeze. “It’s not like I’m still over there.”

“Right.” She gave a self-conscious laugh, then blurted out, “Do you miss it? The adrenaline rush, I mean, not the life-endangering part.”

“No, not at all. I tried law enforcement for about a year when I first came home, but couldn’t stand the politics. Working here fits. Doing a little bit of everything and not a whole lot of just one thing keeps things interesting, and I prefer not being cooped up in a building or a squad car all day.”

Maybe that explained the occasional cornered-animal flashes of panic in his eyes. Did it have something to do with his time in the service? That was back along the path of land mines, so she skipped right on by.

“I know what you mean about doing different things. I enjoy managing the gift shop as well as organizing the festival. I could see moving into special event planning in the future where I’d work with all kinds of different companies and organizations.”

Her step slowed as they approached the driveway to his cabin. She was reluctant to have the conversation end, but she’d already taken up enough of his time.

Instead of halting to say goodnight like she expected, he gave a tug on her hand to keep walking. After a slight hesitation, she increased her stride until she was side by side with him again.

Her cabin was maybe another hundred yards down the lane. He truly didn’t have to walk her home, and yet the gesture warmed her heart like nothing else. She didn’t want to make comparisons, but after the years with Doug, she couldn’t help noticing all the little things Levi did that made her aware
he
was aware of her.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“Thursdays are my day off.”

“I know. Are you actually going to enjoy it, or are you going to work on the festival?”

“Actually, a week of sleeping on the couch has been long enough, so I’d planned on painting. But now with my car back in the shop, I have no way of getting everything I need, so it’ll probably be the festival.”

“You do remember I was supposed to do the painting right?”

“And I told you, I don’t mind doing it myself.”

He swung their arms back and forth in a gentle motion as they approached her place. “My point is, I have all the painting supplies you need. Rollers, brushes, drop cloths.”

The motion-sensor porch light flicked on, making her blink. “And how about the paint?”

“Haven’t bought it yet, but we could pick some up in town in the morning.”

“Aren’t you working tomorrow?”

“Yes. Helping you. Mark’s orders, remember?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he meant with the festival.”

“Since I still need to finish the shower, and since the painting was supposed to be my job anyway, I don’t think he’ll care. What time should I pick you up?”

Didn’t sound like arguing with him would make one bit of difference—and she didn’t want to anyway.

She attempted to pull her hand from his when she stepped up onto the cabin porch, but he held on as she turned to face him.

“How about eight?” she suggested. “That’s late enough for me to sleep in, and early enough that we can get back in time to still work most of the morning.”

He moved closer. Her breath caught when his gaze lowered to her mouth as he leaned in. Pulse racing, she closed her eyes in anticipation.

His lips pressed to hers for a very brief and altogether too chaste kiss. She wanted to feel him against her, taste him.

“Eight it is,” he murmured as his mouth left hers before she could press closer.

He released her hand, and she opened her eyes as he backed up a couple steps. She caught a flash of his gorgeous smile and dimple before he turned and strode away.

Oh my God, I’m in so much trouble
.

* * *

Mallory fell asleep thinking about him, dreamed about him, and woke up with the tingling memory of his kiss on her lips.

Her stomach was in an excited knot at the thought of seeing him again, and in the clear, fall-crisp light of day, she wondered what the hell she was doing. Getting involved with Levi while planning to leave was the dumbest move she could make.

When he pulled up at eight, she shrugged into her coat and grabbed her purse to hurry outside before he could even get out of his truck. She didn’t want a carbon copy set-up of last night’s porch scene to tempt her to dive in for a repeat.

Stay positive.
She flashed him a grin as she slammed the door and secured her seatbelt. “Good morning.” Whoops, that’d come out over-the-top cheerful. She cringed inside when she noticed his forehead furrow.

“Morning.”

He looked slightly uncertain as they left the lodge, and she realized she wasn’t the only one who was off-balance. Had he lost sleep like her? Were they both in big trouble, or had he had second thoughts overnight and decided it was best not to encourage her?

Denying the hurt in her chest, she decided that was fine with her.

Beyond a few generic, stilted exchanges, the trip to Pulaski was awkward and quiet. The way it was going, she figured she’d send him on his way the moment they got back to her cabin. She didn’t want his help simply because he felt it was his job. Because the more she was around him, the more she wanted to be around him, and that needed to go away.