Awake (9 page)

-16-

It’s Sunday. I am twenty-one and Wade Donovan is in my shower. He remembered he has to cook lunch at the shelter in Boyle Heights today and I remembered I promised Alodia I would help with the dishes again.

We both agreed he has to go back to his regular life and that we should not be seen together. There is too much at stake for him and, honestly, I do not need that kind of drama and gossip attached to me two weeks before my graduation.

We have made no plans beyond these simple agreements and he finally convinced me I should show up separately at the shelter and not let Alodia down. I told him to clear his head and take a few days and try to remember Tori and his restaurant.

He shook his head angry again at my suggestion to return to his normal life and marched off to the shower. Alone.

I have decided to give him his space and make some morning tea.

My phone rings. I pick it up just as I get the water heating in the kettle. “Ursula doesn’t live here anymore,” I say referring to the no longer needed name on my fake ID.

“Ursula was more fun,” Kat responds.

“Well, Erin doesn’t like hangovers,” I explain. “She’s twenty-one now and too mature for that stuff.”

“Yuck,” Kat says. “Maturity can suck my balls.”

I laugh. “You know, Kat, I don’t think any girl in the world refers to her balls as much as you do.”

Wade enters wearing jeans and no shirt just in time to hear that last line. He gives me a delicious confused smirk and then pulls his tee shirt on over oh-so-delicious wet hair.

I make a pouty face when he covers his hard chest and six-pack. He opens his hands in apology and looks for his shoes.

“Brunch?” Kat asks.

I watch Wade bend over and pick up his shoes.

“Hello,” Kat says.

“I can’t, honey,” I say. “I promised I would help out at the shelter today.”

“Uh huh, light bulb,” Kat says. “You wanted your beauty sleep for Studly McStuds, didn’t you? It’s all making sense.”

“I promised one of the girls at my girl’s night thing,” I say.

“I hear you, Cassidy,” Kat says knowingly. “I’m going to let you go with that story. My last birthday present. Tomorrow shit gets real though. I need to hear everything and absolutely no BS.”

“That sounds fun,” I say. “Not.”

“Can you keep your panties on until then?” she asks as Wade reaches under my tee shirt and squeezes my panty-less ass from behind.

“Of course,” I lie. “Toodles.”

“Toodles,” she says and hangs up.

I put the phone down as Wade notices the tea bags and water on the stove. “No time for tea,” he says.

He pulls me to him like a ragdoll and kisses me. I like the way he dominates my body and moves me around to his own desires.

“Love them and leave them,” I say softly as a joke but perhaps it comes off vulnerable.

Wade eyes me uncertainly.

“I’m joking,” I say stronger this time. “Best one night stand ever.”

“You’re strange,” he says grinning like only he can.

“I’m good,” I say as my water begins to boil. “Run along now.”

“I’ll see you down there,” he says and slaps my ass so hard it stings.

“Ouch,” I say and mean it.

“Toodles,” he says mocking my call with Kat.

“Oh my god,” I say as he winks and leaves my apartment.

* * *

Alodia gives me a quick hug when I walk in, but then it’s all business. I’m late. My taxi took twenty minutes to show up and then had another fare in the car who had to be dropped off in Century City on the way downtown.

“Good. You’re here,” she says. “We have a long line today. Lots of empty bellies.”

“Let’s do it,” I say as we walk to the sinks and grab dirty pots.

“How was your big night?” she asks.

I glance quickly to her thinking somehow she already knows about Wade and me. Alodia seems indifferent. She scrubs a pot vigorously and blows a strand of hair off her face.

“My birthday?” I say dumbly figuring out her intent. “I don’t think I’m hung over. I consider that a victory.”

She gives me a quick, curious glance. I feel like I am confessing something every time I open my mouth around her. “To have a victory means you have recognized the enemy,” she says. “That is a victory unto itself.”

Wade rushes into the room and swoops up two clean pots. He ignores me completely no doubt concerned about Alodia’s razor sharp perception. He leaves as fast as he came.

Alodia somehow finds that curious. When she catches me studying her reaction, I realize what amateurs Wade and I are next to her.

“I wonder,” she says.

I am terrified to speak. She should be working for the CIA.

“How many young men have ever entered a room and not noticed your presence?” she asks without really asking.

“Plenty,” I say.

“No, dear. Whatever you are, you are definitely noticeable, especially to a young man.”

She knows, obviously. I can only hope she approves. “That’s so sweet of you to say, Alodia,” I bluff.

“Sweet, like an angel’s sigh,” she says and returns to the task of removing caked on baked beans from an ancient pot.

I lose myself in the cleaning. The hot water pours over my right hand as it moves in small scrubbing circles. My thoughts drift off to dreamlike scenarios of how, at the end of everything, Wade and I might possibly live happily ever after.

