Awake at Dawn (7 page)

isn’t going to change a thing—especially not a relationship between myself and that stubborn, egotistical, macho vampire.”

“You’re attracted to him,” Kylie said. “And don’t try to deny it. You’ve even admitted that much to me.”

“Okay, I won’t deny that. He’s got that whole hard body, vampire magnetism going for him. But when I was young, I had a crush on Big Bird.

That wouldn’t have worked out either.”

“Big Bird. Really?” Kylie asked. “It was the Cookie Monster for me.” They both laughed, and then Kylie added in a serious tone, “It could work if you wanted it bad enough.”

“I haven’t got that much patience.”

“Hmm,” Kylie said. “Some very smart person just told me that the harder something is the more rewarding the results will be.” Holiday studied Kylie. “Do you really not have enough worries of your own to chew on that you want to take on my issues, too?”

“Everyone else’s seems easier than mine.” Kylie smiled.

“Ever heard that saying about the grass always looks greener on the other side? Well, it’s the same way with problems. We all have our hurdles to overcome. So why don’t you solve yours and let me take care of mine?” Holiday brushed a lock of Kylie’s hair behind her ear. “But thank you for caring.”

Holiday smiled and Kylie once again felt the bond between them inch closer. Kylie had long wondered what it would be like to have an older sister. She couldn’t help but think this was as close as she’d ever get to that type of relationship.

Holiday studied Kylie and her eyebrows twitched. Kylie knew Holiday was testing to see if Kylie had opened up the doors of her mind. The first day at camp, Kylie had learned that supernaturals had the ability to read brain patterns. Supernaturals also allowed other supernaturals to read deeper, to get a glimpse of who and what they were.

55/375

Not Kylie, of course. The only brain pattern she’d been able to see had been that of the ghost of her real dad. And while other supernaturals could see Kylie’s brain pattern, she had yet to learn to open up to let anyone get a deeper glimpse.

“Are you doing the mental exercises I told you to do?” Holiday asked.

“Yes,” Kylie said, and watched the camp leader’s brow crease. At least twenty minutes a day, Kylie was supposed to meditate. But so far it hadn’t helped, or at least if it had, no one had told her.

“Anything?” Kylie asked, not wanting to be the odd duck anymore.

“No. You’re still tight as a drum. Any luck reading anyone?”

“No. Maybe I’m a supernatural retard.”

Holiday rolled her eyes. “If anything I think it’s just the opposite. I think your brain is holding off giving you your powers until it thinks you’re capable and mature enough to deal with them.”

“Are you calling me immature?” Kylie made her point and stuck out her tongue.

“Not immature.” Holiday chuckled. “I think you’re wiser than a lot of girls your age.” Her expression went serious again. “But that doesn’t mean that you haven’t got a lot to learn.” Holiday stood up. “Do you think you can sleep now?”

“Maybe,” Kylie said, but deep down, she doubted it.

Holiday got to the door, then turned back. “Oh, about the ghost problems. If she doesn’t give you anything to work with the next time she shows up, tell her you’re going to shut her out until she offers something more concrete. Then do it. If she doesn’t give you something different, change channels on her. Nothing ticks off a ghost more than being ignored. That usually makes them figure out a better approach.”

“How do I change channels?” Kylie asked.

“Concentrate on something else. It has to be something you want to think about.” Holiday’s brow rose as if she’d just remembered something.

“Like making out with Derek.”

56/375

Kylie saw something in the camp leader’s eyes and she knew. “Burnett told you.”

Holiday nodded. “And I’m not going to get involved with that, but just promise me you’re not doing anything you’ll regret.”

“Nothing happened,” Kylie said.

“This time.” Holiday let go of another of her deep sighs.

Kylie sat up a little straighter. “Derek would never try to pressure me into … anything.”

Holiday’s chin lowered and her gaze zeroed in on Kylie with startling effect. “It’s not Derek I’m worried about, Kylie.” Kylie looked down at her hands, feeling exposed. How did Holiday know how close Kylie was to giving in? Then Kylie remembered Holiday was just like Derek—she could read people’s emotions. Obviously, just being around Derek had Kylie putting out turned-on vibrations. Good grief, she might as well just put a sign around her neck that said I’M HORNY. And wasn’t that just lovely?

