Awake (18 page)

Not just
any Pegasus
.
Our
Pegasus. The same Pegasus Reed and I both dreamt of when we first met.

“That…but…I…How?” I breathe out so soft I am not sure Reed has heard me.

“He's the same.” Reed's voice holds both wonder and fear. I am sure he is feeling the same things I am. It is impossible for this animal to be standing here gazing back at us. I blink a few times, thinking he would disappear, but he does not.

Then our observations are confirmed by Willow's soft gasp from my other side. “Wow,” she breathes out.

Her reaction is no surprise. Pegasi are very rare. As a child, I had dreamt of finding one, how it would become my pet and friend. I listened to stories of them and hoped I would one day find one, and yes, I dreamt, but I had never imagined I would actually come face-to-face with the Pegasus of those dreams.

The dream Reed and I shared was already a huge puzzle I had yet to figure out, which time hadn't permitted. There is also the question of the dreams I had of Reed in the dungeon, calling out to me, but again time has not allowed for much thought on that subject either. Can Reed and I somehow connect with each other in our dreams? Was all of that real? I had not completely believed Reed and I could communicate in our sleep, but now the beautiful Pegasus is standing before me, and I cannot deny the reality of it. Unfortunately, time is of the essence and I do not have a chance to think about this now.

Holly reminds me of this from behind: “We have to go, Poppy. Now!” The fear in her voice forces me into action.

I begin to walk toward the animal, as not to spook him, but my efforts are unnecessary. In the next instant, I can hear an oddly familiar voice in my head.

“ It's okay. I'm not afraid. I'm here to help you.”

“Oh my…” Reed says beside me, having also heard the words. The others are wearing expressions of concern and determination, not of shock, so Reed and I must be the only ones the creature speaks to.

“Poppy?” Reed asks softly. I nod my head to reassure him I heard it too, but say nothing more. This will need to be figured out later. Rho's life is more important now.

I turn back to the Pegasus. “Dash?” I ask so the others will not pick up what I say. My dreams of Dash are something I am not ready to reveal.

The animal snorts, and his head bobs as a typical horse would. Pushing everything else to the back of my mind, I walk swiftly over to Dash so I can run my hand over his neck. When I glance up at the others, my throat tightens upon seeing Rho again. I clear the knot from my throat and address my friends, “Willow, you have to ride with Rho so you can start healing her immediately. We cannot risk staying here to do it. If the guards get through that wall or figure out where the path led, we will lose her for sure. The rest of us will follow as quickly as we can.”

Willow and Holly, with Rho in her arms, begin to walk hesitantly toward Dash.

“He will not harm you. Now hurry.” I try to avert my eyes from Rho, focusing on Holly and the gentleness with which she carries my best friend.

“You can't send them alone,” Gideon says. “They'll be vulnerable until we can get to them.” I whirl around to face Gideon, realizing he is correct and fumbling as to why I had not realized this sooner. It must simply be the shock of everything that has happened causing me to not think things through properly. The feeling is not one I am familiar with and extremely frustrating.

Before I can come up with a solution, Dash speaks into my mind again. “
I can carry three of you, but they must be the females.
”

“Someone else…” I start.

Holly cuts me off before I finish the sentence. “I'll go with them.” Her face set in a stern and determined line, leaves me with no doubt that should be the obvious choice. My mind still has not set itself right, and I cannot afford to be distracted while protecting Willow and Rho. She will be able to defend them should anyone attack once they arrive in the forest.

“Agreed,” I say and take a step back to allow Gideon and Thorne to assist. Thorne gently takes Rho from Holly's arms, standing back as Gideon helps Willow and then Holly onto Dash. Thorne cradles Rho in his arms while he waits and then, as delicately as possible, places her into Holly's waiting arms. I cannot help the sob trying to escape. My throat chafes with the effort of holding back the tears.

Reed steps up beside me and takes my hand in his. He squeezes tightly once as we stand together, watching them settle. Gideon gives Holly instructions on where we will meet them. I do not interfere or offer any input. I have only the strength now to follow.

Dash speaks once again in my mind.
“Don't worry, Poppy. I'll keep them safe.”

