Autumn's Hope (Cowboy Seasons) (22 page)

“I
have my hands full, can you put it on my shoulder? I don’t want any spit up on
my nightgown.”

Jonas
draped it over her creamy, bare shoulder.

“Could
you put it a bit lower?”

He
squeezed his lips together to keep in the groan that bubbled up inside of him.
“Sure, no problem.” She swiveled a bit and before he knew it his hand was on
her beautiful, enticing breast.

Autumn
shivered. “I love the feel of you touching me. I have my doctor’s appointment
today.”

He
drew back his hand and watched her burp Joe. “Today? Are you sure?” He was
certain there was more time, there had to be more time.

She
laughed. “Joe is almost seven weeks old.”

A
lump formed in his throat and his forehead perspired. This was it, his time had
run out and he was going to lose her and Joe. His stomach tied in knots and he
had to glance away. “I’m going to take a shower.” He slid off the bed and
slowly walked to the bathroom.

He
didn’t look in the mirror as he undressed. He got into the shower and as the
water poured over him, tears formed. He’d predicted that it would end this way
from the first. He loved her with all of his heart and either way he’d lose
her. If he let her see him, touch him, she’d recoil and if he didn’t, she’d
eventually leave. The water washed the tears from his face but nothing could
help his broken heart.

It
took much longer to get ready to leave the house with a baby. Jonas smiled and
shook his head. Instead of clothes, they just needed one gigantic bib to wrap
Joe in. Every time they were ready to walk out the door, Joe spit up and Autumn
insisted on changing his clothes.

Finally,
Joe was strapped into his car seat in the back and Autumn was next to him
smiling.

“I
can’t help but smile when I see you driving a minivan. It’s so not you.”

“Well,
I decided to forgo my macho, cowboy reputation for the sake of our son.”

“I
like that.” She reached over and touched his shoulder.

“Like
what?”

“I
like that you called Joe our son. You’re a great dad, Jonas. I feel so lucky to
have you.”

Her
shining eyes had his stomach doing flips. “You’re not so bad yourself, love.”
He held on to the joy of the moment, savoring it, knowing it wasn’t going to
last.

“You
don’t have to come with me. You can drop me off if you want.”

“No
can do. I’ll hold Joe in the waiting room while you see the doctor.”

She
rewarded him with a bright smile, indicating that he’d said the right thing.
Jonas parked the minivan right outside the doctor’s office and helped Autumn
out and then carried Joe, who was sleeping.

Autumn
stopped and stared.

“What?”

“I
can hardly lift the baby and the seat and you make it look so easy.”

“I
am a hardened, strong cowboy you know.”

She
stood on the step and kissed him. “Strong definitely, hardened no, but don’t
worry I won’t tell anyone.”

“I
love you, Autumn.”

“I
love you too.”

He
held the door open for Autumn and followed her in with Joe. His shoulders
straightened and he swore he stood taller with all the pride he had for his
family. The wait wasn’t long and soon enough they were on their way home.
Autumn winked at him when she told him she was good to go. His worry turned to
terror.

* * * *

She
was so glad to have the distraction of Joe. Jonas kept fidgeting and rambling
on about different breeds of cattle. She nursed Joe again, changed his diaper
and put him down for a nap. When she came back out from the nursery, Jonas was
pacing back and forth. Her heart ached for him and she wasn’t making it any
easier for him.

Grabbing
his hand she pulled him to the couch and they sat. “Jonas, I’m sorry.” His body
tensed and his hand clenched hers. “I’m not going to push. You told me the
conditions of the marriage and I just want you to be happy. You already make me
happy, so don’t worry about the other stuff.”

“You
mean sex.” He let go of her hand. “Honestly, I’m terrified if I do and if I
don’t.”

“I’m
not going anywhere either way, Jonas. Go, work with your horses and we’ll still
be here when you come home.”

Jonas
gazed into her eyes and nodded. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

The
sun had set and Jonas hadn’t returned. The light was on in the barn but he
might as well have been miles away. She was ashamed at her little game of
enticement and the guilt weighed on her. Tears threatened but she refused to
give in to them. If only she had let well enough alone, Jonas would be with her
right now. His response to her campaign to have him as a real husband had
pressed against her every night in bed. He wanted her, but…

They
did have a bargain and she’d finally pushed him too far. Her heart sank. What
if he stopped all affection? It would break her heart if he stopped calling her
love or ceased his easy smiles. Joe began to fuss and she glanced outside
again, hoping.

With
Joe at her breast, she closed her eyes and rocked back and forth. Jonas bought
a rocking chair for her and it fit beautifully in the nursery. The sucking
noises and the rocking motion soothed her a bit. If she lost Jonas it was her
own damn fault and all she could do was fight to get him back.

There
was no mistaking the boot steps she heard heading her way. When they stopped,
she opened her eyes and there was her handsome, cowboy leaning against the doorframe.
His hair looked as though he’d run his fingers through it too many times. Lines
of worry etched his forehead, but he smiled. She loved his slow, sexy grin.

“I’m
glad you’re back. I was getting worried.”

“No
worries, love. Did you know you glow when you look at Joe?”

“I
bet I glow when I look at you too.” She put Joe against her shoulder and burped
him. He was already asleep. Standing up she gently put him in his crib.

Jonas
stood next to her admiring the baby. He took her hand and gave it a slight tug.
“We need to talk.”

She
felt her smile falter but she nodded. “We do.”

He
led her out of the nursery and to her surprise he pulled her into their bedroom.
“I want the same things you do, love. We both need to know if it’s doable or
not. If not we have a solid relationship, don’t we?”

