Avalon Revamped (14 page)

“I do love you and adore you, Avalon. Please.”

“The other who is cruel and controlling. Who ravished me.”

“Ravished! Heavens, Avalon. I did no such thing!”

“Leave.”

“But…Ava.”

“Leave. Now. You owe me at least that much, at least privacy in my humiliation.”

“I’ll give you time to cool down, then I’ll be back to check on you. All right?”

“No. Don’t come back.”

“You don’t mean that. You’ll feel better when you calm down.” I opened the door, the same door I had that maid up against, although it seemed like years ago now. “I love you, Ava.”

She made a sound that almost sounded like laughter.

“Goodbye, Arthur. You have hurt me for the last time.”

§

Every time I passed a new group of people, whispers broke out anew. The entire ship was abuzz with this latest gossip, and I was the center of everyone’s attention.

“How humiliating for her.” I heard one woman say.

“Shame, such a lovely girl.” Another added.

“She must’ve given him a reason.” A gent spoke to others, all standing around in a circle sipping brandy. “Lucky chap, if you ask me.”

“Yes. If only I had such luck, and stamina!” They all laughed together and toasted to men. Sometimes being able to hear every little peep, even from across the room or on different levels, was not all that much fun.

Someone slapped me on the shoulder and said, “Nice going, Ol’ Boy!” A revolting mixture of Scotch and vomit, with a dash of opium, enveloped his words. “Tell me about it. Hm? Please? She was fiesty wasn’t she. Nice and deep you gave it to her, right Ol’ Boy? Nice and deep.” With the last, Doctor Nesbitt thrust his hips forward.

“Pardon me,” I said, slipping away from his heavy arm and rancid breath. Perhaps solitude for a few hours, and I would feel better. Then, Paris.

“Lord York,” Captain Blackwolf stopped me as I headed out into the night again. Although his hands were folded behind him in a casual manner, his countenance was anything but. Terse, I’d say.

“Yes, Captain. What can I do for you.”

“A word, please, sir.”

“Of course.”

“Follow me.” He led me out of the ballroom, past the lovely decor. Sounds of chatter and Beethoven played by the quartet faded as we moved further away from the festivities. Taking a hidden staircase, he took me down into the bowels of the ship, lighting the way with a portable lantern.

The entire trip, he didn’t say a single word.

The captain turned a brass knob then pushed the heavy oak door open. Inside was a lovely room, certainly much more posh that those we had been crammed into.

“My private quarters,” he said.

“Very nice.”

“Have a seat, Lord York.” He indicated a long wooden bench along one of the walnut-paneled walls, then lit an oil lamp in the center of a claw-footed, round table centered on a deep red rug. Sitting, I watched him mill about his cabin for a few minutes. First he placed the lantern on his desk, illuminating a series of maps and a telescope. To the right, books and more rolled-up navigation charts cluttered a bookshelf. He cleared his throat, and finally took a seat himself in a lovely velvet armchair near the center table and bench, where I sat.

“Look, Captain, about before…”

He put his hand up to silence me. “Please. No excuses, for what you did was inexcusable, Arthur. Now, I know I’m not your father and you are a grown man, capable of making his own decisions, but I intend on giving you some fatherly advice just the same. Yer young. Real young, and you think the world is at yer feet, and you’d be right about that. Titled and rich and all. You’ve got a good life.”

The audacity of this man to speak to me as if he was my better, my superior!

“Now, look here, sir! You are too familiar!”

“I don’t stand on no ceremony here. Not on my ship. I’ve seen too much already. Horrible things. War changes a man, I’ll tell ya, and it ain’t in a good way. The things I’ve seen, well a lad yer age couldn’t understand.”

“I am older than I look, sir. Save your condescending talk for a child.” I stood, ready to leave, straightening my waistcoat.

“Please, sir. It weren’t my intention to talk down to ya at all, and if I came across thata way, then I apologize. Really, I just want ta talk to ya, man to man, is all. Would ya give me a few minutes of yer time? I’m not the best with words, so I ask yer patience, sir.”

That was more like it. Respect. I sat back down, chin raised in defiance. After all, I didn’t have anything better to do. Still working it all out myself.

“I’ll try again,” Blackwolf started. “I cain’t tell ya what to do, a’course, but…Miss Bainbridge, she’s a good woman, she is. A fine woman, and she loves you. I can see it by the way she looks at ya. Yer too young to understand that the love of a good woman like her, well that’s a rare thing. Someone to be devoted to ya and good to ya. Someone to keep ya warm and safe. Someone to spend the long days and nights with. That ain’t nothing to take fer granted, son. Now, I know yer real rich and fancy an’ all, and I’m sure you have yer choice of ladies bein’ as handsome as ya are, but just know that not all of them will love you for you. Some might love yer money, others yer good looks, but I’ll tell you something, son. Beauty fades an’ a marriage based on money ain’t one that’s happy fer long.”