I nod once then watch as Gideon and Thorne lead Dash out of the stable. Reed and I follow behind until we are all outside. The stable is at the back of the castle. It is not very busy at any time of day, but since it is still early morning and the sun has not even begun to rise, the place is deserted.

Everyone remains silent now as we watch Dash spread his wings, revealing just how beautiful and majestic they are, glittering even in the moonlight. He seems to glow slightly under the sparkle of the stars, the only peaceful thing about this place and time. Holly pulls Rho, still limp and lifeless, closer into her arms. Willow sits in front of them, gripping the hair of Dash's mane but still casting glances back at Rho. My stomach flips, wondering if Willow will be able to save her. Her magical abilities rival many, but Rho's injuries
appear fa
r worse than any I have seen healed before. If I had brought another healer along with us, could we have already saved Rho? I know rethinking every decision I made so far is a waste of time, but I cannot help but wonder if I had done something,
anything
, differently if Rho would be standing beside us right now.

Dash takes a step, then another, and then he is running. His wings move up and down in a graceful, rapid movement. My stomach is taken over by the ball of nerves that rolls around and makes me queasy. I am amazed at how the scene before me can still inspire so much awe in the midst of all the tragedy around us. A few tears leak down from the corners of my eyes, tickling my cheeks as they run down my face to my chin. I flinch when Reed's warm hands cup my cheeks to wipe the tears away with his thumbs.

He drops his hands from my face to take one of mine and tug it. “Let's go.” Gideon and Thorne stand a few feet away, scanning the darkness for threats. I nod once, and we begin to make our way back toward the forest.

It is not a long walk, and the pace we keep makes the distance even shorter. The stables were strategically placed on the grounds so the king could make a quick escape from the court, should he ever need to. Gideon takes the lead, Thorne the back. There is no communication and no waiting for my orders. I could not give orders even if I wanted to. Reed maintains a firm grip on my hand. We stay between the other two as we near the forest.

Since I am no longer planning or leading and we walk in utter silence, my mind begins to wander. So many questions bounce around in my head. Just thinking all of them brings a new wave of anxiety and exhaustion. I just want to curl up in a bed and sleep and, when I wake up, have all of this to be over. Actually, I want to wake up and realize this was all a horrible dream. That it never even occurred.

But do I
really
?

If this were all a dream, I would never have met my mother. I would not have made the friends I have, and I would not know Reed. Does the idea of losing Rho cancel all of that out? Would I trade one friend for the other? I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to silence the questions. I need a clear mind so I can focus on one thing at a time.

Reed squeezes my hand. I stare up at him. His eyes are sad but even in the dark I can see his concern for me. “We'll get through this, Poppy. I promise. I know there's a lot going on in that head of yours, but let's get through one thing at a time. Okay?” He squeezes my hand again.

I offer a poor excuse for a smile, but I do admit his words help. I have known Reed for such a short time, half of which we were separated from each other, but he understands me so well. Sensing when I need his comforting arms around me or when I need soothing words to calm my frazzled nerves.

“Okay,” I whisper back. “Thank you.”

“Thank you, Poppy.” His eyes bore into mine, and everything else disappears. “Thank you for saving us. I don't …” He shakes his head and I know he is thinking how impossible it is I even found them. He does not say anything else, but he does not need to, because I know what he is thinking.

This time, I squeeze his hand. “I know, and you are welcome, but you do not need to thank me. I was going crazy worrying about the two of you. And now Rho…” I break off before the sob comes out. I still my thoughts, turning them to anger and determination so I will not cry. “We have to hurry.”

The trees and forest around me still blur as I follow blindly, but everything comes back into focus when we step into a clearing in the woods. I sense the magic around me shift as the unseelie pull fades and the new sensations of the wild forest surround
ing
me takes over. As horrible and unsafe as the forest can be, I let out a small sigh of relief at being out of the court.

My attention is drawn quickly to the middle of the clearing. Dash is on one side, wings pulled back, head up high as if he is keeping guard over the fae kneeling on the ground before him. Willow and Holly are both crouched down, bent over Rho. Willow is already working on her, and Holly is leaning close to Rho's face.