“Kylie … it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And I’m not asking you not to … What I’m asking is that when you do make that decision, it’s a decision you make rationally and not one you just let happen. You understand the difference?”

Kylie nodded.

“Good.” Holiday walked out.

Even after the door closed, Kylie’s chest filled with even more emotion—embarrassment, uncertainty, and a touch of resentment. She didn’t want Holiday or anyone knowing her deepest emotions or desires.

Then she recalled the sister-like bond she’d found with Holiday, the one Kylie totally valued. She supposed there was a downside to every good bond. She supposed a real older sister, even an all-human one, would have felt compelled to talk to her about sex.

As Kylie dropped her head back on the pillow, she remembered how it had felt to kiss Derek and wondered if she could ever make a rational 57/375

decision where he was concerned. Especially when he had the ability to control her emotions.

Socks leapt up on the mattress, and Kylie was totally caught off guard when her thoughts went from kissing Derek to kissing Lucas.

Great. Just freaking great. She grabbed her pillow so tight that if it had a life, she’d killed it. Socks let out a pathetic meow and scurried back to the foot of the bed. Kylie moaned into the foam stuffing beneath the pillow case. She was already going to have a hard enough time sleeping and now she had the whole Derek versus Lucas thing to mull over.

Chapter Six

An hour later and she hadn’t hit a lick of sleep yet. Well, not more than a few seconds. Every time she’d almost be there, she’d get this strange kind of sensation as if she was floating, or maybe flying, and the odd feeling would yank her from the light slumber. Once, right before she’d awoken, she’d spotted Lucas, as if she was about to dream of him.

He’d been surrounded with what looked like clouds, and a cool breeze stirred the foggy atmosphere. Just when she’d get a good look at him another cloud would float by, hiding him from her. He’d been wearing a button-down shirt, left unbuttoned, and that breeze would pick up the ends of the shirt, showing off his chest and flat stomach. That’s when the cloudy atmosphere started moving faster and the sensation of flying grew stronger and yanked her awake.

Catching her breath, she sat up and pushed her hair from her face.

Disappointment started to build, but she chased it away. She couldn’t even think about the other “Lucas” dream—them in the water, only partially clothed—without blushing. She certainly didn’t need to add a second dream to her couldn’t-think-about list.

Rolling over, she punched her pillow as if the bag of foam could be the blame. Then sitting all the way up, she turned on her light and without even knowing what she planned to do, she pulled out the letter. The letter from Lucas. The one Holiday had given her weeks ago but she hadn’t read.

Hi Kylie,

59/375

I’ve started writing this letter a dozen times and crumpled it up and
tossed it away. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to say, when there
is so little I can say at this point and time. Maybe it’s because I just
shouldn’t write you, because … it’s wrong. There are so many reasons
why I shouldn’t think about you all the time, reasons that have nothing
to do with you and everything to do with me. I know I’m not making
sense and if I could, I would explain it to you. Hell, maybe if things turn
out the way I hope, I can explain it to you. Not sure that would change
anything, but damn if I don’t hope.

Do you see why I keep tearing this letter up? It doesn’t make sense,
does it?

What should make sense is this. You are so special, Kylie. And I’m
sorry I didn’t say this to your face. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away
that I remembered you. But I was so shocked to see you that first day at
camp. Shocked and thrilled. You knew things about me that I’d tried to
keep hidden—hidden from everyone including myself. My parents did
some very bad things, and while I was young and didn’t know better, I
participated in much of it. You have no idea how hard I’ve tried to forget about that time of my life.

Actually, you were the only thing I didn’t want to forget about. The
little blond neighbor girl who looked like an angel, and who was a mystery. What were you? Who were you? You both scared and intrigued me
even back then. I didn’t understand how you made me feel inside. I
wanted to kill the boys who threw those rocks at you, I wanted to touch
your hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. On full moons, I would
watch you, hoping that you would turn. That you would end up being a
were.