My beauty would never fade. He had no idea to whom he spoke. The audacity.

“I guess what I’m sayin’ is this: don’t take a good woman’s love fer granted, son. You earn that love every day. Every moment. That’s what ya gotta do. Earn it, and return it in kind. Now what ya was doin’ with that there other lady is all fun and pleasuresome and such, but it’s a real small part of love. The sooner you get that, Arthur, the happier you’ll be. Now, I don’t know if you can mend things with Miss Bainbridge or no, but if I were you, I’d do everything in my power to mend things with that fine woman. She’s more than a romp, son. She’s a woman, through and through.”

Unbelievable. I looked at him with complete disbelief, but I was sure to keep my face still, without emotion. This lonely man was lecturing me on love. Typical. I’d like to eat him, actually, here and now. Maybe blood was what I needed to feel better, but for some reason, as soon as I thought it, nausea spread through my belly, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than just to leave.

“Thank you for your advice, sir. It is well-received, I assure you. If you must know, Ava and I have not been well for a while now, but, yes, she is a remarkable woman, and I have every intention of making things right with her again. Every intention indeed.” At least every intention of getting her back under my control. She was just a woman, after all. What was she without me? A landlady on Baker Street? Yes, she’d be back. No doubt.

“Well,” Blackwolf said, “I hope I didn’t overstep none. I just wish someone had said as much to me when I was yer age is all. I think my life would be altogether different.” A sadness came over his features. Lost love, no doubt. How dreadfully common.

“I really must get back up, Captain. I’ve got a lot to work out still, but I thank you for your time.”

“A’course.” He didn’t get up when I did, but rather just leaned his cheek on his hand. As I turned to leave, he tossed his top hat onto the table and ran his fingers through his hair.

I showed myself out and left him there with this thoughts.

Ha! I took Avalon for granted. How preposterous! I really didn’t understand what all the fuss was about anyway. So I fucked someone else. It wasn’t like Avalon expected me to be with her and only her forever! For eternity? Surely not! How absurd! Yes. Really, this was her mistake, wasn’t it? These were her unreasonable demands. Indeed. I’d done nothing wrong, after all. Only what was natural, and a man can’t be blamed for that.

CONSTANCE

The McFerrets stayed indoors all evening, mostly listening to the string quartet and dancing or chatting with friends in the parlor. I didn’t stick by his side all night, but I did stay around enough to make Willie a little nervous. I enjoyed seeing him tug at his collar when I walked past, forcing his eyes to stay off of me. The man already felt guilty for what he planned tomorrow night. No, that wasn’t not quite right. Not guilty. Scared. It wasn’t morality creeping up his thick neck, it was fear.

The fear of being caught.

The doctor and I crossed paths a few times during the evening, and he was full up to the knocker already. He, of course, didn’t recognize me as Charlotte. His chambermaid would stay hidden until our clandestine meeting at midnight. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t passed out by midnight. Such a lush and addict, too, no doubt, with the opium. Must be covering up some very deep pain. However, instead of facing it, coping with it, he ran from it. A sure way to ensure it would continue to chase him. The worst of it was he felt the need to spread it around, causing pain to others just to ease his own but for a minute or two. Selfish.

Pathetic.

Monstrous, even.

Cowardly, for sure.

There was never any excuse for victimizing an innocent, no matter how much pain one endured. Everyone had their ghosts, but not everyone transferred their hell to others for their own benefit. Those that did, like Nesbitt, would get that hell transferred back to them and then some.

“Good evening, sir,” I said and curtsied to Baron Vincent Von Rictus Baine.

“Ah! Miss Sopha! Delighted to see you again! Are you enjoying the cruise thus far?”

“Oh, yes. I am indeed! Earlier I went on the stargazing tour, and that was very cold to be up there at night. I’ve stayed down here for the rest of the evening, but I do believe I shall be calling it a night soon enough. Big day, tomorrow. Although, I think I shall stay inside and get some writing done.”

“Will you not see Paris at all?”

“Well, I’ll tell you a secret, Vincent. I’m here for a very important business meeting that could very well start my career as a journalist. Oh, sir, it is my greatest dream!”

“I have no doubt you will inspire others with as much elegance and grace through your writing as you do through your company, my dear. How wonderful for you! Please, do let me know how it goes.”

“Oh, I shall, Vincent! I shall, indeed.”

“Would you care to dance once more before you retire, Charlotte?”

“I would be absolutely delighted, Baron!”