I freeze for a moment at the look on Holly's face. She seems determined, but there are also tears in her eyes. She has Rho's hand clasped tightly in her own, her ear close to Rho's lips as she listens to her. I run over to them as fast as I can, sliding to the ground on the other side of Rho's body.

Holly glances up at me when I take Rho's other hand but does not speak to me. She pulls herself back from Rho's face, but does not release the hold she has on her. I look down at Rho to see her eyes are closed. I take a moment to look her over.

She has grown even paler, causing the blood to stand out starkly against her delicate skin. Her hair is no longer pink but red from all of the blood that has soaked into it. Willow is moving her clothing, checking her all over for damage. But it is clear the damage is everywhere. Her skin is ripped and torn from the top of her head to her toes. Her clothing is shredded, revealing the deep gashes she suffered without so much as a scream while King Foxglove bellowed and begged for his life.

Willow reaches for her satchel, and Rho's eyes flutter open. I gasp at the look in her eyes. There is no light or laughter but worst of all, there is no hope. I tighten my hold on her hand in mine and lean as close as I can to talk to her. “You are going to be okay. Do you understand me?” I cannot hold back the tears now, and I do not try.

“Poppy,” she says so softly I barely make it out, even with my ear practically touching her lips.

“I cannot believe you did that. What were you thinking?” I want to shout this at her, but it is just a soft whisper. I cup her face with my other hand, not letting go of hers for even a second.

“Couldn't…let…him…hurt…you…” There is a long pause and deep breath between every one of her words. I can see the struggle in her to even form them.

“You did not need to do this. We could have come up with something. Why?” I am sobbing now. She closes her eyes and takes a breath. It wheezes from her chest and ends with a cough, sending blood trickling out of her mouth. “No. No, no, no. Do not do this, Rho. You cannot leave me. I need you,” I beg.

“I'm…sorry. I…love you…Poppy. Thank…you.” She closes her eyes and although still breathing, she does not open them again.

“Willow! Willow, help her please!” I scream helplessly.

I feel hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me out of the way, but I cannot move. I cannot let go of Rho's hand. If I let go, she will leave me. I am sobbing uncontrollably now, but still not accepting what is happening. “Willow!” I wail.

“Shh, Poppy. Shh,” I recognize Reed's voice, his hands moving up and down my arms, trying to comfort me. But it does not work. I push away from him to lean over Rho.

“Rho! Open your eyes. Now!” I imagine her eyes opening and her giving me the look she gives when she thinks I am being ridiculous or over-protective. The teasing looks she used to give me when she was telling me she could beat me at any fight.

But it does not happen. She does not open her eyes.

I sit there staring at her chest, willing it to keep moving. It does for a few moments, but every rise and fall begins to take longer and longer.

Finally her chest does not rise again.

I continue to stare, waiting.

Her chest does not rise.

My best friend has died.

I curl my body around Rho, crying like I never cried before. Holding her close, oblivious of the blood soaking into my clothes, I rock with her as the sobs wrench from my throat. My voice has grown so hoarse from my screaming that now I can only sob and moan.

Time stands still, minutes or hours passing, neither of consequence. My friend is gone, and therefore none of it matters any longer. I would have stayed this way forever, her delicate body protected within my arms, but for the strong, sturdy arms wrapping around me like steel bands. They try to pull me from Rho, but I fight, kicking out and screaming, to no avail. I tighten my grasp on her, but I stare pitifully as her hand slips from mine, falling limply to the ground. The sight of her lifeless body on full display takes all of the fight out of me. Only then do I allow myself to go limp.

As I stare at Rho's body, Reed takes my place. I am surprised for a moment when I realize it is not his arms I am in, but gut-wrenching sadness takes over once again when I peer into his face. It is drawn tight in grief and anger. He kneels down on the ground next to Rho, looking down at the hand that dropped from mine before gently taking it in his. He studies her hand for a moment, tracing the lines of her fingers.