In every dream there is sunshine and white clouds and cascading waves of love. To be with him is warm and wonderful but I begin to notice a feeling of isolation in the dreams as if we are stranded alone in a world without other people.

“Erin, come with me,” Alodia whispers urgently.

I am startled from my daydreams and surprised to find a desperate expression on Alodia’s normally calm face.

“Is everything okay?”

“Just come with me,” she says. “Put that down and let’s go.”

Adrenaline floods through me as she pulls me to the back of the small wash room and opens a supply room door. It’s dark in there and crammed with abandoned equipment. The air that escapes from within is wet and musty and almost makes me gag.

“What are we doing?” I ask utterly confused.

“Go through there,” she says. “There’s a door on the other side.”

She loses her patience. “You know Alodia sees everything,” she says. “Now go out there. You’ll reach the street.”

“Okay, yeah. I trust you,” I say and step carefully into the dark room and start searching for the handle on the opposite door of the small closet.

“And, Minnesota, call a taxi and not your driver.”

“Alodia, what is it?”

“Go quick,” she says. “The boy will call you later.”

She shuts the door on me. I am in total darkness a moment before I find the other handle. It opens into a narrow alley which leads right out to Soto street.

I hit the speed dial for Yellow Cab. They tell me ten minutes. A text comes through. My stepmother.
Hope u had fun dear. Check in with us. We worry. PS. Tori on way to shelter. Luv.

Tori must have been there. That’s why Alodia shoved me into the supply closet, but why does my stepmother know this and why does she think she has to warn me.

I’m alive
, I text,
and what?!?!?

My attempt at sending her a text portraying confusion will hardly change her mind, but this is a game we’ve been playing for years. She tries to protect me at every turn but does so always assuming the worst of me. It makes no difference that she is often right about what I’ve done.

If she ever wanted to be a mother to me she would have had to believe in me a little bit. No one wants a guardian angel who doubts your every move. Plus her text was like three minutes too late.

-17-

I take a hot bath and try to stay awake as I lie back and close my eyes. The phone stares up to me from the floor next to the tub. Alodia said he would call. Seven hours have passed and no one has called, not even Kat or my stepmother.

Nothing is lonelier than a Sunday afternoon turning into a Sunday evening without an expected call. The embarrassment of constantly checking if the ringer is on or if the battery is charged has sobered me to a state of resignation or perhaps it’s resentment.

The immediate dependency love causes within us is the worst part and it’s the only part I can feel right now. He was never mine to have I try to tell myself. And if he does go back to Tori the rest of my life would be much less problematic.

There’s a hard knock on the front door of my apartment. I leap up out of the tub, pull on my little bath robe soaking wet and rush to the door. Too excited to look through the peephole, I quickly unlatch the chain and pull open the door.

“This is no way to answer the door,” my stepmother says.

I pull the robe tighter and feel ridiculous. I step back and let her enter and close the door behind her. “I didn’t expect you,” I say.

“Perhaps you should have,” she says setting her purse on my kitchen counter. She takes off her gloves and gently lays them on top of her purse. “One can only wonder who you did expect.”

“Can you give me a minute, Gloria?” I say and march back into my bedroom and shut the door behind me.

Wade has not called. My stepmother is here with that look in her eyes. I dry my hair with a towel and brush it quickly into some shape. I throw on a simple shirt and shorts. What started as the best Sunday of my life has quickly turned into a nightmare.

“You should have called,” I say when I return to my stepmother.

She has poured herself a glass of water and sits patiently at my small dining table. “I knew you would settle in early tonight after last night.”

“Last night?” I say unsure of her meaning.

“I would assume you were out late celebrating,” she says.

“Right,” I say. “I’m in college. I bounce back quickly.”

“Sit down, honey,” she says. “I’m just here to check in and see if you have everything you need going forward.”

I feel like I’m in one of those gangster movies and I’m about to receive the kiss of death. I take a seat. “I don’t know what I am going to need. I want a year off before graduate school. That hasn’t changed.”

“And you earned it. Graduating at twenty-one is very impressive,” she says buttering me up.

“That happens when you start college at seventeen,” I say trying to dilute her compliment.

My phone rings. Luckily it’s still in the bathroom.

“Let me get that,” I say getting up from the table. My stepmother raises her eyebrows and takes a drink of water.

I hurry through my bedroom and get to the phone on the third ring.

“This is Erin,” I answer.

“Hi, Erin,” Wade says. “I missed your voice.”

“Wasn’t sure I would hear yours again,” I say.

“Alodia said she sent you away,” he explains. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“Did Tori roll up her sleeves and save the day?”

“She did. No matter the reason, a good deed is always a good thing,” he says, “but that doesn’t change anything. We are not back together.”

“Maybe it should, Wade. Maybe you should take some time and think about Tori and your future.”

“I want to be with you,” he says.