Her
heart beat faster. “We have a loving relationship. If something doesn’t work
out, it’s fine. We won’t know until we try.”

He
nodded his head but there was a great amount of worry in his eyes and his body
was rigid.

“Why
don’t we just sit on the bed and see what happens?” Her heart was in her
throat. Why did so much seem to be riding on the outcome of the night? She sat,
still holding his hand and tugged. “The weather has been nice for this time of
year. I mean in Montana it can snow pretty early. It is getting colder—”

Jonas
chucked as he sat next to her. “You talk too much, Fall.”

Her
heart soared at the use of her dreaded nickname. “Do I?” She stared into his
amber eyes and melted.

“There
is only one way I know to keep you quiet.” He winked and swooped in for a kiss.

His
lips were delightful and when he put his tongue in her mouth, a wildness inside
her released. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with
every bit of passion she had.

Jonas
put his hand on her breast and squeezed lightly. He moved the pad of his thumb
over her until her nipple pebbled. He pulled her down into a prone position
with her on the bottom. He broke the kiss and looked at her. “You are
everything to me.”

She
smiled as she stared back at him. “We don’t, I mean you don’t…”

“I
want to. I want to claim you as my wife. I want to fill you and I want to bring
you pleasure.”

He
lay still as she unbuttoned his shirt and she hesitated before removing it,
aware of the pain in his eyes. “I love you, Jonas.”

His
Adam’s apple bobbed as he helped her remove his shirt. He held his breath then
slowly let it out.

Yes,
he had scars but nothing repulsive. Reaching up she traced the largest scar.
“It’s not so bad, Jonas.”

Jonas
sat up and began to remove his jeans. “You haven’t seen the worst of it.” He
stood and let them drop, his back to her. He removed his underwear and he stood
still, his hands clenched at his sides.

His
scars were extensive and chunks of muscle seemed to have been torn away here
and there. “I don’t understand.”

“I
didn’t think you would.” He bent to grab his clothes.

“No!
Jonas, what I don’t understand is how you can think of yourself as damaged. Are
you scarred? Yes. You got those scars defending this country. You are brave and
honorable and I need you to turn around because God help me. I need to see it.”

He
glanced over his shoulder. “It?”

“Yes,
I want to see the part of you that’s been poking me in bed.”

His
shoulders relaxed. “Are you sure? Maybe I should turn the lights off.

“Don’t
you dare, turn around and show me.”

He
slowly turned and she gasped. “Oh wow, Jonas. There is not one part of you that
I think of as ugly. Now get over here and help me out of my clothes.”

He
leaped on the bed and undressed her, kissing her skin as it was exposed. By the
time she was naked, her whole world exploded in need. Her need for him
astonished her and if she didn’t have him inside of her soon, she’d go crazy.

“Jonas,
please.”

He
chuckled. “Please what? Kiss your tummy, kiss the insides of your thighs or
perhaps right here in a sweet little spot I know.”

She
squirmed under his onslaught of kisses. He’d found her sweet spot for sure.
“Jonas, Oh my.” Her body began to shake.

Jonas
kissed his way up to her lips and entered her with one hard lunge. “Hell, I
should be more gentle. Does it hurt?”

“It’s
not the time for talking and you feel wonderful just keep going.” The breathlessness
of her voice surprised her. In and out he went, and suddenly he started
thrusting faster and harder. She knew what was coming but it’d never been pure heaven
before. “Jonas!” Her body spiraled out of control. She’d never experienced
anything like it.

He
continued until he cried out and his body shook and became stiff. Jonas stared
into her eyes the whole time creating a connection to her she’d never had.
Leaning down, he kissed her slowly, deeply, sweetly and she could feel it down
to her toes. He moved until he lay at her side and he gathered her up,
encircling her within his loving embrace.

“Jonas,
that was incredible. I never felt that way before.”

“Me
neither, my little spitfire. It’s hard to explain how I feel. Somehow I feel
like a whole man instead of a broken one.”

“All
my life I’ve hoped for someone like you. I know it took a lot of bravery to let
me see you. I love you.”

“I
love you too.”

Epilogue

Six
weeks later

Autumn’s
heart beat faster as Jonas lifted her onto Page. “She’s really tall, Jonas.”

“You’ll
be fine. I’ve been working with her.”

His
smile gave her confidence. “What if Joe needs me?”

“Fall,
Summer is perfectly capable of babysitting and you pumped enough milk for three
days at least. Live a little.”

She
smiled back. “I trust you.”

Jonas
got into his saddle. “We’ll start out nice and slow, just like I taught you.”

“The
horse you had me learn to ride was much shorter.”

Jonas
laughed. “Let’s go.”

It
turned out that she didn’t have to do anything but hold on. Page followed Jonas
the whole way. They rode for an hour and it came into view. “Oh, Jonas, look at
all the horses. Is that a donkey and a cow in there?”

“A
couple of goats too.”

A
brand new barn stood to the side of a large section of pasture. Jonas led her
around the barn to the other side, which was closer to the highway. His saddle
creaked as he got off his horse. He held his arms out to her and she slipped
easily into them. He entwined his fingers with hers and led her to the
driveway. They walked to the end and he turned her around.

She
gasped and tears filled her eyes. The horse sanctuary was named Autumn’s Hope. “It’s
beautiful, Jonas.”

“Not
too shabby. I’m glad you like it.”

She
stood on tiptoe and kissed his fine lips. “I love you, Jonas Barnes.”

“I
love you too, love.”

*THE END*

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