A new sensation consumes me. Anger boils inside of me for a moment, anger at myself for the jealousy I am feeling right now. Reed and Rho obviously formed some sort of relationship, and he must care for her. Now she is dead, and I still suffer a moment of jealousy. Disgusted with myself, I turn in the arms
that
are still holding me, not simply wanting to avoid the scene before me, but also to hide any betraying features on my face. I could not bear for anyone to witness even a hint of the jealousy I experience, especially Reed. Gideon is holding me, but it does not matter who it is. I pull my arms to my chest and bury my face in his shoulder, continuing to cry. His arms tighten around me, and then his cheek lowers to rest on top of my head.

The comfort helps a little. My sobs begin to slow, and a wave of exhaustion takes over. I am suddenly so tired I fight to keep my eyes open. A few more moments, and I could fall asleep standing up, but the moments do not come. My eyes pop open when I hear a throat clearing behind me, loudly and almost rudely. Gideon loosens his hold on me so I can regain my footing. Once grounded, I turn to face Reed.

His arms are crossed over his chest, making me feel small and weak as I look up into his face. The grief and the anger are clear, both understandable. As I stare into his eyes, his face softens at the sight of mine, and he opens his arms. I push all my jealousy and other thoughts from my head and walk into his embrace. He hugs me tightly for a moment, and I want to cry once again, but I stop myself. There are things to be done now. “We must bury her,” I choke out, barely a whisper.

“I know.” He does not sound any better.

“Will you help me?”

“Of course.”

I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, before I turn to face the others.

They all formed a tight circle around Rho's body. Everyone has the same somber expression on their faces. I'm not surprised. Although I just met these fae and they did not know Rho, the death of a fae is never taken lightly. Especially if that fae proves to be noble as Rho was.

“We must bury her.” I intended to say more, but I could not. Thankfully I do not have to.

Holly steps up immediately, “I will help prepare her if you'll let me.”

I tilt my head and study Holly for a moment. Her sadness is much deeper than the others'. I remember the way she was hunched over Rho when I stepped into the clearing, Rho speaking softly to her. I wonder about this but do not ask. It is not the time or place. Focusing on Holly, I can see how much she wants to do this.

Nodding once, I begin to step toward Rho. Thorne speaks then. “If it's all right, Princess, Gideon and I would like to assist Holly and take care of Rho for you.”

I open my mouth to refuse. Rho was my best friend; I should do this. But Reed takes my hand and squeezes it to gain my attention. When I look up at him, he says, “Let them do it, Poppy. It will be hard enough for you to watch. Let them do this.” His voice and eyes are pleading so I relent.

As much as I hate to admit it, Reed's insistence is the perfect excuse I need to allow myself to let go. When I do, I instantly experience relief, my body sagging slightly and the tight knot in my stomach loosening slightly, at not having to be the one to bury my best friend. Taking a step back to stand beside Reed, I nod to Thorne. Holding Reed's hand within my own, I watch as my new friends bury Rho.

Fae do not use the same customs as humans when it comes to burying our dead. We do not have graveyards, nor do we perform cremations. Our dead are buried where they died, where their body will disintegrate immediately and go back to nature. With the help of a traditional spell, the dirt, roots, grass, trees, and flowers will take them into themselves. This way the deceased fae will live and thrive forever with nature. It is usually a peaceful and honorable time. Although I know it is an honor, I cannot seem to find the peace. Rho's death is not fair, and I cannot accept it.

I stand between Reed and Willow as Holly, Gideon, and Thorne make the preparations. Holly takes special care with Rho, fixing her clothes as well as possible. With a damp cloth provided by Willow, she wipes the blood from her face and smoothes her hair as best as she can. The tears begin to leak from my eyes once again, but I continue my vigil.

Gideon and Thorne use magic to form a hole in the ground where Rho will be lowered. They also gather a few flowers to bury along with her, lavender for peace, orchid for love, and lotus for remembrance. These flowers will enhance the spell, allowing for a quicker transformation into the earth.

Holly, Gideon, and Thorne are such fierce, deadly warriors, but at this time they are so serene, considerate, and caring. I am so grateful for them at this moment. I will never be able to repay them for the love and kindness they are showing Rho.