“Maybe it’s not that easy,” I say quietly. “Listen, I have to go. We can talk later. I have someone here.”

I like that he does not respond. I like that he wonders who I have at my apartment. “Yeah, okay,” he finally says.

“Goodbye, Wade,” I say not meaning to sound so final.

I walk in a daze back to my stepmother at the dining table.

“Sorry about that,” I tell her and walk into the kitchen to pour some Evian water into my favorite glass. I return to the table and sit across from my stepmother.

“That’s okay, dear. You are a very busy girl.”

I am losing patience fast with my stepmother and the whole world for that matter. “Why are you here, really? And why did you send that strange text about Tori going to the shelter?”

Gloria pushes her water glass away and then lifts her eyes to stare at me. “Sweetie, I wasn’t born yesterday,” she says. “A boy like Wade Donovan breaks hearts. Tori will not just walk away from him. She’ll fight and anyone in her path is sure to suffer.”

“Why would you think I am in her path?”

“I don’t think that at all. Despite our occasional differences, Erin, I know you have a good heart.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “But you are a very lovely girl and Tori would no doubt be made suspicious if she found you in close quarters with her Wade saving the world. Don’t you think?”

She’s right, of course, but I hardly want to applaud her constant meddling. “I think I have finals coming. That’s all I think.”

“And you’ll do wonderfully I am sure.” My stepmother smiles and reaches into her purse to pull out a stack of travel brochures. “Your father suggested, and I wholeheartedly agree, that you should celebrate your graduation with a trip this summer.”

She displays the brochures in front of me. One quick glance and images from Belize, Tahiti, Saint Lucia and Fiji fill my head.

“This was father’s idea?”

“One-hundred percent,” she says. “He had taken such a trip with a friend when he graduated. He suggested you take Kat and the whole thing will be our graduation present.”

“It’s definitely an idea to consider,” I say. “Tell daddy thanks and thank you for getting together all this information.”

“Oh to be young and wild and free,” she says as she rises and kisses me on the cheek. “We’re just so proud of you, Erin.”

“Thank you, mother,” I say sincerely as I walk her to the door.

She leaves me alone with the brochures and thoughts of the future. I decide not to call Wade right back. I pour myself a red wine and sit down on my trusty loveseat to page vacantly through the brochures.

The overwater bungalows of Bora Bora stare at me whispering the obvious truth. It would be better for everyone if I were on the other side of the world. Wade could have his restaurant and a marriage that would permanently change his social class. Tori could marry the hottest guy with a big heart on Earth. My father and stepmother could avoid a potential scandal and the weakening of their partnership with the Wexlers.

And Kat would have a total tripgasm if she could see the brochures in my hand knowing all expenses would be paid.

None of that has to do with tonight and tonight I need Wade.

* * *

Having every intention of making love to Wade, we kiss each other soft and sweet in the dark. We take a break to hold each other. My heart beats faster than normal and both our naked bodies are more than ready for another round of heavenly sensations.

“You need your sleep,” he says with a whisper.

“I need you more,” I say.

“Science might disagree. Sleep is necessary.”

“Science needs to shut up,” I tease.

He pushes back my hair and kisses my temple. “I’ll still be here in the morning. Just sleep, my little one.”

I exhale all the stress in my body as he softly kisses my hair. I’m exhausted. His warmth is like a spell that shuts down all my cells.

When I wake it’s already morning. Wade sleeps peacefully just inches from me. I kiss his open mouth softly but he does not wake. I check out the time and it’s after eight. We slept over nine hours.

I pull down the blanket careful not to wake him. I want to bite his nipples but that’s not a good way to be awakened. I think of a better way and I slowly make my way between his powerful legs.

First the softest featherlike kisses so he will not wake. He slowly thickens as I execute my best bad girl plan. I gently wrap my hand around him as he grows firm and get him in my mouth before he wakes.

He wakes up moaning with an arching back. His heavy eyes find me at work between his legs. He tries to pull me off by my hair. I push his hand away and continue using my tongue and lips.

“Don’t make me bite you,” I say to keep him in line.

He nods as his eyes roll back and close.

Using trial and error, I discover what causes him the greatest pleasure. He seems to like both hands and my mouth at work together. My hands slide roughly and twist. He never stops growing from the pleasure.

When the throbbing begins he makes the silliest sounds. I try not to laugh, which is good because when he cums for me it’s the most intense and lasting explosion I have ever had to survive.

“Fuck, Erin,” he says barely able to speak.

“You liked it?” I ask playfully. “I kind of owed you one.”

He doesn’t speak. He just pulls me up onto his chest. His heart beats hard and steadily against my breasts. I could lay on Wade forever.

I remember the overwater bungalows of Bora Bora and I know what my heaven would be, to be naked in one of those bungalows lying on top of Wade until the end of time.