I think I just figured out why I have to write this letter. To tell you
what you meant to me, just in case I never get to tell you that in person.

Now if I can just put this in an envelope before I decide this is stupid and
toss it in the trash.

60/375

Thinking of you.

Lucas

P.S. Dream of me.

His last line seemed to echo in her head.
Dream of me
. If only he knew …

Then all her other emotions were chased away by the residual anger.

Just exactly what did he mean, dream of him? Dream of him doing what?

Playing leap frog with Fredericka?

Kylie stuffed the letter back into its envelope and dropped it back in the drawer. Did he think his letter was supposed to make her feel better?

If she was so special, why had he run off with Fredericka? Why hadn’t he even tried to explain that to Kylie in the letter? Why was he being so secretive?

Did he think she wouldn’t know that Fredericka was with him? Did he think it wouldn’t matter? Duh, he’d admitted having had sex with the girl.

He admitted that she thought they were a couple. And now he took off with her. How could he think Kylie wouldn’t be upset about that? Were all men just dogs? No, wait … make that wolves?

No, she really needed to completely get over Lucas. Move on. And that was exactly what she intended to do. Cutting off her light, she dropped back on the pillow. Then she got a vision of Lucas and the she-wolf making out and she gave the pillow one last punch.

* * *

The next morning Kylie had to drag herself out of bed to get dressed and comb her hair. She’d tried to go back to sleep after waking up at dawn with the icy chill of a spirit’s visit. It hadn’t worked. Now, with only an hour or two of sleep, she really would have loved to have buried her head under the pillow and ignored the daily grind. Who needed a thing like breakfast or nutrition? She dropped her butt back down on the bed.

61/375

She’d almost fallen back asleep when a thought jarred her fully awake again. Was she not hungry because she’d drunk the blood last night? Was she already losing her appetite for human food?

“You coming?” Miranda called out.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” She fell back on her pillow, stared at the ceiling, and tried to decipher how she felt about all this in the morning light. So okay, the idea of becoming a vampire didn’t feel like the end of the world anymore, but it still felt like a major calamity. Plus, she needed to know.

Had a right to know what she was.

“You coming in the next century?” Della yelled out about three minutes later.

Calling Della a name under her breath, she started to sit up.

“Right back at you,” Della yelled in return.

Yelled. Della yelled it back. Kylie tilted her head and tuned into the noises around her to see if her hearing had become supercharged overnight. But nope, she couldn’t hear any better than she had last night.

Which could mean Holiday was right. Her liking blood didn’t mean Kylie was vampire.

Or at least not yet.

Forcing herself to get up, she ran a hand through her hair and went to face her roommates and the day.

“Good morning to you, too,” Miranda said when Kylie stepped out of her room and didn’t say a word.

Kylie shot her a mock smile. Then she did what she did every morning.

She studied Miranda, twitched her eyebrows, and stared really hard at her campmate’s forehead in hopes of seeing her pattern. But nothing.

Just a tiny pimple near her hairline. Not that Kylie would inform Miranda of it. The girl would likely freak.

“You sure are perky this morning,” Della said, joining them from her room.

“Didn’t sleep well,” Kylie said.

62/375

“Me, either,” Miranda chimed in, and sighed pathetically. “What am I going to do if Perry finds out that Kevin kissed me?” Della chuckled. “Run and hide before he turns into a fire-breathing dragon and scorches your ass.”

“I’m serious,” Miranda snapped back.

“And you think I’m not?”

Miranda glared at her.

Della shrugged as if conceding and started for the door. “First, you need to decide what you want to do.”

“What do you mean?” Miranda asked as they walked out of the cabin.

Then while waiting to hear Della answer, Miranda turned around and waved her hand up and then down at the door, putting a protective charm in place.

Miranda had started doing it last week, saying she felt an uninvited presence trying to come in. Part of Kylie wondered if it were the ghosts that Miranda wanted to keep out. Not that it was working. Every morning at the first sign of dawn, Kylie was awakened by the cold.