Holly looks up at Gideon, and he nods, indicating they are ready. She then glances at me for my approval. I give a quick nod as well. Gideon and Thorne move to either side of Rho and gently lift her from the ground. They try to keep her limbs from hanging too limply, and I am grateful for the illusion.
She is sleeping,
I tell myself.
Resting forever peacefully.

Holly is standing in the hole so she can take Rho from them. She lowers herself, with Rho in her arms, to the ground and out of my line of sight. I wait. Holly takes a moment to arrange Rho once again then lifts her head to find my eyes.

I close them, take a deep breath, and walk toward my best friend.

Looking down into the hole, I view my beautiful, vibrant, gossipy best friend. Holly has done a good job of clearing the blood and fixing her hair. She looks almost peaceful. I smile as all the happy memories begin to play through my mind. I vow to hold on to them and keep them close to my heart forever.

Willow kneels on the ground next to Rho's resting place and begins to sprinkle a mixture of flowers and herbs over Rho's body. Then she says the spell that will allow Rho to live forever amid the flowers and trees.

Death has come, but peace remains. Forever amongst the earth you stay.

Willow repeats the spell two more times, each time growing softer and softer until the words seem to flow around us like the magic in the air. I feel a small sense of peace, but only a small one. Then Gideon waves his hand at the ground, and the earth swallows Rho within.

Holly surprises me by stepping in front of Gideon. She places both of her palms together in front of her heart and begins to raise them to the sky. Her eyes are closed, her lips moving in a soft whisper. I know instantly what she is doing. This is traditional for a warrior burial, but Rho was not a warrior. I start to open my mouth to stop her, but her eyes catch mine and I keep quiet. As her palms rise upward, I begin to feel the magic around me stir and raise my eyes to the sky above us. High up, above the trees and into the open sky, there is a shower of bright pink light, almost like fireworks. The color represents Rho, and the display informs all who see that a warrior has fallen. When the display fades, I glance at Holly. “Why did you do that?” I ask her.

Holly reluctantly meets my eyes, but remains quiet as she considers her answer. I almost ask again, impatience getting the best of me, but she holds a hand up in front of her to ask for another minute of consideration. After that minute, she finally answers me.

“Rho was not a warrior in the
literal
sense of the word, but she gave her life for you, me, and everyone else the king held hostage. She did whatever it took to help us. And in doing so, she not only saved our lives, but she did what no one else in the seelie court has been able to do in all these years…She killed King Foxglove. But the reason she did it is what made her a real warrior. I don't think Queen Lily would have ever asked us to sacrifice ourselves to get rid of him. Rho did it out of love, not because she was ordered to. While she was lying there on the ground, I listened to her. I heard what she had to say about you. Maybe you aren't the enemy I thought you were when we first met. You and I will never be friends like you and Rho or Willow, but I won't despise you anymore. I did this for Rho because she deserved it. In my eyes, she is a true warrior. A person who does what they believe in, no matter the cost.”

I am stunned into silence and only nod in answer to Holly's speech. I am touched she would do this for Rho, but I certainly could not put into words what this means to me. Neither of us says anything further as we turn away from each other. Holly's eyes rake the night sky after she speaks, looking for what I have already located. Just above the spot where Rho's body has been given to the earth, a bright pink star now shines in the heavens. The magic would not last forever, but it was there, marking the spot where my best friend took her last breath.

Everyone is quiet for a while, staring into the sky at the pink gleam that represents Rho. Gideon finally clears his throat to gain everyone's attention. “We should be moving. It is dangerous for us to remain in one location for too long. The unclaimed are still around, and right now would not be a good time for a fight.”

We all agree, allowing Gideon to take over as leader. As we make our way back to the seelie court, everyone is quiet. I am unsure of the others' thoughts, but mine are consumed with only one. Knowing Rho is safe now may help me to feel a small amount of peace, but it is not enough. I may have vowed to keep Rho alive in my heart, but I have also made another vow: that Damien would pay for the betrayal that has caused this death.

If Rho can kill the king, then I can kill Damien.