As we waltzed, we chatted about this and that as we’d done before. Just as I knew he would, he proved to be the perfect gentleman. Such a lovely man. With every word and action and genuine expression on his handsome face, he proved it. Not another word of romance or suggestion to pursue anything other than a friendly acquaintance, or perhaps even a friendship. No pouting or sardonic remarks about being in Paris alone tomorrow or my choice to write over his company. A true gentleman, indeed.

True gentlemen, I found, had no need to tell you that they were gentlemen.

They showed it with every breath.

As the dance ended, my few moments of grace with Vincent were ruined. Nesbitt stumbled through the ballroom, colliding with couples on his way to the staircase. He picked up one of the poinsettia plants and proceeded to vomit into it before placing it back on the corner of the stairs.

“Ugh! Why do they continue to invite that man?” I asked the Baron.

“Unfortunately, he is rather famous in these circles. Between the tales of his adventures and his position at Oxford, not to mention his silly antics, he has become a kind of celebrity, I’m afraid.”

“That excuses his disgusting behavior?”

“Not in the least, my dear. People have a tendency to overlook certain things in celebrities, don’t they? He makes people laugh with this pathetic buffoonery, plus he can be charming, not to mention quite brilliant. He’s a doctor and professor of science at Oxford after all, but I quite agree with you. None of that excuses such behavior. I would not invite this man into my home or to any gathering. Not at all. I’ve seen how he treats ladies, and it is deplorable. I pity his wife and family, really. They deserve better than this pathetic debauchee. No amount of talent or brilliance or laughter can make that behavior acceptable in my opinion. I, however, am in the minority on this one, I’m afraid.”

“I don’t think I will ever understand High Society, then.”

“Oh, sweet lady, it’s not just High Society, sadly. I’ve traveled far and wide, even to other times, and it’s always the same wherever or whenever. They believe lies because they want to, not because it’s truth. People will look the other way unless if affects them directly. Then, they find, they’re alone, because everyone around them is doing the same. Looking away. Pretending. Yes. Something I cannot do, my dear.”

“No. You are far too genuine for that, and I respect you, sir, for that as well as for your kindness. It is all too rare, indeed.”

The Baron blushed. “Well,” he said, pulling out his pocket watch, “it’s nearing midnight, my dear, so I believe I will retire for the night myself. It has been a pleasure, as always, to chat with you. Do tell me that your meeting goes as splendidly as I’m sure it will.”

“Thank you, Baron. Good night.”

“Good night,” he said, bowing, then left, and I found myself watching him go with some longing to follow, a desire to love. If only my heart were my own. Best not dwell on that which one cannot change.

I turned to see the doctor stumble up the stairs. He looked at his own pocket watch, and realizing the time, straightened up and with his sleeve, wiped his mouth, then smoothed down his dark uniform. Throwing his chest out, he climbed the rest of the way up and headed, no doubt, to his chamber where I was to meet him minutes from now.

Best get changed.

I knocked on the doctor’s cabin door, then smoothed down my white apron and ensured my now-blonde hair was tightly pulled back properly in a bun beneath the white kerchief.

The door opened with a swish, and the doctor stood there, poised as the perfect gentleman.

“Good, e’enin’, sir.” I curtsied.

“Sweet, Claire. I’m so pleased you came.”

“I keep my word, sir, but I just came to tell you that I’d rather meet with you in public first, sir. Perhaps once we’re back in London. This just don’t seem righ’, sir. I ‘ope you’ll forgive me, sir.”

“Nonsense! You’re perfectly safe, my girl. I am a gentleman, after all.”

As I said…

“No, sir. I fink I should just—”

“Don’t be silly, girl. You’re here now.” He grabbed my arm and started pulling me inside, but I resisted.

“Please, sir.”

“It’s fine. Like I told you before, I promise, we shan’t do anything you don’t wish to do. Don’t you like me? You kissed me before didn’t you? Were you just toying with me? Playing with the heart of a lonely man? You’re not that cruel, are you Claire?” His eyebrows creased when he said this, and he let go of my arm and twisted each side of his mustache, arranging his face to an expression of one who has been slighted. Bravo.

“A’course not, sir!” My eyes were wide with fear of having offended such a noble man.

I could hardly even think those words without laughing.

“I like you, sir. I really do. It’s just, well, sir, it’s not propa, sir. Not propa at all, is it, sir? I mean, I jus’ met ya an’ all, and I don’t want ya ta think I’m a trollop, sir.”

He chuckled at this, his face softening. “Come here, you,” he said with such sweetness. Gathering me up in his long arms, he embraced me and made a tsk tsk tsk noise. “Nonsense,” he said again. “I think no such thing. I respect you, Claire. Utterly.”

Mind you, while he spoke these words, he was grinding his erection into me again. Before I knew it, he had maneuvered me inside and shut the door.

“Now, let’s get more comfortable, shall we?” He pushed me down on the bed and sat next to me. I scooted away from him, and he followed, until I was trapped between him and the wall. “It’s all right,” he said, putting his hand on my knee.

I tried to move it away, but he fought me until I gave up.

“Come now, silly girl, it’s harmless. It’s just a knee after all. No need to get huffy.”

He began talking about how it would be once we were back in London, and every few minutes, he’d inch his hand further up my thigh. His other hand would sometimes go to his trousers and rub himself a few times and saying, “Oh! Oh! Oh!” as he did so. Then he’d continue talking as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“How long have you been married?” I asked him and hoped talking about his family would dissuade him from progressing, yet knowing full well it wouldn’t. It was always interesting to see how these libertines reacted to mention of their wives and responsibilities.

“Too long, I’m afraid. As I told you, arranged marriage. It’s all rather unfortunate business, but I don’t want to hurt them, you see. That’s why we must meet in secret, just for a while. I have to let them down easy, you see. After the new baby is born, then perhaps a year afterward, so I just don’t leave her in a state. You understand, don’t you? Yes. It’s for the best. Yes, indeed.”

“New baby, sir?”

“Yes. My wife, she’s pregnant with our fourth, you see. Then there is the matter of her dowry. Oh, yes. She has quite a sizable one, indeed. Yes, indeed. Can’t have word getting back to her. No. Not yet anyway. You understand, don’t you, Claire? But we can have a real courtship in London in the meantime. You’re so young and…delicious. A few years is nothing to you, my dear. It will be perfect. Then we shall be together. Properly married.” He licked his lips, tongue sticking far out and swirling around and around the outsides of his lips. “Could I have another kiss, please?” he asked. “The first one was so sweet.”

“Well, all right. But just one kiss,” I warned, and he kissed me with such tenderness, then pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes. His hand had reached all the way up to my privates, and he tickled my clitoris with his pinky finger while looking at me with a very serious look. With all Claire’s might, I tried to push his hand away, but he resisted. Then, in another instant, he had me pinned back on the bed, kissing me and groping my breasts with one hand, pulling up my skirt with the other.

“No!” I cried. “Stop, sir. Please!”

“Shhhhhhh,” he said. “It’s all right. It’s a proper courtship after all, so it’s all right. I’m a gentleman.”

“I don’t want to, sir. Please. Not like this.”

His hand had reached all the way up my skirts and into my bloomers. As his finger slid into me, I gasped.

He groaned, “Oh. Yes. So tight! So wet. You see, you love this. Let me please you, just tonight. Let me love you, just for tonight. All right? You will love this. I promise.”

“Stop! Please, sir!”

“This feels good, doesn’t it? Come on, now. It does feel good. Admit it! Admit it, and I’ll stop.”

“Yes. It does. Now please stop.”

He kissed my mouth and cheeks and neck, then slipped another finger inside me and got more forceful with thrusting them in and out. Sitting up between my spread legs, he removed his fingers and licked between and all around them. His bulgy, black-rimmed, tea-colored eyes glared at me. The color reminded me of the mud on the banks of The Thames, filthy and rank. He started to remove my bloomers, and I grabbed both his hands, holding them steady for a moment. “No. I’m a maid, sir! Please, sir! I aim to stay one until I’m married as is proper, sir. Please let me go, sir.”

“You shall stay a maid. I promise.”

He ripped my bloomers down, then buried his head beneath my skirts and licked me, flicking his tongue around and around until I moaned. The entire time, I tried to struggle away, but he kept me held in place with his hands.

“Stop. Please. This isn’t right. I’ll scream, sir! I will!”

“Shhhhh,” he said, popping his head up, mouth and chin wet. “It’s all right. You don’t have to do a thing. Just enjoy it. It feels good, right?” Sitting back up, he started to undo his belt. “This is a proper courtship after all.”

“No! Please!” I said and squirmed out from under him, running to the door, tripping on my bloomers, but he got there before I did and held it shut, standing between me and the door.

“Shhhh,” he said again. “Don’t worry. I’m a gentleman. You said no, and I respect that. I shan’t put it to you, girl. You will be a maid when you leave this room tonight. All right? You can trust me. You enjoyed that, didn’t you? I heard you moan. Yes, indeed. You enjoyed it quite a bit.”

“It was pleasurable sir, but I don’t want this, sir. Please.”

“See? You liked it. I can please you more.”

“I just want to leave. We can meet in London. Right, sir? Do a courtship propa. Like ya said, sir.”

“Foolish, girl. What do you think a courtship is? This is a real courtship. This. What we’re doing tonight. Are you really so naive to think men and women just sit and have tea and chat for hours and hours? Ha! Now I promise I will leave you a maid, but you’ve had all the pleasure thus far. It’s my turn. You care for me, don’t you? You do, I know you do.”